Is Your Child in Your Bed?

I have slept with my daughter every night that she has wanted me to. She is now 10 and the nights are getting real infrequent but still happen sometimes. I have not been secret about this at all. I find nothing at all wrong with sleeping with a child of any age. Why do adults get to sleep together but little (or medium-sized) kids are supposed to sleep alone??

There was never 'secretly' anything.

He's always been welcome to pile in whenever he wants.

Some years that was a few nightmares a year. Other years that was almost every night for several months at a time. Never been a problem.

I have with all my 4 kids,....when they went to their own bed varies. My 4 year old is still in bed with us. And when my husband is working (out of town for days) my 7 year old is in here too. I feel safer having the little ones close when I'm the only adult. We have never had an issue with it....and the eventually make it into their own bed. If it works for you than who cares!

Yes, we are co-sleepers. #1 slept with us until around 3.5, and then he moved to his room to make room for #2 who was about to arrive. My husband will join him in his room in the middle of the night if needed. I also am open to the idea of him sleeping on the floor of our room.

I think of it like this: we are mammals, and mammals co-sleep. If a kid wants to be with someone while he sleeps, you can't blame him. So I think what you're doing is totally normal! There are pros and cons, but overall co-sleeping is some of my favorite time.

I am a bed-sharing and co-sleeping advocate. My 1st born was in my bed at birth, stayed there when I got married and only was recently moved out (but still in our room) at 6 y/o because her baby brother was born. He took her spot in our family bed and she sleeps in a toddler bed next to our bed. He's 14 months now and she is 7 y/o... We (husband isn't too thrilled) love co-sleeping and I've never been ashamed, never felt like hiding it (in fact I share that information about co-sleeping often) and never regretted doing this for my family.

Yes, most of the time. I fought doing this for a long time, but it was not working at all. My daughter spent her first 2 years in an orphanage and had never slept without at least 11 other people in the room with her. It took months to get her to sleep more than 2 hours in a row on her own, and then she'd be awake for hours in between because of her fight or flight response revving her up. Eventually, I got her to a point of sleeping 5-6 hours in a row and then coming in with me. It got to the point where I was so exhausted that I would have no recollection of her having been awake or climbing into my bed, which was a safety concern to me. Finally I realized we both got way more sleep if she was with me. My daughter missed rocking, cuddles and being held for her first 2 years of life, and she now seeks that connection. I figure she'll sleep on her own relatively soon, but it's not hurting anything to provide her with the extra security right now.

I am a BIG fan of co-sleeping as long as it is best for all parties. We co-sleep and have co-slept with all of our kids. My older kids like to sleep on their own now, but once in a while they want to sleep with us and thats fine! Our littlest baby sleeps with us every night and it works out extremely well. We all sleep and can nurse as often as I need to.

You should let go of judging yourself in this- There is NO shame in co-sleeping! Your child is still very young and 4 years old is perfectly reasonable to be sleeping with mom and dad if thats what works for you. If your child was 14, I would see it a little different. But 4 is totally normal~
Oh, my kiddos are 6, 3, and infant- So, do what works for you and forget the judgement and the critcism from others. .

Yes. On and off over the years. My 6.5 year old is on a kick of wanting to sleep with me. She's never been like this. It was always my other daughter. So I'm letting her for awhile and hope she gets over it. If she doesn't, I'll have to do something but I feel when they're little it helps build a sense of security.

No, never. I sleep trained them young, and they have slept through the night in their own beds ever since. They do share a room, so perhaps that helps. I have friends who do sleep with their kids, and they never get a good nights sleep, either because mom is squished into a single bed with her kid, or because the kids move around all night disturbing their sleep.. The kids and parents are always tired and cranky, and the parents never have time to be alone. Anyway, I would look into the cause of his waking and see if you can fix that, seeing as this is a new development.

My five year old comes to our bed probably three or four nights of the week. Mostly in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes earlier during the night.
If it's too early for me (before 5 AM) I will carry her back to her bed - otherwise I just let her sleep with us. DH disapproves but it doesn't bother me, and since HE isn't getting up at 5 AM to carry her back...I get to enjoy early morning cuddles.
When he is out of town DD sleeps in my bed the entire time.

I don't really care what others think about it, for me it means a good night sleep, not getting my sleep too interrupted and extra cuddles... they are little for such a short time, I bet it won't be long before she decides that she is too big...I will be sad when she stops coming over.

Nope. I'm not a big fan of co-sleeping and I did use sleep training methods so that I could have my own space when I sleep.

Why on earth would you "secretly" do anything???

Either own the decision or change the behavior.

** I co-slept with both of mine. But only because I breastfed, and that was easier than getting up all night long. I don't hide any of my parenting choices because I am not ashamed of them. I personally think if you are not confident enough in your choice to be upfront about it to someone then maybe you do not feel comfortable with it deep-down. What you've described sounds like a convenient way to avoid the real problem (your child's sleeping habits) instead of a parenting choice. Instead of avoiding the issue, work on fixing it. Why not let him sleep in your room if he wakes up? Sleeping in the same room as your husband is important to your marriage. A spouse should never be made to feel alone or second-best. Good luck. BTW, my daughters share their own room. Both of them stay there all night. If they start this as they get older, I'll just toss a mattress on the floor of my room and let them come in whenever they like. And I won't do anything "secretly" because how I choose to parent is my decision to make.

Whenever it's needed we sleep with Both kids, if it helps everyone sleep better why not? More sleep is always good!

Only when on vacation, and only if absolutely necessary. I cannot sleep when I am touched, so I don't even like hubby near me! Without sleep, I get grumpy, so my kids sleep in their own beds, on their own.

Our boys have always slept in their own beds, except for my now 14yo. He used to sleep with me on Saturday nights. We would have Saturday night movie nights and sleep-overs in my bed when he was a preschooler because my husband worked late on Saturday nights. When my husband came to bed around midnight, he would move my son to his own bed. I have close friends who have co-slept, but it wasn't for us. Our boys sleep better on their own, and so do we.

my son still likes to sleep in bed with me...the way i look at it that there will be a day that he doesn't even want me in the same room with him(teen years) so i want to cherish every loving moment i can with him. is it abnormal? depends on who you talk to....i'm fine with the arrangements
for now!!!

I fell asleep on the couch last night, it's a very comfortable couch, and woke up sweating a lot. I had a 8 year old asleep on my legs, her head at the other end, and a 5 year old on my stomach.

It happens nearly every night that he joins up but she usually sleeps in her own bed all night.

Nope. Never did.
(I have 2, who are well past those ages now)

I have had my kids in my bed when they have had bad dreams, etc.

My daughter, now 26, would sleep with me when her dad was working mids...

my boys? not the whole night through. No. They have been in our bed for an hour or two.

You have to do what works for you and your family. And husband has to be on the same page, if he's not, then it WILL cause martial discord...especially if one is NOT TOO THRILLED about it...there will be a point when the roof will blow...

No. I'm so glad too. I've read far too many questions over the years here asking moms how to get their kids out of their beds... so glad I never got into that quagmire.

Dawn

All of my babies started in bed with us. I cherished those hours of just holding them. I also nursed, so we got so much more sleep with them in bed with us. But once they were 4 months or so..they were in their own spaces. We were all happier then. Every now and then one will come in now, but I really prefer to get them back in their own beds.

In my house, we refer to sleep deprivation as "a normal night's rest." Maybe he's recently found something scary or simply entering a phase of anxiety that is resulting in seeking comfort in the middle of the night. It's not unusual. But what you're describing doesn't sound like co-sleeping.

I wouldn't give two loaded diapers for anyone who didn't care for a style of parenting I chose. I'm not asking them to do it, and I don't make a business of judging them. Parenting is a tough enough job without having to worry whether the cool kids are going to "accept" you. (I think I'm getting away from replying to your inquisition! Co-slept with a two- to three-year-old out of necessity in the same bed; co-slept with his younger sibling until about five months old in a crib next to our bed. For us, it was done in response to the child and the living situation at the time more than anything. I like REM sleep - as if I recall what that is - but if my child needs attention then that's the way it is.)

No - not with my 4 1/2 yr old boy. We cuddle before bed (reading books, saying prayers) and cuddle in the morning when he wakes me up (he climbs into my bed and we cuddle for 5-20 minutes while we slowly wake up). He's slept in our bed ONCE when he had a high fever and we wanted to keep an eye (feel) on him.

No. Both he and I wriggle too much. He's 2 and sleeps in his crib. We have a crib tent in place and are going to put off switching to a toddler bed as long as possible. I don't want the worry of having him walking about at night and causing mischief. etc.

When he's in a toddler bed, and if he chooses to join us at night, I guess we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now, I imagine I'd keep laying him down in his bed and reminding him that night time is mommy's time for sleeping, unitl he caught the drift.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I never had an issue with my daughter climbing in with me. Rule has always been you must start in your bed. They do get use to it and once she started school I had to say school days you have to stay in your bed til atleast 2am . That worked because once she was asleep she was fine. Also always put a movie on for her to fall asleep to and would usually sit with her for a bit.

I have never had my son sleep in our room ever. Not even when he was first born. His room was right around the corner not way down the hall. I never slept in his room to get him to sleep. Hes always been a good sleeper so I guess I got lucky there.

I've laid with my daughter many times. She did not sleep through the night until she was 5! That's 5 years not months! We finally paid her a nickel every night she stayed in bed (she got one taken away if she didn't). Within 3 months she was sleeping through the night and we didn't have to pay her any more. I think she wanted to sleep through the night but had gotten into the habit of waking up.
Good luck, I always told myself that she won't want me to sleep with her when she's a teenager!

i don't find co-sleeping odd at all. i do find it odd that you feel strongly enough about him sleeping independently to put him in his own room, but then join him there later.
i mean, if it works for you, that's fine.
it just sounds odd, and a little defensive.
but there's nothing wrong with co-sleeping.
khairete
S.

Well wen i was pregnant with my son my two daugthers would climb into bed every nite for my last 3months of being pregnant. they got too heavy for me to keep moving them back to there rooms. but once the baby came home they stop'd. Lol! Im thinking they knew the baby would be here soon so they just wanted to be the baby till then. But i think kids will stop wen they feel like it.

My daugthers are 3yrs old n 2yrs old. My son going to be 4months on Halloween... :-)

I love to cuddle with my kids, unfortunately both of them are awful in bed. When I wake up in the morning after sleeping with them, I feel bruised and battered. Both of mine are kickers and they move around so much to the point that they end up at the opposite ends of the bed.

If it works for you go for it as long as you and the kids are comfortable with it there is no issue here.

the only time we coslept was when my son was about 3 and he was very ill. for about a week or two he slept in our bed, and it was torture getting him back in his own.

now, on weekends, i will sometimes go lay in his bed, if/when he wakes up early in the morning, just to cuddle and keep from waking up daddy who works evening shifts, getting home late. also we will fall asleep together on the couch at night watching movies (also on the weekends) sometimes. occasionally we will take a nap together in my bed. those are the best moments :) BUT i'm really addicted to my sleep, i can't handle bad nights very well, so i'm careful to avoid getting into any bad habits. mine is 6 now so he knows the routine.

i think it's an amazing thing, sleeping with your child. i just can't do it often because i work full time and i have to have a good night's sleep.

My baby still breastfeeds a lot at night so he sleeps in his packnplay next to my side of the bed. Sometimes I fall asleep nursing him and he ends up in bed with us. My 3 yr old sleeps in her own room. We used to.let her in our bed but she kicks like a mule and acts naughty in there. One morning I woke up, she was butt naked sitting on top of me, pulling out handfuls of my hair. That was pretty much her last time in our bed. If my husband is working late, she sometimes lays in bed with ne and we watch a movie, my husband puts her in her room when he gets home.

We co-sleep a lot in our home and yes, I agree with your assessment, it's not something I went around advertising or discussing with families.

At that young age to get my beauty sleep, I had small futons on my bedroom floor the kids could sleep in if wanted. Plus they had graduated to twin beds, so it was easy to snuggle and fall asleep next to them, especially after a bath and they smelled so sweet and clean.

Tonight, my hubs is out of town and both kids (13 & 10) are in my room. One on the futon, one in bed (king), tomorrow night they switch places. Their twin beds are too small and their bodies too big for cuddling and falling asleep in their room now.

Nope, I don't. I have a 21 month old, 7 year old, and 10 year old. My last two have been in their beds from the time they were 4 months old.
L.