Just Found About Pregnancy Do I Keep It in My Situation?

Keep the baby! If you take that leap of faith, some how things will all come together. Many, many families have had babies when it wasn't "logical" and have never regretted it. Message me privately if you need someone to "talk" to.

The best decision is what feels right to you. And it really sounds like you're wanting to keep the baby but scared. And it is scary. Terrifying. When I got pregnant with my son it was planned and I was still scared.There isn't ever a right time to have a baby, only times that are better than others.

Hi K., always trust your gut, it is a special gift that women have. That said, I will give you my two cents worth. I have twelve children, and in the beginning, times were rough financially, because even though we both had college degrees, I decided to be a stay at home mom. You can learn to stretch those dollars. I would HIGHLY recommend/beg you to check out Dave Ramsey's books and program. He can teach you everything you need to know about living on a budget and winning financially. From what you described, right now you are not quite ready to buy a house. If you make that purchase and then can not afford it, it will put so much strain in your life and on your marriage. Wait awhile until your finances are stronger and more stable, then your home will be a blessing, not a curse. Your baby can be the beginning of you and your husband building something that means more than anything you will ever be able to buy, Let your husband finish college and get settled in a career. Things will be fine. For yourself, start reading and gathering information. There are tons of books, blogs etc on where to find the deals. It becomes a challenge, and in the right frame of mind, it is fun to take the challenge and win. I will pray for your family, yes, you are a family, and from now on, your decisions must be made from the family mindset. Give you baby a hug and a kiss for me on their birthday.

Have the baby... It's NEVER the right time, there's NEVER enough money - trust me. If you can't take care of the baby or don't want to, give it to a family that can't have one. And not to be harsh, but if abortion is a consideration you're willing to make, then perhaps you should consider a better method of birth control - abortion isn't one. I totally get that sometimes there are situations that make it difficult to properly care for a baby, but it sounds like you're considering abortion because a baby is inconvenient right now. They're always "inconvenient". Don't get rid of your baby because you'd rather buy a house...

Let me start by saying I am absolutely 100% against convenience abortions, so I will try my best to diplomatically and non-judgementally state my opinions.

Let me tell you about my sister. She got married at 20. She was a student, about halfway through her degree in special education. Her husband had just graduated and was starting his first job. They live Phoenix where the cost of living is through the roof and the housing crisis had just started to hit. She was working full time plus going to school full time in a very demanding degree program. 6 weeks after she got married she found out she was pregnant. She also has some health issues that put her into the high risk category. She had to do self administered injections every single day of her pregnancy. It was not an easy pregnancy for her, and she spent a lot of time trying to stand up for her decisions to her doctors who treated her like she was too young to make decisions. She had to take 2 semesters off school to be safe, putting her at risk of losing her spot in the program and losing some financial aid. She and her husband wanted kids but not at that time, and hadn't even been married long enough to really talk about it. If ever there was a bad time for someone to get pregnant, it was then.

Fast forward about 2 years. She has a child she loves dearly. And she finds out she might not be able to have any more children due to those same medical problems. She has told me she thanks God every day for the fact that she got pregnant by accident. What if she had waited like she wanted to, and never got to have kids. Her husband is one of those men that honestly doesn't think he could bond with a kid that isn't his, so he is really against adoption. What if she had chosen to terminate her pregnancy?

You never know what is going to happen in the next few years. You might lose your jobs. You might get a promotion. You might get sick. You might never get another chance. If you say it's against what you believe and your gut says no, how can you even consider it? How could you live with that decision? Sure it would make sense financially. It NEVER makes financial sense to have a child. My son was pretty terrible timing also. It got really scary before it got better. But now I am a stay at home mom and loving it. Children are not about financial sense, they are not sound investments. The monetary return on them is basically non-existent. But I dont know any mom who would go back and do it differently. And I know a lot of women post-abortion who would. Sure you are scared, we all are. All the time. But it is worth it.

Hi K.,

My eyes are filled with tears reading this. I didn't have time to read every single response you have alread gotten...so please forgive me if I have repeated anything.

My dh and I have 4 girls. Ages 4 and under - financially it has been a struggle, but it has also made our marriage a lot stronger and God is begining to bless us with more 'wiggle room' in our finances!

All I have to say is pray about this - seek Gods advice. In 2007 we lost our precious baby. She spent 4 months in the hospital (she was very, very ill) and then passed away the day before my birthday. Holding that little baby in my arms as she took her last breath was a hard thing to bear - I had NO choice in the matter, nothing was up to me. I couldn't have quit if I wanted to - all I could do was love her and take care of her physically the best way that I knew how. I have some regrets looking back now - although this was all out of my control...if only I could have held her, kissed her, cuddle her, rocked her a little bit more. There is not a day that goes by now that I don't cry when I see her pictures and think of her - only WISHING she were still here to climb up into my lap and sit and rock with me! She would be turning 3 years old this year - she would most likely be best friends with her big sister, they would be sharing a room, she would dance with her daddy on the weekends, and would be loving her two new siblings! I don't have that opportunity. I will never have that opportunity here, during this life time. And that hurts me more than anyone can imagine. I would strongly suggest you think about all that you would be MISSING OUT ON without this child.

Money comes and goes - sometimes we have a 'lot' sometimes we have next to nothing..thats a given in this life. The love of a child is irreplacible. Those sparkling eyes peeking at you after they are born are priceless moments that some people only dream about. The 'timing' might not be right in your eyes - but God has placed this child (incredible gift) in your tummy for a reason..so try not to focus on the struggles of today - think of the joy yet to come! Think of the moment of the birth, think of the first smile, the first laugh, the first time they say mama and dada, think of the first steps, the bedtime prayers, the lifelong friend!!!

God bless you...I will be praying for you and your family at this time, especially the beautiful gift within your womb!

K (a grieving mommy missing out on SO much)

Oh, hon, have the baby. Children are a blessing. There is never a perfect time to get married, have babies, graduate college, best age to parent, etc. You just do it and enjoy this journey. Once you feel that baby move inside you and hold it in your arms, it's simply the greatest, like no other you'll ever experience. Each and every one of us has challenges financially, trust me. Life is not meant to be easy all the time, that's what gives it substance. Things will work out, they always do. Where there's a will, there's a way:) Just remain positive and have faith in the Lord. Love each other and let love lead the way:)

Best wishes,

M.

This is obviously a sensitive topic. I agree that if you talk to any first (or 2nd or 3rd) time mom, they are scared, worried etc when they find out they are pregnant. Even when planned. You are married, and right there you're ahead of the game. Financially unless your wealthy a baby can put strain on you. But you'd be surprised how things just have a way of working themselves out. Now a days there are TONS of resources to buy baby things at cheaper prices. Resale shops, kids klosets, craigslist. And really could you live with that reason as to why you terminated your pregnancy? I don't want to sound judgemental, or mean. But you are married adults, you should realize the blessing you've been given and work together to make the very best of this. As scary as it can be, this should be a happy time. And in the future, prevent another pregnancy if its something you can't handle. But no one can give you the right answer. You have to find that yourself.

Corie R is right on - you will NEVER feel ready! Or that you will have enough money. It is a life with a heartbeat inside you and it was created by you and your husband, I am assuming out of love. It is a gift from God and you can't imagine now the blessings that will come. I too was frightened when I was first pregnant because all the changes headed my way were new and scary to me. Changing body, childbirth itself and the change in lifestyle. But you have 9 mos to prepare and you will be ready when it is time. You give up a lot as a parent but you get so much more. If your family isn't supporting you than they are not right in the head and you should find some new friends to rely on instead. There are many resources to help you educate yourself and find support to get ready for baby - ask your OB/Gyn. And have some faith in yourself that you will mature and be able to handle what comes. We ALL have to grow up (no matter what our age is) when the first baby comes. Just the way it works! As for finances there are many people who make due with little money. I am a military wife and I am one of them. You can always make more money. It's just money and stuff and you can't take it with you when you go. In you right now is a living blessing that will carry on after you are gone and sing your praises and I think that's a pretty damn cool legacy. So invest in that for now. God will provide the rest if you ask.

k

Seriously, if we all waited for ideal circumstances the human race would screech to a halt! Judging by your own language you already know the right descision; you are married and thinking of this baby's future, clearly you will be a good mother, please understand- nobody knows what they're doing as a parent 'out of the gate'; sometimes we learn how to parent from our own parents, at the least we learn 'what not to do' and we learn as we go (I also read books as I had the latter)... Live your life in a way you can enjoy a second time, when you look back...

K.- You're asking us what is the best decision. This isn't a decision any of us can make. Only YOU can make this decision.

Should you choose to terminate the pregnancy that is YOUR choice. It is not selfish, but consider how it will affect you.

That being said, consider this. It's really NEVER the right time to have a baby. I have to agree that many moms will tell you that the first time being a mom is very scary but it is also very wonderful. When the child comes into your life, you just find a way to make things work.

I see you have many responses already and honestly I haven't read through them all, so I'm sorry if this is a repeat. I'm so thrilled you have decided to have your baby. You won't regret it! I just wanted to suggest that maybe your hubby could be the main caregiver when the baby comes. My cousin is a primarily stay-at-home father (taking side work on the weekends) and his wife works full-time as monetary provider since her job is more stable, pays more, benefits, etc. They are entirely happy with this arrangement and are expecting their second daughter this summer. Sometimes we just have to think outside the box a little to find a solution that works.

God bless you and your growing family!!

I think if you want to keep the baby, you will find a way to do it. There are many programs out there that will help, although not being from CA, i woudnt know what is in your area. If you went to Catholic charities, or a Crisis Pregnancy Center, they would be able to steer you in the right direction, even to things like getting free/cheap maternity clothes.

There are also many places to help you come to terms with/deal with your past abortion. http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/ for example will give you safe, non-judgemental help.

I hope you find the help you need to keep your baby. There are many places to get cheap baby stuff, Garage Sale season is coming up, just make sure things you buy arent on the recall list. We got our dd's crib, bouncy seat, and most of her clothes at garage sales, for very cheap.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter we were definitely not ready! My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I had only been together for a few months, he was in the process of selling his house, the place he worked was closing down so he was losing his job, we had committed to moving to another state where neither of us had jobs (In hindsight not the smartest of moves) and we we were PETRIFIED. PETRIFIED! But, abortion never crossed my mind. We were both old enough to know the consequences of having unprotected sex. It was hard. Really really hard. We struggle A LOT at first. But, we did it. As a result our marriage is stronger than it would have been otherwise. We also have an fantastic amazing 3 year old. I can't imagine my life without her. I can't imagine OUR lives with out her. There is never a "perfect" time to have a child. NEVER! IMO, abortion is not an option. If you don't want the baby, then look into adoption. There are so many families out there that are unable to have biological children. They would give your baby a home. And like the other moms have said, all moms are scared. It's the fear of the unknown.

There will never be enough money.

My husband and I had our daughter in the fall of 2007, he stopped working in Feb of 2008. He then worked a minimum wage job until August of 2008 and in August of 2008 I had to quit my job to student teach for my final college semester (after 8 long years of classes). I started back at work after I graduated in Dec 2008 only to quit again in April 2009 because we were buying a house an hour away from where I worked to be closer to my husband's job. I didn't find a teaching job until July of 2009 and didn't get my first paycheck until the end of August 2009. We have both been working since then. We were on 1 income on and off for almost 2 years and did it with a baby.

Neither of us makes anything to write home about and it was tough taking on a new mortgage and car payments, insurance, diapers, clothes and everything else that a child needs, but we did it and you can too. If you have the right mindset you can do anything, I truly believe that.

Not to mention that I had a miscarriage my first pregnancy and this beautiful angel I have now is worth EVERY sacrifice I have made and much more.

Whatever your choice, I wish you the best, but if you are doing it because of money, you will never have a child because there will never be enough. Kids cost money and you have the power to make them cost less or more by making decisions on which brands you buy, where you shop and what costs you cut. A baby doesn't need a different outfit for each day and a baby doesn't need all the accessories that companies advertise and a baby doesn't need a $200 stroller, $1,000 crib, $200 bedding or $100 playpen. I went to yardsales, ebay, purchased lesser brands and compared prices when buying items and I got a lot from my shower as well.

It can be done, but again it is your choice and only you and your husband can decide and face whatever consequences (good/bad) that comes from that decision.

Only you can answer this question , if your gut instict and your heart tells you to go ahead with the pregnancy that do that. Even once you have both finished college and have the jobs that you want , one of you could still lose it and you will have money worries , there is never a right time to have a baby , there will always be something you have not yet done. Your married so that is one thing crossed off the list.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

K.,
My heart goes out to you for such a traumatic past experience. I'm sorry that your parents forced you, technically an adult at 18, to have an abortion. What a very sad thing to have to deal with all this time.

Look at your situation now, however. You are in a great place in your life. You are married and have love in your life. This is what is most important. May I be blunt? You will NEVER regret having this baby, made of love. You WILL regret and find heartache should you abort the baby. I wish you lots of peace and hope as you and your husband make your decision, but let me tell you something ... a baby is the most fabulous, wonderous miracle in the world. Take it from all the mothers posting here ... your life will change forever in that you will have found the most deep, abiding love you can ever imagine in your child.

I am so happy for you and your decision! So glad you 'went with your gut'! I'm also definitely in the pro-life AND pro-choice boat and just feel terrible for your forced abortion. I have a 15 month old with an underemployed husband and KNOW the financial stress issues. BUT, HANDS DOWN, the emotional well-being you'll experience will most likely outweigh the financial stress. We have somehow, some way made ends meet and found a way to survive (in the SF bay area no less ;) AND be happy. We even put off buying a home. Even though this is technically 'a really good time to buy' and there are good tax benefits, make sure it's the right time for YOU to buy! I can't imagine how I would have dealt with all the responsibilities of being a new homeowner AND a new parent at the same time. I'm so grateful we didn't have the stress of a mortgage and home repairs during a time when our income was so sporatic. So, it's my opinion that it's ok to continue renting for a while to have less financial and emotional stress. (Also, the child tax benefits are very helpful, so keep that in mind.) Most of all though - and I am now sounding like my mother :) - if you sit around waiting for the 'perfect' time to have a baby, it might just never come so just go for it. And as sappy as it sounds, the world can seem like it's crumbling around you (which lately, it kinda has) but you just look at your child's face and the love you feel takes away all the pain. It sounds silly but It's the TRUTH. Very happy for you and glad you were able to get help here! Love, health and peace to you and your new family!!

Have you discussed this with your husband... he should be the one you are asking, not us. Me personally would not abort this pregnancy because I believe you are taking a life... but that is me. What you and your husband decide is what you should do.

Go with your gut girl. I know it is scary to have a child but no matter what people tell you, only you know what you are capable of. I have faith in you that you can do this. I am pro-choice so I am not going to preach at you, just support you in whatever your decision is. I can tell you that there is never a "perfect" time to have a baby and that your situation will change many, many times even after you have children so putting it off might not be the best decision. I do feel that you should discuss it fully with your husband as your are only one variable in this decision. I just read your "So what happened" and I want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! This will be the scariest and yet most wonderful time in your life. May you have a long, healthy, boring and uneventful pregnancy and birth. GO GIRL!!!

Your question really hit home for me. I had to get an abortion too with my first pregnancy and now we're dealing with financial hardship. We're just bouncing back, however my husband is back in school finishing up his Masters. Someone once said to us, "Money will always come - kids won't". If you really want this child, please keep it. Don't live to regret your decision if you decide to abort. And you should really talk to your husband about this since it's also his child. As for us, we have a beautiful 2 yr old and one on the way. Children are a blessing.... there's never a day that I don't think about my first....

WOW - I really cannot believe that you are even contemplating having an abortion. Have you even discussed this with your husband? Don't you think that he should have a say in what happens with is child? It is not just your child. If you are trying to qualify for a loan it is not like they are going to know or care that you are pregnant if you are the major breadwinner....they want to give you a loan. And if they don't qualify you, you can always buy a home later. It is not like you HAVE to OWN a home before you can have kids. I don't think that you should base the life of your child on purchasing a home or it not being convenient for you. I didn't "plan" my first 2 children, and they came at pretty inconvenient times, but you make due. And I wouldn't go back and change things for the world! Children are a precious gift from God. Obviously, he thinks that you "CAN DO IT"!! He is entrusting you with a precious life, and he has faith in you! Things will always work out in the long run. I think you need to start looking at the "Big Picture" not just this little part of your life. In the grand scheme of things buying a house "right now" isn't that big of a deal. Making a choice to end the life of your child is something that will change YOU for the rest of your life.

My daughter was 18 years old when she had a surprize baby. Our granddaughter is our delight and in college now and helps us with our business. Only you should be in charge of your body and what happens to it. Listen to your gut sweetie. Your parents made a decision for you thinking that was what was best for you. Now you are older and need to make this decision for yourself.
F.

I would say that you should follow your own gut and beliefs - you are in charge now. And although things may be be tough with $$, you will figure it out. It's not all bliss (having a child) but it sure is important and rewarding. And fun when it's not driving you crazy! I imagine that it's hard for you to think it through, given your memories. I certainly wouldn't want to repeat a bad memory! And what does your husband think? I bet he'd be up for the challenge. Take a risk and go for it!!!

Good luck and lots of love -
M.

First off I am all for a woman's right to choose. But is your situation that choice is purely being selfish. Have you talked to your husband and considered how he would feel if you abort his child. DO you really want to live through the trauma for an abortion again. You are both adults married and Have an income you are better off than half the people that get pregnant with their first child. I was unmarried and scared senseless and for the first year a single mom until his dad came around and we got married this year. Its hard He is in construction and there is no work in the winter. I'm in school and money is always so tight but somehow we always make it. Being a mom doesn't give you super powers but you do find the strength and determination to always find a way. One last thing even though you are undecided you need to be getting medical care for you and your child. Go see you doc and see how you feel. Don't be selfish and talk to your husband. Having a child is always a sacrifice and like a lot of the moms have said there is NEVER a good time and there is NEVER enough money

Yay, momma! Good luck and congratulations!

Original Response____________________________________
HI Momma-
Children are a blessing, even in hard times. I say go for it and have the baby. Your previous experience should tell you that this is not something you want to go through again. My BFF had one when we were 18. I don't think she will ever be completely over it. What I will say is that she is much more hesitant when it comes to a serious relationship and children, and it makes me sad. She would be such a wonderful mother.
I will tell you with all the encouragement that I can muster, that even when they are not planned, children are worth keeping. It may mean a smaller house or a condo- or putting those things on hold for just a little bit longer, but it is worth doing- and most things that are worth doing require courage and strength, and it will be tested and refined. And even though you haven't had that baby, it is my firm belief that once you begin growing any precious little baby inside of you, you are a momma, regardless of the outcome. WHen all is said and done, you will love that baby like no other.
Good luck. I know it's hard, but it really is a blessing and I really think that you should keep it. My prayers are with your decision making process.
-E. M

You have a lot of soul searching to do..and you will get different side views too...those who are pro and against abortion...for me, I'm against it. I am not able to have children and by the Grace of God I adopted my two beautiful girls. I am so thankful for thier birthmom giving me the gift of children. Abortion is not the only way. There are tons of women out there who want children but cannot. If you choose not to keep your child, please go to an adoption agency that can pay for all of your expenses....even time off work, possibly.....and also go through an agency that will give you a "healthy" adoption...one that you agree with.

Good luck with your decision.

I understand everything and have been through it myself, although I was never forced to have my abortion. I had gotten into a relationship with someone who told me he wanted a baby as much as I did. (only thing was he was drunk as a skunk when he said it. So the one time we didn't use a condom I got pregnant) I am 22 and married now, I was 20 years old when I had my abortion in 2008. It has haunted me to this day and I will never forgive myself for that. It hurt me emotionally and physically and it took a long time to get over, and even now sometimes I still cry about it. My husband is in the army so he is constantly moving, he just came home from Afghanistan in October and we had found out I was Pregnant that August (around the same time I had gotten my abortion 2 years ago) I am pro choice and if you feel you need to do it, then go ahead. But I think a better option might be an open adoption. Give another family who can't conceive a chance to have family. Also you will get to stay involved in your child's life and they will know you were the birth mom and they will know why you gave them up.
In my opinion I just don't think ending the life of a baby just because you can't afford it or mentally take it is not the right way. Do what you feel is the right thing. And trust people will stand behind your decision and help you through anything. I really wish I had had that. Don't let anyone tell you what is the "best decision" because only you know that. Good luck sweetie I hope everything works out.

A.

Hi K.,
I didn't read all the other responses, just Grace's, the first one I saw. My eyes teared up with her last sentence, give your baby a hug and a kiss for me on their birthday"......as if your decision has been made. The doubt you express shows me that you've already entered into the acceptance stage of what at first seems an insurmountable situation. I too had an abortion as a teenager, and then another one when I had been married only a year. My husband threatened divorce if I didn't. When I think about those times, I realize I'm really still numb from it all and never really dealt with the emotions involved....but, managed to find joy in life nonetheless. I always said abortion went against my beliefs as well, but allowed myself to be manipulated into "doing what was "right" in my situation." Well, fast forward 20+ years and I now have 7 children, 4 of whom I gave birth to and life is not easy but we're making it. After the 2yr old was born, I was told I couldn't conceive any more which was fine because he was our God's surprise anyway! My husband has cancer, fell on his construction job and destroyed his back and was told to file for disability. Even with my degree, the pay isn't enough to cover childcare or really help financially so I'm selling ebay and working on starting some type of business. This is where we were as we moved to a rural home, out of Palm Beach, FL this past Fall so we could afford to live. Due to medical problems with both of us and just the general stress of life, we hadn't even had sex in close to a year but to christen our new life, we enjoyed a night together and ....you guessed, it.....I got pregnant....at age 45. The entire doctor's office probably thought I had spontaneously combusted when they heard my reaction as the doctor told me "you are positive for HCG" I asked my husband, what if it has a horrible disability? He said, well, it could happen to worse people! At any rate, when I finally began to make peace with the fact and accept it, then I miscarried and poof, the baby was gone and I went through the fear, joy, and grief in a fast forward mode that was unbelievable. I don't and may never know what I am supposed to learn from that and I know it sounds trite but the saying that God never gives you more than you can handle is true. I guess what I'm basically saying in sharing all of this is that we all have puzzles in our lives that don't always seem to fit together they way we think they should but if we throw away a piece before we figure out where it fits according to the way "we think it should be," then we'll never see the whole big picture as it was intended. Your husband has a roll in this decision as well and I hope that you all can support each other as you make this choice. No judgment here, just a prayer that whatever you decide leaves you both with peace in your hearts. It's not an easy situation, but not much in life is these days! Take care, I will be thinking about you. M.

K.,

I just saw your posting. Go with your gut for everything! I am so sorry to hear of your forced abortion. Having a baby will be a blessing in your life and your husbands. There is no right time to have a baby--- there will always be job changes, financial burdens etc that will come up or reasons---- babies are miracles and you have been blessed with a miracle. Enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!!!

Molly

You are married and have no children at this time. I would go ahead with the pregnancy. I had an abortion also many years ago. I did not deal with it when it happened but it haunted me for years. When I became pregnant with my son I was very cautious and took excellent care of both of us. I am no longer with his father and my son will be getting married in June 2010. I love this young man so much it hurts. He is my gift from God. If the two of you truely are wanting to purchase a home make it a starter home. Your husband will finish college and find himeslf a job. Things are looking up in the economic world. Does your husband support you on this pregnancy? If so, enjoy your gift from God.

Gratefull Mom

You have gotten many responses, but I thought I'd share my story as well.

I had turned 21 just before I got pregnant. Still had a year of college left, and had only been with my boyfriend 2 months before we found out. Definitely not the best timing!!

My parents were very upset, of course. They wanted me to have an abortion, but I said no. I couldn't do that. On top of everything else, they tried throughout the whole pregnancy to somehow prove to me that my boyfriend was planning on leaving me! I'll spare the details, but it was awful. And ya know what? Here we are almost 5 years later, married for 2 years!

My husband had gone to the military straight out of high school, and never got a college degree. I had our baby right in the middle of my last semester of college, and graduated on time. I haven't managed to keep a job longer than 1 year, and my husband has jumped around sooo many jobs as well. We are definitely not in the best financial situation. We can't buy a house right now, and we are living in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. We live paycheck to paycheck & it's always hard.

But, I have a decent job now with great benefits, and my husband has decided to go to college with the military paying his way. It's going to be hard as always, but we're hoping that a degree will open up more opportunities for him and for our family's future.

I know that we wouldn't be in this situation if we had not had the baby. For all we know, we may have never gotten married or even stayed together if we had never gotten pregnant. But you know what? I wouldn't go back & change that for anything. We have a beautiful, healthy, smart, loving, & spoiled 4 year old daughter! We do everything for her & she keeps us going.

I wish you luck in your & your husband's decision. Listen to your heart & go with what you both believe is best!

First of all your parents had no right to force you into an abortion at 18 years old. This has obviously affected you and you should try to seek counseling for that traumatic sitiuation. Second, you should not abort this child. You are married and although I know that life seems scary right now, things will get better. If we all waited until we had the perfect house, the perfect job, and just the right amount of money to have kids, no body would have kids! Besides, the first year of your babies life is probably the least expensive since you will mainly be nursing her/him. Your biggest expense will be diapers. You will have almost a year before the baby gets here to get a house and get your finances in order. You can do it, it will just take careful planning and budgeting!

Just read your update!! How wonderful!! It's scary and wonderful and tiring and restful and amazing and frustrating all wrapped into one. My sons teach me something everyday, they make me laugh so hard that I tear up. They let me dance goofely and blame it on them and let me tell you there is no greater joy that dancing and singing to the songs played overhead at the grocery store than when you can blame "having" to do it because of the kids. :)

what a hard decision. Unfortunatly you will have to make this very important decision on your own. Both are life long issues to deal with. One is over in a day, but the emotional toll can bring on physical problems too. However, the other, will bring a whole new person into this world. One that will depend on you for everything. I was married for 3 years and 30 when I had my first and it was still an adjustment and has made a huge financial impact (one we were happily able to make). I'm not sure how old you are, but I've heard it is very common for women who have abortions to become pregnant again in a year to two year timeframe..because it's a loss and that loss is overbearing sometimes.

I believe that the baby that is meant to be yours will be, no matter what circumstances come between you two. Whether you have that child now or at a later date.

have you thought about adoption? Terrible to think about in terms of money, but there is a financial aspect of it that might help you and your husband get to the next level of being secure, and would give a family who is reproductivly challenged the joy of their lives. Yet that again comes with some very serious emotional issues to deal with.

It's a hard choice honey and one that you might want to see a professional to bounce your thoughts and feelings off of.

What does your husband think??

-K.

Dearest K.,
I am pro-life, but also pro-choice. I know that sounds contradictory, but every situation is different and we don't walk in anyone else's shoes.
It pains me to say this, but when I got pregnant and had a 9 year old daughter, I seriously considered abortion. I was told I could never have children and you'd think I'd be happy, but my husband was so abusive and I was actually making clandestine plans to leave him. No, I didn't use birth control. In 9 years, I only had one kid and I didn't even have all my parts. Having sex was like a "duty" and I didn't want him sensing that I was going to leave. I ended up pregnant. My husband was pissed. I told my mom that I was going to have an abortion and she supported me. I said nothing to my daughter about it.
I ended up in the ER bleeding profusely. An obvious miscarriage. I thought it was for the best. The doctor sent me home, prepared me for the outcome and had me come back in a few days to test my pregnancy hormone levels before a procedure to clean me out.
I could have fainted, literally, when they told me I hadn't lost the baby. My hormone levels had more than tripled. It was then I knew that if my baby was going to fight, I couldn't take the chance at life away from it.
My husband was still abusive and I became seriously, critically ill and spent most of my pregnancy in the hospital. They didn't know if either one of us would survive, but my baby kept me going. And I did everything to keep him going. I gave birth to the most beautiful healthy son. My marriage didn't last after he was born. But, my son and I have the closest bond you can possibly imagine. We actually finish each others sentences sometimes. There's just that thing there between us that is unexplainable.
I love my daughter with my whole heart and soul and we are very close, but my son is the joy of my life. He truly is. He and I went through so much before he ever even got here.

One thing I can promise you is that once your baby is born, you will wonder how your life ever functioned otherwise.
There will be sleepless nights, there will be worrying about finances, there will be figuring out if it's a fussy cry or a hungry cry. It's all part of being a mom. You CAN do this. All first time moms are scared and nervous. That's okay. You have a marriage and a good foundation. Nothing in this life is certain, but having your baby in your arms will give you a sense of love you never thought was possible.

I wish you the very best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

The sweet joy of your child will out due anything you will be dealing with in the next years of your life. The pain of aborting is not worth the little hard work you will have to do in the time to come! We just went through a 3,000 mile move, no income, and a lot more in the last 7 months and found out 2 weeks after my husband lost his job that we were pregnant with our 3rd and could not be more happy to be giving birth in a few months. Yes it has been very, very rough but I couldn't personally imagine giving up on this child and aborting!! Best of luck with your decision it can be rough sometimes!

I just read your response and I am so happy that you have decided to keep the baby! Congratulations on your pregnancy. You will never regret this decision.

Dear One,

love the though of being pregnant, you are given the gift of life,every child comes with its own supply. God doesn't walk in and out of our lives. It has qualities of endurance that survive the hardtimes. Trust in Life, loving Love, and you will be guided what to do.

What happened with your previous pregnancy and abortion sounds so painful! I noticed that you are worried that the pain of that experience will interfere with your love for your child. It may really be worth it to seek counseling or therapy to heal from those issues. There are places that offer low-cost services, and it could dramatically improve your outlook and your life.
I was happy to read you chose to have your baby. I know you can do it.
Good luck!

Follow your gut. I always regret it when I do not.
P..

follow your gut god will never give you more than you can handle.

Have you tried talking to your husband about this? Have you asked him how he would feel to have a baby so soon? Maybe he will be totally excited at the idea and then this may help you. I was SCARED TO DEATH when I found out I was prego for the first time. I had no idea how to handle any of it. I was 26 years old at the time and I had been married for two years. As time went on and my belly started to grow I became excited about having a baby. My family is on a very tight budget and at times I have to get help from others but we are a happy family. 21 months after my first daughter was born our second daughter was born and now we have 2 girl's. They are the best of friend's now at the age of 2 and 4. We struggle sometimes here and there but we are all a happy family and in no way are my 2 girl's deprived of anything. They have very supportive and loving grandparent's who are their world. So this helps too.

Abortion would NEVER be an option for me. I have 2 very close friend's right now who are married and cannot seem to get pregnant. They would do anything to be where you are now.

Take some time to think about this and my hope is that you will come to the conclusion that this is going to be a HAPPY time for you and your husband . Congrats to you!

DO what your gut tells you, its never the right time for a baby, but if you are in a place to take care of him/her then.... anyway do what makes you feel good!

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

Congratulations! I'm happy for you, it made me cry when I read your "So What Happened". God bless and keep you and your little family!

Dear K.,

Spring is almost here and there will be more construction jobs for your husband. You will be able to work almost to the end of your pregnancy if you are healthy. I’m sorry you were “forced” to have an abortion; it should have been your decision.

I am pro-life and it seems you are in a solid, loving marriage…God is blessing you with another child and I think your gut and heart might be telling you something. What does your husband say?

Blessings…..

I don't regret either choice I made - to get pregnant with my amazing son when I'd been married for 2 years and had a plan in place for how to financially and emotionally care for him, nor to terminate an unplanned pregnancy 10 years later when we were still married but circumstances (financial and otherwise) were not right.

Follow your heart, talk with your husband, and I have every hope and confidence that you won't regret your choice either.

Hi, K.. The most important thing is that you are true to yourself, and that you are honest with your husband. How do you find clarity when making a decision? Do you have ways of doing that? Think back in your life when you have made decisions. Which ones turned out well, and what were the clues that made you think it was a good choice? And which ones didn't turn out well, and what were the clues that they were not the best choice (and what made you ignore those clues)?

Another thing is to imagine making one choice and imagine where it is likely to lead, and then what, and then what, and then what, etc. And then do the same for the other choice. Keep in mind that there are two choices here: the baby and buying a house. So you may have four things to imagine, and how they are likely to turn out. But if you do these "imaginings," make sure that first you are feeling relaxed and grounded, however you do that. If you want help with it, let me know. I'd be happy to support you in finding the choice that is true to your Heart. Or maybe you already know someone who can help you do that. Also, it may help to write down what you imagine happening (then what, then what, then what...).
Best wishes!
Siddheshwari

This is even a question? You are married have a job and are looking for a house. Sounds like the right time to start a family to me. So, you rent a bit longer and maybe things are tight, welcome to the world most of us live in. Have you spoken to your husband about this? I would venture to guess that he might have an opinion on whether to keep your child or not. Don't get me wrong, I am all for reproductive rights, I understand that at 18 you were not ready. But, do you want to go through that again. Plus, think of the damage you might do to your body.

Well the decision is yours and your husband's to make, keep that in mind! If you're leaning towards keeping the baby (and it sounds like you are), keep in mind there's never a "right" time financially to have a child, and it's not at all hard to keep the expenses low, especially when they are babies. Check out "Baby Bargains" by Denise & Allan Fields from your library for some great advice, both financial and general "how to prepare for this huge change, and what do I really need?" Get baby furniture and clothes second-hand (friends or family may be able to provide hand-me-downs too). We made our own baby food (with a food processor we already had and ice cube trays from Target, no fancy kit), and not only was it super easy but it barely made a tick in our grocery bill and the food was way tastier than the jarred stuff! Those are just a few ideas--there are tons more if you look around a little. Just remember millions of parents manage with less resources than you and your husband have; if you're dedicated to being a good parent you can do it. It won't be easy--parenting is the most challenging thing I've ever done, physically, mentally, emotionally, and it definitely can put strain on your marriage too at times. But if you have a good foundation you'll be stronger for it. I wish you the best in making this very important decision, and if you decide to continue being a parent (you already are, you know), best wishes, congratulations, and good luck!

J.

Now that you are married, already pregnant, and know that you don't want to go through the trauma of having another abortion, it sounds like your biggest worry is the financial burden of having a baby at this time. All the other posters are right. There is no perfect time to have a baby, and there will always be financial burdens. If you want to ease your worries about the financial consequences, by all means, postpone the house search until after you have the baby. You can get by just fine with a baby in an apartment -- even a one-bedroom -- for the first few months.

Having a baby is scary for everyone. Buying a house can be scary too. Might not be a bad idea to at least eliminate the stress of buying a home until your husband has finished college (and possibly found a job), you are back on your feet after the baby and have a better idea of what you need in a house post-baby. Have you discussed this with your husband? I'm sure it must be stressful for him to be in school and wonder how he will make a living to help support you and a child. But if he is against you having an abortion, that should also help you with your decision. Good luck to you. I really feel for you.

Hi... I am a mother of three. My daughter who is 16 years old.. is having a baby. Lets look at like this. You have everything set in your life except a house? big deal... later you wont want that house.. because in time you will be in debt to take care of the house.
So here it is.. Lets say you will never be able to get pregnant again.. you will reget this. AND it not your plan? It Gods plan.
I was so sad to here my daughter was pregnant... and yes I want her to have her life... but finding out that she was 5 months pregnant.... we decided to keep the baby,. I had to see it as a blessing....not an option. I say have the baby. It will bring so much joy to your life.
m.t

Updated

Hi... I am a mother of three. My daughter who is 16 years old.. is having a baby. Lets look at like this. You have everything set in your life except a house? big deal... later you wont want that house.. because in time you will be in debt to take care of the house.
So here it is.. Lets say you will never be able to get pregnant again.. you will reget this. AND it not your plan? It Gods plan.
I was so sad to here my daughter was pregnant... and yes I want her to have her life... but finding out that she was 5 months pregnant.... we decided to keep the baby,. I had to see it as a blessing....not an option. I say have the baby. It will bring so much joy to your life.
m.t

Others have said there is never a right time to have a baby and I suppose they mean we put all sorts of things in mix when trying to decide so the timing never seems perfect. That said, you know your situation best. I just wonder if you are considering an abortion b/c you have done it before (even though unwillingly) and know that it is an option.

You say abortion seems the smartest thing financially right now and that maybe so. However, is getting an abortion and instead buying a house the best thing for you and for your marriage. Also, what will you do if you find yourself pregnant a few months down the road. If you go with an abortion I would hope you get some form of contraception, preferably one you won't forget to take.

Like others have said you can get stuff in good condition for your baby at garage sales - from cribs to stroller, changing tables,clothing, books, toys.
That way you will save your money for other expenses that will come up.

Even without the baby be sure that it is financially smart to buy a house b/c when the bank calculates how much you can afford they don't consider how many children you have now or plan to have in the next few years. On the upside though it's good to base your mortgage on one income that way if one person is out of work it is not to hard to get by.

There are no guarantees in life. You can't predict the future. If there is a God, there certainly is no earthly justice! If you don't feel that you want your baby, don't have it. Or have it and give it up for adoption. But if you do want it, there is no greater gift in life: love and family. No matter what happens, your life will be richer in ways more important than money or houses or jobs if you have your child. I will guarantee you this: With your child, life will be a rollercoaster....highs of joy and love and heartbreak and frustation. Parenting. Tough. I have never regretted it!

Hi K.,
I am 44 married with 2 teenagers. Who are wonderful, well adjusted and loving children. I too, had an abortion when I was 18. I have had 4 miscarriages and 5 abortions in my life. I have no regrets. Here is my suggestions:
If buying a house is a financial burden, give it up. The american dream of owning a home is an old paradigm. If you are the one working and considering continuing working and having a baby, the last thing you need is added financial pressure.
Talk to your husband. Look at all possibilities. And who is telling you that you cannot be a mother and handle pregnancy and a child? IS there more to your story?

I would pray and ask to be guided. What ever you decide to do will be up to you and your husband. You will be alright either way. Do not be afraid. If you decide to keep your baby you will be just fine. Have faith in yourself.

Good luck to you.

N. Marie

Glad to hear you are keeping your baby. You will be a great mom. You can always look into a homebase business to help supplement your income if needed. I love it. I am in the wellness home business. If you want info let me know.

Congrats to you.

N. Marie
____@____.com

There is never a "perfect" time to have a child. It sounds like you are in a much better position financially and from a maturity perspective this time around. Having a baby and becoming a parent are something none of us can ever really be fully prepared for, there can always be some reason not to, but if you want to be a parent, even though this may not be the perfect time in your plan, then follow your gut. It is still (thank goodness) your choice.

If you don't believe in abortion and your gut is telling you don't do it... the please, don't do it!!! As for the current woes that you've encountered - something that I've learned is that everything has a way of working out. There's plenty of assistance out there to help with the financial burden (I don't like using that word but I couldn't think of better one) of having a baby... check with your state and see if you are eligible for low-cost healthcare and if you don't have insurance, then check to see if you are eligible as well. And look into assistance programs like WIC which help with food for both Mom and baby. This is your baby - not anyone else's - so you need to do what you think is best for you and that baby. He or she will definitely be worth any struggle that you encounter!

K., I'm not exactly sure what your "situation" is. You're married, getting ready to buy a home and your husband is going to graduate college. I'm sorry your parents forced you to have an abortion, but they can no longer make you do that. You are in a committed relationship, yet you haven't said that neither one of you want children, so go for it. Being scared is no reason to abort. You can learn as you go, but your will get through it.

God bless.

If your gut says no, it may be that you are finally ready to have a baby. I think it's funny how you mispelled "scared" with "scarred"...you are definitely scarred by the first, forced, abortion, who wouldn't be, and you are definitely scared to accept this challenge you are facing. You may want to postopone the purchase of the house and find a cheaper, temporary, apartment for rent, as a baby is very money-consuming and your hubby may loose his job. If you are sure you are going to keep yours,have a paid maternity leave and the money to pay a daycare when you go back to work, then, by all means, you can deal with this baby being born. If you have a stable, loving marriage and your hubby is backing you up any decision you'll make (because YOU, nobody else, must make this decision, it's your body and your soul that will be affected whatever you decide to do), then you know he'll do whatever he can to get a newer, better paid job and provide for his family. If i were in your shoes, I'd focus more on my hubby being "on my team" than anything else: should you decide to have the baby (and of course this is what I wish you), it is KEY that he stays by your side in any situation you may face. There's nothing worse than having a baby and be left alone to provide for him. So if your marriage is strong, I say "go for it!" Good luck!

Consider everything that's going on for you right now. It may not seem like things are all falling into place, but sometimes things don't always appear as they are. You said your husband is about to get his degree.. Great! He'll be able to get a GOOD job which will mean you'll be even more financially stable once that happens. Plus you'll be in a house and be able to set up a lovely little nursery (and it can be done cheaply!). When I got pregnant with my son (and he was planned) my job suddenly started to fall apart and I was terrified that we wouldn't be able to make it on one income. Now I'm a stay at home mom and loving it, my husband supports the family financially and I do my best to help the money stretch. Is it easy? No. We're working on buying our first home right now as well and I will be starting a home business when we have the house. So consider that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason isn't apparent in the beginning. Have you spoken to your husband about what's going on and how you feel? I'm all for a woman's choice of what happens to her body, (I say this as gently as I can) but you made this baby with him and while he shouldn't be the final answer in what happens, I think he should have a chance to voice his feelings and opinions. He may be very excited about it.

There are agencies that are out there that you can get help from. You can get cheap clothes off of craigslist, from thrift shops etc. I often find NEW clothes from places like that and will get 10 outfits for the cost of one new one on sale from a major store. Same thing goes with gear for baby. If you know people who have had children recently and their baby has outgrown gear you may be able to borrow it or you can buy it cheaply from stores specifically for baby item resales.. and I mean everything, cribs, strollers, carseats, rockers.

I do agree with the person who said to figure what you can afford mortgage wise on one income, that way you have breathing room if one of you doesn't work for a while in the future. And if both of you are working, awesome, you can save money up that much easier.

In the end you have to make the decision that's right for you. If you have any reservations at all about getting an abortion, then perhaps you shouldn't. You can't undo that step. If you and your husband find that you aren't ready to make yourselves parents afterall, perhaps adoption would be better? There are many families out there that would provide a loving home for a little one. No matter your decision though, I wish you luck.

I honestly think you are very lucky to be pregnant again. There are so many people who would give anything to be in your shoes. (like my sister for one who can't have kids) Not only did you get the chance to have a child one time but now you get another chance to do things differently. Financially, I don't think anyone is ever "ready" for a child. The love that child gives to you unconditionally, outweighs any fiancial burden for sure. I had 2 children and when we tried for a 3rd, we got twins. Sure money is REALLY tight but would I change anything? Not a chance. Being a mom is the best most rewarding job there is (next to being a wife of course) Is it chaotic? Yes. Is it overwhelming? Sometimes!
Follow your heart! You truly will not be disappointed!
M.

I am pro choice and that includes whatever your choice is. Children do not come when it is convenient to us. They come when it is their time. If you want to honor your child's time table then follow your gut and have the child.

The housing market is not going to go up for a long while as more houses are being released from the bank forclosure lists in increments so they don't flood the market. Plus all the homes on the waiting for loan modification list who owe back payments are going to get the eviction letter. My RE friend said the banks make more money with the sale of the foreclosure plus the government kick back they get. They make more money by evicting than letting the homeowner keep it. SO FORECLOSURES are going to keep coming. It is not a DO IT NOW or You'll never see this deal again market. Makes more sense financially to wait to buy a house till your husband has a job and his income is stabile. Not too much to ask of him. But alot to ask of you to abort a 2nd time. Rethink the buying before he has a job scenario. Frankly that doesn't make sense.

You are perfectily capable of raising a child. You have learned the right things from you partents and also the wrong things. Knowing what not to do is just as valuable a lesson as knowing what to do. You will do fine. You will be a wonderful loving mom. Plus any question these lovely Mom's are more than happy to help you with. Like having sister's ,aunt's and grandma's on line who all have amazing baby experience. You are not alone.
A very great big hug to you.

Hi there,

You and your husband have to make this decision together. When you are parents, you will have SO MANY decisions to make together that no one can make for you. So get in the habit of doing it now! :) Seriously, don't let anyone else tell you what to do, either way. If you take the time and really feel what's right for you, you will come to the best decision for your family.

Good luck and congratulations!

H.