I'm sure she heard it from her 9 year old sister, but she keeps blurting out "Stupid!". She's almost 3. I banned that word from being used by anyone in the house (especially big sissy) and I told my little one that it's not a nice word to say and not to say it. Now she thinks it's funny and keeps saying it. Should I just ignore it and hope she forgets it, or should I start putting her in time out for it? This has been going on for 2 days. Thanks for your input. I know it's not a super huge deal, but I just want to handle it the right way.
Just stop saying it and ignore her if she says it. If it means nothing she will have no reason to say it.
Good for you. I grew up with name-calling being strictly forbidden in our house, and I think it's an important lesson. I would give her a warning each time she says it, "Emily, I've asked you not to say that word. That's not a nice word. If you say it again, you're going into time-out." Give her a chance to change her behavior, but if she does it again, follow through. Remember that kids this age don't have long memories, so you'll be giving lots of warnings. ^_^ Good luck.
Kids (and adults) need words that vent their frustrations, you won't get rid of "stupid" until you can give her an acceptable replacement.
In bootcamp we're not allowed to swear. So instead we were given the phrase "Doggonit" for "Dammit", "Gosh" for "God", etc. It's amazing, but after a month of ONLY being allowed to snarl the replacement phrase, doggonit actually meant something.
I personally had no problem with stupid (Tupid Ting! was heard in our house out of toddler mouths for some time), but in preschool kiddo wasn't allowed to use it. So I taught him the phrase "confounded" (which means the same thing), and also let him swear in other languages. He also used the word "Genius" quite a bit ((Swearing isn't allowed in our house until you can explain all the rules that go along with swear words... aka why sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's hurtful, why sometimes it's appropriate around some people but not others, which environments it's okay and others are anathema, etc. Aka, it's going to be years and years before kiddo is allowed to actually swear)).
The power in words is two fold... what the words mean to *others* and also what they mean to ourselves.
You must have a really long list of banned words! This is just pushing your buttons. She doesn't understand what it means, but she loves seeing your eyes bulge and your nostrils flare. She's trying to get you to crack, so it's a point for her if you do, and it's a point for you if you don't! You might also try to find out if she's using it to express frustration, and help her find better words. "Stupid" is rarely the word that fits the situation, so treat it as vocabulary time instead of time out. Your older girl is capable of understanding, and should be dealt with on her level.
I did an interview with a child development expert on potty words and she mentioned that the emphasis we put on certain words and how they feel( and the response they get) clues them in that this word is different.
She mentioned using other words with the same level of emphasis "Smelly sweat socks!" and use rhyming when the "bad" word is used to deflate the power it has.
I don't think time out is a win-win, but in the long run you need to continue to emphasise your values and choices for "smart words" (that is what we call them at our house - smart and not smart words).
Best of luck with this.
Stupid was a soap word. I would rather have a child say sh*t than call someone or something stupid.
I agree with giving another word to replace it.
My cousin hated Kmart. In her house Kmart was the worst place to go or say I guess. So her daughter at three got really mad one day and yelled KMART!!!!
We use "puddles" alot.
I will never understand why this word has become a "four letter word" or why some people would prefer their children use real "four letter words" instead of the word "stupid". I strongly agree that a person should never be called stupid but that it is ok to refer to something we did as being a stupid act (ex: It is a stupid thing for a young person to smoke, drink, or take drugs but the person is not necessarily a stupid person). I think it is our job to teach children the meaning of words and the consequences the wrong words can have weather it's in hurting others feelings or not saying what we really mean. Teach children that words have power and it is important to use the right words to communicate what they really mean to say.
Your almost 3 year old is trying out new words to see what reaction she gets with them. If she sees other people act funny when she says it, she will keep saying it to continue getting a funny reaction. If she finds another word that gets a better reaction (laughing, playing, etc) she'll use it instead.
I would recommend you find words you like better and teach her and big sis these words. I agree with giving her words to express all her moods and to get others to react in ways she likes. You can, also, let her know that there are some words that are not acceptable and should not be used but think about the way you react to both kids when they use words you don't like. If you would admit that it would be funny to the children, change the way you react and keep reinforcing the words you like. Read different stories with different words to them - even nonsense words like those in many Dr. Suess books. Even make up words that mean things only to you and your children - like a secret between the 3 of you.
It may not be the best solution, but we do time-outs if one calls the other "stupid" but if they are just saying it over and over to do the "forbidden" I usually let it slide. I'm a bit appalled by the soap idea and the baby getting popped for turning light on...eeeek... Talk about conditioning child to fear light switches! For what purpose? I want my kids to learn how to turn on lights so I don't have to do every blessed thing for them! But I digress. I've read that the "right" way is to just ignore it bc they don't know what they say. If one day I get it all right maybe Christ will return. Now I'm being facetious. Good luck! Ps, one love and logic technique I've been trying to implement rather than time outs is having the clean something up (like pick up blocks) as a consequence. The idea is more involved, like pretending that their choice to disobey zaps your energy and the need to do "work" for mom to get more energy, but I usually just say if you do that again you need to do such-and-such as a consequence.
Every time she says it put her in time out!! If it isn't acceptable then it isn't acceptable! Even if it takes 10 time outs, then she KNOWS it isn't okay.
My just turned 2 likes to climb on the bench under the light switch and turn the light on. That isn't acceptable. He gets fussed at, and popped on the leg, EVERY single time. He is told to ask for help turning the light on. This morning I heard him say to big sis, "No get popped, ask mom!" and the next thing I heard was him asking, "Mom, please,turn light on?!" So I turned the light on for him and praised him for asking nicely, and not climbing on the bench to do it himself.
They can learn what is okay and what isn't at this age...give her an acceptable alternative and make it clear the time out if she chooses the wrong language...your older can help... GL!
