Is It Time to Let My 4 Month Old Cry a Little to Learn How to Fall Asleep?

I see this answer a little differently. Babies cry because they have a need. They're not trying to keep us awake at night - and a 4 month old doesn't know about manipulation. D., your son's crying is getting a little less, because he has learned that you're not going to meet his nighttime needs. But don't worry! There is hope! You son could be teething...he could be hungry...babies aren't meant to sleep through the night and will require some "parenting" at nighttime. Night waking is a survival instinct for babies, and while not what the pediatrician sees as the perfect sleeping case scenario, it seems to be what your sweet babe is doing. I know it's difficult for you - sleep deprivation can be tough...every baby is different and will have different nighttime needs. It also sounds from your post that you're not feeling entirely comfortable with the advice your ped. gave you, or your sons' reaction to it. You're doing great - and it's wonderful that you're seeking advice when you need it....keep trusting your instincts...you know what your baby needs..

Here is an great article from the Ask Dr. Sears website called "8 Infant Sleep Facts", wich I found very enlightening when trying to understand infant sleep.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

They also have some good information on their site about ways to help your baby sleep better, that you may be interested in checking out. Bill Sears is a very respected pediatrician, and his wife, Martha, a pediatric nurse, have raised 8 children and have been practicing pediatric medicine for over 30 years.

Wishing you all the best.

i am not sure if you are nursing (you mentioned a bottle but didn't say if it was breastmilk) my son was up often too - and there were so many reasons for what it could be - growth spurt, comfort, teething, getting ready to reach a milestone or just met one. there's a great website called www.kellymom.com that is full of helpful info. i also pulled this article from my pediatrician's website - he is one of the few male lactation consultants and is so helpful when it comes to nursing as he really knows his info!! many pediatricians do not!! in your case - whether or not you are nursing - only you know your baby. EVERY baby is dif't - so what holds true for one will not for another. some babies need to eat more often, some need more comfort and reassurance. my son is about to be 4 years old - i never did cio, i always fed him on demand - and he is now a healthy, confident and wonderful little boy. so stick with your instinct and don't worry what others say your baby should be doing.

here's a great article about what happens when a baby cries
www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

hang in there - this will pass and your baby will move on to another routine!! my son never took a bottle so i can completely relate to being tired - but i don't regret one minute of attending to his needs no matter what time it was!
J.

from http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/bf/growspu.asp
Growth Spurts

By Cheryl Taylor, CBE

If there is a rule that would help moms survive growth spurts with a smile, it would have to be, "Don't Watch The Clock!" Don't watch the clock for how long baby has been nursing. Don't watch the clock for how long it's been since baby last wanted to nurse. Don't watch the clock for how many times you've been awakened that night to nurse.

Growth spurts happen. They happen with all nursing dyads. Some babies protest more about them and others seem to sail through them with the greatest of ease. Some books will tell you they happen at so many weeks or months. They may tend to, but the truth is, they can happen anytime.

Signs of a Growth Spurt

Baby is nursing often or almost nonstop
A baby who was previously sleeping through the night is now waking to nurse several times
Baby will latch and unlatch, fussing in between
These signs are all signals to the mom's body to "MAKE MORE MILK NOW!" Our bodies listen very well if we will merely respond to the baby's needs. The extra suckling will stimulate your body to make more milk.

Often Observed After a Growth Spurt

Baby sleeps extra for a day or two
Mom is a bit fuller than usual for a day or so
Baby calms down at the breast
You may see an increase in wettings with the increased supply baby is drinking
Growth spurts seem to throw new moms for a loop. Just when they thought they were beginning to understand their baby's signals, they abruptly changed. The frequent requests to nurse can be confusing as well as the frequency with which growth spurts happen within the first few months. The key is purely and simply to go with the flow (pun intended!) If you respond to your baby's signals to nurse during a growth spurt and do not interfere with them in any manner, your body will quickly respond and increase supply. Typically it happens within 24 to 48 hours. Sometimes growth spurts seem to drag on for a week. This would be a good time to make sure you're drinking plenty water.

Don't allow a growth spurt to rob you of your confidence in nursing. Instead, allow it to instill confidence in your ability to read your baby's cues. Your confidence will be further rewarded as your supply increases and your baby settles back down into a happy breastfeeding baby again, with a smart mommy who knew that sometimes baby really does know best and our job is to listen.

I think at 4 months they are still so little and may need a little more cuddling. My first daughter slept right through after 8 weeks, but my 9 month old still has a night once in a while where he gets up. I think letting him cry for 3 hours is a bit excessive. Maybe after letting him cry for 10 minutes go in and check him (diaper change) and then put him back down. Try some music to soothe him. That has always worked for my kids. Count on your mother's instinct though. If it hurts you to hear your child cry...get them. They will learn to sleep through the night eventually. He may just need a bit more time. Do what you think is best and don't count on every word the doc says! Good luck :)

Did you know that Ferber, who invented the "cry it out" method, has changed his advice now due to how much his method has been criticized over the years ? He now says do not let a child cry more than 15 minutes at any given time. New research from Harvard now suggests that prolonged crying in an infant can result in stress and minor damage to the brain if crying is allowed excessively. Babies in foreign orphanages never cry - they are strangely silent because these babies found out very early that no one is coming to pick them up. It is simply not natural to ignore a babie's cries at night. You wouldn't do it during the day, so why do it a night, when he still needs you and especially when he is still so young?

D.,

I have a 3 1/2 month old baby boy, Anthony.
We used to rock him to sleep every night till he was sleeping, then put him in the crib.

About 3 weeks ago, my brother in law babysat for us one night. He didn't know that we rock Anthony to sleep and we forgot to tell him. After our outing, he said that the baby cried for 1/2 hour then fell asleep on his own.

Ever since that night, we give Anthony his bottle, burp him, and put him in the crib, whether he's already sleeping or not. Sometimes he cries for 5-10 minutes and then he falls asleep.

I wouldn't let him cry it out for no more than a half hour. If he's still crying after that, go into the room, and try to soothe him WITHOUT taking him out of the crib. Try a pacifier, rub his back, try some white noise cd. And then leave the room again, and if he cries, let him cry another 10 - 15 minutes and try again. If this continues for an hour, then go in and take him out and try another method of soothing.(rocking chair). That's what I would do. It should get better if you continue this each night. He'll have to learn to soothe himself.

The Ferber method is letting your baby cry a little to get used to a situation. Not sure if I explained that very well - but they don't recommend doing so until 5 months old. I might get a second opinion from another doctor.

My first daughter was quite a chunk as a baby and I was NEVER recommended to not feed her in the middle of the night if she woke up crying.

If he is waking up 2-3 times a night, that is a different story but once a night seems reasonable to me.

Wow-
Three hours of crying must be mentally and emotionally draining. I commend you. I did the same thing with my daughter thank god though, it wasn't for that long. She had gotten used to me picking her up when she made a peep and at the time my mother had just passed away, so I just held her because it comforted me too. However, I had to break the habit when it was time to go back to work. The first night she cried for about half hour and fell asleep sitting up against the bumper (I stood out side her door wanting to go in so bad and lay her down, but I didn't) , the second night she did the same and the third night she went down in about 10 minutes. DO NOT go into the room. As much as you want to and I know it breaks your heart. You are not soothing him, just confusing/teasing him. You know that he is fine, let him find that out too. If there is something really wrong, you as his mother will know immediately. My daughter is almost one year and every once in a while she is so over tired that she cannot get herself comfortable enough to fall asleep after her last bottle. SO i just put her down, she may cry for 5-10 minutes, but she will always fall asleep on her own.

Hi D.,

I have two children; a 2.5 year old son and a 9.5 month old daughter. With my first child, we would always feed him until he fell asleep in our arms and then we would put him in his bed asleep. He would wake up 30 minutes later crying. At around 6 months of age, we realized that when we walked into the room, our son would pep right up, giggle and laugh out loud. This let me know that he was not ill or needy but just wanted the attention. That is when my husband and I agreed to implement the "cry it out" method. We weren't sure about it and we were reluctant to try it but the reason we decided to do it was because we thought it would be better for our son to learn how to soothe himself to sleep instead of relying on rocking, TV, formula etc.

I do feel that at 4 months the baby might still be very young. However, at whatever age you consider implementing the cry-it-out method, try the following steps that worked for us:

1) Make sure all their needs have been met. Make sure they are not soiled, not teething (are you against giving Tylenol or Motrin for this?), not feverish or sick etc. If the child continues to be upset after you come in the room and still cries or is upset after you pick them up, then that is a good sign that something medical is wrong. When they are doing it strictly for attention or manipulation, they will jump and laugh when they see you come in becasue they are content, excited and not ill.

2) Establish a routine. Give bath--feed milk--read book--then bed. Keep the same order at the same times every night. Children need this routine and it gives them security, gives them control and comforts them. They know what to expect and are less likely to protest since it eventually just becomes a given "after mommy reads I go to bed". It just becomes automatic after a while. Continue the routine even after they do not cry anymore.

3) Do not let them cry it out for more than 30 minutes. If they do it for more than thirty, take them out of the room, sooth them in the other room, then put them to bed and start the last part of the routine all over again (read another book).

4) Do not walk into the room during those 30 minutes. This was so hard for me to do. My son cried so hard that he would gag and cough. But I knew it was manipulation because he would stop crying and start jumping and laughing as soon as he saw me come in the room. So I had to go downstairs so that the crying didn't rattle me.

5) Give your child a security object. I know that because of fear of SIDS it is not recommended to have any loose objects in the crib; but we found a stuffed animal that had no ribbons, outfits, buttons or other possible suffocating or choking hazards and it worked. The first night we let our son cry it out, after he finally fell asleep (after minutes)we did find him cuddled up to his security doggie and ever since!

We were fortunate it took only about 4 days until our son was putting himself to sleep. The first night 28 minutes, the second night about 15 or 18 the third night 5 minutes and the fourth night about 4 minutes.

I felt this was the right thing to do for us. We made sure that there was no medical or developmental reason our son needed us at night and then I discussed implementing the cry-it-out method with my husband so we were on the same page and then we stuck to the plan.

Having our son learn to sooth himself to sleep allowed us to go out at night and have a baby sitter. We knew that he would go to sleep and not give the sitter a hard time. I was also able to travel with my son and he would not keep everyone in the house up. We were able to put him to sleep upstairs while we had "adult" time with our friends downstairs.

Our son is 2.5 now and when we put him to bed at 8pm he does not get up or cry out for us until 6am the next day unless he is sick (usually ear ache or stomach bug). Most often he will sit in his bed and read or play until we come and get him.

Our 9 month old daughter on the other hand never had an issue with sleeping. We have always put her to bed wide awake and she just lulls herself to sleep! Although we gave her a security blanket to sleep with since she was 3 months old. Could that have been why?

I wish you much luck. Let me know how you make out!

R. Niles