Is "Stupid" Stupid?

This is one of those situations to agree to disagree.

I let my children say it, not at another person, but say the word and I don't think nothing of it. However, I do know some people take offense to it.

Sounds like my neighbors. They don't allow their kids to say "darn it" because it sounds too much like the other D word. Sheesh.

The school does not ban words.. they encourage "better words". It expands the childrens vocabulary. Teaches the child to be more precise. To pinpoint the exact word and explore vacabulary. At 6 they are learning how to express themselves, so why not practice thinking of all types of words to be more specific?

I understand how you feel, but I know at our daughters elementary using the word stupid was not considered acceptable. It was not a good use of our language. It was considered "lazy language'. Would you want to know that his teachers use the word stupid through out the day?

The children were encouraged to be more specific. Exactly why does he not want to see the movie. Is the subject not something he is interested in? Is it juvenile to him? Does it make him feel uncomfortable? Is it based on a story he did not like?

The use of the word stupid is an uneducated word.. When he uses it, just ask him to be more specific and encourage a better vocabulary.

I do not care for the word either. I do not hearing it used for any occasion.

My mom didnt allow us to use the word "stupid" either when I was a kid. She said it made you sound ignorant just like using the word "aint".
Language is very lax these days. Your friend sounds like she's trying to teach her kids to build a better vocabulary and since she cares about you she pointed it out to you as well.
It's your choice tho. But I do agree with the others that calling a person stupid would be really wrong. It is a lazy word in place of something more thought provoking or descriptive.
Added:
I'm assuming you wouldnt want your child to descrive something they didnt care for by saying "That's Gay or That's Retarded".
You friend has now made this a topic for you to explore. When your son says "thats stupid" ask him to explain what that means... like is there too much singing in that movie, or are the graphics bad, or do you not like that actor because.... ? Then change movie ratings to thumbs up or thumbs down to replace "stupid". Teaching a child how to express with language really helps with frustration later ..... You cant just blanket everything with "stupid", circumstances are always much more detailed than that.

She is the kind of mom I avoid like the plague. ( I bet I could sit here and give you a list of her other traits without ever having met her and most would be right on) No-its not a 'nice' word and should never be used when talking about someone. But seriously, lighten up already! Some people act like it is the "F" word when a kid says it and go out of their way to overcorrect its use. But her WORST offense was giving YOU a hard time about it. The ONLY way she would have been in her right to do this would have been if your child called her child stupid.

I think your friend sounds really stupid! ;-)

Seriously, she needs to relax. Kids do need to know how to use different words as you've taught him. She does sound like one of the over-anxious, hyper-analytical helicopter types though.

Stupid is as stupid does!

BAHAWAHAHA!!

Yeah, I don't like the word comin' out of the mouths of the little ones either. I was very glad when the 'everything is stupid phase' was over.

Still, I would never go on and on to another mom about how I don't think she should let her child say stupid, jeesh! Hope you don't have to deal with her on a daily basis!

:)

I have to wonder how long the list of words is that her children are not allowed to say! I don't think prohibiting the use of the word is appropriate. The total prohibition of using it puts the word on the same level as cuss words which has to confuse a child, especially when they hear friends say it and they hear other people they know and love say it. There are 3 things to teach here 1) Words that are not acceptable to say, such as cuss words and derogatory slang words. These are words that deserve to be banned and I would want my kids to know they were never acceptable and I would not want to cloud the issue by including every word that can be misused. 2) Compassion in using words. Just because we have words to describe something as bad doesn't mean we can direct those words at people. This is where "stupid" belongs, as well as dumb, fat, ugly, evil, mean, nasty, gross, gruesome. 3) Expansion of language to communicate effectively. If my child said a movie was stupid, I wouldn't treat it as though they had just said fing shtty. I might say, "what was stupid about it?" to get them to verbalize more of their thoughts. In my mind, stopping them in their tracks for saying it is actually counter productive because you're trying to expand their verbalization, not intimidate them.

A friend of mine recently told me that one of her students told her that another student said the "s" word, and the kid was talking about the word stupid!

People are way too uptight... stupid is not a bad word.

Yes I've heard of some moms who don't allow use of the word at all, and I've always thought that was over the top, I mean, in our family, we don't call people stupid (even though we adults know there are plenty of them to go around!) but banning a word just because it isn't "nice" doesn't make sense to me. In fact I find it a little stupid :)

I agree with her but I never would have brought it up with you! We tell our son not to use the word stupid. I tell him it's not a nice word and to think of something else to say. I correct him any time he forgets and uses it. However you can choose to let your kids say whatever you want. (The reason I decided he should try not to say stupid is he wanted to call another child stupid and I believe that is mean. So I told him that is not a nice thing to say and from then on he tries not to say stupid).

We refer to stupid as the 'S' word in my house. My 2y had heard it and started calling everyone stupid. So we told her it was a not nice word and she can't say it. Now whenever an adult or someone on tv says it about something, even when i'm driving and someone cuts me off. she says 'aw. you said THE S word!'

I can see her point in that when people overuse a word it loses its meaning and becomes a subconcious response. Where we could accidently hurt someone's feelings.

There are times where using the word is okay or correct, and yes if your son thought the movie was confusing, its easier to say stupid then confusing. If you just didn't like it, boring probably would've been better received.

M.

I agree with Julie..

Kids need to learn what words mean what and how to use them. They are gonig to hear people use it, and kids say it all the time.

Like someone else said they could be using worse words..

you just make sure your child isnt using it in the wrong way.. :-)

I suppose its not the most descriptive word ever. It might even be worth trying to avoid. But primarily, I agree with you... its not a curse word and its not offensive to anyone when used the way you describe, so I'd probably let it slide. Besides... maybe it WAS a stupid movie. :)

Happy Monday.

I don't let my kids say it.

He could have just said he doesn't like the movie. If it's a "stupid" movie, then what does that imply about the kids that WANT to watch that movie? There is no reason to use words like that.

I think you have the right idea. A word in itself isn't bad... it's the manner in which it is used. (Traditional cuss words exempted, of course. lol)

I have a problem with the way words are used rather than words themselves, much like what you are saying. Hate and stupid are both words that can be used in hurtful ways, but the words themselves are not banned in my home.

Well, what about Fat? What about Ugly? There are fat crayons, and Ugly fruits...and we eat milk fat...but you can use those words to insult someone if you choose to. The issue is not just the word, this issue is teaching our children that they are wrong to use any word to hurt someone else, and to keep them from enjoying hurting others.

I have a child who is mentally retarded. I object to any use of the word "retard" because the only use of it is degrading to people who are mentally retarded, but a movie has no feelings if it is degraded. Things do not feel. Teach your children to be kind to people, not to avoid words...they should only avoide words that have no other use but nasty...but stupid is only hurtful when used as a weapon. The should know the difference.

M.

Wow, that is a little over analytical of her. When my son starts using that, I am going to encourage him to come up with a better description, mainly because I think that it is an overused word that people fall back on rather than truly thinking out their opinion. And of course, never about a person (name calling and all that). But that is me, and my way to raise my child, not someone else's. If she had that much problem with the word, she could have asked your son, why do you think it is stupid? Instead of belittling you and sending you to the dictionary.

We DO NOT say that word in our house. I agree with your friend, there are more creative words that your children could use to describe something. It sounds really badly coming out of the mouth of a child. I assume that if a child is saying such words with the approval of the parents, then what else sounds okay coming out of the childs mouth? It just sounds ingnorant and/or uneducated.

I am totally with your friend on this one!
I feel the words such as stupid and hate are being overused way too much. I am a girl scout leader and help out at school often and I hear those words used a lot by kids. It really limits their vocabulary when they use "hate" and "stupid."
My kids barely use the word hate to describe their dislike for something because I encourage other words instead. The only time I agree it's okay with using the word stupid is to describe an irresponsible action that someone is doing and not to describe the overall mentality of a person. ( I don't say the bad choice is necessarily stupid, but I don't cringe if I hear someone say... "well, that's a stupid thing to do" in reference to a person doing something that damages themselves, others or property.

I DID grow up hearing my mom say stuff like... "Oh...the stupid phone doesn't work" and "I can't get this stupid thing to work." I COULDN'T stand hearing comments like that as a kid.
I also think using the phrase, "Isn't that SOMETHING?" to describe how you feel about a certain situation limits one's vocabulary. (Yes... my mom uses this phrase and as an adult I've started to question if I would have had a larger vocabulary as a kid if my mom would have used more descriptive phrases to describe something with other words than just... isn't that something.) How about isn't that amazing, outstanding, incredible, outrageous, irresponsible, etc...

So... I would encourage you to use a variety of adjectives to describe people, objects, places, etc... so your children can benefit from it by using so many words in their daily conversations with others.

While I don't like the kids telling others they are stupid or something they like or say or think is stupid your friend is going a bit over the top. Doesn't she have more important things to ponder than the kids using the word stupid in the wrong way? She obviously has too much time on her hands.

that's the wonders of the English language....

we have sooo many words that we lose track of the meaning of the word.

What can upset one person (as does this word to your GF), it is just another word in another's person's vocabulary.

I personally believe that there is no such thing as a stupid question. I too believe that if one is not confident in their grounding - then stupid may offend them. The old adage "sticks and stones" works here....

I do not let my children, nor do I or my husband, use words that we would not used against us!!

It is my opinion that your friend is not confident in her grounding and therefore is offended because she doesn't have the confidence to know that she is not stupid - yes, i realize your didn't son didn't call her stupid - but that shouldn't send her off the deep end!!

I don't like the movie would've sufficed but if your son felt it was stupid - then so be it. Tell your friend to quit over reacting...she's lost her common sense!! Don't tell me she believes everything the media tells her to as well!!!

Eh. In our house, it's important to not call people names, but otherwise we don't get too bent out of shape about words in other contexts.

After all, my daughter loves to pick on my son by calling him "pickle-pants" (who knows?) and we certainly don't outlaw the words pickle or pants! It's all about intent.

And frankly, I think that some movies (books, etc) ARE stupid.

Apparently she has nothing better to do than bully her friends and have 'stupid' arguments. Ignore her, she sounds like the type of person you need take with a boulder of salt.

So, she feels your child used a word that was impolite and overly critical, and then she proceeded to be extremely impolite and critical of you. She also told you that you are ignorant and should go to the dictionary. Hmmmm.

You don't need to explain yourself to her beyond what you've already done. If you disagree with the other's parenting style, and ifthen keep the kids apart. It might be worth telling your child that this is a word that other people can react to, and he might want to use another one just to make his life easier.

We didn't allow the word stupid when our son was little, because it was almost always used to criticize another person and belittle them. It was easier to not use it, and it made me much more vigilant about not saying something like that in anger. However, I think your friend is going overboard by belittling you so that your son doesn't do it!

We do not use the word in our house at all. My kids had a problem with using it to call people names so we banned the word all together.

I guess "stupid" is one of those words that can have a different magnitude for everyone.
In my house it considerate a denigrate adjective, so it has to be carefully used and avoided to use for people.
There was a point when my kid would use "hate" and "stupid" for everything, and I was surprise because she has such amazing vocabulary.

Oviously, stupid has a meaning but for me it should be avoid for people and use it for things if you really meant it to say it, other way I rather her use other words: pointless, ignorant, etc.

We don't use that word or anything related to it in our house either. It is too easy to go from calling some THING stupid to calling some ONE stupid. My kids point it out when I slip and use it and when some else or some one on TV uses it. We just don't like the words. As one mom said there are more creative and specific ways to describe situations, people and things. That being said I have daycare kids and have taught them that different people have different rules. They understand it although sometimes fight it a bit. They say well I get to say that at my house. And I gently explain that is ok. Different houses have different rules. He very rarely uses it at my house.

When my older kids were young, we told them not to use the word. However, 12 years and 4 kids later...things have relaxed a little. LOL! We tell the kids not to use the word to describe or make fun of another person. That's unacceptable. Just like you wouldn't let them say another kid was dumb, idiot, loser, etc. But, I have conversations all the time with my kids, where we will comment on a "stupid" commercial or a funny and stupid youtube video. We laugh and it's all in fun. It's not used in context of stupid people.
I get where parents want to keep it out of their young kids languages. I guess at this point, I figure there's a whole lot of words and pharases I would rather ban from my house than stupid. How about "hate"? I object to that word much more than stupid. I tell the kids it's ok to really not like someone, but I don't want them saying the word. I don't think you are a bad mom in the least, for not banning the word. Every family is different and that's what makes the world interesting :)

I think I would have told her that SHE was being stupid over a little word. I mean, do I think it sounds 'off' to hear a little kids say it? Maybe a little. But in the context it really wasn't going to hurt anyone! I agree that if he was using it to describe a person it wouldn't be okay, but the movie...? It may be hard to explain to a kid that using a word to describe one thing is okay, but another not okay. But you are right in saying as adults we use in everyday conversation. It isnt one of those words we whisper, or feel guilty about our kids hearing if we say it in front of them.

I don't know....I think that there are bigger things in life to worry about. It would be funny for you to notice if she ever says it!

Not a big deal at all, i refuse to watch plenty of movies based on the fact that they are "stupid". As long as your son didnt say it in a snotty way as in to imply that you were stupid for suggesting the movie, then i dont see a big deal here.

My grandson is 4 and will use the word stupid over and over and over. We have had to take it out of our vocabulary. It is a hurtful word and we say it's not a nice word. I agree he should be trying to express his feelings and opinions in a more descriptive way. He is at that age where they are learning to do that and if he practices doing it he will be able to use the new skills all of his life.

My BFF hates the word "Booty". I think it's silly to get all upset that if someone calls dance shorts booty shorts, which is what the label calls them, that she gets annoyed. She literally dislikes the word. So I try to respect her feelings and say short shorts when I am talking to her about dance wear. Respecting a friend and their oddities is part of being friends.

Just another example or a hyper-vigilant mom to the point of ridiculous. Or should I say she's acting stupid?

While I understand your point, I think the difference you're trying to teach is too much at that age. You're better off, for now, teaching your son that "stupid" is a bad word.

Part of the problem is that kids at that age cannot make the distiction. It's also important to teach him how to articulate his feelings. If he said, "I don't like that movie because it's a princess movie and I'd rather watch a super hero movie," it wouldn't have been as offensive to her.

My son uses the word when he's upset, and we're trying to teach him to tell us why he's upset. Granted, many times he doesn't even know, but I think it's important for us to help him learn.

I discouraged my daughter from calling people stupid, but I had no problem with her using it to describe inanimate objects.

This is a parenting CHOICE...it's not worth stressing over how someone else does it. I made the same choice as your friend for MY kids BUT I think that when she started worrying about the choice you made for YOUR child....well, she was being a bit silly...

I choose not to use that word, and I don't want my kids using it. But, that's my choice. If you're okay with your son using it, that's your choice. No one should judge you for it, and it's really not that bad of a word. Your son could be using much worse!

My guess is that she has some, maybe a lot of, bad associations with the word. For instance, she may have been called stupid herself, or observed someone else who was, and she still feels the negative reaction. If that seems to be the case, you should be sensitive to her feelings. And it is always a good idea to help your child enlarge his vocabulary. On the other hand, she seems to be downright pushy. Is this true in other areas? If she simply wants to show herself as being a "better" mother or whatever, I think you should stand up for your opinions in a respectful, non-hostile manner.

I've had this argument with someone as well. Personally, I think she's oversensitive - but I imagine she's got some kind of baggage with the word that I don't. My 4 1/2 year old uses the word to describe television shows that insult his intellegence - and I agree with him, they are 'stupid.' I would find out why she is so sensitive to the word, and warn your son that some people are sensitive to that word.

your friend has way too much time on her hands. No it is not the greatest
word, but not the end of the world. If your son uses it just mention to him
that there can be a different word to use. That being said, the more you
make of it, the more he will do it. You know how kids are.

Wow! Talk about pick your battles! I think she is being pretty ridiculous. I'm with you and agree with your take on it. I don't know that I would have gone too far with this conversation with her. You are probably better off just ending it saying, we all have our differences and you and I just do not agree this time. I am perfectly comfortable with how my child used this word. Period.

From here on out just do your best to say I appreciate where you are coming from, thanks for sharing. There is no sense in wasting time trying to inject your opinion any further, it will only get you into a never-ending discussion about the semantics of the word "stupid". Pretty "stupid" if you ask me. = )

Good luck!

It sounds liek she is not just "over judging the word,"she is judging you! I tellmy kids the same thing you do that we should never call a person stupid or dumb or whatever, but I don't freak out if they call a thing stupid (like a cheaop toy that breaks or a movie tehy don't like). I really don't see what is wrong with that, they never swear or take the Lord's name in vain, that is off-limits in our family. I think it's stupid to get too upset about the word stupid! ;)

I would avoid using it because I get tired of students telling me they thought the reading was "stupid." The reading isn't "stupid" they just doing understand it, or they don't agree with it, or they don't find it applicable. That doesn't make the reading stupid! I knew a professor who once told his students, "maybe, maybe the reading isn't stupid, maybe, maybe you're the one who is stupid."

i don't like my 4yo to say it bc he's nasty when he says it. i have explained and explained but he keeps saying it. however, if you are talking about a movie, it's a slang term that many people use nowadays, just like any other. i can think of a lot more "stupid" slang terms than that one :). and really, he's six. he's going to hear all the kids saying it at school and saying it there even if they aren't saying it at home. and like you i think it doesn't matter as long as they aren't calling someone stupid.

I think she is being stupid.

I think you should have said "Thank you for your opinion, but I don't see anything wrong with it and it's MY son." She has no business telling you what you should or shouldn't let your child say or do. There are a lot of things my friends or family let their children do that I wouldn't...but it's not my place to correct them. She is perfectly in her right to not allow her own child to use that word, but once you've said it doesn't bother you, that should be it. Conversation over. You don't have to agree on every little thing to be friends. I don't let my kids say "stupid either", but that's more because they are too young to understand the distinction between calling a PERSON stupid, and calling something like a toy, or a movie stupid and it's just not something I want them going around saying. But that's MY personal preference and I would never tell someone else what they should allow or not. I did correct my MIL once because she said something like "Stupid me!!" and I don't want my kids bashing themselves so I asked her to please not say that around them, because they came home saying it a lot. Instead, we say "Silly me!!" and we laugh. But what we allow our children to do/say has to come from us, not from someone else. It's not her place to tell you how to raise her child.

Your friend is not the parent of your kids. If she wants to have these uptight rules with her own kids (which I think they are going to seriously rebel against her when they are older as a result) then she can, but it's not her job to try to make all her kids' friends follow the same rules. I agree with you that "stupid" is inappropriate only when used to call others names.

She's probably defensive of her opinion because it is a ridiculous opinion. I think as a parent it's important to set reasonable boundaries so that your children will trust you even as they grow up and learn to think for themselves. If you have silly nit-picking rules which really have nothing to do with right and wrong, your kids will not learn the principle that Mom and Dad make these rules to protect them.

Saying "lack of common sense" in place of anywhere you were going to say stupid is extremely impractical both because it is much longer and more cumbersome, and because "stupid" is often used in the colloquial sense in a generally derogatory way which expands the meaning quite a bit.

Also it sets a bad precedent because then these kids will grow up thinking anyone who uses the word "stupid" is at best extremely misguided and at worst a bad, terrible person for using such an offensive word.

All you really need to tell her though, is that you don't think the word is bad or offensive except when applied to other people (sounds like you already told her that) and that she can make her own parenting choices; you will make yours.

I would have been tempted to be snarky and say "well that's just stupid!" ha!

I am pretty picky about what words are used it my home and what words my children use, and this seems extreme to me. Not her call to tell you what is and is not appropriate for your children to say. If you're in her home, sure, she could ask him not to say that and let him know that this word is not used in her home. We've had to do that with a couple of our kids' friends. But how overbearing is this person to want you to look in the dictionary? Wow! There are appropriate uses for this word, and it looks like your 6yr old used it correctly!