Is 43 to Old to Have a Child?

Hey C.!
I dont think 43 is too old to have a child. My Aunt had an "oops" baby at 47! It was hard but she had her vaginally in a birthing center with no drugs. It is VERY possible. There are always risks the older you get when having children. Just keep in mind that it IS what we were made for. We are designed flawlessly when it comes to having babies. Good luck!

I was 43 when I had my first child and I am so thankful that I made the decision to go for it. The Docs. were all preparing me for the worst (high risk preg. only because of my age) and I had a wonderful pregnancy and the only "normal"(Docs words) delivery in the hospital the day I had my daughter. I can't say that I'm a better mom because I don't have anything to compare with. But, I do know that I am in a better place in terms of taking care of myself and my daughter then I would have been 10 years ago. I know what my priorities are. I try to focus on the important things and let the other stuff go. If you are healthy and young in attitude, age really isn't a problem, and it may, in fact, be an asset.

My grandmother had my aunt when she was 47, and her youngest was already 20! It had it's positives and negatives. I think it is a very individual thing. I know that for me even the difference in my body in going through a pregnancy when I was 36 compared to when I was 30 was marked. But if the desire is there and you are aware of the risks, why not?

In the end it is your decision, you don't need anyone's approval, many women have babies later in life. Look at the 60+ year old pregnant woman in europe! But I agree with some of the moms...You already have 3 wonderful children, you are getting into the time of your life where you can get your life back. Why would you want to start all over and have another child? Before you know it you will have grandchildren. Why don't you be a little patient and wait! You won't be able to enjoy them if your taking care of a newborn yourself. Not to mention the age gap. I don't think you would be fair to the child if you had another. If you really love kids or are baby hungry why don't you look into foster parenting..or adopting? or working at a daycare? You already have 3 and there are so many children (and babies) that need a safe loving home. Remember grandkids might be coming (in a few years of course)!!!

I had all my children from ages 36 to 41 3/4. The only reason I stopped was that I didn't think it would have been fair for a high school kid to have a parent in their 60's. (Yes, I know that grandparents raise children, but to do it on purpose seemed self-indulgent and a bit reckless.)

Face it, lots of people have chronic health problems by that age. (I read a while back that something like 98% or 99% of Americans have chronic health problems by age 50. I am almost 50, and am one of the healthy ones, only because I consciously work on it.)

If you have a baby at 43 or later, you will virtually always be the oldest parent, and sometimes or often mistaken for the grandparent. My excellent health, taking care of my skin, and coloring my hair keep me from looking like the grandparent, but believe me, I think about it every time I enter a new crowd of moms.

If you are healthy and exercise regularly -- and I mean NO problems like blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, or obesity -- you will have the energy for this, no problem. If you have those problems, they start getting markedly worse around age 50--I see it all the time in my friends.

I just noticed that you said you are a single mom. Please don't have a child on purpose without a Dad. Children without Dads suffer long-term consequences. There's a ton of literature on that topic.

Heck no. Not if you are in good health and active.I have triplets and another girl all under 3 years old and I am 47. I am extremely active and hyper so it works out great . It was the best thing I could hve ever done I love them so much. Being older gives you more patience and understanding. I've sowed my oats and don't feel badly that I don't get to go out at nights;. I've been there and now I give my time to my kids and I am having so much fun with them. Go for it.

WOW!! Some people on here should have really have been a little bit more polite... Gosh, I would be super upset if I were you. ANYWAYS- there are always going to be people with negative opinions... do what you and your fiance feel is best for your family. If you feel like you honestly have enough love, energy, and time to go around to the existing kids as well as a baby, then go for it!! As far as having a child at an older age, yes, there are increased risks involved. For both you and the baby. BUT, there are doctors who specialize in that, and testing you can do, and measures you can take to reduce that risk. And in my own personal opinion, special needs or not, all babies are a gift and a blessing that God gives to you!! Good Luck!

You have 3 kids and you are single... why do you want another so late in life? You should be enjoying your 3 and the new fun times with them as they grow. Yes it isn't all the baby stuff, but the older stuff can be fun too... embrace that instead of missing what was.
Just seems a bit selfish of you to do this. Some women can't have any kids, so be grateful you had 3 healthy ones.
Plus at your age the chance of genetic issues such as downs is greatly increased. Would you be ready to deal with that alone?? I realize you say you wouldn't do it alone, but you state you are single, so it doesn't sound like you would have full time help.
Just think it over and don't just do what you want, but do what is best for your family as a whole!

I turn 50 this summer and have 4 children 28, 21, 10 & 8. I had my last at 42. I do feel that I am a better parent for the last 2 than I was for the 1st but sometimes wonder what life would be like if I had not had the last two. I am married to a wonderful husband who helps with every aspect of raising them. He takes them to school, picks them up and most nights fixes dinner as he has a more flexible work schedule. If I did not have all this help I am not sure I could do it. I have friends that their last child graduated this year and they are now free to do what they want. I love my children dearly and would not trade them for anything but sometimes am envious. I have 10 years to go. Good luck with your decision.

Hi C.,
Well, I am not sure what is going on here for you, two teens which need you more than ever, they need your attention, time, and energy, and a five year old needs so much. And I know this sounds blunt but you can't be making much money working on a school bus, how can you financially support a child, which by the way at 43 your odds of having a child with special needs at your age skyrockets. So I assume you are getting assistance of some way? You said you feel like you have a better understanding of children, well devote that to the kids you have now! The age factor is irrelevant here, what matters is what kind of life and balance will you have? It sounds like you are single now, are you thinking of having a husband and then moving forward? That is a different matter.

I gave birth to my first child at 43. (Although I did have some difficulties getting/staying pregnant - a couple miscarriages.) Being an older parent is good, however, my body gets tired very quickly.

Hi C., I got pregnant with my first child at age 42 and had him at 43. He is perfectly healthy. We decided to stop with one kid but when #1 was 9 months old. . . whoops! Pregnant with #2. I had just turned 44 when I found out. #2 is healthy as a horse. I had a few issues with both pregnancies. Gestational diabetes with #1 and I ended up with pre-eclampsia with #2. But I'm fine and so are the boys.

Like the others, I'm concerned about the fact that you are a single mom. I can barely handle working full-time with 2 babies and I have a VERY helpful husband. I would never want to try to do it on my own. Good luck with whatever decision you come to!

Dont do it!!! You are single with 3 kids.... Higher risk of birth defects after 40... focus on your darlings now! Your 5 year old needs your attention a lot and your teens need you now more than ever. :) Just love them and spend what little time you have with the ones you have already brought into this world.

First I would find what your OBGYN has to say on the matter, and your partner, if he is interested in having another baby this late in the game, and then I would ask the question 'is it too late'? I am 30, I have 4 kids and my body is failing me, I have osteoarthritis and am in need of a knee replacement and this is because of an injury that I sustained just last year. I always said I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30 and I had my last when I was 27. I personally couldn't imagine having another baby at this point. My body would never handle it, not to say that yours won't but think of the physical demands that a newborn puts on a parent. When this baby graduates high school you will be 62 and then sending a child off to university. They need you lots during those years too, and it could be interesting if you are 62 and in need of care yourself. Anything is possible, I certainly didn't expect to get injured and be in this kind of health at my age. I think that if I had 3 kids already and were asking myself this question, I already know what the answer would be, it would be, I'm happy with what I've got. If I didn't have kids and wanted a first child at your age then I would certainly consider it but not if I had 3 already. If anything were to happen to you, then your older children would then have to look after you and a new baby, is that fair?? Lots to think about. Good luck.

Hi C.:
Alot of women have children in their 40's, I had mine at 34 and 38 and I had a severe premature baby at 34, but with close supervision I did OK til 36 weeks. If age is the issue check with your doctor for health issues. I will admit I am very tired at this age trying to entertain my kids with things to do. At this point you would have your older kids gone and you would be doing elementry and sports and all the other with just you and no partner to go through this with.
I have a friend who is raising 2 wonderful boys on her own and her oldest is 19 and he takes full care of his brother who is 8 almost 9. He has a great heart about his responsiblities but he has not had much freedom since she works nights and needs to sleep during the day. The younger son is always confused who Mike is to the boys and has called his brother dad at times which the older one does not like. You sound like you have a great family already and alot of love between you. Look to your heart for the right answer. I would have to admit I am old fashion and do see the need for a father in the childs life. I see so many women struggle with so much responsiblities, it does not look easy. But Kids and life is not, no matter what you chose.
I will keep you in my prayers that you make the best choice for your family. You sound like a special lady with a strong heart for children. What about fostercare with your background in special needs , you could help another lonely child in need of Love?

I think if you are in good health, have discussed it with your OBGYN then I don't think 43 is too old.
I had my son at 40. I do think already having three kids you know how much work it is, how expensive a newborn can be. Your youngest isn't that old and has a lot of growing still to do. Would you want to throw a baby in the mix and start over with sleepless nights, diapers, micromanaging. There is something to be said when they gain independence.
I am 44 and would love a newborn around, however I couldn't imagine being a single mom and starting again with a infant. I am pretty content with my two, watching them grow and change and still needing me as much as they do. Sleeping 8 straight hours is great!
I am very unclear what you mean that you would not be doing this by yourself...
I think if you are married, in a great long term relationship and you have the support financially/emotionally and physically go for it! :)

C.,
It's not the age, it's the fact that you already have three kids. We are a planet that is already over-taxed by population issues such as landfills, global warming, severe issues surrounding food and how we get it, and so on. To have another is purely selfish on your part. Please do not add to the population any more. I have two kids, and am not against having kids. Enough is enough, however, and it's time to think of your fellow humans and not just yourself.

My mom had me at 45 and my sister had a baby at 42, and my aunt had both her girls in her 40's. You of course run higher risks of down syndrome and they require you to do more tests and stuff to make sure all is well, but I think if you want a baby, why not!

Absolutely not! As long as you feel like you are ready for all the "stuff" that goes along with a new baby, go for it! There are women much older than you having babies and doing just fine! And for all the negative responses you receive, they mean well. Read them, listen to what they say, but in the long run it's your decision and for what it's worth, if you do decide to have another baby, it will be very lucky to have you for a mom!!!! Good luck!!

Hi, I am sure I am going to get a lot of hate from saying this, but please think about the child more before you decide to have another baby. You said you were single and very busy, would you have time to dedicate to a new little one. Plus who will be raising your child you or your older children. My mom had me at almost 40, I was born prematurely and with lots of health issues. My sisters where 17, 15, and 14 years older than me and they were more of a mom to me. I grew up much closer to my sisters who spent most of the time with me. Plus my mom to this day has a very hard time understanding me ( as a generation gap it makes a huge difference) I also hated (I know how superficial this is) having my parents closer to everyone else's grandparents, but as a kid its hard. Most of the time my oldest sister was asked if I was her daughter and they thought my mom was my grandma. Granted there are more kids being born to older parents, so it may not be as much as an issue. I am not sure how to voice this well but also when your youngest is 30 you will be 70. I live closest so I get more of the stress with helping my "senior" parents (both have bad health), while raising a child myself and it can be very hard at times.
That being said, there are many women having kids later in life, there is a higher risk of possibility of health problems in the infants. Plus it is harder for your body to recuperate ( I get told this from all the older moms, my sister included), but then health care is so much better now. Yes, that you might be a better parent or may be set in your ways more than you think. I hope this isnt too discouraging, but I thought that a different perspective might be helpful. Best of luck to you in your decisions.

I don't think you are to old and if you want another child I say go for it. I was 42 when I had my last child. I only suggest having a complete check up with your doctor to make sure you are in the best possible health to minimize risk to you and the child.

Since you're already a mother, you know all about the work involved. If you're willing and able, I'd say go for it.

The only other thing I'd suggest you consider is adopting a child from the foster care system. Those kids really need a great family and with your maturity it will help them a lot.

My mom was 42 when she had her last child. I personally don't think it's too old. However, there are other things to consider. You said you are a single mother and you are busy, busy, busy... I strongly believe it is very important for a child to have a motherly and fatherly influence, ideally in the same home. I know this isn't always possible but to plan not to from the start just doesn't seem right to me. Because you are a single mom of 3 already and you are so busy, I think you really need to consider if you can give another child the time and attention it will need.

It might not be too old for you, but please think of the child. My mother was 43 when she had me. I love her dearly, but I always felt that she was old! I had a niece and a nephew when I was born. I was always worried that I would find her dead in her bed. There was an enormous generation gap between us. I was always envious of other children who's mother's were young and were able to do things with them. When my children came along, my mother was worn out, had had too hard of a life to really enjoy them like grandparents should. She should have been my grandmother. She died when she was 90 and I was 47... I felt like I was then too young to lose my mom. But then again, are we ever old enough to lose our mother's?

Please, just think about it from your child's perspective.

I'd suggest asking your doctor if there are any physical aspects to consider. Based on your current health and energy levels, you might consider where you will be in the next 18 years. Also, there are many wonderful opportunities to adopt a baby or child who needs a loving home.