Is It Tacky to Have a Registry for Birthdays?

It may be practical but I think it is tacky. The present is not the reason for the party. It is to celebrate the birth and life of the child. Yes, we all bring presents but being basically told to bring a present is tacky. That is why there are gift receipts (and almost every store gives them now). If the child doesn't like the toy or already has one, it can be exchanged. Plus, I feel like they are missing out on a learning opportunity: You don't always get what you want and be appreciative and grateful of people's generosity and whatever it is you did receive.

I think it's obscene! Whatever happened to the good old days of intimate parties, a bite or two of cake, and heartfelt congratulations? I'm only 36 - am I so old-fashioned? I find it SICK that even birthday parties (especially one-year-old children's birthday parties - they won't remember a THING!!!) are so commercialized these days! Get over it! For my daughter's first birthday party, we went for a hike with her best buddy and his folks and then came home and picked up a Fat Apples carrot cake and enjoyed cake and coffee. She wore a lovely dress (for about five minutes) for the classic "1 candle photo op" and that was that! Why why why are birthdays such a big deal. I'm so sorry, A., to rant at you like this, but sometimes these questions just tip me off and I can't control myself. This year my daughter turns three. I'm getting her an aquarium. Her four or five best friends (with only ONE parent if any) will come over with one fish each for her aquarium and we'll play in the back yard, play some fishing games, eat some cake, and that's that. Her gifts - the fish - will cost less than 5 bucks a pop at Petco, but she and her friends will be delighted, she because her fish will be named after her friends and they, because they get to go to the pet store to choose a gift for their friend. Now to me, that's a birthday party to remember for a bunch of three year olds.

K. in EC

I am sorry but I find the whole birthday party craze over the top. When did birthdays go from being a special intimate occassion to these over the top parties where people invite everyone they know.Personaly I no longer go to parties if I don't have relationship with the family. My childern have birthday dinners at grandma's house with our family that live close enough to come.Sometimes it's even been just us at home. My kids really enjoy the closeness and don't feel they are missing out. My kids and myself still love to have parties so a couple times a year we invite a bunch of friends over and have a theme day party. My son is typically a sports day party and my daughter is a American girl tea party or craft party. We do it just because and it's a chance for my kids to give to their friends. My son gives bags of baseball cards and my daughters parties will have things the girls made. This has been so much fun and it feels less self centered.Rember the saying" It is better to give then to recieve" We still celebrate and honor their b-days and still have fun parties. Who needs all the presents and stuff you don't know what to do with. It feels like such a waste to me. Sorry I've used this forum to vent a personal pet peeve but I'd love to see a trend where we all bring or birthday parties back to a simpler time shared with close loved ones. Try it ,you just might like it. So this probley tells you I don't agree with the regestry but in a pratical sense it dose make sure your money dosn't go to waste on something they don't need or want. Who has money to waste these days.

Yes, and you've just answered your own question! On the one hand, it is practical, but on the other hand, it seems so mercenary. A better idea is for you to ask the mother of the birthday child if there is anything special that they would like (and hope that they do the same for you!). I don't know..I'm probably in the minority here, but I think birthday gifts should be surprises.

As long as we're on the subject.....I'd like to tell you about my daughter's 5th birthday party. The year before (#4) we'd had a party with mostly friends (family lives out of town) and she received many gifts that were not necessarily what she was "into". It was appreciated of'couse, however there is a sense of waste: money, time, all that packaging bad for the environment, etc. The next year we had a party (at a bowling alley) and said "no gifts" but a homemade card is fine. The kids brought her pictures and drawings and poems, which were made into a scapbook. She still got gifts from the family of'course which is more than enough, and my daughter never complained, they all just had fun bowling and eating cake. If you want to have gifts from friends I think the registry is great, there is some consciousness in what you are buying. However, don't our kids get enough just from us? Thanks A. for bringing up this subject.

Well, it goes against the old school way. Personally, I would love to receive a Wish List for some of these b-days my daughter attends. I don't know the children well and sometimes neither does she and we fumble around trying to decide and eventually end up getting something that shouts, "WE DON'T KNOW YOUR CHILD," and sending with a receipt.

Who decided it was okay for showers to have a GIVE ME THIS list and not okay for something just as practical as a birthday?

Times change. Why can't this? I don't have time to waste and this would me both parties happier.

Stephanie

I think that this is tacky. As a mom to 4 girls, when we do have birthday parties, we don't do presents. It is just a time for their family and friends to come over and have a nice time together. We usually don't do the whole "party" thing, instead just ask the birthday girl where or what they would like to do and we'll do that, but only our immediate family of 6. In my opinion it is focusing too much on material possesions instead of the real celebration of their birth.

Hi A.,

Can not say that I have heard of that either but when they are that young people don't generally have a gigantic bday party for their 1 year old. I guess it is more practical when they are that young to have a "wish" list as they can not really tell you what they want at that point and I think it is more for the mom's not getting a whole lot of what they already got in the baby shower.

I guess for you it takes the guessing out of what to get the little one especially if you don't know the family all that well.

Have a good time if you decide to go!

Dear A.,

Yes it's tacky!

I feel birthdays for the first few years should be strictly close family and Godparents. The party isn't really for the child; it’s for the parents celebrating the birth of their child.

When a child is old enough to walk, talk, and understand socializing with other toddlers, let the party begin. I still don't think their parties should be extravaganzas held at private places like the Jungle or Arcades. Parks and backyards where they have plenty of space to play and make noise are best. Not to mention the fresh air and exercise, without the constant begging for another quarter to put in a machine. Picnic's or potlucks with a nice cake and a few party favors for the kids are less expensive and a much better experience for all concerned.

If an invitation is received and you don't want to attend, just send a nice birthday card with your regrets. A gift is not always required.

It presumes the guests are bringing loot, and the point of the party is not supposed to be acquisition. Thus, tacky.

personally i think it is a bit much for a 1 year old birthday to have a wish list...kids should be able to pick the gift for the celebrant and the celebrant should be happy with what is given to them...parents need to be practical and what is within their budget...however, everyone is different... i don't feel that this is the "in thing" to do for birthday parties...weddings and bridal showers yes but it's a bit much as i said...just my opinion...i have a 9 y/o daughter and i am raising her to appreciate what she gets no matter what it is...

I think that it is tacky. Why can't anything be a surprise anymore? Especially at one year old, my son like the boxes that the gifts came in more than the actual gift!

OMG, what a cool idea. This is a great thing. This way the children will get what they need/want instead of having to do the exchange thing. I love it. Embrace it and run with it. You just gave me a great idea for my son's first birthday.

T.

Well......I guess it might be a good thing. Personally, part of the fun for me is giving children books by my favorite authors....even though they cry hee hee
To be honest, it would kinda annoy me maybe?

More me, since I have a son who's birthday is right after xmas I think it would help with not getting duplicates so close to xmas. If it is a wish list, I think it would be ok. It does help with knowing what to buy. Often times I am wondering when I shop for birthday gifts, what do they like, what size is the child, this would make it alot easier for me.

Good luck, I think it is ok..
trish

Well, I think it's tacky, and I would never do it. Maybe they thought they were being practical, but I think it was a bad idea.

Sounds tacky but then again not a bad idea. There are certain toys I hate for folks to bring my son because it just creates more work and sometimes depending on the item a big mess. Sounds like a good trend to start. I am curious to see the responses myself. D.

I have mixed feelings about a Birthday registry. It is good because then you know exactly what the child/parents want. However, if you are friends with the person who is hosting the party, you should have some idea of what they would like or need. If not, you should be at least be well acquainted enough to feel comfortable asking and they should be comfortable telling you what they would like their child to receive. At this age, it is hard for the children attending the party to "choose" a gift. Usually when one of my children is invited to a birthday party, I take them to the store, give them a spending limit and let them choose a gift...usually it is something that they would like to have, but their friends would like too.

for me personally I just sent out an evite with a wishlist because people are always asking what my daughter is into and what size she wears. I don't think it's tacky at all. It actually makes thing easier for those who want to bring gifts.

it's tacky to mention gifts on an invitation, unless it's a shower, where that's really the purpose of the event. I was always taught that when someone calls to RSVP for the event and they ask what the honoree would like, that is the time to direct them toward a registry. Definitely not on the invitation though.

However, I don't think it's a bad idea to HAVE a registry. That way people who ask what your child wants/needs can be directed to the gift registry at Target and they'll know the correct sizes and some general ideas of what you like. Seems practical to me.

I'm not a big fan of this practice. If I need help with a gift, I'll ask the mom. I tend to do that anyway as I want to make sure I don't get something the parents don't approve of.

I think it's sort of tacky, but I have one for my son who is turning one next week. I wasn't planning to, but a few people asked me for gift ideas, so I told them that I would make an amazon.com gift list. I only told people about the list if they asked for gift ideas.

I think now a days it seems more practical and helpful than tacky. I've done it for my daughter's first birthday to help my husband's LARGE family and my distant family members, who don't get to see our daughter very often, get an idea of what she is in to or what size she is currently wearing or what she may need. Along with the registry or wish list on the invite I also write "For your convenience." Which I find helps to convey my message that it is there more for their convenience and not anything else, and that it doesn't mean they have to buy anything off of the list or at all if they choose. I know that many of our family and friends did find this helpful and saved them time form having to guess what to get for her. Some people used the list and some didn't it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure if I received an invite with a registry list I would use it knowing that I was getting something that the person wanted or needed instead of trying to guess or get the wrong size, or duplicate gift.

I actually like the idea! For me its easier to buy a gift for a child that you don't know, if you have an idea of what they like.

When my oldest son was turning 6, I registered him at Toys R Us... we were new to the area, and had invited a bunch of kids from his class. I think some of the parents might of thought it was a little pushy... but I know that others really liked the idea, just because they had no clue what my son was into. I put on the invitations, some of my favorite toys can be found at (and then I taped the registration card inside).

You know that people register for wedding gifts, bridal shower gifts, baby shower gifts.... why should birthdays be excluded...? You are not demanding that they go out and buy these particular items... they are mere suggestions and a little bit of knowledge into the things that your child likes. As a working mother, I'd rather not do the return thing, since the time I do have with my children is precious.

My youngest son was invited to several birthday parties this last school year... and I would have loved to know what they were into...cars, soccer, baseball... music, Hannah Montana or High School Musical....

All in all our son had a great time registering for items that he loved, and because his birthday is close to Christmas... my shopping that year was a lot easier!

I don't think it's quite the best etiquette to include a wish list in the invitation. It's not for weddings or showers.

I do keep a wish list for myself and my son on Amazon. The grandmas, family and some friends know this and if anyone else asks I can direct them there. It's been great for Christmas and birthdays for both of us.

Even though it isn't the best etiquette, I do like knowing what someone would like. I can choose to pick something off the list or not.

I think there are all kinds of people and all kinds of ways of doing things and I would try not to be too judgmental. If I don't know the person well, I am so much more satisfied if I can bring something that they either want or need. I'd rather not waste my money on something that won't be appreciated. I have found that when it is a "no gift" party, I feel kind of like something is missing. When I am invited to a birthday party, I WANT to bring a gift.

Also, for the one year birthday, I remember our party being more about inviting our adult friends. We had about 40 people at the party and I went all out, making home made food and setting up fun safe things for the small amount of kids who did come. It was the first time, really, that all of our friends got to really see the little guy in action. Some of them had not been able to come visit after he was born. And not all of them came to the baby shower. I did not make a gift registry and our friends brought gifts. In retrospect, it might have been helpful to them had I made a list and we also might not have ended up with a trend of plastic toys (and too many of them)!!! I have spent 8 years weeding out the plastic toys and finding them good homes. Also, my child did not know what he wanted for toys when he was one.

At the holidays, my family does an on-line wishlist and we pick one adult name from a hat so that our holidays are more enjoyable. It works really well and it is a way to get to know what our extended family is into.

That's tacky. Registering for gifts are for baby showers and weddings only. This Mommie is hoping for a payoff or just got bad advice, so don't judge her too harshly.
Patti b.

I would never create a gift list for a child's birthday. I do think it's tacky. If I need ideas, I'll ask the parents or.....it's actually fun to think back to when my daughter was a baby and what she really used to love to play with, and purchase those same items for other babies/kids.

I think it's both tacky AND practical. But for me, tacky would trump practical and I wouldn't do it. Just my two cents...

There's nothing wrong with a registry. People are so busy these days that sometimes, something as little as finding a present can be time consuming! I for one would love it if they gave me an idea as to what is best to give. This way, I'll know that the present is both needed and wanted. :)

Maybe it's tacky, but it sure makes things easier. Why not.

Small thing to point out...most people who object said that they would rather ask the parent what their child wants/needs/is into...I'm thinking this mom's good intention was to address JUST that very question/situation. And she made a list at Target...not Neiman Marcus. Maybe it's akin to the "when are you due" question you get asked ad infinitum when you are pregnant...you just want to have an easy place for multiple people to get an idea of what your kid would like...maybe her family is really large as well. Also, some people have very particular preferences about the kinds of toys their child receives, and this is a valid concern with all the toy recalls.

Now personally I think the birthday craze IS over the top, and my kid just had close family at his first birthday, which worked great. I don't really attend those events that are the massive birthdays. Many of my friends actually encourage no gifts at all, or gifts that reaffirm their family's values about giving and receiving, such as a charity. Personally I think that works fine for smaller children, but I think an older kid would like a gift or two, not crazy or anything.

Anyway, I think it is up to the hostess to make clear that gifts are NOT expected, but if you must, a thing like a list at a favorite store, with the comment such as here are a few ideas of things that they would like is ok. I think it all has to do with the intention of the hostess, and how it is communicated, which determines weather or not it is tacky.

I don't think it's tacky. But I wouldn't put it on the invite either. I think I'd be embarrased somehow. Like assumming that people are going to buy stuff for my kid. It seems presumptuous. My daughter will be turning one soon and I sent out a e-mail to just her very closest relatives (nannas, aunties, etc.) with some gift suggestions. Even then I felt a little weird about it. But then again, everyone responded with "thank you" for doing it.

I have never seen anything like that either. I don't think I would do it because, let's face it, at one it's the mom's "wish list" not the child's.

It's definitely tacky! A one year old doesn't even really know what they want in the same way that a bride does. That kind of list I could understand. It sounds like the wishlist is more for the parents than the child.

Hi A.-

I think if you were to write to any Miss Manner's type columnist they would say it's not the proper etiquette. The intent of any birthday party, whether for a child or an adult, is to celebrate the the person's birthday. Gifts are a bonus (and not mandatory) but it's shouldn't be all about the gifts. A registry, though seeming efficient, would send the message that the birthday party is all about the gifts and that gifts are the priority.

I think the only time it's okay to "direct" gifts is if a person wanted to write something like, "In lieu of gifts, a donation to Toys for Tots (or some other charity) would be appreciated."

Personally, I would have been taken a back if I received an invitation to a child's birthday (especially one so young)with a registry or wish list. I think the wish list is more for the mom than the child but that's just my thoughts.

Take care!

I personally wouldn't do that. However, if I received one from someone, I would probably buy something off the list. I'd rather get something that they really need or want as opposed to more clothes or more toys. That's why I always ask people "Is there anything certain you need ... or... do you have too many clothes or toys right now?" But if someone is buying a gift, they should feel free to buy whatever they want. For my son's 2nd b-day, I posted a "wish list" on our family blog with a few items I felt would be nice for him to have. I didn't mail it out or instruct anyone to look at it. I just had it there and my closest in laws used it which was nice but it wasn't like people had to. We didn't have a big party for him either this year.

I did not do a "Target wish list" on my invites, but when my kids were younger, I did put a "gift ideas" list. I know I never had an idea of what to get when I took my kids to parties and I did get a lot of positive feedback on my idea. If anyone did not like it, they didn't tell me. (Which I'm thankful for!)
S. Garrity
Tracy, CA

I have a friend who has a 'wish list' but she'll only tell people about it if they ask for ideas. I think she created the wish list for close relatives, but it is handy for friends who don't want to 'guess'.

I agree it would be weird to send the wish list to friends who are invited to a birthday party. It does imply that a gift is expected and should be from that list.

It's not quite the same thing as a registry and I would totally do it and I totally appreciate people who do it. I am sick of buying stuff for kids (I have 7 nieces and nephews) that they don't play with or want. My friend does this because she has family very far away and it makes it so much easier to get something for a kid, particularly when you don't spend a lot of time with them and know what they would like. You still always can buy something you want to give instead of going off the list.

Yeah...That is way tacky. I'm not even sure I'd go to the party.

I think it is tacky!! But then again very helpful. I would feel like I am expecting a gift for my child and not just hoping the people can attend. I think I might set up the wish registry for my child, but not include it in the invite. I would inform people of it if they asked for gift ideas. I would say, "My child really is in need of nothing, but if you really want to get him/her something, we have set up a target (or wherever) wish list that you can look on." Just my thoughts. Hope it helps

I am not an etiquette snob and I think it is completely tacky. I know the kid is only one but is that really what we want to pass on to children. Birthday parties are a celebration not just a reason to get gifts and then tell people what those gifts should be. I think Little one should learn to appreciate the generosity of a kind gesture regardless of what it is.D.

I have never personally heard of it for birthday's but I think it's GREAT! Especailly for a 1 yr old.
My 12yr old daughter gets invited to 2-3 birthday parties a month & it's so hard to get every girl something different. Also my dauhgter is never real sure what it is that her friends want,she knows what she likes. But I find that at many parties the kids usually end up with two or more of the same thing.
So personally I find it helpful, no one said you had to buy anything on the list, and you may find an item cheaper somewhere else, I think it is mostly just a guideline. If it is NOT meant as a guideline & this parent expects that you will ONLY get a gift from the list( like a Wedding Registry) then that is something else entirely....Good Luck

yes, it's tacky. I would never do that. IF someone who was invited to a party for my child asked what my child might want or need, only then would I make some suggestions.

In a word...YES!!! Emily Post would NOT approve....

Hi A.,
I do not think I could ever do this because I would be embarrassed, but I actually think it is a great idea. It is a lot better than trying to get an idea from the parents and they say "oh my child does not need anything." Since I do not plan to show up without a present I feel like what I do get might be something he/she already has or does not like. I do give suggestions to anyone who asks. I might be generic like on my son's first b-day I told some relatives he has enough clothes up to 12 months but he could use 18-24 months clothes.
-S.

I have seen this before and I feel it is a good idea especially if you do not really know the kid then you won't end up buying something they can not use or like. You do not have to go off the registry if you do not want to.

Yes, it's tacky, in my opinion.

I've been very pleased lately to see a lot more invitations that say, "No gifts, please". It's such a pleasure to attend a party and have FUN, without the stress of gifts - either choosing them, wrapping them, or dealing with the other small kids who are not receiving them (or who are seeing their gift opened and ignored). And as a receiver, I know we're not going to get a huge pile of things I would never have considered having in my house (as well as all the wrapping paper, etc.).

yes- I would never send that to anyone

But I have recieved invitations with a wish list and we don't do those parties because it sent me the wrong vibe and its rude to do that.

It sounds like a good idea, but somehow still a bit tacky.

I don't think it is tacky at all, unless everything is totally unafordable on the list..this way you know it is something she wants or needs.
W.

No. It is really wonderful, you can save time, select your own price range and most importantly give the right gift.

A grandmother of four