JFF..The Debate- Possible to Be Friends with People in Different Social Classes?

I would say yes. If the wealthier ones aren't snooty, and the less wealthy aren't jealous, there shouldn't be a problem. It's when envy and superiority, etc. get in the way that you have issues.

Yes, why wouldn't you. It would drive you nuts if you are a keeping up with the Jones's kind of person but otherwise it is no big deal.

My best friend makes tons more money than I do, it's never been a an issue. I would have to guess that if someone had a problem with me because of my income and didn't want to be friends because of it, I wouldn't know, it's never come up. We have friends in all economic classes, it never made a difference to us how much money people make.

Yes. But, quite frankly, it's difficult and ENTIRELY depends on the individuals involved.

I'm not just talking about variations of middle class, but true class distinctions. When one set is private jets, 24/7 security, state dinners... Another set is somewhere the vast range of middle class, and the third is extreme poverty... It takes very dynamic individuals to bridge those gaps.

Middle class differences, though? (Like surgeons, lawyers, and engineers to firefighters, teachers, and retail) Much, much easier. Then it's just personalities clicking. Even though one set may have disposable income, and the second has to budget... It's still all middle class in most circumstance.

Yes, and if not, I would have very few friends, as most of my friends come from higher classes than I do. What makes it work is that we don't have feelings of superiority and inferiority. We just enjoy one another's company, and we have much stronger bonds that tie us together, our Catholic Faith.

ETA: My aunt is a millionaire, many times over, as she and her husband have built several successful businesses during their years together. Her closest friends are her friends from high school, who knew her as the daughter of the local baker.

ETA2: I don't think a surgeon would qualify as middle class. Most surgeons I know are making a MINIMIUM of $300k, and are only a few years out of residency.

Of course you can. If someone has an issue with it, then they are not a true friend.

I have acquaintances from our country club who will only associate with others at their perceived "level".... Blah... that is no true friend, they are users. It is silly to me.. they put their pants on the same way I do...

My best friend is not as well financially as we are but we have been best friends over 20 yrs and that does not stand in the way of true friendship.

Sure. I have friends that are WAY richer than me. Like $500,000 a year richer than me. Or maybe more.
We love to hang out, have our kids play together, barbeque. You name it. When they get together with friends and travel we obviously don't go, but that's about it.
I don't interview my friends before deciding to be their friend. So far, my poorness has not rub off on anyone and unfortunately their vast riches do not trickle down to me! lol
But you know what....my one girlfriend who's husband makes a ton of money is absolutely MISERABLE in her marriage! Miserable! Her kids are rude and disrespectful, her husband is not meeting her needs, she is bummed out all the time. Sure, they went to Bali for two weeks and had a great time...but I am married to my best friend and my kids are great! (for the most part. lol)
My other girlfriends who are uber rich work for Boeing. Both of them. They adopted a girl, at birth, who is lovely as well. But they never see her. They both get to spend an hour or two with her in the evenings, and that's it. She's in school or daycare the majority of her time...that includes weekends. That does NOT mean they are bad parents, it just means that I am truly thankful that I get to be home with my kids all the time. Financially we struggle, but I wouldn't give up my time with the kids for more $$.
I try not to talk about how much we struggle and they don't throw it in my face how much they don't. I don't love them for their $$, I love them for their personalities, humor, kindness...ect.
L.

Sure, I have. My family makes WAY less money then some of my friends. I went to a very wealthy high school and came from a very poor family. I'm still friends (great friends) with some of those girls today. They still have a whole heck of a lot more money. We do have the same values, though. One of my best friends came from super rich parents. She is herself, a doctor and lives in a mini mansion. We have no problem remaining friends. We value what each other has to offer as a PERSON.

Yes. I have friends that run multi-million dollar companies, own restaurants, own a large beach house in Southern California, one of my friends runs a multimillion dollar foundation her father started.

I also have friends that struggle each month to pay the rent or mortgage. I have one friend that lived in a shelter for a while until she got back on her feet (if I had more room, she and her kids would've stayed with us).

We don't equate our friendships with a dollar value. We don't flaunt our wealth (not me!! We don't have a savings anymore!! LOL!!) or what we don't have. We know how to get together and laugh and be there for each other. We are conscious of financial restraints of some...so we might choose to "chip" in on dinner or a movie. It all comes out even in the end.

Friendship should NEVER be about money or who has more or less than you. If that's the case - it's not a true friendship.

I think AV gave a very good response. I would also add, that it may depend upon just how different the social classes are. There aren't just 2 (the haves and the have-not-quite-so-muches). The bigger the gap in the social strata, the more difficult it can be. But again, it really comes back to expectations.

Someone clueless with beaucoups of $$$ mindlessly spending it in front of someone of slightly less means, is not going to break a friendship. Doing so in front of someone who relies on charity for daily necessities will.

Commiserating about not being able to afford some luxury to someone who actually can afford it, isn't going to break a friendship. Complaining loudly and often that you are broke and can't buy food for your kids makes you look like you are asking for a handout from your friend. Whether the person with more financial freedom gives/shares to the one with less is irrelevant. It has to do with the "power" dynamic in the relationship.

I would say that a gap of one social class is easily overcome with the right expectations of both parties. A gap of more than one multiplies the difficulty, possibly making it impossible for all practical purposes, simply because the "power" in the relationship is SO dramatically uneven. It's why you don't lend $ to family/friends. It changes the dynamic of the relationship completely.

I'm thinking about the friends I have...

The answer is yes for me. I have some VERY well off friends, I have some paycheck to paycheck friends.
It would seem that common interests, social values and morals are more important than the $$$.

It's funny. I worked as a podiatrist when I lived in the UK, I had a nice brick new house on a Jack Nicklaus gold course, a new car, went on a lot of holidays, ate out, had nice clothes. I had a lot of friends in the same position - I also had a lot of friends in lower classes, I liked them all and they liked me.
Since I have moved to the USA, and I am now living in an old trailer, because I wanted to stay home with my kids (and it's free) I find I move in different circles. I seem to gravitate towards the higher classes because I am a medical professional, but when they come out and see where I live, the friendship seems to fizzle out. It may be my imagination, but I don't think so. I have one friend, I am so lucky, who is also from the UK, and is a similar social background to me. She doesn't care where I live!

Absolutely! A person isn't all about their money or lack thereof. A person is their actions, their likes and dislikes, their personalities. I don't care how much money my friends do or don't have. I care how they are as a friend.
To let something as petty as what size a person's paycheck is get in the way of a friendship is silly and just means you might loose out on a fantastic friendship.

Interesting post with lots of interesting responses.

I think it's entirely possible to be friends with someone in a different social class. That being said though I have to admit that with friends that are more financially secure than we are, I do feel uncomfortable when they visit at my home. Even though it might not be true, I feel sometimes that I'm being judged because my home is not in a neighborhood as nice as theirs. My house is nice and well-kept but does not compare to theirs. I will say though, we live beneath our means and are not in debt. For that I am glad :)

I think so, but of course it depends on the people. My husband and I are pretty solidly middle class, toward the upper end for those in our age group, but we live in a more working-class area at the moment. For this reason, I haven't had a lot of chances to make a lot of friends in the wealthier classes, but my best friend here for probably 3 years is a woman from a working-class family married to a working-class husband. She is funny, very smart, and well-informed. Admittedly, we don't really talk about our money troubles, but we have lots of other things to discuss, like our children, our husbands, our life philosophies, etc. We have more than enough to say to each other, and have been known to spend 5 hours at a time just talking with each other.

My brother scrapes by just above the poverty level. He works 55 hours a week with no benefits in order to make ends meet. If he had a family to support, he would have to be on government assistance. I can do nothing but admire him for how dedicated he is and how hard he works. I do not in any way see his income an inhibiting our relationship, either. Many of my dearest friends from high school are also now forming working-class families, although I think we were all fairly middle class when we met. They have much smaller homes, much bigger debt, very different shopping styles, but I haven't noticed that it has influenced our relationships much. We have too much history and love for each other to care about stuff like that. However, I have no friends on welfare, and so I cannot really address that. I suspect, as long as my friends were working hard to do the best they could, that welfare would not prevent any friendship, either.

I also have a couple of friends who are a lot more well-to-do than I am, although I knew most of them from when I was younger because of the area we live in right now. When I asked an old high school friend for the recommended bike trailer that I just posted about a minute ago, she recommended a $2,000 trailer! Yeah, I don't personally consider that "affordable." Most of my upper-class friends tend to be much older than I am, and I often think the age gets in the way more than the money. My mom friends from this group waited until their late 30s and early 40s to have kids, and I had my first 2 while still in my 20s, so while we have child-rearing in common, I tend to view them as mentors more than dear friends.

Yes. I have friends and family from all walks of life and I believe my life is interesting and enriched by the diversity. I personally like to look at the person, not the class and determine whether I will be friends or not. Personal accountability, honesty, integrity, and all of the fruits of the spirit :) If you are religious, you will know what I mean.

To me true friendship is not about money or social status. I have friends both higher and lower than I...

I do know people who don't mingle well unless they go higher! And well then to me it's not about the friendship.

True friendship has no sight!

Yes-you can go up, but I have always found it is difficult to elevate someone:" if you put a dress on a pig, it's still a pig".

We have friends from every socio-economic level, uber rich to barely making it.

I think it has a lot to do with personality and self confidence. Weak people or people who lack confidence have a hard time stepping out of their comfort zones no matter the reason.

I think the problem here is that everyone has a different definition of "class". Most people are defining it by how much money the person has and social class is defined by income, net worth, education, health, values, and general stability. Sure, people who live paycheck to paycheck can be friends with someone who pulls in a huge paycheck but "class" is so much more than just money.

Yes its possible. It depends a lot on shared values. If you are shallow, then you probably won't be able to be friends with someone of another socioeconomic class. It helps if the the wealthy one is on the generous side and the non wealthy ones have something to bring to the table too, like adventure, humor, great plans and ideas. My parents did this for well over 20 years with their best friends. The friendship dissolved somewhat after a divorce. After that they both changed. It wasn't the money, it was the change in values that most effected the friendship and the loss of the dynamic as married couples. Had it not been for the divorce I think they would still be good friends. My parents paid for most outings and meals out. But for the most part they did things together that didn't require much money.

Hmm, very interesting. I'm afraid to answer without sounding bigoted or like a snob. I agree with Riley's take on it.

Sure, I can hang out with the 1%, especially if they will pay for my dinner and take me somewhere on their jet. But really, really poor and uneducated people? I mean REALLY poor and REALLY uneducated? Despite all the kumbayah comments, I don't think such intermingling typically happens among socioeconomic classes. And I wouldn't hold it against people if they called me "uppity" (per the above), but I wouldn't be their best friend either.

I think it's possible . . . but it is highly dependent on the situation/people.

On a side note, one of the most miserable groups of people I ever met and interacted with came from the trust fund/hedge fund/internet millionaire set. It was all about name-dropping and power displays. You could not pay me to hang out with these people. Ugh.

Definitely - with some of the caveats mentioned below and by Victoria. I think it has to do more with how people handle their wealth or lack thereof than actual money. And likely it'd be hard for someone bordering on poverty to be close friends with a mega wealthy person bc in that case, even I'd have to think the rich friend should help the poor one a bit financially if the poor one is in those circumstances through no fault of their own... So then it gets complicated.

I think you can - depending on the expectations of those involved. Friend of ours is honestly a millionaire and we...are not. But as long as he's not expecting us to foot a fancy dinner then everybody gets along well. Also, I have friends and family that are not doing as well as we are, and similarly value their time, not whether or not they can rent a speedboat on vacation. But if the really wealthy person has nothing in common with someone with less, then is it really friendship after all? Or just "hey, I know you?" Now, all that said, many times you know who you know because you are in the same social stratta, or were at one time. People who knew you "when" can be better friends sometimes because they know your beginnings and know you for who you are, not what you do for them.

Sure. I have a few friends that are in different socioeconomic classes.

Absolutely! I have friends from all economic classes although many of my friendships are from when I was a kid/teenager. My family alone has all different social classes.

Of course! I have so many friends from all walks of life.

I think that, as some people mentioned, it depends on how you define "class." Often "class" is not only about money but about education and values. How did you grow up? If you grew up middle class, you are probably steeped in those values, even if you move up or down the economic ladder. I have friends who are poor (or more well off) than I, but when you look back at their backgrounds, they mostly came from the same sort of place - upper middle class. They are also all fairly well educated and intelligent, whatever their background. I don't mean that they all finished college (although most have), but they are all well read, well spoken and able to hold conversations on a variety of topics.

So, as a few people pointed out, I can imagine hanging out with a wide variety of people from the "how much money you bring in" perspective, but I can't REALLY imagine hanging out with people who watch tons of TV, don't read, aren't at least basically aware of current events, and don't know how to speak proper English (unless it isn't their first language). What does that mean?

The friends I have that are poorer than me are always making fun of our lifestyle with "must be nices". I feel awful sometimes doing things with them because the restaraunt is too expensive or the activity too pricey. We are doing better than a lot of our friends so we get this a lot.

I think it's certainly possible but not if someone is sensitive.

I don't think class has so much to do with it, as much as a person being genuine. My husband and I are not "well off" by any means, we have a chunk of debt that we are paying off and such. That said, we are also not hurting, we aren't exactly living paycheck to paycheck, we have a bit in the back for emergencies and such, so we aren't hurting as badly as others... at the moment. (I am well aware that it doesn't take much for that to change) We have friends and family who are really struggling, who are up to their eyeballs in debt just trying to make ends meet. We also have friends, and family, who are well off and want for nothing. My husband is very uncomfortable with the people who are well off, and much more comfortable with the people who are in a similar position that we are in.
Personally I could not care less. I feel no need to try to compete with someone who has more, or to "show off" to someone who has less. My house still has clothes that need to be washed and dishes that should probably be done, just like everyone else. People are people, they have health problems, homes or apartments to care for, most have kids to care for, jobs to go to. The bottom line is far from what makes a person enjoyable to be around.

With all of my friends, our relationship is based on giving mutually-beneficial things to each other. The money doesn't have to even out down to the penny, but we each get something out of the relationship. When I can afford it, I buy lunch. When she can afford it, she buys lunch. Or I drive, and she buys lunch. Or I be the shoulder to cry on, and she pays for the bottle of wine, or I pick up the ice cream, and she orders the movie, or we trade babysitting, regardless of whether one of us could afford to hire a sitter, I lend her the book for book-group, she helps me cook the appetizers...whatever, as long as we both feel we get some value, does it matter who pays for what?

Understandably, there are some things that I can't relate to, in my friends who are in a different financial situation than I am. And I'm sure, I do things they can't relate to, either. But we can usually agree to shrug it off as a "quirk," much the same way I can't relate to being terrified of snakes, or they can't relate to hating to swim, or whatever. I would never pay someone to house-sit, they would never clip coupons worth less than a full dollar... But those are quirks, and the friendship is worth more than that.

Yes, I do think that friends come in all shapes and sizes. We have friends from all walks of life and have maintained long term friendships. I think the key to being able to do this is by not getting into the social status game playing that goes on in some circles. I always have a mixed bag of people around me that call me friend. By being in a different soical class status, are you referring to people that have made more money than you?
Or people living in much higher end housing than you? Or people that are able to provide a better education for their children than you? The list can go on forever but the bottom line will always be... somewhere, at any given time of the day or night somebody will always be one up and that is just a fact of life. Live and learn to accept people for what they really are and not what some might pretend to be and you and your hubby will be alright in any social situation!

It doesn't matter to me. I think looks can be deceiving. We own a house in a neighborhood that would be considered upper yet we aren't. We picked up the house as a foreclosure and had we not we wouldn't be able to afford it. I am very good at restoring old furniture so people would think by coming to the house we have a great deal but really we don't. I think it is more important to choose friends by their character than by their material goods.

One of my closest friends is MUCH better off than we are... as in, she gets a new car every 3-4 years, hubby gets a new truck, they are able to go on vacations and wear nice clothes...etc.

Meanwhile, I lived paycheck to paycheck, and would often have to pick which bills would be getting paid that month.

She was very understanding when I could't go out and do things to her because I couldn't afford it... and she was also very good about offering to pay for some things, without coming across as condescending... We were BOTH mature enough that our money didn't affect our friendship.

We were extremely close too... we would see each other at least 5-6 days a week, and talk on the phone at least daily. I was in the delivery room when she had her kids, and I am considered their aunt. So I do feel that it is very possible. :)

Absolutely! I teach exercise classes at a senior center and a country club. One has a lot of poor people, the other a lot of wealthy. I have many friends at each location.
I am also in a different social class then almost all my family members. I used to be upset that they did not want to follow me "up." But a therapist explained to me that people in general do not feel comfortable crossing those lines. So I don't hold it against them, even though sometimes they make snide remarks insinuating I am "uppity!"

Of course you can. As long as the friendship is just that and not a 'using' situation.

I believe it is possible unless the people without money get jealous.
Then the frienship is doomed.