D.B.
First, congrats on being a strong enough mom to let your daughter deal with death. Death is a part of life and parents that sheild their children from family members or close friends dying are not doing their children any favors. My father died, suddenly, of a heart attack, in front of all of us, when I was 12. I had never been to a wake or funeral before. Trust me, you don't want your funeral to be your child's first. My husband and I have always brought our kids to wakes of close friends and family. Your daughter will handle this better than you will. You have a relationship with your grandmother, that your daughter does not. You will cry and it will be because you are going to miss her. Tell her that. Tell her it's okay to cry. We just lost our 84 year old neighbor last week. My daughters were very close to her since they saw her every day. They are now 7 & 4 and we have lived in the house for 9 years so they grew up with her being there. My four year old said at the service on Sunday "I miss Sandy already, but I know that she is up in heaven and that she can see me in my pretty dress." The tough part with her passing was that fact that she was being cremated. My daughters have been to wakes but there has always been a casket. She has only been really sick the last couple of months. The morning that she passed, I had already taken my oldest daughter to school. The family called me and asked if I would like to see her before they took her away. I thought about my oldest & how she would feel if she never saw her again, if she came home from school, found out she died and did not get to say goodbye at the wake.... I had a moment of panic. I called my husband at work and we decided that I should go get her at school and let her come and say goodbye. I am so glad that I did. Sandy looked so peaceful and hadn't looked that good in months. Both of the girls kissed her goodbye. There were tears when we got home. Your daugher is only 2 and by the time she is 4, she won't remember this and you will have to explain death all over again. Take her and know that she will be fine. Your grandmother is old, if you want to tell her that, it's okay for now. Luckily for us the wakes that we have been to have been for older people. It makes it much easier. Explaining the death of a child or a baby is much tougher and I hope I don't have to do that any time soon. Telling her that grandma went to heaven is enough for a two year old. If she is a talker, she will have questions for you. Answer her questions as best as you can. Grandma was old, she got sick, everyone goes to heaven at some time. Everything will be fine. I have never had one of my daughters think that they were or we were going to die because we got sick. My little one was in the hospital with asthma problems and neither one had death cross their minds or lips. I'm sure it's because, at this point, they think only older people die. Everything will be okay. I'm sorry about your loss.