Infedelity Concerns... Need Advice.

Of course, this is totally your decision. Think about, do you still love him, can this marriage be saved, can you ever trust him again? You do have to confront him about it, when and how is up to you. This will probably be one of the hardest conversations that you have ever had to have. You could just leave the notes laying on the bed, and maybe this would make him talk to you instead of you bringing it up. Just whatever you do, make sure when you start the conversation, that the kids are not around, this will be a very emotional conversation and something they don't need to hear.
My husband and I went through this twice, and both times we said this was it, we're through and that he or I loved someone else, but in the end we decided that what we needed was the excitement of being with someone new, not that other person. We talked it out and decided that we could make it work, by working on our relationship instead of the new one. We started acting like we were dating again, flowers, NOTES to each other, cards and the whole new love thing. I am happy to say that we have now been together a total of 25 years. I tell people we'be been together 25 years, 20 good years, 2 great years, and 3 total hell years. I hope this helps and if you need to talk, just email me back.. I have a pretty good ear. Good Luck and I hope everything works out the way you want.

I've been married 32 years. Sometimes husbands think they can get away with anything, because - they think - that when women have kids they are stuck. So the truth is always the way to go - as the bible says "the truth will set you free". However, you have to be prepared for the end result "leaving if you have too". Find out if your husband still loves you, and if he says yes - then show him the emails. After all isn't marriage based on trust. Usually when confronted with maybe losing his kids and wife, they wake up and grow up. And are you willing to forgive him, if in fact such things are taking place. Alot of things to think about before confronting him. And if you don't confront him, are you willing to just be is babysitter, cook, housewife, or are you is one and only.

www.cheaters.com Good Luck. And I'm sorry you're having to deal with this!

Sorry, I have no real advise. I will say a prayer for you.

A., I'm so sorry to hear about what you have found. Here's my take on the situation.

1. The Porn sites - I know a lot of women have a problem with this, and, to an extent, I do too, but, I believe there is a difference in looking and do-ing.
2. The notes from the other woman - this would be a deal breaker for me. To me, there is nothing worse than being unfaithful.

I would confront him about it. But, you have to be ready for his reaction. He could just say "Yes, I'm in love with this woman", or, could get very angry, or could deny, deny, deny.

The question is - what are YOU going to do. If you find out he's been unfaithful, will you fogive him? Will you try to work it out? Or, like me, is that the end?? If it is, you need to have a plan with what you are going to do. Look at your finances, take a look at your life and see what you can do to prepare if a divorce does happen.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.

If you want to stay married, my advice is to confront him. You have enough evidence. You do not need to compile anymore. When you confront him do it with love. It will be hard not to scream and yell, but speak to him as calm as possible, even if he tries to yell~stay calm. Ask him all the questions you want answered~ write them down if you have to so you won't get side tracked. Make a plan for counseling. You will need a mediator to work this out. He will need to build your trust back. He will need to open the lines of communication with you. Where he's going, what he's doing, who he's with, what he wants from his marriage. You will need to date again to rebuild your marriage and family. I pray that your marriage will be saved and that you will not let anyone separate you and your spouse in Jesus name. AMEN!

God bless you, K.
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I agree with Tiffani -

The problem I see with the websites though is that it is taking time away from you. And, it is addicting.

I suggest for you to try counseling on your own, especially if you are not going to confront him. It has to be eating you up. I would never be able to keep my mouth shut!

I went to a couple of sessions alone a while back and it really helped.

Can you forgive and trust your husband? Are you still in LOVE With him or are you doing this for the kids? Why is he cheating? These are the questions my husband and I ask when we counsel couples. If you can be honest with yourself and you want to save your marriage seek counseling. Not that you have to compete with anyone else but is your bedroom boaring?

My answer to you will probably be quite different than those you will receive. This topic is near and dear to me because in my case the shoe was on the other foot. I married at 20 and have been married 10 years now. We dated for 4 so it's not like we didn't know each other. In those 10 years I had 5 affairs. I say all this to let you know how it feels for the one who is cheating and how wonderful it can be when the one who is being cheated on can see it from this perspective. My husband took himself out of the equation with all the hurt he was feeling because he knew something was wrong with me as a person and that it didn't have anything to do with me loving him. We went to a seminar called The Road Adventure in Richardson and it saved our marriage. I was not doing it to hurt him. It was like I was an email account with file folders on the lefthand side. When you are in one folder you can't read what is in the others and when that folder is closed it stays closed until you open it. So at home my husband's folder was open and I was a good wife but when I was with another man my husband's folder was closed and I didn't even think about him and the other man's folder was open and I was able to give each man all of me at that time. Now me and my husband are healed and stronger than we were on our wedding day. I can't tell you how much I love and respect him for sticking it out and getting us help and really sticking to our vows of for better or worse when I wasn't sticking to them. Too many times you take the easy way out but trust me leaving the home and your life and the person you fell in love with is not as easy as you may think. I know you're scared and mad and sad and sick to your stomach and all those things and you have the right to be. Just realize before you he was an individual human who sins and he still is. God will fix your marriage if you let him.