Appropriate Invitation Wording?

We have a friend who has always just requested that no gifts are brought to the party for either of her kids. Instead, in advance, she selects one $50 gift from a catalogue and xerox's the photo of the toy onto the invitation. She invites each child/family to bring $6 for this "friends' gift". But, no other gifts, or it will not work! Then, when the kids arrive to the party they sneak away and all of the children secretly wrap this gift and make the birthday child a card. The birthday child gets to open this gift, as well as a few other gifts from grandparents or friends who have sent things through the mail. The friends all get very excited when their big gift is opened.

At my daughter's birthday a few years back we invited each family to bring one new or gently used book, which we then donated in a big box to her school. You could donate to a children's hospital or the Infant Welfare Society if she is not yet in school/day care.

I also like the charity idea. You could notify people that you are collecting for a favorite charity. I know there is a children's home in Oak Park called Hephzibah. One family did a beach party and guests donated beach towels, suntan lotions and beach toys that the b-day child then personally delivered to Hephzibah for the children in the residence/shelter. (it was summer).

I would have to say that it is considered tacky to put anything about gifts or a registry on an invitation. The proper way is to give the suggestions by word of mouth, should someone call and ask what to get. The idea being, if you are not close enough to talk to the person on the phone, then they shouldn't be invited to the party.

I personally don't like it when I'm asked for money or a donation to a charity. The purpose of me giving a gift to a person is to see them open it and know they are enjoying it. Especially a child. I feel like I'm being charged "admission."

Also, I do not have a lot of money. When giving money, maybe $10 is all I can afford and that looks like a tacky gift. But shopping for items I can find something worth more for $10, or I can make something nice. I love shopping for something I think the other person would like! I think registries for anything but weddings are tacky.

I think as a host you could let those who call that you'd prefer donations toward college or whatever, but if they don't call then graciously receive whatever is given. If you can return stuff then do that, if you need to donate it later then figure that's a type of charity too. You can take clothes and toys to Once Upon A Child.

Just my opinion...call me Miss Manners :) (I know she agrees with me!)

I know many people will disagree with me, but here's my two cents and it might be a little old-fashioned.

I think it is tacky to ask for a particular gift or to ask that someone not give a particular gift. It's like, welcome to my party, you need to bring "this". When I get invitations that say "give us money" or "give us this gift", I find it to be tacky. Personally, I don't like being told that in order to come to a party, I need to bring $10 or a certain type of gift as admission.

Granted, I have received gifts for both myself and my son and thought "wow, I wonder why they got me this. I really am not into collecting ceramic cats" or "This toy that is marked 4 years and up really isn't appropriate for my 2 year old son to play with." As a recipient though, the polite and respectful thing to do is be GRACIOUS and accept the gift, even if you are cringing on the inside.

We just recently got an invitation to a baby shower that stated "please include a receipt". I was appalled. That said to me "if we hate your gift, we're going to return it". I think we will just end up getting them diapers, because they'll both need them and use them.

My 2 cents or more!!!! If you are planning on having ANY more children, you will need to get this right because people will remember!!!! Your child will be 2 years old. There will be more momentous occasions to celebrate - not that 2 years old isn't a milestone but.....you are only in the first two years of your daughter's life. People are being gracious toward your daughter - and you will be teaching your daughter to act in a gracious manner. Life lessons.

I think it is tacky to dictate what you want or don't want on an invitation, unless it is a baby shower or bridal shower where there is a registry, in place.

So, I would either write "Your presence are OUR PRESENTS" on the invitation-people may appreciate this approach because of the economy. Or say nothing. Return what you don't need and utilize the grapevine approach before the party - tell moms, sisters, aunts or grandparents what you would really like for your child and what you would prefer not to have and don't be so firm in your approach as to have people smirking when you open up one of those "didn't want/didn't need" presents. You can always return gifts - you can't take back insensitivity.

Hi Lani.
I agree with you, but i think its tacky to put no clothes or toys. Maybe people will ask you what he wants, and you can say "we don;t need anymore toys!" I also have to disagree with a PP. I think registering is completely tacky! This is not a wedding. Happy birthday to your little guy!

i just read thru the other responses and cannot believe that someone got an invitation that said please include receipt! who does THAT! times, they are a changin'... ha ha oh man. anyway, i do not think there is a tactful way to request something specific on the invitation... and thinking of the child at their party turning the big 2 and getting gift cards or notices of a charity donation seems like she may not appreciate the thoughts behind that. i liked someones suggestion that the only way to gently hint at the gift ideas is by word of mouth. if this is a family party... i dont see anything wrong with talking to people on the phone and mentioning how your house is being taken over by Fisher Price.. if its family they should already know that your dining room is not for dining anymore. With friends, i would just say you dont know what you are going to do with all the gifts after the party. You have to just accept that you will get things you dont need or want... hope that people include gift recepits.. i still cant get over that people dont know to do that as a rule. especially people with kids. a lot of stores will take things back without receipt and as long as you do it quickly, (target sucks for that) but like kohls, walmart... then you can save up for something for summer outside... or even diapers there. i do think people will be calling each other and being like can you believe Lani said that on her invitation... and its starts the party out wrong.. dont stress about it. just load up the car and get returning afterwards. your daughter will have fun tearing through all the presents and she should... she's TWO! good luck!

You should consider that some people might have already bought her a birthday gift. My nephew's birthday is in December but I bought his gift in August. Instead of writing no clothes or toys you could just return the items you do not want, this way no one knows and you are not taking a chance of offending anyone. At the least I would pick either no toys or no clothes.

You asked for the truth... in a nutshell, yes, it's very tacky and I would be completely offended and would be talking about you behind your back forever if I received an invitation that said that. Like some other poster said, that's like charging admission for your party -- don't come unless you bring money or a gift card or the equivalent. You cannot dictate what people are to give you for a gift. It's a gift -- the definition of which is "Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation." If you are telling people what to give you, then it is no longer given voluntarily and is no longer a gift!!
I have 4 girls ages 5 and under and I have a small house. Believe me, we don't need any toys or clothes for anybody. However, we graciously accept whatever is given to us at their birthday parties. Often we receive toys that we already have and my children are taught to say thank you very much and not "we already have that" (the latter of which makes them sound like spoiled brats). Sometimes we will open the duplicate (less fighting over a toy if we have 2 of them!) Sometimes we will return it, sometimes we will keep it and regift. And just when I think we really can't use another toy, we receive the best toy ever - something I've never seen - that I'd never thought of getting - that becomes the most coveted thing ever.
So my point is, no you can not say that on invitations! You can either write the "no presents just your presence" thing or if you really don't want anything, the other alternative is just don't have a party. There's no rule saying that you need to have a party. Instead of a party you can invite grandmas and grandpas out to dinner on her actual birthday and call it a day.
If you do have a party, you need to accept whatever is given to your daughter. There will always be people who ask you what she wants/needs and to those people you can say "she really doesn't need anything, we would be most appreciative of a college contribution" or something like that. If people ask me I always request something like arts and crafts type projects because you use them, and then you throw them away, you don't have to have room to keep them forever..for a 2 year old, we love color wonder stuff.
I would also say that your 2 year old may not know what's going on yet - and if that's the case, the dinner out may be ideal - but my soon to be 2 year old definitely has a clue that her birthday is coming up and she's very excited about her party and cake and PRESENTS. She has even said that she wants a dress and a new pony for her birthday. Yes, unfortunately, birthdays = presents and I wouldn't think of denying her the fun of opening up toys, whether we need them or not!

My daughter's friend had a birthday party where the invitation stated they were looking for items to build up a home library for her. They did not specifically state they wanted only books or other things but it was a suggestion. Also, another had an invitation that said instead of gifts, they would like a book that would be donated to a local shelter and hospital. Yes, I agree it is tacky to tell someone what to give but a slight suggestion could help, not hurt. It all depends on how it is worded.

Start a gift registry at Amazon.com or other retailers you like (I've done a great site online called eBeanstalk.com)...but amazon is great for books/movies....and then inform your guests that your daughter has said registry so people can use that as a guideline.

I take the opportunity each June when my son's bday is as well as Christmas to cull toys. I have v. limited storage space and so we have a very small selection of quality toys (ie, no big pieces of plastic junk - takes up way too much space) in the house. I also have "on standby" toys he's received still in their packaging. Great for when a sitter comes or a rainy day - voila, a brand new toy to engage him. Keeping toys in packaging is a great way to regift/resell if needed. After my son's 3rd bday party I actually returned many items to Target if they had the gift receipt, then I used the gift cards to spend on him for clothing and other basic necessities in the months following.

I like the donation/request for children's memberships. You can also say you're saving for college or music classes or whatever.

Finally, if you're serious about the no gift thing, you could always say "We'd love your PRESENCE, not PRESENTS, so please just come and enjoy the day!"

Instead of specifying 'no clothes or toys' I recently received an invitation that stated - Wish list for "chld's name": Gift cards for "insert store names here". That way you are not dictating but rather gently indicating a preference and it sounds a bit more friendly. Gift cards are also way more easy to manage at a 2-yr-old's party.

I also recently received an invitation that stated at the bottom - "Gifts are not necessary, we have too much stuff, if you want to bring something, please bring an appetizer"

But all that being said - some people love picking out little one's clothes - esp if they don't have kids, so you don't want to deny them that and you want to accept all gifts graciously so as not to hurt feelings.

I so hear you! I so wish people would stop with the clothes! My daughter's 1 year is coming up. I think saying "no clothes or toys" is tacky, but I've been saying it! I'm not sure how else to get it across.

On my invite, I think I'm going to write something like this, "If you'd like to give Maeve a gift, please contribute to her college savings fund."

I would have to say it depends on how close you are to the people you are inviting. For my daughters last bday I was able to tell our family exactly what she wanted/needed. I also let them know that I was saving up for a membership pass to the museum- we already had one for the zoo!!! Maybe you can come up with a membership you would like for her to ask your close family to contribute to.

I have also recieved invites that have said instead of gifts a donation to their favorite charity or also to adopt an animal from the zoo. One of my sons friends actually gave us a gift of a donation to help us raise awareness for the disease my daughter has and I thought it was AWESOME for her bday! So that is an option.

As for putting no clothes or toys... I would be upset if I seen that since I would have no idea what else to get unless I was guided in the right direction!

I am gonna check back to see what the proper way to handle this is! Now you got me thinking maybe I have offended some! Ooops!

Blessings to you and yours!