Is It Just Me or Is She Not Hungry Does She Hate Me

Similar things happened at daycare with us. He would eat practically everything on the plate, but would only eat X with me even if I offered the same meal.
Pretty much kids act differently around other people than they do with their parents. As long as she is thriving and not losing weight, then she is fine. As long as you are trying to push her into doing something she doesn't want to or understands why she needs to eat, then tension will build between you two.
So I would stop pushing food on her that she clearly doesn't want. Take her out of her high chair and just play with her and lover her. That will show her how much you care.

A colleague of mine had the same problem with his son and they couldn't believe that he ate everything at daycare cause as soon as mom and dad walked in he would stop eating!! The woman at daycare told them to come 5 minutes early the next night but sneak a peek through the window 1st and sure enough there he was happy as Larry eating everything. ;-) They figured out that they were making too much of a big deal about eating at home so they just offered him stuff and if he turned up his nose at it they would just leave it on the table and he starting asking for it himself.

Kids are so smart and they have there parents wrapped around there little fingers. Just relax, she won't starve. Good Luck

I read some of your past posts, it seems like you've been really struggling with these feelings for a long time. So here's a virtual (hug) for you. :)

Now, on to my advice :)

RELAX!!! Mothering is a TOUGH job. A very very tough job. We are the care givers and, usually, the disciplinarians, while every one else gets the fun time. It sucks! Especially because you want to do everything right. So, my advice...relax! Enjoy the time you have with your baby. No, it's not easy when they're being complete and total pills, but learn to enjoy even those times. If she doesn't want to eat, then let her get down. She'll eat when she's hungry. Try offering her several small meals during the day instead of 3 big ones. Don't offer the bottle as a substitute for meals either. When you find yourself getting frustrated, take a deep breath, give her a smooch and go play! Babies can really pick up on Mommy's mood. If you're stressed out all the time, she's probably feeling that. Go do something fun! Go to the park, play blocks, go for a walk, anything!

I think a lot of moms go through the "my baby hates me phase." I know I have with both of my girls. I'll never forget when my first was about 1 or so, my husband would come home and she would RACE to the door to see him. She wanted nothing to do with me. She got the flu and I couldn't get anywhere near her. She would shriek if I tried to hold her. She just wanted her Daddy. I never felt so unloved and so much like a failure as a mother. Looking back at it, she probably wanted him because he was calm. I was a bundle of nerves and couldn't settle down.

I could also be WAY off base here, but have you felt like this since she was born? It might be that you're suffering from a touch of PPD. It might be worth it to mention your feelings to a doctor or a therapist.

Here's another big ol' virtual (HUG) for you!

I know it is hard but I would just try to relax. If she doesn't want to eat, calmly put the food away and try again in a few hours. Babies almost never starve themselves to death. Are you still breast or bottle feeding? If so, she may still be getting most of her calories as liquids and just not be that hungry. If she is gaining weight on schedule, I would try to take the stress out of meals. I am sure she loves you. Maybe she senses your level of stress and it makes her nervous?

Its ok love. Your her mama of course she loves you. I never really thought about it but it is true that they can feel the tension and worry you have for her. Have you heard the saying, if your calm then they will be? Its true. When she goes to daycare its fun and adventerous and carefree. Believe me, she wont starve. My baby was so fat when I had her and we were buying upwards of 4 cans of formula a week for her and I just knew she would be a great eater. Nope! That kid never ate anything and she didn't drink milk either. I had to learn to offer it. If she takes it great, if not o well. The one thing she would eat is cheese and blueberries. Just try everything. She'll come around! Just take a deep breath and keep trying!

At 1, your child does NOT know hate towards people.

She may, however, be reacting to your sensitivity to the situation. She's not going to starve so don't allow the food to become an issue. Continue to offer it and blow it off if she doesn't eat.

Kids go through phases--for my daughter's first year she cried if Dad held her, after we weaned, she only wanted her dad. Try not to take this personally and don't worry about it.

Of course she doesn't love them more than you. But they're not stressing out and making food a power struggle. You don't need to try so hard. She's your daughter so she loves you no matter what, but you need to lighten up and give her some breathing room. The child isn't starving, and some kids don't need to eat more than two full meals and a few snacks per day. Yes, some kids eat like goats and eat everything in sight all the time and would eat six meals if you let them... but some kids aren't like that.

And some kids resist when they feel pressured to perform. What's good is that she's comfortable enough in your love for her that she's able to show others love in addition to showing you love. The human heart has the greatest capacity for love. The more we love the more we're ABLE to love. Our capacity for love grows bigger, not smaller. Showing love to other people doesn't mean she loves you any less.

And as someone who struggles with the lifelong issues of disordered eating, don't ever associate food with feeling or showing love. It's a very dangerous precedent. How much she eats for you is not an indicator of love. Food is fuel. Eat to live, not live to eat.

Take a deep breath - your baby does not hate you - I promise. But she may be looking for yoru reactions and a litlte control. She's 1 and looking for some independence. Oh my - get used to it becuase that will be your ongoing struggle for the rest of her life. It's her job to become independent - we are doing our job well if our kids grow up and learn to do things on their own - including how much and when to eat.

Couple of things - 1. if she's eating well at daycare she might not be that hungry when she gets home later. As long as she normal for weight as compared to height don't stress - she will eat when she needs to. 2. Don't push her to eat when she's not hungry. That produces all kind of bad habits. 3. Give her some control over what she eats. Offer her two options - present both to her and let her choose. Both should be equally nutritious (2 options of veggies, or proteins - not an option of fruit vs. meat). Then back off.

Kids do this power struggle that can make us absolutely crazy. We need to pick and choose our battles. Hopefully if given the choice of what / when / how much to eat they'll develop a good sense of judgement and they'll listen and obey when we have other requirements of them.

Good luck mama. and trust me - our children always love us - but the power struggle begins early!

You have posted other similar questions. We've all told you that of course your baby does NOT hate you or dislike you. But babies and kids do react to stress and sadness - more than likely any reaction she's having is not to you being an inferior mom, but more likely your overall attitude. Do you ever just get down on the floor and play with her? Tickle her? Read her books? Put away the worry - she's fine. If she's eating well at school but isn't hungry at home, don't worry about it! She'll eat if she's hungry. If your doctor tells you she's underweight, then it will become an issue. Otherwise, offer her meals and she'll eat what she wants.

The reason she's probably happy at daycare and with your husband and mom is probably because they play with her, smile at her, have fun with her. Try it!!!

very good advice from other mommies.. all I can tell you is that kids pick up on our emotions... for instance.. when my son was sick, I got all panicked because I did not know what was wrong with him or how to fix him.. well, he picked up on my anxiety and started to scream and cry like its the end of the world. Did not want to be held or swaddled or anything!! I totally lost it! I put him in his crib and left for 10 min to clear my head. When I was calm I came and picked him up (still crying), he realized I was calm and soon calmed down and fell asleep.

Your daughter does love you, even if you dont see it... Just try to stay loving and calm around her, give her lots of hugs and "I love you's" and you will soon see she will return the emotion.

Good luck.

When I read your question and the responses, I decided to read your other questions (I'm trying to be very quiet as the kids fall asleep, so reading on the computer helps :-). My heart really goes out to you. You are trying so hard to be a good mommy! It's really hard sometimes. There's no instruction manual, and it can feel like none of your effort matters. I really want you to know that it's going to be fine. You and your daughter and going to be fine.

I'm so fortunate to have the parents I do. My mom listens to all my fears and the crazy things I do wrong and just loves me and supports me and encourages me (I'm crying right now!). I think my mom can relate to the nervousness that I feel. My dad, on the other had, had not worries about being a good parent. He said, "I just figured if you love them, things will work out!" Yep, that's my dad! I remember the first time I heard him say that I thought, you can't be serious! What if I feed my kids the wrong thing, what if they don't sleep the right way or play enough or run enough or I don't read to them enough or ... and then I realized, he was right. Yes, there are certain things our kids definitely need, but by and large they need our love!

Just keep loving her!!! Try to relax and have fun with her. The more you are able to do that, the happier you both will be. I know it isn't easy (believe me!), but try. Things will work out.