I am having the hardest time getting my 8 month old to sleep in his own bed at night time. He is too used to falling asleep next to me when breastfeeding at night. And in the last month he has started waking up way to frequently. Almost every time that I put him back in his bed he cries and cries until I finally give in because I am too exhausted to wait it out and make him fall asleep on his own. He's cried for over an hour and a half more than a couple times, and I just can't do that to him (or me and my husband) when it doesn't work anyway. Also, I know he's old enough that he doesn't need to be eating in the middle of the night at all. Does anyone have advice on how to make the transition from a baby who wakes up frequently and has to sleep in our bed, to one who sleeps in his bed all through the night??? (Side note: the baby is very happy during the day and sleeps well in his bed for naps, just not at night.)
Thanks for all the great advice. I really appreciate how thoughtful all your responses were. I'll let you know how things go!
You might try the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She has good, no cry solutions for these situations.
It is tough--hang in there!
I hope that someday the whole "cry it out" trend just goes away.
I've read two great books on sleep... "No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. The 2nd one isn't so supportive of co-sleeping (whatever, just ignore that part) but she's got some great techniques for helping your baby learn to self soothe.
So far you've taught your baby that he gets to go to sleep in a warm, snuggly, loving, gentle manner. You can still do that while helping him learn to go to sleep on his own!
It took about 2 weeks, but I got my then 15-month-old son to transition from being rocked to sleep every time he woke up to falling asleep on his own. I'd usually stay with him while he fell asleep but then he'd sleep 11 hours straight, so that 20 minutes didn't seem like much of a sacrifice. ;) And it wasn't 20 minutes of him crying... just him babbling or playing or whatever 'til he was asleep.
You might need to get your hubby to help for a few nights, just to get your little guy used to not getting up to nurse all night long. (He'll let your husband know if he's actually hungry as opposed to just waking out of habit.) You'll need to invest a couple of weeks or so to working on a new sleep plan, but you can do it without putting the whole family into tears. :)
Best of luck! And congrats on your husband's return home! Tell him thanks!
I am looking into my room...and see 4 sleeping kiddos in my bed! Which, is why I am awake at 3 a.m.. My husband travels alot and the kids take turns in our bed when he is gone. The night waking with an 8 month old is probably a growth spurt. So, be thankful that yo don't have to constantly travel to and from the crib to feed him!Have you tried a pack and play in your room? My 5 month old will nap in his crib but nightime...forget it! Good luck.
There are many different sleep coaches out there...I have read most of them and I like the Baby whisperer the best. The best book of the series is The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. She has a method called pick up put down taht you can modify for an 8 month old. It is still a bit of crying but it is you being with your son and teaching him how to sleep. There is a website/forum too and it helps sooo much. babywhisperer.com The first few nights are hard (earplugs helped immensely because it takes the edge off the crying but you can still hear your baby) but after about 3 days it will be better. I hate the cry it out method but this way I could see results and I was there for my daughter.
Hope this helps,
A.
He may need to eat at night. Both of my kids woke to have a bottle until 10 mos almost, growth spurts could even cause this. So I think the problem lies in that you have to be tough. It is hard, do it over a weekend. If he has to eat, feed him but lay him back down in his crib, kiss his head and walk away! Get a music box that turns on and winds down, sound machine, fan for white noise or whatever, but just walk away.
Getting him to know you won't cave if he cries will help him learn to self soothe himself and be able to get to sleep better.
I moved my son out of my room at 5 mos. It took a few crying nights but he finally settled in his crib, loved it and slept great! Hang tough, don't give in. Send your husband in to see if he is okay, but not you unless you think he is hungry as he will be able to smell your breast milk. You have to go cold turkey as far as cosleeping.
Though at the newborn stage I see it as a positive, teaching them to be solely dependent on you to sleep is not a good thing for them or you. At his age he will sleep a lot better at night when he doesn't hear you turn over, breathing and so on. Promise. Not to mention your bed should be the one place you have alone time with your husband. The fact he sleeps in his crib during the day let's you know he has it in him and can sleep alone, he needs you to be strong and consistent.
I believe that he still needs you and your husband. I know its hard but its more emotionally stable for your son to know you are there and he is loved. I wouldn't take that away from him right now. Maybe soon, set up a spot on the floor next to your bed with lots of blankies to help with the transition.
He is used to your smell and the closeness of heat. We did this with our babies and it worked, maybe it'll work for you. Try putting your sent in his crib, a lotion or perfume that you use until he gets used to being in his bed at night. Another thing we did that worked well was to wrap them up like burritos in a blanket. They stayed warm and still felt the closeness.
T., I strongly AGREE with Sally W's advice and strongly DISAGREE with parts of Deb K's advice.
He is 8 months old, you don't need to teach him that you won't cave when he cries, crying is not a form of manipulation at this age, it is his only way of letting you know his needs. How terrifying for an 8 month old to not find help and comfort when he is crying! You can find gentle ways to help your son learn to self soothe.
There are definitely ways to move him into his own bed if you are no longer mutually enjoying co-sleeping but it is not bad for his health or his sleep if he is still in your bed. He is obviously sleeping better with you right now but you have to take care of yourself and if you are not sleeping well then you definitely need to make some changes. Please do keep in mind that he may still need to eat at night, so if you are moving him to his own bed it may mean getting up to feed him.
Some things that helped me: Find something that is safe for him to sleep with that smells like you, you can even try carrying a lovey (stuffed animal, blankie) around in your shirt to get your scent on it. Warm his bed a little (don't over heat it), I liked to use the microwavable bean bags to set in the bed for a little while so my children weren't shocked awake by cold sheets. Use a fan or something similar for white noise, your son is used to hearing your breathing all night and before he was born he slept to the sound of your heart beat, it's a big change to start sleeping in total silence.
Best of luck, I hope you find what works for you and your son, definitely check out LLL or some other local support groups if you can.
I see you're in Orem. There are a couple of La Leche League Leaders down there who are excellent. You can find their numbers at www.llli.org. I highly recommend you contact them and attend one of their meetings. You'll be able to share ideas from other gentle-parenting, breastfeeding moms. All LLL services are free and so validating. They have saved my sanity dozens of times.
I think you sound like a wise and intuitive mom to respond to your baby's needs. You might appreciate the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. You could borrow it for free from your local LLL group. You don't have to let your baby cry. You really don't. Consider how many calories your baby must burn crying that long--sounds counter-intuitive to me if you're trying to get him to sleep longer. Of course he'd be hungry and desperate for reconnection and reassurance from you.
Your baby may be going through a growth spurt and legitimately need to eat in the night. Consider encouraging "cluster feeding" before you go to bed to help him tank up for a longer stretch of sleep. Consider, too, that your baby is attached to you and is going through lots of developmental milestones and needs to reconnect with you. The medical definition of "sleeping through the night" is only a four to five-hour stretch, so if you're getting that kind of a stretch somewhere, that may be it, without nursing back to sleep. Human milk is such a superior infant food it is digested quickly and there is little excess to process. You could consider offering extra calories during the day, but I wouln't suggest overfeeding with solids right before bedtime because it could leave him with an upset, busy tummy.
I really recommend you call your LLL Leader and go to a meeting. They are so nice. I know your question is more about sleeping than nursing, but breastfeeding is really a whole style of mothering and it all relates.
I like the Pack 'n Play by the bed suggestion. I use an Arm's Reach co-sleeper with my babies and it's nice to be able to nurse them to sleep in my bed and then shift them over to being near but not taking up bed space.
I also agree this will pass. When I've been dealing with lots of night-waking it helps me to go to bed early so I'm not so discouraged. They really do eventually move out of your bed, and I have not regretted the closeness my husband and I have fostered with our older kids (who now sleep through the night.)
Hang in there!
What I did with my now 19 month old daughter is rock her to sleep (for maybe 5-10min at a time) when she woke up. I know it sounds un doable but if you give it a try and be consitant for a couple weeks it will pay out in the end. I know how you feel and when my duaghter is having a bad night I give in. but I noticed the difference to the month that I gave in from when I am just consistant with keeping her in her own bed. Also try lying him down on his tummy and putting your hand on his back until he falls asleep. again you might have to do this for a week or more but it will pay off. also give him the low shhhhhhh as a comfort sound for the first couple minutes to soothe him and if he wakes up shortly after you leave the room, stay in there for an extra 5 minutes or so so when he wakes up and looks around he sees you, and hears your soothing shhhh sounds. Hope this works for ya!!!! If you remember or if you try this will you let me know how it goes, this is what I did with my daughter and now I have a boy on the way and I would like to have some insight to see if this works or if my little girl is just a great, easy child. I have no idea what to expect from a little boy.
I'd think that the baby waking up often is a temporary thing and should pass quickly. I've co-slept with my daughter who is now a year old. There were periods that lasted a couple weeks that she didn't sleep very well.
I never did the co-sleeping thing, so I don't have any advice on transitioning, but I wondered if you have a night light in his room. You said he sleeps well and fine in there during the day, but doesn't want to be there at night. He could just not like it so dark, or it could be that he knows he'll be there for longer at night, and gets lonely. Maybe get him a stuffed animal, or music box for his room. I gave my daughter a "Glo-worm" for at night and she absolutely loves it. I hear her pushing the Glo Worm's belly a few times each night before she falls asleep. (Pushing on it's belly plays a lullaby, and lights up the Glo Worm's face) However, she has been my easiest night sleeper. None of my four have really had much issue with sleeping in their own bed/bedroom at night, but I always have a night light and music on for them when they fall asleep. Anyway. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but just thought I might mention those couple of suggestions.
