Is Child's Behavior Normal?

As a middle child myself, I think the Middle Child Syndrome is actually trying to please everyone and stay out of trouble. Some of your boys behaviors sound like typical 4 year old stuff; but some of it sounds like he's stressed out.

Here are some things I have tried (my kids are 4 1/2 and 2):
1- try not to yell. They act out against it. This is SOOO hard for me when I am frustrated! I find that when I calm down, they calm down.

2- try to use a different word when you really want him to stop doing something (like Freeze when he's about to go in the street); if he hears "stop" and "don't" a lot (as my kids do :( ) he may be tuning you out. On the same note, try to be positive: Instead of Don't take all the gladware out again! say Put those back in the cupboard for Mommy.

3- Since you are such a busy family and working so hard, try to be 100% present when you are spending time with him. Maybe he can help you cook dinner or set the table, or you can sit down and play something with him right before dinner? Just some indication to him that you are there for him and with him.

4- About the forced nap thing: I was having this problem, too. Instead of kicking the walls, though, it was throwing all the books and toys off the shelf and banging on the door. I read a tip to encourage quiet time. Let him read or play quiet toys on his bed for a half hour to an hour. Don't say rest or sleep or nap because you don't want resistance. I haven't been very consistent in testing this method, but it sounded good!

Last bit: ask his teachers for advice. They see a lot of kids and may have an idea or two to help out.

I empathize with your being so overwhelmed. Ihope you get a lot of good advice!

He seems a little young to be evaluated. To be honest when people say the terrible twos with both of my kids and my nephew it was the terrible threes. It was almost like the day they turned four it stopped. I am a kindergarten teacher and I do believe in evaluations for some children but sometimes it is too hasty. Try coming up with cues for things to do and leaving places when he doesn't listen. This puts a strain on mainly you but it does work, One time I had my whole shopping cart filled and my son started running around and not listening. I just packed him up and left without my groceries. Bad for me but bad for him also because his favorite treat was left at the store. Keep up the good work and take a time out for yourself when you need it.

Hi Kimberly,

I know they call it the terrible twos. In our house it was the terrible twos, threes and fours with my oldest. When she was two and three, she would run away from me in stores. What was I supposed to do with a baby in the cart and her running away? I avoided shopping and other outings. I bought a kid-leash and used it many times. Her voice was so loud and she was defiant. She seems to mostly outgrow it.

I liked the other mom's comments about naps vs. quiet time. We have quiet time sometimes. I set the timer for 30 minutes and have them play quietly in their rooms. I also liked her remark about making it about feelings and not being in trouble.

My youngest has just discovered his loud voice (he's 3 1/2). Ugh...

My advice: Be consistent - every time. Talk to his teacher.

Good luck!

I have a child with ADHD and can tell you it could just very well be the response to a new sibling or it could be more than that. If you really want answers, I suggested contacting the pediatrician's office for advice. An evaluation isn't a horrible thing to avoid ... you and your child's teachers will fill out some paperwork and talk with a child behavior expert. It's not scary for you or the child. It can help give you answers and you may just learn all is fine. If not, you'll have a team of experts there to help you with the next steps.

In the meantime, give the 1-2-3 Magic system a try. That's what Kaiser recommended to us in the early stages of managing our son's extreme behavior. It didn't help in our situation, but a lot of parents swear by it. Our son's kindergarten also uses 1-2-3 Magic.

Good luck!
M.

My middle child isn't like that at all, so it's not middle child syndrome.

Good that your husband is going to spend more time with him.

It sounds like attention-getting behavior. I would ignore the things you can -- like screaming and kicking walls for 2 hours, spend quality time with him and don't be too strict. Being too strict can actually increase this kind of behavior.