Introducing Toddler to Grandpa He'll Never Meet

Updated on May 19, 2009
E.M. asks from Concord, CA
33 answers

I hope someone out there has dealt with this before and can give me some advice. My dad passed away shortly before I became pregnant with my son who is now 2. My dad and I were really close and I really want my son to know who he was and understand what an impact he had on my life, our family, and our community. Right now it breaks my heart that he points out all of his relatives in photo albums but ignores my dad because he doesn't recognize him. I tell him, "That's grandpa," but with no context it doesn't seem to register. At what age will he be able to understand? Do you think he will care and want to learn about my dad? What are some things I could to to help him get to know his grandpa? My mom has talked about making a storybook for him but we haven't done it yet. I would really appreciate any ideas! If you too have a child who never got to meet your parent(s), my heart goes out to you. Thank you!

3 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughter was 14 months old, when my dad passed away. She does not remember any of that time frame. I too, had a close relationship with my dad. Although I have pictures, she seems to gravitate to the stories my mom tells her about grandpa. We have family photos and scrapbooks, and she now will point him out. Give your son a little more time. Make sure to pass down your stories and pictures. Your love for your dad will show through you, and he will definitely get a since of how special your dad was in your family.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Tell him really cool stories about him. You can make a bedtime ritual of telling a grandpa story. You can even embellish them a little if you want. Then he will become this mythical figure.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Redding on

Dear E.,
I'm so sorry your dad isn't here physically to share in the joys of your son. I lost my father last September and it's almost like it still hasn't sunk in.

My mother-in-law and I were extremely fond of each other. She was awesome! We didn't live close, but we talked on the phone every day. I became critically ill when I was pregnant and was in the hospital for months. I'll never forget the night when they did an ultrasound to make sure the baby was hanging in there and they told us it was a boy. My husband was so mad. He didn't want another boy. (He had a son and step-son from his first marriage). I mean, he really was mad. He called his mom from my hospital room to give her the "bad news". My heart was broken. I couldn't believe he was acting like that, and right in front of me. Anyway, after he had gone home, she called me at the hospital to tell me she loved me and she thanked me. I didn't know what she meant. She said she wanted to thank me for having a baby boy because it's just what she wanted. I can't tell you how much that meant to me.
My son was born and perfectly healthy, but I'd had a very rough time and wasn't strong enough to travel. My in-laws planned a trip to come stay with us and see the baby. My mother in law called me to say that she wasn't feeling well - she thought she had the flu. She said if she wasn't better by the weekend, they would have to come a few days later than planned. She was afraid to get me or the baby sick. She promised she would call the doctor. She died the next morning. I was devastated. She never got to see my baby.
Fortunately, she was a sewing and craft whiz so there were LOTS of things that she'd made, including baby blankets and holiday ornaments. We just always talked about Grandma Doris. "Grandma Doris made this" or "This was Grandma Doris' favorite recipe" etc. We have lots of pictures and just always talked about her as part of the family, because she was. It's definitely difficult for little kids to comprehend things at a young age, but a loved one who isn't here anymore doesn't mean they aren't here in spirit. We keep them alive in our hearts and through our stories. My son is 13 now and feels like he knows her. Every now and then he gets a little sad because she was such a neat person and he wishes he could have spent time with her. I remind him that he made her happy even before he was born because a little boy was just what she wanted. And, she would be so proud of what a fine boy he is.
Your son will love his Grandpa because you still love him. He'll understand things better as he gets older.
I have no doubt in my mind that my son will tell his own children about his wonderful Grandma Doris.
Give it time, keep the memories alive, and I wish you the very best.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.V.

answers from San Francisco on

We have the exact situation w/my husband's father who passed away in 1985. I never had the oopportuity to meet him either. We just talk about Papou all the time. There are pictures of him in our house & from the time our boys were 2 (now 8.5 yrs & 4yrs), we talked about him; who he was, the things he did in his life, his job & hobbies, where he was from (Greece) & told the boys that he's in Heaven. At 2, they didnt' get the whole Heaven things but they did shortly after that. It helps that my MIL is a huge pack rat & keeps so much stuff that she still has plenty of stuff that was his. He was a science teacher & she still had some equipment he used for teaching that we now have & both boys know it was Papou's. You have to be the one to start the conversation; don't wait for your son to ask who that man is in the pix, which is what we did. Now both our boys regularly talk about Papou &/or have questions about him. Best of luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.R.

answers from Merced on

My mom passed away before I had my son. I also struggled with how will my son know his grandma and how much she would of loved him. My son is now 21 months. I have pictures of Grandma on the wall. I think the storybook idea is a great one. A lot of photo sights have that option. I came to realize that when my son gets older he will begin to question where my mother is. I look forward to telling him about her. I also realized that my son will his grandma because so much of who I am is because of her.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from Sacramento on

I agree with Nina A. Keep sharing your stories and, as he gets older, your son will feel that he "knows" your father. My girls can now tell stories about my grandfather they never met. Family history is important. Your son will become more curious as he gets older and will be willing to listen...I promise!!! I think the book is a great idea.

Take care.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi E.,
My father passed away when my daughter was almost 2. She has seemed to keep his memory alive. She even consoled me when she saw me crying (at 2 yo). She recently went for at least 3 months of praying for him-everyday. My 4 yo son and 2 yo daughter never got to meet my dad. They do talk about him. Possibly because my 7 yo brings him up randomly. I think you really need to make an effort to talk about your dad. Tell them about all his stories. I even told my little two that he helped God pick them for me. I have pictures on the wall. You might consider visiting his burial site, if that is possible. Maybe celebrate his birthday with a celebration. I think just talking about him and his life can make a huge impact. You might not notice it until your son is 3 or 4.
I think a scrapbook/storybook is a great idea. It can be such a treasure for all your family. Collect stories from all members of your family. You can learn so much from others about your father. It might be good for you too.
Blessings,

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.D.

answers from Stockton on

E. I am so sorry about the loss of your dad. I lost my dad when my daughter was 2 (now 5 yrs old) and both of my husbands parents in a car crash shortly after. She barely remembers them. I do my best to tell stories of all the activities we did with them, camping, going to the park, christmas and birthdays. She still had a hard time. I recently started to tell stories that involved me and my dad when I was a little girl about her age. That seems to work because she can relate to her own dad in that context. the more I do it (like for a bedtime story a few nights a week) the more she asks about poppa. She remembers my husbands parents easily because she was almost 4 when they died. So picture really help and I give her the whole story about the event and what we were doing in the pictures. Just talk up your dad as often as you can andshare with her everything YOU can remember about your dad.
My daughter draws pictures for my dad and sometimes we take them to the cemetary with a balloon on his birthday or other special times. She really enjoys going to "poppas park'and leaving these things for him 'to go to heaven.'
Again I'm so sorry for your loss, just remember your dadis smiling down on you and your family with Jesus :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.T.

answers from Sacramento on

H E.,
I am deeply sorry that your dad is not able to share in your life as it is now. It sounds as if you have vivid and genuine memories that would make sharing easy.

My father passed away in my arms long before I met my husband, finished graduate school or had my children. In fact, all of our parents and grandparents outside of my mom are deceased. It is a new form of grief. My son, now at 6, is now able to hear stories me as a baby and child, more and more about my parents. It lends itself to talk about heaven in a concrete form if that exists.

I have digital movies made from pictures, my childhood photo albums still intact as they are an era and provide natural nostalgia. We have saved special items from my dad's world travels and my husband's dad, who passed away when my husband was just 9, left all of his WW2 flags, diaries, war pins and momentos.

My just turned 3 year old daughter was going up to all older gentlemen saying, "Hi Grandma!" This really went to my soul because my father, probably just like yours, would have loved to have lived to be with his grandchildren. I explain that their grandparents are in heaven, and share stories. I explain a little more each year.

My son loves God and Jesus dearly and speaks and questions about death ...It is a little hard for me to hear him because I want to preserve his innocence and he is prone to anxiety but I also want him not to fear death and it is a bridge to our faith.

I would clarify to your young son about others' grandpas so that he is not disappointed and confused. As he grows he will understand more. In the meantime, definitely create that memory box :) and have your mom create a living memory box about her life.

Even an old brief case filled with your dad's stuff plus your favorite diddies from your childhood will be great tools when your son matures past this age of self which is totally a developmental stage. It is still a little bit premature for him to see you other than his life source, support and who he depends on therefore, your wonderful nostalgia and sentiment could be a bit overwhelming. In just a year or two depending on him and how you present it, it could be a lovely shared bond. I would start now with a few pictures now...It is visually easier to grasp that abstract or related stories.

Your mom would be a great person to share those stories too!
Again, as someone who knows, I am sorry your father is not able to share this with you here in an earthly form. I believe our Father in Heaven will provide what we need
Enjoy your son, God Bless

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.A.

answers from San Francisco on

My grandfather died one month before I was born, so I lived in a similar situation to your son. To begin, your son is only 2 and he only knows the people who respond to him, not a picture of a stranger - to him. As he gets older, he will learn what your father looked like and what kind of person he was. Don't get frustrated if he doesn't recognize your father yet - it will come when your son is ready. Your son will learn through stories what your father was like, etc., but, unfortunately, your son will never have the bond you shared with your father. Personally, I would have loved to have known my grandfather, but it was not meant to be because the natural order of death came first. Enjoy sharing the memories and be patient because there is time ahead for both of you to share.

Take care,
V.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

That is one of the sweetest, nicest and most heartfelt requests I have seen on this site. I think the storybook idea is great. If you have any movies of your dad, so your son can hear his voice and see him that will also help him know his grandpa. Personal items that belonged to your father, such as his Bible, other books, a watch, pipe etc. that could be handed down (at the right age), will remind him of grandpa.

The very best way will be hearing all your stories and memories of your Dad and how he raised you. I felt all your love coming through in just one paragraph. I am very sorry for your loss. I never met my Dad and that leaves an empty place in the heart. Seeing what you wrote about your Dad really warmed my heart.

Blessings…..

PS…If you don’t know how to make the storybook or DVD with pictures and favorite music, I know a good resource.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I am sorry for your loss. I understand your situation in a unique way- my maternal grandfather died while my mother was pregnant with me. I remember as a child being aware that I had a grandfather who had died. My mother told me stories about him from time to time, and I got to know him that way. I didn't know him, but he is still an important part of understanding who I am. He was a good man, and when he died it had a deep impact on my mother. I named my son after him to honor him and to honor her grief.

Mom passed last year. She was very close to me and to my son, who was four when she died. I've been worried that he would forget her but I don't think he will- I talk about her all the time, because I think about her all the time.

Remember that your father's love is with you and that it is in every loving thing you do for your child. He is part of you and part of your son. Love never goes away. He will know your father, just give him time. -bnm

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Hey E., its me M.... I know I could prolly facebook you or call you about this but I figured I would just respond here...I just wanted you to know that I have a grandmother I dont remember ever meeting. She died when I was 3 and my sister a newborn and my brother wasnt even born yet. Although we dont remember her, and my brother never met her, we constantly talk about her. We have grown up always hearing about her. My dad always toasted her on her birthday (new years eve) and my grandpa always shared pictures and stories about her. I always loved being told how I was like her when I was growing up. I cant even imagine how hard it must be knowing he wont get to meet your dad. My best advice is to just keep talking about him. Keep showing pictures, video, and over time he will understand who he is and he will love hearing all about him. Also, when he is a little older and can understand a little better, maybe give him something that was your dad's and tell him it was his grandfathers and he would have wanted him to have it...something like that. I have a few rings that were my grandmas and I have her silver set...I didnt really understand the importance of them when I got them, but as I got older I understood more and more, and now I would not trade those things in for anything in the whole world. Even though I never really knew my grandma, I love her more than anything, and know that she would have been the best grandma to all of us. I'm sure if you keep doing what you are doing, and keep telling Isaac about him, showing him pictures, stuff like that, then in time Isaac will understand who he was.

Hope all is going well with you guys! Cant believe Isaac is going to be 2 in a few weeks!! Give him a hug from us! His buddy Sean misses him! Hopefully we can see eachother soon!! Take Care!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Just keep doing what you're doing, and take your mom up on her suggestion to make a storybook. He will not understand until he starts becoming curious about who's-related-to-who-and-how in your family. He doesn't really even understand that you were once a child with parents, the same way he is a child with parents, and even though he can point people out in the photo books, he won't really understand their connections until he's reached eight or ten. Then he will be full of questions about "the olden days," when you were his age.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.M.

answers from Chico on

You could try making an on-line scrapbook at a place like Picaboo. It's really fast, easy, and if you don't get a giant leather-bound one, inexpensive. Use your pics and text and they send you a beautiful professionally bound book. Also great for gifts. (I am in no way affiliated with Picaboo, I just like the convenience. You can even choose a folder of pics from your computer, select a theme and it will make it for you!)

I am sorry you lost your dad at such an important time in your life. I'm sure your son will be interested and capable of learning about your dad very soon!

L.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I know how heartbreaking it can be to know that your own kids will never meet some of their grandparents. My mother died at age 60, 5 years before I had my first child. One of my strongest feelings at the time of her death was the sadness that the kids I hoped to have some day would never know her. Once we had kids and they started to meet family and understand the different relationships (or when we looked at family photos), we would always explain who she was in a matter-of-fact kind of way. Kids, in their naivete, sometimes speak about deceased people in a rather blunt way, and I found that hard to deal with in the begining. But I kept it factual and tried to keep my emotions about her passing out of the mix as we talked about her and others who have left us. Your son is still pretty young, and I think in time, with your loving references to your dad, he will understand more about the importance of the relationship you had with your dad. You're setting the stage of respect and honor in how you regard your dad, and your son will pick up on that as he grows and matures and understands about these things more. It can be so hard to not put our feelings about our parents' passing onto others, but kids will be kids, and in time they'll get it and appreciate how much you loved him. I think showing photos and sharing stories about your dad, memories of your special times together, drawing parallels between how things were with you and your dad and how things are with you and your son are all good ways to help our kids learn about the people they never got to meet. Even as I write this, I am saddened by the idea that my kids never were able to get a kiss from grandma. And I'm reminded about how special the relationships they have with their remaining grandparents really are. Treasure what you have now and share the memories of what was!

R.M.

answers from Sacramento on

good morning- I just wanted to pass along an idea for your storybook. (this might be something that you're already aware of... sorry) You can make hard bound books through several companies now. The programs are simple to use and are like a printed scrap book. They look amazing! Some programs allow you to have writing as well. The one I've used in the past is
www.mypublisher.com **this is my personal favorite**
You can also go through Kodak, Shutterfly, walmart.com, etc... I think every major retailer now has the option to make a book. It might register more if you can make a story about Grandpa along with pictures of him and you. It could become a favorite of your son and then he might be able to relate better.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.H.

answers from San Francisco on

The pain of losing your father must still be rather fresh; sometimes, that can cloud your own faith that you will be able to transmit your feelings about your father to your son over time. Perhaps, it's too painful for you to delightfully share your memories.

At two, you don't need to explain or say much but to include a phrase here or there that lets your son know that you are thinking of your dad. For example "Oh, my dad always sang that song when we went for a drive." and then go on singing it with as much fun and bravado as you can muster. It will also help in your healing, which, I can say, takes longer than we might expect, so be patient with yourself. It's also okay for your son to see you cry because you can explain those tears, "I miss my Dad." This will help your son have an emotional attachment to your father.

I had lost my mother long ago, but wanted my girl to understand some of the magic of my mom, so, early on, I began to do with her the things that my mother did with me, or didn't do with me but around me and I would talk to her about my mom as we did them. I also say things like, "My mom would have just loved you! In fact, she's probably loving right now." I think the point is to somehow make those people we have loved but lost alive to them through simple experiences.

At two, it is not too soon to start. Was there a book that you remember from your youth that your father read to you? Dr. Suess, perhaps. Get a copy, talk about how your dad used to read this to you or laugh at this point, maybe even try reading it the way he did. If tears come, it's okay; better than okay. Just keep breathing. Let them wash through you. Giving your son the permission to see you so tenderly recalling your dad will deepen your son's feelings for your dad and you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Greetings E.: First let me say; that my family is sad for the temporary loss of your father.
My husband passed away after a valiently fought battle with cancer. We have the peace of his love and that we will be reunited again. To tell you what we have done so that our "Papa" is kept alive and real for the Grandchildren that were babies when he passed away and for the ones born since is dear to my heart.
We have pictures of Papa, in many places at different ages and doing his favorite things with our children, then we have pictures of him with the little ones he loved so well. We have been blessed to have not only our birth children but others that we were able to have and love that are still in our lives. My husband became an amputee (leg removed entirely) and gained the nick name of Papa Tigger. So we have pictures of Papa & Tigger taken while at Disneyland in several places, and many Tigger things that were given to him as gifts. At Christmas time we havw a tree that only has white lights and one Tigger ornament on it at his request so that we can count our Blessings and with each light know of his love for us and that he is with us. Our children (we have 5) all have different ways of teaching thier children but I can tell you that it is wonderful when our little 2 year old goes with me to the cemetary, or I have a special place we call Papa's garden in the yard and she releases a balloon for Papa to have. She does get confused when she sees pictures of Papa with a young version of her Daddy. I have pictures on the frig and on the dishwasher so they are at all heights. We even have a birthday party wihballoons for papa but I can say that Father's Day is still hard so we celebrate it the week before or after per our son's requests. I really love it when a 3 year old goes over to the bookshelf and asks for one of Papa's books to be read because we have books on one shelf that were papa's favorite scripture stories and games as well as other books he likes to read to the children. So they know that as Papa's books. I get to have my shelf as well now but the children that are 3 and under will sit and read papa a story about Elmo or Dogs and it is touching.
I can tell you that I have no doubt that the veil between heaven and earth is thin and that my husband is very much apart of his families lives. He is just serving the Lord right now as needed and is a bit busy. Every once in awhile the 4 year old will say it is time for papa to come home he has been gone long enough. That is when I take the children outside and we look at cloud formations. You see, my husband is a wonderful man and likes to make things so we told the children at the Funeral that Papa, has a new assignment - He gets to make cloud formations for them to enjoy and when they see a bunny they can call it slipper,because he teased our daughter about only needing one bunny slipper ( now both legs are restored so that isn't true anymore)Thank You Heavenly Father!!! We also keep a container of pap's favorite candy that he liked to give the children RED LICORISH, so that the kids associate it with him and enjoy it even more. The older children tell the younger chhildren how he would give it to them when mom said no.
We are truely blessed to have our Father, Papa, and Husband because I need him also to be with us and very real to the little ones that he never knew on this side of the veil but I am without doubt that he was with them and kissed them before they came here. I hope that some of this will help you and will help you reach your goal of helping your child(ren) to know and love their grandfather.
I hope that you will enjoy the adventure of parenthood and the blessings that come from it. Feel free to contact me at any time. Nana Glenda

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.F.

answers from Salinas on

i have pictures of my dad around the house. not many, only about 3 or 4, but they are in places where the kids play, the dining room, etc. ( truthfully thy photos were always there, even before we had the kids.). i also keep family photos in albums & scrapbooks. each child has a page in their baby book with names and photos of their grandparents and great grandparents.

my 2 year old doesn't really understand yet, he's too young. my 5 year old understands a lot more & has asked questions about his grandpa. for example, he'll say something like 'who's grandma married to'? or "where's grandpa jack?". at first we said 'he's in heaven', now we say a little more like. "he was very sick and died, but now he is in heaven. i miss him a lot, but i know he is no longer sick"... then later in the day if we are talking about something, for example cars, i'll work grandpa jack into the conversation... 'you know, your grandpa liked cars too"...

it takes time and telling them once isn't going to be enough, so i just try to stay upbeat and answer the questions.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.T.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. It is a very difficult thing to deal with. I lost my father when I was in high school -- 22 years ago -- and still miss him everyday. With that said, my 5 year old daughter "knows" him very well since I have always talked about him with her, showed her pictures, etc. When she was your son's age -- she didn't quite "get it" but now she really makes the connection that her grandpa is in heaven and that he loves her very much. Just hte other day we were at the park and she picked up a "foo-foo" flower (the ones you blow on to make a wish) and said "I wish my grandpa would come back" and blew the flower away. As tears welled up in my eyes, she told me she knows that her wish won't come true because her grandpa can't come back from heaven but he's with her and she pointed to her heart. Kids are quite intuitive and know who loves them -- be it here on earth or in a better place.

Keep up the great work with your son ... I have no doubt that he will "know" your father.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.P.

answers from Sacramento on

I was going to say a scrapbook but a storybook is just as well. With pictures and words you can convey the same ideas and heartfelt love that you shared with your Dad. You can also phrase the thoughts and concepts you want your child to understand in his terms. The repetition of you reading the storybook with your toddler and pointing out pictures of 'Grandpa' will endear your Dad to him over time before he really knows who the man is in the perspective of your toddler's own family. Children don't grasp the relationship to themselves of 2 dimensional pictures without the physical presence of the person or pet with which to identify. They don't understand the concept of family beyond who they see frequently. You will have to wait patiently until your child is at least 5 or 6. Don't despair. Your toddler will come to appreciate your cherished memories as you present them to him.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.K.

answers from Sacramento on

I don't have this type of experience, and my heart goes out to you guys. But I did have a couple of suggestions. When my brother went on his mission my daughter was less then a year old. So for the two years he was gone we were constantly pointing him out in pictures and asking her "who is that" and eventually she got to know who he was that way. Also, if you have any home movies with your dad, I would start showing those to your son now and throughout his childhood. I think putting a book together for him is a great idea, but he probably won't totally grasp it until he is quite a bit older. But just like any book, the more times you read it, the more they understand. Tell him stories about your dad, and share items with him that your dad bought for you, etc. Your son is definitely old enough for this type of interaction.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.H.

answers from San Francisco on

E.,

My heart goes out to you. My very special and beloved father died 2 years ago (when my 6yo son was nearly 4). I am blessed that he does have some memory of this wonderful person and we mention him in our prayers every night. I also have a 3 month old daughter who will never get to meet her grandpa. This saddens me deeply. In addition, my dad will never get to meet my beautiful little girl. I wish I had advise for you E.. I hope you find some support in knowing that you are not alone...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from Fresno on

My grandpa and great aunt both died before my daughter was born, She is 5 now and talks about them like she knows them. We always tell her stories about them, show her pictures of them and have some of their things around the house. When we are in the garden I tell her about grandpas favorite flowers and we make sure we always have them in the garden, My great aunt painted pictures and I have a lot of them in the house and my daughter knows that she painted them and wants to be an artist just like her. Include your memories of father in your everyday life and he will become important to your son too.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi E.,

I never met my grandparents and my mother talked about them all the time and I feel like I knew them. Do not worry. Your child will enjoy your memories you share with him along with pictures.

Have a great day.

N. Marie

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.R.

answers from Redding on

Hi E.,

So sorry for your loss. I read something, I believe in Family Fun magazine, about this type of situation.

The mother compiled a lot of things that her dad liked. He liked to fish so they got a pole and all of the fishing stuff together. He liked chocolate chip cookies. He liked The Three Stooges. etc etc. Then every now and then, she would have 'a day with Grampy Rick.' They would do some or all of the things in the Grampy Rick box. Go fishing, bake his favorite cookies etc.

Also, Judaism has kid of a cool tradition. When someone des, you do something that they would do if they were still alive. Coach a kids baseball team, give to a charity etc. That way, they get to live on not just in memory but through a physical act.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.T.

answers from Stockton on

My son "met" his great-grandma when he was 2 months old and again when he was 2 years old. He doesn't remember her of course but he does recognize her photos now. He's 4 now.
I bought him an inexpensive sturdy little photo album and I put copies of pictures from his birth, each birthday and other family events. We look at it as one of his bedtime books (he actually enjoys it - no kidding!) a few times a month. he calls her Grey Gamma - close enough. Be patient and just keep telling you family history and one day your kid will surprise you with how much he actually remembers and understands.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi E.,
I am sorry for your loss. As many people have written here, I as well lost my father a few weeks before I had my son. It absolutely tears me apart that he didn't get a chance to know my father. So, anyways, I've thought about writing up a short biography about my dad. His accomplishments, his personality, quirks, etc. This obviously would be something for your child to read when he became older. I also thought it would be nice for me to have around. I recall my dad speaking very fondly of relatives that had passed before I was born. He would tell stories and talk about what they did for a living. Now that I am older, I wish I had some of that in writing as I don't recall the names or details of the stories so much anymore.
I also talk of my dad frequently to my son. He's only 16 mos., but I intend to keep talking about my dad and telling him stories.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.M.

answers from San Francisco on

E.,

I too unfortunately lost my father before the birth of my daughters. My oldest daughter, who will be three in July knows my dad, her granddad. I have an 8x10 picture of him in their room on the nightstand. I tell her about "Mommy's Daddy" and explain that he is her granddad. I often make references to my dad when we speak about her father. For example, I might say "your daddy is so nice for dying Easter eggs with you. Mommy's daddy did that with me." This provides a perfect segway into a conversation about my father. She will often inquire about him. And even now when I speak to my mother about him while talking on the phone, my daughter will run to the picture and acknowledge that it her granddad. She knows that he lives in Heaven with God because we told her that. It is really very precious to see her make this connection. This is my suggestion. I hope it helps.
- T.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Well, I have not had this experience with a parent, but I am working thru the same issue with my grandparents and my sons. My grandfather was the only male role model in my life growing up and was very special to me. My grandmother had a massive stroke a month before my second son was born, so he is the only great grandchild she never met (although I believe she has come on many an occasion to visit him since).
I think a memory book is wonderful and showing pictures and telling stories about how special he was. as your son gets older, he will start to remember those stories and cherish them not only for what they mean to him, but what they meant to you.

Good luck
K.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.O.

answers from San Francisco on

This is something that I wish I had worked on with my older son, who is now 15. Both of my dad's parents passed away while I was pregnant with him, and then my mom's mom passed away when he was a year old. We have shown him pictures, but it would've been really neat to have some sort of scrapbook or storybook to show him.

You can create your own storybook through places online that I know others have mentioned. The one I like is called www.Inkubook.com. I have used them for a book of animals to teach our 2 year old. I really like the ease of putting the book together, and the quality of the book that is sent.

I think it would be a wonderful piece of history if you were able to create something like this for your little boy. If you need help, just let me know. I'll be glad to help you out.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Dear E.
Isaac is too little yet to comprehend who the person in the picture is, but he will. Just keep talking about him. The story book idea is great. Keep saying that he is Mama's Daddy, he will get that context. None of my kids ever met my m-i-l, yet they know who Grandma JoAnna is. We just talk about her and show pictures. Do you have any video? We too serve a living savior and often talk about her walk with the Lord and things she taught us. So what age, well they are all different. Probably about 5 things will begin to connect as you talk about and make your Dad part of your days. Sorry you son won't know him now, but one day he will when your son comes to know Jesus. God bless you.
By God's Grace,
Stac

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches