What are the thoughts and opinions of all you out there on assertive personality and passive agressive personality types and if they can get along or not? Do you feel that a woman and man can have a good even great marriage or relationship if one is assertive and the other passive aggressive if you are unsure what the personlaity tyoes are here is the low down.
Passive aggressive
* Tries to deal with needs, opinions, and feelings by NOT dealing with them.
* May apologize, but secretly resents it. Often uses sarcasm
* Respects the rights of others but resents it, often secretly sabotaging progress
* Often functions as a victim in learned helplessness
* Avoids conflict in an indirect way (muttering under their breath, dirty looks, slamming doors, etc.)
Assertive
* Respects needs, opinions, and feelings, both their own and other people's.
* When they are at fault they apologize, but allow others to take responsibility for their own actions as well
* Respect their own rights and the rights of others
* Feel comfortable asking for things they need or want
* Deal with conflict in healthy ways
Whats your opinion? Can an assertive woman and a passive aggressive man be in a happy relationship or do you think it could be disasterous? WhaT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND EXPRESSIONS ON IT?
i LOVE ALL THE THOUGHTS what personality type do you feel you are and your sig. other how well do you get along with there silly personality ways?
"Passive aggressive" and "assertive" describe behaviors, not personalities. One is healthy, the other is not.
Perhaps you should think of it this way. Assertive is the healthy in between of passive on one end of the spectrum and aggressive on the other end. Perhaps "the man" tends to be passive and "the woman" tends to be aggressive but she merely sees herself as assertive? Or the man just needs to work on being more assertive...
Just for fun?
First by far the worst description of passive aggressive I have ever read! Assertive ain't so great either. :p Squidoo, really?
I really can't answer this because there are so many other facets to personality other than one behavior. I would like to say I hope you are not googleing trying to diagnose your own relationship, that would be tragic. Most of these websites give you some insight but not what is needed to really understand. For that you need an actual therapist.
My personalty is a J. and my husband is a Troy. When I start actually analyzing him we have problems.
Hmmm.
I think assertive people often think they deal with things, in healthy ways. In reality, they can be harsh and controlling of how situations play out. Passive aggressive people often don't feel how they deal with things, is healthy. Or, they just don't care, and don't have the right conflict resolution tools.
In reality, I think two people who communicate with each other, can exist harmoniously. I don't actually think personality differences have to dictate that. Being willing to talk, can be achieved in any personality. We all deal with things different in the immediate. It's how we handle things once the dust settles, that matters. If a couple can sit and talk after the mumbling, avoidance, assertiveness, etc...they can work. The problem, is it takes two. If there is one in the relationship that thinks they communicate well, and resolve everything in a healthy manner...I'm willing to be they really don't. They think they do, and they are usually the only one who thinks that.
Where did you get these definitions? Let me guess - you are assertive and your husband is passive-aggressive.
Personally, I can't stand the passive-aggressive personality type and feel they are impossible to get along with, so I don't know what personality type is supposed to work well with people who avoid dealing with things, can't apologize, are sarcastic, and sabotage progress (assuming that is the correct definition of passive-aggressive). Maybe another passive-aggressive person, and they can just avoid each other?
So IMO, no, they can't get along.
p.s. - Gotta ditto Jo - this topic doesn't sound all that fun.
I think that, regardless of personality type, you can be happy if you allow "love to conquer all". :)
Trouble & issues can tear your life apart.....if you don't place love first.
& that includes self-love...if you suffer from a lack of self-esteem, then nothing will be right until you acknowledge & accept yourself. :)
Based on your above definitions: my DH is passive aggressive & I am assertive. & yes, at times, our relationship can be toxic. It is something I work hard at avoiding/preventing/etc....for 30+ years now.
Hi 1 & 2-
I am a reasonably assertive woman...
who MAY become AGGRESSIVE if there is that HUGE a dichotomy between styles...as you have described.
Not sure exactly 'what' you are asking...
BUT...**I would be getting out my whip***
If someone treated me the way your first paragraph indicated..
some clarification??
Please??
michele/cat
THEN the question is: Can 2 people who are of the SAME personality type... get along successfully and without problems????
And besides, no one, is a perfect category. Humans are not finite or absolute.
Me: I am the "assertive" type.
My Husband: is the assertive type, too.
And by the way, the descriptions of those personality types, well it is not according to the DSM V and IV profiles.
I dont know how to answer your specific question, but to me, no matter the personality,
They are strong where you are weak, and lift you through it, not put you down for it.
You compliment each other, not just verbally, but in general.
They stand beside you, not in front of you.
If something is important to you, they at least act like it is important to them.
They encourage you to succeed, help you through it if need be and are happy for you when you do.
And most importantly, you honestly trust them.
That to me are just some examples of unconditional love.
To break it down, if there is more bad than good in a relationship, it needs help or it will fail.
**To add and try to answer your SWH, It really just depends on the day as far as our personalities, from what you describe I am sure we have both, and have had moments of both. I wouldnt say it would be from one extreme to the other, and whos to say the other person doesnt think you are describing them correctly??
I dont know, this is getting complicated! LOL!
Interesting - this is me and my husband. Well, I don't know that I'd say I am assertive, but much more so than my husband. As such it has caused problems as I've had problems respecting him as he doesn't voice his views, he doesn't stick up for himself, if we get into a fight he'll say nearly nothing and soon (usually even the same day) will act as though NOTHING happened. Not good - I wouldn't recommend.
Passive-aggressive people tend to seek out giving, submissive, but vocal people. This makes it easier to make the "I'm like this because you're so difficult" excuse..because vocal people are constantly being told they are "difficult" and if they are also submissive by nature, it leaves them a burden of guilt.
As a formerly submissive person, I'd say - if you are married to a passive-aggressive person - you'd better GET assertive. Fast.
LOL - this is me and my husband :)
I am assertive, classic type A personality. He is passive aggressive, classic type B personality. It's quit hilarious to see us interact... or so I'm told.
We get along great for the most part. Whenever I am upset about something, I have a tendency to become even more aggravated with his passive aggressive behavior because it makes it difficult to talk things through... at least until he is ready to unclam up (is that a word?)
As with any relationship, it takes time and patience and a willingness to compromise. We have been together 5 years and married 4. At about the 2.5 year mark, I had to make a decision to just ignore some of his behaviors because I can't change him. That's just who he is.
