Explaining "Stupid" to My 3 Yo

Yes! By all means, tell her what it means! That will help her to understand WHY the word isn't to be used. I've found that rather than just saying "no", or "don't say that", it helps the little ones to know why. Just my two cents.

Oh yes, so it begins, huh, especially when they start school. My kindergartner came home one night asking what sexy meant. So much fun dictating those words isn't it?

For me I tell my daughter the true meaning in a form she understands, but if its a word I don't want her using I always add that its not a word she should be using. I have told her there are bad words and then there are words that just aren't nice to say. Luckily, we haven't had to go over very many bad ones yet.

WEll, she asked you what it means so you oughta pull out the dictionary and read the definition.... and make a few sentences out of it showing her how it works and how it makes people sad if you say it to them.

stu·pid (stpd, sty-)
adj. stu·pid·er, stu·pid·est
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
4. Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
5. Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.
n.

There is a difference between doing something stupid and being stupid.
In our house, we don't call each other stupid (at least not in my presence!) but I have no problem pointing out stupid behavior to my kids, for example, texting and driving (I have teenagers!!!) Just keep it simple: stupid means when someone does something with out thinking about the consequences.
And always, always, always distinguish between the behavior and the person: a kid can make a "bad" decision a "wrong" choice or do something genuinely "stupid." But that doesn't mean they are bad, wrong or stupid. And it's not just kids, as adults we do the same thing :)

"'Stupid' is an unkind word to say, because it means that someone doesn't make any sense or that they aren't thinking. People do think, and they try to make sense when they tell us something, so this is why we don't use that word."

My sister has a rule with her boys: they can't use the word 'stupid' until they understand what it means. Her nine year old just started, and it's usually directed at a shoe he tripped over or another inanimate object. If he uses it toward another person, that 'privilege' is taken away.

I don't let my preschoolers call each other 'silly' either. (they *might* describe something as silly) They tend to use it rather dismissively toward each other if I let them.

She may have heard someone say something like, That is so stupid. We don't let our kids use that word and my mom slips all the time when they are in earshot! I don't know why. We weren't allowed to say it growing up. I tell the kids it means silly but we don't say that word because it isn't nice and makes people feel bad.. I worry about our twins starting kindergarten next year. They are so sweet and innocent. I said that to my husband the other day and he said our son was too and he still is a great kid. That made me feel better. We talk to him a lot about things that come up at school and discuss what we believe as a family about how we should treat others. and why.

I think you explained it great to your 4 yo. Anything more could confuse her.

But as she gets older, try to give the most accurate definition. Stupid actually means "you don't know anything". Yes, its a word used to hurt people's feelings. But that's not the accurate definition.

Then try to show her she isn't stupid. Have her name 5 things or so that she knows (tires are round, fire is hot, the sky is blue, etc) and then show her she isn't stupid & that she knows a few things.

I've always explained to my kid it isn't nice to call people names other than their own. And that bad words are for people who aren't smart enough to think of better words to express themselves.

I don't have a problem with the word "stupid" though I do see your point.

Just an aside . . . it used to drive me crazy when teachers or profs would make the annual pronouncement "there are no stupid questions in my class." Ummmm yes there are! My kids and I have laughed about that over the years because they feel the same way about that statement!

:P

Did she tell you where she heard it from or have you told her before then to not say stupid? If you told her before not to say stupid then maybe she randomly got curious or something. My little one watches nick jr every now and again and they don't say stupid :P I would tell her stupid means your telling someone they are not smart and you shouldn't say it since everyone is smart in their own way. Some people are really good at math or reading or spelling. That's what I would say to my little one.

Stupid is a word, a word with meaning. Negative connotations, yes, but a word nonetheless. I would have told her what it actually means and then gone on to explain why it is not nice to use when talking about a person.

FYI, stupid is heard alot on Nick jr. I have heard it on Babar & Phineas and Ferb for sure so that is probably where she got it. Or she heard it in normal conversation, lots of people use the word to describe something subpar or that they don't agree with or like.

you could tell her it is a mean word for silly

You did fine. One thing I would highly recommend for the future is to always be honest with them when they ask these difficult questions. Don't sugar coat so much that you actually alter the meaning. Because you know what? One day, someone will tell her what it really means, and then YOU will have broken her trust and lied to her.

We did not use that word in our house either. I told my kids it meant something was not a smart thing to do or was not a good choice or something like that. But that it was not a nice word and that they weren't to use it. I also told them about swear/cuss words. Because they will hear them one day from somewhere. I didn't go into the meanings of them all, but that basically they were "lazy" words. Something people sometimes used when they were being too lazy to come up with appropriate words to express what they meant/were feeling. I only had to correct my son a few times... he would call someTHING stupid (this was in elementary school) and I would say (calmly) "we don't use that word". He would apologize, and be frustrated trying to come up with a more appropriate word.
And I will still call him on it sometimes (not "stupid' but other "lazy" words)-- he'll be 13 this summer and they do start using lazy language, lol.

Well my DD is 17 months so I am not there yet and I really am not sure exactly what I would say to her if she asked me that but I do know that growing up that word was as bad as saying the F word in my house. My father was verbally abusive to my mother and in her eyes it was such a put down to be told that you were stupid (which unfortunately she heard all the time) and if she ever caught my brother or I saying it in a mean way to each other or others we were in a ton of trouble. I think you did the right thing to explain to her that it is not a nice word and to never use it because it will hurt ppls feelings. I dont think you need to go into detail about what it really means. Im sure over time she will figure it out and when she does she will hopefully be proud that she took your advice and never used it to hurt someones feelings

we don't use the word "stupid" either; I despise that word! I told my 3.5 year old that it means the opposite of smart. So, saying someone or something is not smart, but in a mean way; and that it's just not a nice word to use. And then try to give examples of words you would rather her use other than stupid.

I would just keep it short, sweet & simple just as you have. The bigger the deal that is made of it, the bigger the deal she'll make out of it. She will also learn that if she says that again, that stupid is a bad word in most pre-schools & such. I used to volunteer at both my girl's schools growing up and to this day (they are 7 & 13 now) if I even go to say it, I say to myself under my breath "stupid is a bad word"! Good luck!

I would probably handle it the same way you did. Simply point out it is not a good word and it can hurt other's feelings. Now a days the world is cruel. School especially. When your child gets old enough to enroll into school, it is going to be a hard time for you and your child due to words like "stupid" and plenty more. Most conflicts with the word "stupid" occur in elementry school when a kid ,whose parent has taught them that "stupid" is ok or just a word, calls another kid stupid, whose parent has expressed the word as being "horrible" or "insulting", which results in major conflict not just between the kids but the parents as well. So by you telling yours that it is simply not something they should say or call someone is good that way they wont say it thinking its ok or wont get horribly mad thinking its the end of the world.

Well my late hubby used it a lot when the kids were growing up. And not always in a constructive critical way either. Let's just say he really didn't have a clue about bringing up kids.
It got to a point that the way he'd say it---"Steewwwwpid" (Swedish inflection)---turned it into a joke with the kids. In fact, the kids and I got around to classifying these sayings and words as 'Gunnarisms', it got so ridiculous.
I would however stick with not calling people Stupid, for no justifyable reason. Even better, try not to get into the habit period. Dumb actions can be called stupid. Someone cuts in front of you carelessly, "?????? Are you stupid????" Usually they can't hear you anyway. And I think that's what makes a difference, is if someone can hear you say it or not. Some people do deserve it, but maybe not to their face. It's more to vent.