Is It Normal??? - West Monroe,LA

No offense, but I'm a little confused.
You were sad your son's father didn't have time with him and now you are jealous that Daddy is paying attention to him and your son enjoys it.
You are doing the right thing by fostering this relationship.

I went through just about the most bitter, long, drawn out, dragged out divorce in the world. My abusive husband wasn't happy about me leaving him.
However, I was also a child of divorce and one thing I know to be true is that a child needs to feel the love of both parents.
They don't need to know the faults or shortcomings of either, because a child has an innate understanding that it took two people to create them.
If Daddy is bad, or Mommy is bad (according to his parents), that must mean that HE is bad too.
I totally understand how you feel, but you have to know that there is no room for jealousy in this situation.
Your son will grow up to love you even more knowing that you were the one who felt a relationship with his father was important to him.
My son just turned 16 and he loves his dad very much, but he also loves me, even more I think, because I never said anything bad and I never cried when he left or made him feel any insecurity on my part.
It's not easy. I would be lying if I said it was.
Like I said, my parents divorced. I was totally a Daddy's girl. It didn't mean I didn't love my mother.
My mom was always the strong and steady one.
When my dad died, she was so comforting, which is not really her nature. He was the outwardly affectionate one. She talked to me about how much my dad had always loved me. She told me about funny things he did. Reminded me how he loved brushing my hair and braiding it for me. Reminded me, that to her dismay, he is the one who gave me the habit of singing at the top of my lungs in the shower.
You will always be your son's mother. No one can take that from you. Maybe Dad wasn't there before, but he's trying to be there now. YOU remember the times he was absent, but thankfully, your son won't. And hopefully his father will continue to be a loving presence in his life.
My kids are 24 and 16.
It goes by all too quickly.
Moving forward, from this day on so your son can feel the love of both parents, is the best gift you can give him. That gift will come back to you.
Trust me.
My kids have both said, "Thank you so much for helping me remember dad's birthday. Thank you for helping get him a Christmas present. Thank you for giving up your Sunday so he could take me to see a sailing ship that was here on tour'.
Every child, if at all possible, deserves happy memories with both of their parents.
Boys love their dads, but it's my experience, at least with my son.....there is nothing that can replace Mommy.
Hang in there.

Things will get easier with time and you will come to know that you are doing the right thing for you son.

Best wishes.

It makes sense that you'd feel a little jealous. You aren't being selfish. You're the one that puts all the time into raising him and then to you it seems like your son is more excited to see his dad than you. It makes sense. It's normal, I would imagine. But it also sounds like you know that he'd be hanging on you even more if you were the one that wasn't there most of the time! He'll grow up and appreciate what you've done for him in all areas - taking care of him, as well as encouraging his father to be involved.

That is totally normal. My ex is in and out of my kids' lives and I still get jealous and hurt when they say they want their dad. I know they aren't trying to hurt my feelings but they miss their dad. It's hard to deal with that situation but just know your son loves you and you will always be there for him even when his dad isn't.

jealousy is a normal human reaction,he gets to be the fun one and J. play for a few hours and hand him back. BUT don't let the jealousy show or affect your decisions, and keep encouraging more and more time.

You need to nurture the relationship your son has with his dad no matter how annoying it is to you. Don't be jealous of your sons father..... that's immature.

Encouraging your babies father to see his child was a selfless act, so do not refer to yourself as selfish. A selfish mom would not have cared if their child had a relationship with their dad, or gone to the lengths you did to encourage it. Is it possible you are dealing with your own feelings of loss. Maybe when you see them together you reflect on why you are not a family, or how he doesn't deserve such affection because he didn't care?? I do not know the situation with you and the babies father so I am just guessing here. I also was a single mom for a while and did the same as you, and for a while it worked, and then his true colors came out and he disappeared again. My son is 26 now and hasn't seen his dad since he was maybe 13 or 14. I tried talking to him, and it was just too much work for him to be a dad. That being said, my son does have some self esteem issues because of his dad abandoning him so what you did is a good thing. I hope for your son's sake it continues, because it does mean a lot for a boy to have his dad in his life. I remarried when my son was 3 and my son does consider my husband his dad, they have a wonderful relationship but I know he suffers the loss of his biological dad and deals with that rejection in his life. I know how you feel, but feel good that you did what you did for your child. Children know who is there for them and who is not, that will never change. Try not to take it personal, and just continue to be a wonderful mom, you have done a great thing for your child, and completely unselfish!!. Good luck!!

Boys will always hang on to their dads. We moms do really well when we are able to accept it, knowing that dads are very important for their sons' growth. Relax - your son will always love you!
It's great that your son's dad stepped up and is visiting. I would recommend telling him that you appreciate it. This will encourage him to be more involved in his son's life. Boys need their dads, so this is a good thing.
You might like my blog, which I write to encourage moms.
Hugs,
L.
http://susannasapron.blogspot.com/

You feel how you feel. Why label being jealous as normal versus selfish?

You've loved your son enough to fight for his relationship with his father. You saw something wrong with your ex's behavior, you addressed it, and he fixed it. That's all good.

Remember that the more someone loves, the greater their capacity for love is. In other words, your son loving his father will not diminish his love for you nor will it take the place of his love for you.

Yes, I think those feelings are completely normal. In the end, your son will always be closer to you than to a dad he only sees once a week. You're the one that's been there for him constantly =o)

Added: Ooh, love the way JessicaWessica worded it!!!

No..not normal. But neither is parenting a child with an ex, in a way...so I think you need to focus on the happiness and well-being of your CHILD, not yourself. He's 2 now, but his life is going to be filled with decisions, choices and opportunities that will call for YOU to take a backseat for HIS good, right?

It's no wonder he holds on to him when they return. They have just had a few hours of fun and that's all the little boys knows with him. He loves you too but you are the one who does all the other responsible things with him ... not just "fun" time. This is very common for children/visiting parent and when they return home reaction. It's good they enjoy being together. This will help you a ton in the long run as well as the son/father needed relationship to help him grow in to a good man himself.

Updated

It's no wonder he holds on to him when they return. They have just had a few hours of fun and that's all the little boys knows with him. He loves you too but you are the one who does all the other responsible things with him ... not just "fun" time. This is very common for children/visiting parent and when they return home reaction. It's good they enjoy being together. This will help you a ton in the long run as well as the son/father needed relationship to help him grow in to a good man himself.