INCREDIBLY Clingy 13 Month old......HELP!

N.,
My cousin had the same problem with her son. What has really helped, is she has a playgroup over every friday,
and he has to meet and greet everyone at the door, as well
as play with his friends. He was extremly shy, and watching everyone else have that much fun was just too much
for him to not get involved, especially when they toys are his!!! Good luck

It might possibly be autism. My son was unbelievably fussy from the moment he was born, and was later diagnosed with autism. Fortunately the earlier you get treatment with autism the more likely the child can get better. My son is (now) quite high functioning at 10 yrs, and may well be completely functional by the time he is an adult.

It seems like it would be flattering but it's not. Mine are not quite that clingy but they are VERY clingy. I have two 23 month olds and I'm with them all the time, yet they constantly want to be held and want to follow me EVERYWHERE. I started bending down to their level and hugging them and talking to them when they are haning on my legs and it took a while but it seems to help. It's quite difficult when I'm trying to cook dinner and have two little ones crying and hanging, they don't do this with my husband either. I guess I don't have the best advice but I'll hope you feel better knowing you're not the only one.

On a side note, it does seem the new thing is to have your kid tested for Autism the second he doesn't seem normal. Please don't fall into this trap. I'm just very skeptical about all of this autism stuff. It's like every other mother you meet has a kid with Autism, when no one had it before? I doubt that is the problem. It's so over diagnosed anyway, it's the new ADD.

My daughter who is now 3 was the same way. She had GERD and so I thought it was just that she had gotten used to me holding her pretty much 24/7. She would hardly ever even go to Daddy. She breastfed till 2 when I decided I was done and weaned her. Every child in a household has a different role..a different personality. Some kids require ALOT more to build a good self esteem. Some kids need more attention and are extremely clingy. My daughter would scream if anyone in public looked at her and complimented her (which was often cuz she was very cute). I was very concerned and would joke around about her being good looking because she had such a horrible attitute and cried constantly. The good news is that right around 2 1/2 she started changing and now at 3 is a very social little thing. She wants to stay nights at my familie's house, she talks to people in public, she is very independent! I thought it would never happen but just hang in there and eventually all the extra work to build him up will pay off. You may want to consider a daycare partime...even one day a week. My oldest son was really shy and kindergarden really helped him come out of his shell. Now for the sake of my sanity and for my marriage I wished I had gotten a babysitter once in a while and gotten away. It doesnt hurt for them to cry if you can find someone to tolerate it.
Good luck

Up until 2 months ago we couldn't leave our son with anyone except the nanny he'd known since he was a newborn. We had the same problem with the gym, even trying to leave him with his grandparents. There is hope-- something changed when he turned 2, and now he understands that when Mommy or Daddy goes away, we come back. Language skills helped a lot, and he's much more interested in people and toys now. In a lot of ways he's a completely different kid. We've been able to leave him with a friend with a kid his age, and with a new babysitter, with no tears at all. We just need to prepare him ahead of time for what will happen, and now he's old enough to understand and his desire to play with other kids or toys overwhelms his anxiety. I hope this will happen for you to!
Hang in there.

Have you heard of the book "The Highly Sensitive Child"? You might want to check it out.
Good luck!

Hi N. I know exactly what you are going through. My son is know 26 months old but I had the same problem with him up unitl a about six months ago. He would not go with anybody and want anyone to touch him. I dont know what your situation is but I was a stay at home mom so he was with me all the time so I think that was part of the problem. Until I started him in daycare (which was torture for the first couple of week) the daycare I found was extremely patient with him and know he is totally fine. I think that he will grow out of it and your family needs to help you out too. They need to take him for a few hours and deal with his screaming and continue until he grows out of this. I wish you luck and he will totally grow out of it.

Hi N.,

I feel your pain. I went through the exact same thing. I would have friends tell me to stop giving in and let them babysit - well, after a half an hour I'd get a call - and they didn't want to babysit again either. I couldn't go to the bathroom or take a shower without a crying fit.

I decided early on that if she is truely that frightened by my leaving, I would just give in to it, and that she would outgrow it at her own time. So, she went everywhere with us - we really didn't have a social life until she was a little over two years old. In the meantime, I had met some wonderful moms/friends in a Mommy & Me class and we held weekly get togethers at each others' homes. As my daughter got accustomed to being in the other homes and being around the other kids, it made it easier to swap babysitting. It was easier with other kids around.

Preschool was another tough separation. She cried everytime I left her for the first year. By the second year she was okay being left at preschool.

In Kindergarten, first, and the beginning of second grade, she would cry if I did not walk her to class. She was fine once she was in class. I had to be there where she ould see me when she got out of school or she would cry.

All of a sudden, she wants to be dropped off - no more being walked to class and is eager to go to her friends' houses to play.

On the positive side of this clinginess - when we were in restaurants or out shopping - she would never leave my side so I never had to watch out for her running off. So I did get to sit and enjoy my lunch/coffee while the other moms were off chasing their toddlers.

I hope this helps you - it is really tough.

Hi N.,
I remember those days. Our 12 yr. old daughter was exactly like that! Only my mom, husband and I could hold her. If we put her in her crib at night she would scream what seemed like forever and then not stop! As she got older and we would visit the park I had to be right there by her side in order for her to even venture out to the play area! Today she is a very confident and social young lady! Praise the Lord! However, she still will come up to me many times during the day to ask for hugs, which I have grown to love! I understand how taxing this is on your nerves. It was for me and I was pregnant again when our daughter was only three months old! My husband and I would leave her for small increments of time, usually with a family member to help her adjust to being away from us. Maybe trying a mommy and me sort of class or something similar, if you haven't already, might help your son adjust by being around other little ones his age and helping to expand his world around him to include others other than you. I realize it is difficult right now, remember to take a deep breath and be patient. I believe eventually it will get better.
Blessings,
T.
PS We have a group at church called MOPS mothers of preschoolers that meets once a month to give mom's mommy time! We have excellent loving daycare. Maybe even check out local churches in your area to see if this is available to you. Its a start!

Have you shared this with your pediatirician?

My son was clingy and at 5 still has separation issues. We left him as much as possible and let the sitter deal with the tears. For most times it did get better. I think at first we would leave for 30 minutes and come back and then make the following trip longer and such. Somehow he figured it out. I also had the sitter make sure to do an activity that he liked, something to take his mind off things. It worked on and off and of course got worse with the birth of our 2nd. But again it was a process and is SO much better now.

Hi N.. I feel for you. I had the same experience with my first son. I kept bringing him into the doctor's who would reasure me. Well, It didn't get better for a long time. He was unable to attend preschool, then kindergarte, then 1st grade!!!! He also started to display other characteristics, like lining up trucks, demanding we park in the same places, eat the same food, wear the same clothes and so on and so on. Our therapist thought he may have autism. Anyway, he was started on Zoloft about 6 months ago. We are now able to leave our 7 y/o (!) with a babysitter, he goes to school all day, he is eating different foods, wearing new clothes, and is generally happy.
I'm not saying this is going to be your story. What I am saying is, your son's behavior is not normal. You should be able to separate without anxiety. I would seek out a play therapist asap. They can give you ways to help him feel confident and comfortable on his own or with a loved one. It is important that you not do what I did and listen to those who would blame the parent. Children are born with their own unique sensitivities and temparaments. We as parents can only help to mold them and guide them so much, then the rest is up to them.
Good luck!

Are you sure you're not talking about my 2.5 year old? My little guy's been exactly like that since day 1, and the only thing I can say is that with time it's gotten a bit easier. As he's gotten older and more interested in toys, activities, etc. I've been able to leave him for up to a few hours at a time. To some people that may sound extreme, like I should be able to leave him for longer time periods, but I know you would appreciate it! And these are waking hours I'm talking about. But, seriously, I couldn't leave him for more than 20 minutes until he was 8 months old and even from then on until about 2 it was just with my husband! Still, in a year and a half I managed to lose my 40 pounds of baby weight, not by taking him to the gym with me (I tried it and like you got called out EVERY single time within 15 minutes!), but by making accomodations to our own schedule. I'd go when my husband got home from work, at 11 p.m. or even early in the a.m. before anyone woke up, at 5 a.m., until he could stay with daddy a little longer. I know it sounds extreme, but I also know that unless you have a little one like that, you can't imagine what it's like. Just be creative (like my gym example) at allowing yourself your own time, even if it's not really on your own time-frame, you know what I mean? The benefit to a child like this is that there is a bond and a connection there that as they get older won't be so disrupted by the outside world. My little guy adores us both and is now even more connected to my husband (which is the awesome part -- now Daddy's the one taking him to the store, etc.). Just know that he's a special little guy who loves his mommy and that even though at times it is suffocating, it will get a little bit easier as his world expands and he begins to understand that there's life out there!

I hear you, my 14 month old daughter is similar. My older daughter was, too. Unfortunately, I found that the best way to deal with it is to just give in until it passes. For my older daughter, that was around 18 months (your mileage may vary) and she was secure in her walking, starting to talk, etc. Until then, trying to 'stop' the behavior was like banging my head against a brick wall. I will say that once she was past the clinginess, she was quite independent and secure. She is still a 'mommy's girl' but certainly not to that extent!! Hang in there. keep exposing him to other family and friends - things will change.

my daughter was the same way... since birth! my pediatrician basically hit me upside the head and said "this is her.. you need to honor this about her personality"... he was right.. my daughter isn't the outgoing, everyone-gravitates-towards-her-at-the-park kinda kid... and she has formed relationships with people... few people... but you know what... they are really wonderful and close relationships... they will come into more social eras of development... and it is tough... i am sorry i don't have a solution because you sound really bound to the house/kid... i am sure you have tried all the tricks like a picture of you that is just his that he could carry around, trials of phone calls while you are just in the other room and he knows he can talk to you whenever... hmmm... leave for progressively longer times starting with 10 minutes, keep the people that stay with him/watch him to a minimum... it will get better... i suppose i can only say i feel your pain... and you are a good mom not to torture him over it. good luck... sorry i can't be of more help.

Hi N.:

My daughter now 6 has always been a clingy child, but not to this extreme. It sounds like you're doing everything right, so ... have you spoke to his pediatrician? Do you have access to a employee assistance program? Many employers now have them. They offer advice and could maybe put you in touch with a counselor.

Don't feel guilty about needing to take time to take care of yourself.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck.

He's still REALLY young. I remember being banned from the gym because my youngest would cry the whole time he was in the gym daycare, they told me to come back when he was older. I was so frustrated I cried. I was so desperate for a break. And here it is, a decade later, and guess what? I can now go to the gym. And a lot of other places too.

Your baby needs you. If you do not indulge him in this need it will make him insecure. The baby/toddler/youngster years seem endless and you die for a break and then one day you realize it's all over and you wish you had appreciated it more. I know it's hard, but give your little one the attention he needs! It won't last forever!!

I know it sounds bad but you need to make him do some time by himself, put a gate in his room (make sure all little toys are gone) and put him in there by himselfo for about 20 minute incruments with his toys. Then you go somewhere else in the house and don't come to him. The next week do it for about 30 minutes. Let him scream and cry it won't hurt him I promise. The next week add 10 more minutes. Continue this until he has stopped being so clingy. Make sure you go Vaccume or do something noisy so you don't hear him or you will go to him. After awhile he will learn to be by jimself and then he will accept others. You can also let someone else go to him while he is in there so it seem they are rescueing him or they can go play with him in his room. He will realize Mom and dad are not the only people that are good.

M.

Oh my...my son is 13 months and sounds like yours. Although I have to say that if I'm out of sight he is ok with others watching him, but he is still clingy with whomever he is around. I feel your pain, I am very frustrated with my son because I feel I can't even cook a decent meal with him around. What has been helping lately is having pets around him. He loves dogs, so if the weather allows it he sits on the high chair (outside under the porch) and watches my little dogs run around. I put some cereal on his tray so he stays busy. This has really helped, but I still have to be around to watch him. Try taking him to a pet store to see if he seems interested in a certain pet (one that does not require lots of care since you already have your son that keeps you busy :)). Other than this, I really recommend a monthly massage which is what has helped me stay sane. My son has been like this since birth as well; he was a colicky baby. Take him to play with other kids so he can get distracted. Sincerely, Stressed, Tired and Frustrated

3 out of 4 of my kids were like this - and in addition, I nursed them all, and none of them would take a bottle.
I wondered how long they would be like that, but when they became 2 or 2 1/2, they were just fine - no clingy-ness whatsoever. They got through it.
We could not get a babysitter for a long time - I arranged my life so that we took whatever kid that was under the age of 2 with us. Hiking, biking, dates, etc. I didn't go hardly anywhere where I couldn't take a baby, and it was OK. It may seem forever right now, but it will pass soon.
Some kids just are that way - and I really don't think it is a matter of 'training' -
My 3 kids that were this way are now 15, 12, and 6. They are all well adjusted kids, and are very independent. I think it is because I gave them the security they needed when they were infants. Some kids don't need this, but most of mine did.
Also - now I have plenty of time to do all the things that were put on hold for a while after each child was born. No problems!! :)

Sounds like anxiety... And I had the same problem with my second son, it got better with st. John's Wort and 5HTP!!! Love, G.. :0)

My daughter was and still is at times the same way. She's now 29 months and is slowly growing out of it. The more she learns to talk, the better we can communicate. She's also learning to trust me and know that I will come back for her. It can be frustrating at times, but in the end I know she's clingy because she loves me and there's no better reward than that. Hang tight - it gets better. And like Page said - they grow so fast before you know it, their baby/toddler years are gone!

OMG, my now 3 year son was the same kind of kid. Within the last couple months he has come out of that 3 year phase. I really believe that my son has some sensory issues that he is outgrowing, but that hindered his comfort level in many scenarios. My son would scream at people when they would approach him until a few months ago. He would cry if I would leave the house and have my husband watch him. My kid was "that kid" at the gym, too. I stopped going because I knew what the outcome would be. I enrolled my son in preschool twice a week at 2.5 and it really pulled him out of his shell. I highly recommend a preschool setting as soon as he is old enough. My son only cried for me for the first four days of preschool and after that, he realized that I was coming back and that he could have fun without me around. I used to feel like my son was better off with me in certain situations because if I was around he would cling to me and his anxiety levels were through the roof.

You need to hold him more..... My 2nd daughter was that way - I have 5 now and they do outgrow it..... He needs more love to feel secure - sort of the opposite of your older child... The more you let him cry - the more clingy he will become....

Good Luck - - - by the way my 2nd born will be 13 on Friday and she still needs mommy time, but only once a week or so :)