Is This Really Unreasonable?

For me? Yes it would be way too much. But I'm not you. My opinion is irrevelant. So is anyone else's, for that matter. Do what YOU want.

I always had parties home or at the park and it was one child per year. So if they were five they could have five friends. I would never spend that kind of money on a birthday party.

I'm all for easier when it comes to doing birthday parties. If you really would spend the same thing at either place, do the easier one.

Dawn

Wow, I wouldn't have even discussed the costs with my in-laws, unless they were paying a portion of it. They have no say in the venue.

Do what you want to do--$300 sounds reasonable for that great and memorable experience. Heck, we just spent $125 for just my husband and I and our kids for my son's birthday dinner at the Rain Forest Cafe. $300 is great for what you are getting.

ETA: Ok, after your SWH, I have to amend my answer.

If you need gas $ from time to time, I question whether spending $300 for the birthday, regardless of the great value you would be getting, is very responsible. I was assuming that you were in a financially secure situation, but having to borrow money just to get to work is far from being financially secure.

ETA2: After reading over your question about not having enough $ to get a whooping cough vaccine for yourself, or for a flu shot for your daughter with asthma, I REALLY understand your S-M's point of view. A flu shot is about $35 at the drug store. I can't understand not having money for something so important, but having nearly 10 times that for a birthday party and gift?

ETA3: You seem very convinced that this is a good financial move, despite evidence to the contrary. Perhaps you should submit your scenario to the Suze Ormand Show's "Can I Afford It?" segment. My husband makes more than $300k/yr, but we are CONSTANTLY declining to buy things, including pets and trips, because we simply can't afford it.

You are in the middle of getting a divorce - you need to save the money. Your child will not be inviting 20 people, why waste the money? Only family and a few friends, they should understand. You can create a special moment for way less. Why blow half of your tax return on an elaborate party a 6yr old isn't going to care much about after a couple days? Would you spend that much on yourself? The child is getting a new bike, that alone should be enough, a card and rent a room maybe at a hotel/restaurant and let family bring the food. Order the cake at Publix, Kroger, whatever store you have, and you will be surprised how much you can save. If you were having a gazzillion people, it would be worth it, small group isn't. Furthermore, you may need gas and food in the coming months...just my 2cents

I read your question and had one opinion and then I read your "so what happened" and I have a totally different answer. Your MIL is concerned about your total expenses and your use of money. Since you are having to borrow from your Dad for gas to get to work, you have no emergency fund or savings. Even if you always pay him back. Building an emergency fund should definitely be your first priority.
I understand that you want to do something special for your daughter for her birthday and maybe to make up for the divorce, but you need to rethink what is reasonable for a party in your circumstances.
The party at a science museum is a good idea for a large group of kids when you have a lot of discretionary income and no bills. Most of the people coming to the party are adults. Not really necessary to provide entertainment for your family. Why not take your daughter to the museum when they have a special class she is interested in? Get on their mailing list- they probably have a lot of free events, too. It would cost a lot less than $150. Other suggestion: Give her the bike at the park and let her ride the bike and play. The other kids can bring their bikes and play too. Invite the family to join you for cupcakes to celebrate her birthday.
Another idea--if you are getting that much of a refund you should claim more exemptions and have less withheld so you have more to live on and less bills each month. You might check out Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University. He is on the radio and has a website. If you are financially secure, you won't need to worry about what someone else thinks about your spending and you would be providing a more secure life for your daughter.

there are people who spend WAY less - there are also people who spend WAY more. whether it's "reasonable" or not, has to do with each individual family's finances and priorities. it's not something anyone else can judge.

the actual issue is your stepmom butting her nose into something that is none of her business, and you letting her. nicely tell her, "well this is going to work for us. that wouldn't." or some variation - and leave it at that. you sound like you are really letting her judgment and attitude get to you - don't. you are opening yourself up to criticism by not being firm with her. if you stand up for your own intelligence and choices and don't give her room to argue, she won't. it's really none of her business.

It isn't her business how you spend your money. But as to whether it is a 'reasonable expenditure':

It really depends. If financially you have adequate savings (I would say enough to live on for 6 months), are putting away for college and retirement, etc then this might be a little splurge but not a biggie. On the other hand, after seeing your SWH I would say this is an unwise way to spend money. If your daughter loves science, then get a membership at your science center - you and she can go an unlimited number of time and have a party at a local park or free/cheap venue. Kids are perfectly able to play outside when it is in the 30s - kids here would never get outside in the winter if that was the case. Kids don't really need 'entertainment' - they need to be able to play. A few organized crafts or games should not cost more than a few bucks. A party lasts for 2 hours - if you spend the $$ on a museum membership and a bike (and they don't need to cost $150 - esp since you will be lucky to get 2 years out of it) it will last a lot longer.

Here's what the bottomline would be for me .. Can I afford it....afford as in I don't owe any other bills and or the money could be better spent .. and I won't become further or in debt because of the situation...

If I can answer these questions and the end-result be NO added debt and I haven't skipped out of paying towards something else my family might otherwise need. .Then YES.. I would have that party at the Science Center..

IF not... The $10 Community Center sounds like a good bargain.. and IF well-planned out, you really needn't spend $300.00 for 20 kids..

To me... your dad's wife shouldn't dictate where you have the party, but rather the true nature of your pocket book... and only you know the answer to that..

good luck and have fun in whatever you decide..

Your kid, your money, your business. Why is her opinion even being factored in? What's reasonable for one is not reasonable for another, so do what you're comfortable with.

I don't think it's anyone's business how much you spend on a party unless they're paying for it. Your father's wife isn't paying for it so it's not even something she should know. I would refrain from sharing that kind of info in the future.

FWIW no I don't think it's a lot. Places here are around $150 - $300. I usually do our parties mid-afternoon so that I can serve cake, ice cream and snacks instead of a full meal.

Have fun!

This issue is easily solved - don't discuss how much you pay for things.

Unless she's paying for it, or you're otherwise financially indebted to your dad and stepmother, she doesn't get to have an opinion and therefore should not be part of the discussion or decision making process.

I think you can throw any kind of party you want to, and whose business is it anyhow? Certainly not your stepmothers. I mean, if she's supporting you financially she might have a case, but if you are a grown woman who supports herself and want to blow a grand on a party for your child, who cares?

Hope you have a great time!

And yes, the science center sounds way more fun and memorable than the community center.

(ahh, geez, so I had to go on and read your SWH. I can see maybe why your stepmom is upset, given that you appear to have no savings and have had to borrow money...but still, this is YOUR money. Your children are only children once. You aren't foregoing a bill to throw a party, so I still say go for it...just cut the stepmom some slack. Ignore it, move on, have a good party.)

since when does she have an opinion on WHERE the party will be held? Is she paying for it? If the answer is "NO" - then tell her this "thank you SOOO much for your opinion and advice on Jane's party. However, this is HER party and she LOVES Science. This is what WE have chosen and are happy with it. We would love it if you could come, if not, you will be missed. Thanks!!"

I don't know how old your child is. i don't know if she likes Science and would have fun there.

Do I think $300 is expensive? last year? Yes. This year? No. And all the years before 2011/2012 - $400 was the average we spent. Having it at Chuck E Cheese was EVEN MORE expensive - like $600 - due to food for EVERYONE (adults, beer, salads, tokens, etc.). We're done with CEC now. But mine are older and paint ball an laser tag are what they are into....that's $400 in the door for paint ball....not including food, etc. and it's a MINIMUM of 10 kids. So it can get up to $800. THAT's expensive.

However, even two years later, kids are still talking about the paint ball party.

bottom line? Tell your step mother thanks for her opinion. But this is our plan.

GOOD LUCK!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

FIrst of all, that is a totally reasonable amount. Second, are you an adult using your own money for YOUR child? Then why do you even have to take your dad's wife's opinion into consideration?

Can you afford it? Some moms here have loads of money in their bank accounts and that amount is a drop in the bucket. Others here may be up to their eyeballs in debt and would go for it anyway. And there may be other moms here pinching pennies trying to make ends meet and that amount would buy a cart of groceries and therefore, they would say it is too much. Bottom line...if you can afford it, then it's reasonable, ignore your stepmom and have fun. If it will put you in a financial bind to spend $300 on her party, then I would try to find a cheaper venue and take her to the science place for a Saturday outing.

YOUR money, YOUR party, YOUR child, YOUR business.

If you can afford it and you are not drowning in debt.... go for it.

Personally, I don't think that is out of line as far as party expense. Sounds pretty reasonable to me. I know some parties around here are much more than that for what you describe.

The ONLY way your dad's wife would have a say would be it she were footing the entire bill and we know she is not... so she needs to keep her mouth shut and embrace you and your daughter.

"Reasonable" equals whatever amount you're willing and able to pay. It's none of your stepmother's business. How does she know how much you're spending anyway? I never discuss these things with my in-laws or even my own parents because it's none of their business. We don't spend what we can't afford and I figure that they ought to just trust that, and even if they don't and we overspent, it's still none of their business.

You don't have to justify how much you're spending on the party. Personally, we manage to spend about $150-175 on our parties (not counting a birthday gift) if we "do it up" and that's including food, and we usually have at least 10 children plus their parents. What matters is the venue, I guess.

As for your stepmom... I would just say, "Thanks for your concern. I have it covered."

ETA: No more borrowing money from your parents. Even though your father and stepmother have separate accounts do you really think he's not telling her that you've borrowed money? She knows your financial issues and she's concerned. If you share your financial issues with people and then spend large amounts of money when you have trouble filling your gas tank then you're bound to get opinions that aren't solicited. That's just a fact of life.

If you're now in a better financial position, then I suggest:

"Stepmom, I really appreciate your concern. Dan and I have Samantha's covered. I know you're aware of our past financial issues, and that's where your concern is coming from, but things are looking up. Please don't worry. I know it's your right as a mother, but we do have this taken care of."

If you have the money and you want to spend it, then it's not unreasonable. It's YOUR child's party. You can do whatever you want.

Interesting one. Part of me says it's fine. Bday parties are expensive. But I object partly bc 60 min for cake and opening presents is a long time. Who opens presents at the party? No one ever does that around us. It's boring for the other kids. So $150for a half hour of entertainment. That does seem like a lot. If you only have cake, that's 45 min of kids having nothing to do but watch your daughter open presents. They can do that at the community center... I'd check how much entertainment is around you. At least compare so you really know if it's worth it to pay the $150. That's really what's being disputed here. $150 vs $10 for the community center. If you can save $60 or so, you should. You're doing ok financially but not in a big surplus situation.
Is position. I can see why people question the expense.

the real question is not is it to much to spend the real question is why do you care what anyone else says? unless you are living with them and they are providing all your living expenses it is not anyone elses business what you choose to spend on your kids. Now having said that if you live with them and don't pay rent etc and thats why she is complaining then I can see respecting her point. otherwise tell her to clam up lol

Unless your dad's wife is paying for it, it's not her concern how much it costs.

She's not throwing the party - she doesn't have a say in it.
Just tell her her opinion has been noted and you are sticking with your plan.

Why does your dad's wife's opinion matter in this situation? As long as it's not her money being spent, it is in no way her business how much the birthday party costs. Do what you feel is best for you as hostess and what you think your child and her guests would most enjoy. If you can reasonably afford the science center party, then do it. And smile sweetly at your dad's wife and tell her that if she isn't happy with the party arrangements she need not attend.

Are your dad and his wife helping you out at all financially or have they recently? If so, I can appreciate they might have an opinion. If not, this seems like a none of their business.

No, it isn't unreasonable at all. I wish I could have my kids' parties at places (not including home or a free park) and have the entire budget, including gifts, come in at $300 or less! Somehow that never seems to happen.

It's none of her business how you spend your money. Just make it a point:
1. Not to complain around her about any future financial difficulties you may have
2. don't borrow any money from your dad for awhile

Have the party where you want it and, more importantly, where your daughter wants it. If you do need to borrow gas money sometimes though, I'd make sure that $300 IS in your budget.

Are you living with them?

Most of the parties I have for my kids come in at around $100. For example, we did go-carting mini-golf this year. $10 per kid (included one game of min-golf, one go-cart race, and one bumper boat ride), six closest friends invited. For one son we did the party after lunch, the other son we did the party after dinner, so I didn't do food, just snacks and cupcakes. A couple of bags of chips, some pop and juice and homeade cupcakes. No loot bags, we just sent each guest home with a full sized candy bar. Most of the venues I have had birthday parties at have averaged $10 per kid, such as bowling, movie theatre, YMCA etc. I have stopped doing parties that include meals, and we don't open presents at parties because I find that the kids really just want to have fun and play. Food gets wasted, and it is kind of boring watching a kids open presents when they could be doing something fun.

ETA: I have to say that if I were in your financial position then the $100 I spend would be too much. Your MIL knows you are not in the position to throw extravagent parties if you have had to borrow money for gas.

You are living this theory that Dave Ramsay often describes:
"The borrower is slave to the lender."

If you want you're stepmom to butt completely out if your financial life, then stop involving her by affecting her bottom line.

When you borrow money from your dad "only," don't bet she's not aware of it. She most likely is, and even if she's not, you're disrespecting THEIR marriage by putting your dad in the position of having to lie to his wife! You don't see the error in that?

So, if you're a grown up, make better use of your money and budget so that you don't have to borrow at all --even for a few days. Because that's what grown ups do.

You might want to start by adjusting your exemptions do you get YOUR linty in your paycheck every week, not in the form of a tax refund. That's just poor money management.

As for the party, sure, do it! IF you can be sure you'll never borrow a penny from them ever again.

Is she paying for it? If not, tell her that her opinion doesn't matter :) I would go with the science center. It sounds awesome! I wouldn't listen to dads wife...you go with what is best for your kid and family. Its not unreasonable. Most places cost around 300-500 to put on.

Why does it matter what your dad's wife thinks? Unless she is paying for it then it's really none of her business, right?
I think people *should* spend how much or how little they want, and can afford. I have spent as little as $50 (a few kids sleeping over with movies and pizza) and as much as $500 (Sweet 16 for 10 at Benihana) depending on the age and current wants/needs of the child. It varies every year.

$300 for the party, food, cake, loot bags AND your gift to her sounds pretty reasonable to me.
have fun!
:) khairete
S.

It is reasonable if it works in your budget. How much money do you make? Do you have any debt? Only you know if it works for your budget.

Seattle science center?

Steal.

30 min special activity
60 min private party
All day admission
For ## people
???

That's AWESOME. And a great layout.
Science
Food/party
Science & drift home

And waaaaaaay less than the cost of admission.

I really need to renew my membership. I forget about these great perks for members.

I'll bet you guys have a blast.

______

Oh. Its none of her business, but my family has non-existant boundaries as well. So what can ya do? Except for adding distance. I'm so sorry you were sharing a "This dress? $5 at Loemans!" victory and got called on the carpet by your family for it. Oy ESP since the going rate for kids parties ANYWHERE up here (Chukee cheese to Bounce! To the cmumity center pool is 175-250 plus $10 per kid).

I think alot of older generation think that is over the top. But we usually spend around 200-300 depending on what it is. You can afford it just let her comments go and enjoy the party.

If it fits your budget, then go with it. It's your daughter's party, not grandma's.

My two cents on the cost, though, is: If you are already providing 30 minutes of fun planned (paid) activity, then you don't really need to do goody bags. In fact, as a parent of a child who receives them, I hate those goody bags.... That might save you some money right there. And for a bike, try your local kids resale shop for a good used one--that is cheaper than a new one.

Keep in mind that it's the memories that the kids remember, not so much the "stuff." :)

She can open her gifts and eat anywhere so basically you're spending $150 for 30 minutes of science activities........

That's what the issue she's seeing from her point. I think this is a nice birthday treat for sure. I would invite the maximum amount of people to this event to make every penny of it count. Otherwise I would just do it at some local place that has a playground or something so the kids could play and have fun then open the gifts and eat burgers or nuggets. They put their own trash in the cans and the staff wipes off the tables. So easy and lots cheaper.

Don't do anything but cake, it's way cheaper and find to do just that.

Not unreasonable at all. Not sure why she knows the cost or feels she can comment, myob lady!!

You are an independent adult, how can anyone force you to have a party anyplace? Book the party and send the invitations. Don't ask for anyone's opinion. Why is this even an issue? And your child's birthday gift is not included in the cost of a party. That's a different expense. Kids parties aren't cheap and I always preferred to have them out somewhere, so someone else could set up and clean up. You are right that a community center could cost more, because in addition to providing food, you need to decorate, get paper goods and entertainment.

That sounds like a really fun, memorable day - have a great time! I agree that if it's your money, it's none of her business.

I think that is a pretty good deal since it includes everything. When we have parties, it also comes out of any refund we might get. My kids are mostly born in March so it works out well. $300 is pretty much what I end up paying for a party at home. It would probably be closer to $500 with entertainment--and having it at a place that provides would be even more expensive. For my son's first, we had it a month late, had it at the park renting a room and buying food. We only really had family. I spent about $300 to $400.

Don't see what the problem is from the information provided your dad's wife is not throwing or paying for the party nor is your mother. Throw the party you want with the guest list you want and keep it moving.

I come from a large family and everyone has an opinion however I do what I want you can come or not come no big deal.

The question is will this party make your child happy and if the answer is yes don't think about it anymore.

I haven't read the other responses. Whether or not it's too much depends on whether or not you can afford it. Sounds like you can't. My grandchildren have had parties at the community center and the swimming pool, indoors. At the community center they had staff that played with the kids in the gym. They played with balls, jumped on the trampoline, as well as some other active games. At the swimming pool, all the kids swam. Both parties were a hit and only cost $25 for the rental and the cost of food.

Thirty minutes of entertainment is not much time at all. Sixty minutes to eat and open presents is way too long. This is not worth $150 unless the kids then get to explore the science center.

There are also places such as Chuck E. Cheese that provide entertainment (games) and all you have to spend is money for the pizza and provide the cake. Or you can have them do the party, including pizza and cake for less than $150. No clean up either way.

Later: You will get so much more for your money if you spend that on a membership for the science center. Then your daughter can participate in many presentations as well as see all the exhibits as often as she wants. A family membership may be even be less than the $150.

Its really none of her business. If she made comments to me about it, thats what I would tell her. You dont need to justify you choice to her or anyone. Have your daughters party where you want, if she doesnt like it, she can go suck an egg.

I think that's a pretty average amount to spend on a party. I remember the days of spending $400 + to do parties when we lived in CA also. We would get it catered because we would have like 40-50 people there! We are in VA now and my daughter is also having a birthday in March and she is just having some friends over for a movie night and pizza :) SO much easier!