Should We or Shouldn't We

I don't think you are too old by any means. I wouldn't concentrate on how old you would be down the road. I would concentrate on the amount of love you have to share with the child NOW. And age has no factor on that. I am 37, pregnant with my 2nd child and my husband is 48. He thought about age for about half a second and then let it go. I say go for it!

Having achild is hard work but its amazing and wonderful. Don't let it pass you by, I can't imagine my life without my child. It's a joy and love that you can't even imagine. Go For It!!!!

NO way are you too old. I had my first daughter at 35 years old and my second at age 38. Lots of women have kids later in life. I personally think being a bit older makes you more equipped mentally. I had so much fun in my 20's and early 30's. So by the time I had kids I was ready to settle down and be a mom. I love every second of it. You go girl

K., My husband and I have 2 children. I just turned 40 and my daughter is 10 months old. I say go for it!

Also there are ways to give you a better chance to have a boy or a girl, you have to time it properly. We wanted a girl so badly, so we followed a website and got a book from the library, and we got our girl!

We also have 4 rescued animals so we have a house full and I wouldn't trade it for the world...good luck

You're most certainly not too old. I turned 40 4 days before my second child was born (I was 35 with the first). My husband was 45. My sister was 36 and 39 with her two kids. My friends cousin was 42 whe she had a child. There many 'older' moms out there. Go for it and enjoy it. There is no greater love than what you have for your child.

Hi K.,

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I think you are still young enough to even have two kids. Of course, check with your Doctor first, but I had my first child when I was 19 years old and my last at 41 (3 1/2 months before my 42nd b-day) and he is as healthy and smart as I'll get out. You can start, if you are not already doing so, taking vitamins with folic acid. Like I said, it is wise to check with your Doctor first, but other than that, relax and I wish you and your new family the best of luck.... :)

K.,
I say go for it if you are both for it. Talk it over with your OB/GYN and consider making an appointment with Phoenix Perinatal Associates. They are known world wide for high risk pregnancies. The whole group is great and will take excellent care of you and the baby. I would also consider delivering a Banner Good Samaritan, as they are also well known for high risk pregnancies. Not to scare you, but your age puts you in the high risk category. I was 36 when I had my last baby and she is perfect. Do your homework and make an informed decision together. Best of luck to you. http://www.perinatal.com

by all means - try! I just had my 2nd child at 39 1/2 and it is great! Granted I don't have the energy of a 20-something, but I am healthy and have a very supportive and helpful husband. I don't think you are too old to have a child, and you would be in your late 50's when they graduate from HS - which is not bad!

I had my first son at 41 and I was not the oldest pregnant woman cared for by Dr. Jordan. My now 5-year old is a blessing who makes my life more wonderful than I could have imagined. My husband is older than me and already had a daughter from his first marriage. If you can make a commitment to staying healthy in all ways you can control, go for it; you'll thank God for the opportunity!

I am 40 and pregnant with our second child. I totally do not feel like an "older" mom. I truly believe you are as young as you feel. Go for it!

When we had our daughter, I was 38 and my husband was 40, and all went well. I've had friends of even older ages have kids, and they had no problems.

The greater challenge has been our energy levels afterwards - our girl is VERY active and challenging, and we have to stay on our toes mentally and physically. However I think this has been good for us, motivating us to stay healthy and active. At the same time, we find that arranging play dates is essential so our daughter can play with others who have more physical stamina than we have! We also encourage her to play independently at times and we're considering getting a pet or two as well to be her playmate when we're too beat.

As for when they're older, I think it will be easier physically though you have to brace yourself emotionally - usually the older they get, the less interested they are in having their parents around for social/play time!

If you're up for that, I say go for it! I can say that the inexplicable rewards - such as when you hear their laugh or feel their little hand clasping yours - are so worth it.

Good luck!

One of my best friends got married when she was in her mid 30's and her husband was about 6 years older. He had an adult son from his first marriage (he was quite young the first time around) and they still wanted a child. Now they have a wonderful, healthy little girl who is 18 mos. old and they are fabulous parents. I think wanting to be a parent and wanting to be a GOOD parent are far more important than age.

Hi K.,
I had Meadow a few months before my 38th birthday. She's my first child (& possibly last) and though we haven't married, we're completely committed and I feel the same way about her daddy. He is a better man than I ever knew existed. I say , "Go for it!" However, don't get too set on the sex. I thought I wanted a boy and now I can't imagine what that would have been like. Once they're here it really doesn't matter. The doctors will try to convince you to have an amniocentesis (I didn't) so make sure you do research on the risks/benefits before you make a decision. One thing I will say is that whether its because of my age or my personality I don't know, but sometimes it's difficult to make the sacrifices and changes to my life that are necessary to make room for baby. I'm a little set in my ways. Just beware. It's a lot of work...but sooo worth it. Good luck and leave all worries behind you!!

L.

I'm 42 and my kids are 5 and 3! I have friends with kids in high school or older! Eek. When is the right age/time to have a baby? - When you find the person you want to have a baby with!

There will always be young moms and old moms. I had our daughter at the age of 36 and she is healthy and perfect, although my pregnancy wasn't - some complications and difficulties in the final few months, some worries about her health. When we wanted another child, I didn't want to risk another difficult pregnancy and was worried about the health of the baby at my age. We decided to adopt our son from Russia. (we had always known that if we didn't get pregnant easily, we just weren't interested in the IVF/medical intervention route. We knew we'd adopt instead.)

So, yes, I'm an "old mom" but I have the best of both - 2 beautiful children, a girl and a boy and I wouldn't change it! If you've found the man that you envision as the father of your child, then now is the right time for you. :)

Hi K.,
I was 37 when I got pregnant with my first, 38 when I deleivered and hopefully this summer I will get pregnant with my second but that means I wont deliver until 39. My Husband is going to be 41 this summer. I have already talked to my doctor about risks and she thinks pregnancy at this age really is fine. I think it is a personal choice to some degree. But I would make sure I did all necessary testing along the way. Good luck! Have a baby, it was for me the best thing I have ever done and mine is only a 13 months old now. I LOVE It.

I don't know if this helps or not, but my Dad was almost 40 when I was born and my Mom was 33. They were great parents, I have two older siblings. My brother is 6 years older than me and my sister is 10 years older. I was not planned, they only wanted two kids. My parents did divorce when I was 8, but I lived with my Dad until I graduated high school and spent weekends and some holidays with my Mom & her husband. I personally am a young Mom, I had my first right after I turned 22. It at times is easier on me because I am younger and have more energy, well most days any way...But I don't have the financial security or as much life experience as an older Mom and there are things I never got to do with my husband before having kids. So I think there are pros and cons for any age of childbearing. My parents were able to spend more time with me because they had tenure at their jobs, my Dad was able to afford to work shortened work days to come pick me up at school & even take me to the park before dinner or to baseball games with him. All things he did not get to do with my brother and sister when they were kids. Besides age is only a number and there are a lot of older Moms that do just fine. You are higher risk though once you turn 35 so they monitor your pregnancy more closely. My sister was 35 last year when she had her first son, that is not too far off from where you are. I say if you both really want this, go for it! Besides, 65 is the new 40, lol. Good luck!

Hi K.,
My husband was 65 two days before our youngest daughter was born, I was 40, She is now 11 years old and we love being older parents. We both had other children from previous marriages, but we feel we have more time and patients to raise her better than our other kids. She is not too spoiled and she keeps us young! We have to stay in the now to keep up with her and her school, friends and modern ways. We do tons of things together that keep us active and in shape, hiking, swimming, camping, or just jumping on the trampoline. She keeps us younger. I love it. By the way my husband delivered his daughter at home with a midwife in attendance. Good luck Love M.

Go for it! there are a lot of older parents out there... not so much in the Phoenix area, but in larger cities like LA and NY for sure. If you are concerned about the risk of downs syndrome etc that increases with age, do some searching online and learn what your risks are. I know a lot of people that have a hard time getting pregnant when they are older so you may be up for a long haul... make sure you check out all of your options and don't give up. They are totally worth it.

Hi K., I am young...so I don't share your dilemma :) But my mom was 36 when she had my sister. I definitely don't think you're too old. Start taking prenatal vitamins and folic acid now and talk to your doctor. As long as you are healthy there shouldn't be too many health concerns. If you got pregnant next year you wouldn't be 65 when the child graduates HS, you'd be more like 58 which isn't really that unusual. A lot of people are waiting until their 30's to have children. I am friends with a woman who is 37 and has a 10 month old and is going to start trying for another baby soon. If a baby is something you and your fiancee really want, go for it!

Hi, I was 39 when I had my last son (Have 3). I am enjoying him so much. The sleep deprivation can be hard when you are older, but it improves with time! If you are healthy my vote is go for it! Parenthood, while not for wimps:) is awesome and I wish you the best! A.

You are definitely not too old. It may be slightly harder but worth it! I'm 32 and one of my friends is 44 and has a 3 year old and a 1 year old. If it's what you want...go for it!

Hi K.
I think you should go for it! I know three couple in their late 30's early forties that have had children in the last year. They are doing great, a child just brings more joy to your relationship.One of my friends is turning 40 this April and having her first baby any moment now. Waiting to have children just gives you more security. Good luck to you and your family!

DO IT!
You sound like you really would like to be a mother and that feeling will only intensify as you get older. Don't let this be something you wish you had done!
Certainly there are concerns with "advanced maternal age" (I joined that club this year as well) but as long as you go in with your eyes open to the risks and try to be as healthy as possible prior to geting pregnant you should be fine.
Congratulations on the impending marriage and hopefully motherhood.

hi there...
I think that if you are ready, take your folic acid and get pregnant sooner than later for both of you.
I know alot of people are waiting nowadays to have babies in their late 30s and early 40s, but as you get into your 40s you need to think about the child in a different way.

I am going to be 42 in a couple months and my youngest two are 3 and 4 (I also have an 18 yo). My husband is only 1 year older than me. I think we are ok ages to grow with our children.

Now.. on the flipside ... I am the child with an an older parent. My mom was only 32 when I was born, but my dad turned 47 the month after. It didn't seem like much of a big deal that he was older when I was really young, but as I got older it did. My dad was a fabulous man, he really was! He tried to be as active as possible, but as he got older, he definitely seemed more like a grandfather to me & others. For instance when my mom, sister (13 mo younger) and I would go out with my dad and maternal grandmother, my dad would be walking slower with my grandmother and they seemed like a couple, not my mom and dad.
I don't know, it's so hard to explain...he really was fabulous.... the nicest man in the whole world ... but just trying to say that mid 40s and early 50s are way different as an active parent than late 50s into 60s.

I don't think age needs to be a consideration except for safety. Just be sure you check with your ob/gyn to be sure a pregnancy will be safe and that you are currently taking the correct types of vitamins. Folic Acid is VERY important for women, especially us of maturity. (I'm 39 also)

I think the thing you need to be sure about is whether you want to and are ready to have a child. No one is every truly prepared, but I think "want" goes a long way in this decision. You want to have a baby and with as many children out there that are starting out "unwanted" that is already a great position for your little one to be starting in.

Be safe and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.

K., Be prepared to be exhausted, more so than the stories that you hear from other moms because age really does make a difference. That being said, if you don't you will ALWAYS regret not having a kid because you will wonder what you have missed. I don't know anyone who regrets having one. I was 38 when I had my second child and am 47 now. What you will have missed by now having a kid is huge. I am sure (I haven't read the advise because I have no time) that most people on this site will say to have the kid. You have to condsider the source and realize where we come from because we wouldn't all be on Mamasource if we didn't have kids and weren't family people. That being said, imagine how much you love your fiance. Now imagine loving someone even more. Hows that for adding something wonderful to your life! Even if you run a higher risk of having a child with sprecial needs it is worth it. My son has Asperger's and I am so happy to love him and kiss him and have him in my life. My daughter is straight A cheerleader, successfully competitve in an event at a world level and I don't love her any more or less than I love him so it doesn't really matter if your child is special needs or not, he will add so much to your life. Have your baby. It will be more wonderful than you ever expected. By the way, do you know anyone who doesn't love their kids? We all love them so much, give yourelf and your husband that gift.

Hi K., I had my two kids when I was 32 and 35. Today happens to be my 42nd bday and as you know, I will be getting married by the end of the year too. My fiance (whose 7 years younger than me) has a 13 yo special needs daughter that lives with us M-F. I'm an only child and always wanted 4-6 kids, well, one more would have put me at the low end! However, I had 2 complicated pregancies, my first child was born with a heart condition, and I had complications with my second, so we decided together that at my age, it wasn't worth the possible health risk and we have 3 wonderful kids that keep us very busy! Jason loves kids and is wonderful with them, said it was really up to me since I had the hardest part of the whole thing and he would be happy with whatever I decided. We weighed all the health issues, the probable 7 year gap between the 2 youngest (the 3 now are all 3 years apart), having to go thru all the diapers again, the cost of it all, including daycare for 6 more years, which is a huge financial cost...and basically decided we would be happy with the family we have. That being said...children are a huge blessing and worth every single second we have them...you are sort of at the "swim or get out of the pool" age. You are still young enough, but I would not let too much time go by! I too did not want to be in my 60's dealing with a high schooler! You just have to look at the big picture...that cute boy baby you might have is going to grow up...and everything that comes with that. It's a personal decision and I hope you guys find the right one for you! Good luck!

Not sure if this helps but I am 36 and my husband is 43. We just had our first (and probably only) child. Our beautiful boy was January of this year. I have friends and hear women having their first babies at 40 and 41. I think you should try. When you meet the right man and you and he have that special love and bond, a child together is the most precious gift. Just keep in mind that good health before and during the pregnancy is very very important. Good luck!

GO for it! When my husband and I married 28 years ago after a 2+ year dating/engagement period, I had 2 children and he had never had a child. After we had been married a couple of years we had a son together. I was 38 and he was 45 and it's the best thing we ever did!! NO REGRETS!!!! It was like having two families in a way because my older children were 10 and 12 when their brother was born. He kept us young. We are still involved in things like scouting. Our youngest is an Eagle Scout, we were band parents, and he kept us involved in lots of community stuff after our older kids grew up. He is now 21 and a university student living out of town and paying his own way. Our daughter is 32 and our oldest son is 34 and have blessed us with 7 grandchildren--a mixture of biological and adopted. I highly recommend it.
K.

go for it! my mom started having babies in her late 30's.

I know you already got a ton of responses but I still wanted to say something. You should absolutely do it!

My friend had two children in her early twenties, then had two more in her 40's. Both her children are healthy. With all the advanced medical technology, they do so many tests and ultra sounds, everything will be fine.

If this was Hollywood you wouldn't even be asking this question, those famous folk don't even start having kids till their late 30's and keep having them till late 40's. LOL!

Best of luck. :)

Absolutely! My sister-in-law had two girls at age 40 and 42 and they are so happy! Yes, it may be hard (which it is at any age), but it's worth it!

Mentally and emotionally we are better when we are older. But there are risks as I am sure that you know when you are older. I had my son when I was 37 and my daughter when I was 39. I do not regret that I had them, of course, but it was stressful not knowing if they were going to be born without some defect. I had amniocentesis done with both children so that we could make sure the doctors and we were ready for anything. The only other negative is that we are a half of a generation older than the other parents of the families we meet that our children play with. That can be frustrating because I am in a different place at my age, especially out here in AZ where there are soooo many young mothers - it is hard to relate to them. I think if you really want a child and you can be a great parent, then go for it! Good luck to you....it is the greatest challenge and wonderful experience of your life!
Let me know if you have any questions.
K.

Hi K.!
I say, if you are healthy, GO FOR IT!!! :.)
D.

I was a couple weeks from turning 39 when my son (now 2) was born. Don't let the the fact that your doctor has to tell you about the increased risks for birth defects scare you. You'll most likely have to see a "genetic counselor" who will inform you about the probability of Down's syndrome as well as other birth defects. The genetic counselor may give you the impression that you have to get an amnioscentesis done. It's completely your choice. Besides being a painful procedure, it can cause a miscarriage. Luckily I had a friend let me know. I opted NOT to have the amnio done because I had a miscarried my previous pregnancy. Knowing that the probability of having a child with Down's was about the same or a little less than the probability of having a miscarriage from the procedure, I decided against the amnio. Also, I didn't think that aborting the baby was an option because of a birth defect. Anyway, this wasn't meant to alarm you in any way. With all the hormones racing when you're pregnant, information like this can be very discouraging. I always believe that considering children is a personal decision and is best made when you have all the info you can get. I'm incredibly fortunate to have a happy healthy little boy. I wish you the best!

I've heard of lots of people having children at older than your age, and the kids were healthy. I believe only God chooses the sex, but there is even a book that says you can determine the sex, I don't remember the name of it.
Best of Blessings to you,
K.

Thats a tough call. I had two babies at 38 & 39. I did not want to be 40 and pregnant. You will be considered high risk and every time you go to the dr. they will remind you of your age. They will also push more tests to see if you might have a child with a birth defect. If this is something you are open to, go for it. If not, check the numbers on likelyhood of having even a downs syndrome child at 40. ok, those are the negatives. If you are around a 3 yr old you get the positives.

Hi, K. -
Please don't let being 39 dictate whether you have a child or not. From my perspective, at 39, you're just a pup! I had my first daughter at age 45 and my twin daughters at age 48. As I write this I am 50, exhausted of course, but have three beautiful girls that are the light of my life. I wouldn't change a thing. Good luck.

Gor for it! I was 38 when I had our daughter and my husband was 42. We tried for a year until getting pregnant. I have diabetes, but even with it had a wonderful pregancy - couldn't have asked for better! At this age we really enjoy her everyday and were very calm from the beginning which comes with age. Absolutely worth it and she's the love of our lives. Good luck!

Hi,K.! By all means, do try! I am the product of older parents myself. My mother was 42 and turned 43 two months after my birth. Being 16 1/2 years older than my mom, my dad was surprised to say the least, but at 58, he was a doting and good father. I got asked if they were my grandparents a lot, but I would always set them straight, a'la Shirley Temple attitude. LOL I also waited until I was 29 to have my FIRST child, so I kind of understand. And by all accounts I have read, older parents are more financially stable, more mature and patient by far. In fact, most Asian adoption agencies prefer older adoptive parents due to all the reasons I listed. Good luck and God Bless! Hugs!

I know a couple who had their first baby when she was 38 and 2nd at 42. No problems.

I just want to wish you the best of luck.

Hi K.,

The choice is yours to make with your soon to be husband.

Go for it! You shouldn't worry of what lies ahead. Do what you think works for you. I was trying to conceive at the age of 38 and 39 but failed. We tried In Vitro and that failed. At the age of 39, I adopted two wonderful children!! Yes, we get called grandparents all the time, but we laugh it off! WE ARE THE PROUD PARENTS!!

K.,

congratulations on your wedding! I am a doula here in Phoenix and I have assisted several couples who were having their first baby in their late thirties and early forties. For some it was a career choice, for others it was waiting for that one person they would spend the rest of their life with. In either case, they weighed the pros and cons and felt that a baby would enhance their life and allow them to invest in the future of this world we live in. In some cases, being older can have advantages because you have an opportunity to gain wisdom that we young mothers only dreamed about! If you feel that there are health reasons that would stop you from carrying and delivering your own child, you could consider adoption as an option. The baby would not be yours biologically but would only know you as their parents for all of their childhood. Whatever you decide, make sure you are in agreeement. You have a long future together. Be blessed.

T.

I had my child just 1 month shy of my 40th birthday and had an uncomplicated pregnancy. I have several friends who had their 1st child at 40 or older. I think pregnancy among women in their late 30's and early 40's is quite common. There are plenty of older parents out there. Go for it!

Hi there! I had my first at age 39 and my second, who is now 4, at 43! I had wonderful pregnancies and easy deliveries. With my 4 year old, I ruptured a disc in my back for which I just had surgery. Pregnancy and raising children is a young woman's game! Stay healthy, happy and make sure you surround yourself with fun, energetic and positive people, especially moms. Feel free to contact me, I'd love to chat!

Birth defects can happen at any age. I know people in their 20's who had down's babies. That being said, the risk does increase as we age. But if you can deal with that possibility, you aren't too old. Just get going though!

Ok....so I'll flip this around since you are on a moms group site and of course everyone will say 'OF COURSE!!!' And I will say the same....

My second reaction would be this--why have you never wanted one before? If it's for the reason that you just never met anyone good enough to marry or timing or whatever...that is legitimate. My perception? You never wanted to have kids until your saw your fiance with his own child. Now you want one of your own. Just think about that. If it is that reason...it's not a good enough reason. As a mom, you are 100% responsible for that child. Especially if you decide to quit working. It's always the mom....I have no animosity in my marriage and have a great guy, I work part time....but it's so much the moms responsibility in every decision you make from now until he/she gets out of college.

You've already had a lot of people letting you know it's fine to go ahead and have a child at your age.

My parents were 40 and 48 when I was born (I was one of their last children). They looked young for their ages and took care of themselves. Their attitude has always been to enjoy life. My dad is turning 80 this year and is still pretty active, but slower.

My husband's parents were also a lot older when they had him. They weren't as young seeming & his dad had health problems as my husband grew up.

We were both able to benefit from our parents' experience and knowledge. We've each always been told we are mature for our age. So just take care of yourselves & you should be great parents.

--R. J.

Hi K. ~

If the two of you want a child then go for it!! As long as neither of you have health risks...
I am 42 and my hubby just turned 60 this past year. We have his/hers/and ours kiddos. He has a daughter who is 12 and I have a son who is 11 and we have a 5 year old and a 22 month old together. We would have more if we could afford it. I definitely wouldn't want to start at 50...but you being 39 is plenty of time in my book.
Just make sure that you are prepared for all of it!! They wear you out more easily than at 25 or 30. I know for a fact! :)
Good Luck and EnJoy every moment!
T.