2 1/2 Year Old with Separation Anxiety, but Only at the Gym

L.,

I am a mommy of a 22 month old girl who is generally a little shy and very attached to me. She does fine at her grandparent or her aunt and uncles. When i take her to the gym daycare she gets clingy and looks very confused once i am gone. She eventually starts crying and doesnt want any of the people messing with her. The daycare staff is awesome. its not their fault. I know bcs i watch constantly (tvs are on every cardio machine. I think she feels threatened she doesnt know where she is and everyday its someone different. Do i am taking it slow for now. And if it doesnt stop then i wont push her. good luck
K.

It's very normal. He might think,that its going to only be just the two of you. Then when you get there,You leave him in a room with people he doesn't know and you to to the gym. There is nothing with that. Nest time you go to the gym with him. Try this,spend about five min. in the room with him and let him get use to being in there. After a few times of doing this. It should be okay.

Maybe there's something happening there that he's not comfortable with. Maybe after dropping him off, you could "spy" for a while to see if the people in the daycare are treating the children well, etc. Just a thought...

Firstly, good for you for making the time for yourself at the gym AND for being so positive about it - lol I think that's the key....to really look at as time for yourself so you appreciate it that much more :)

Anyway, I wondered if you could bring his favorite video - or get him excited about picking one out at the library to watch while you workout. You can even time the choices to be an hour long - the same as your workouts. Or, maybe give him a special stuffed animal or blanket. Another idea: What if you go to the gym (not to work out) but just to sit inside the daycare with him and play and give him a sense of being okay in there? It may take a couple of times, but if he associates it with you making it fun, safe, and okay - he may be totally okay with it thereafter ;)

Good luck and I hope I can feel as excited about working out as you do!!

-C.

Have you tried Stroller Strides. It is an exercise program that you can do with your child in the stroller. I used to teach it and it is a great program. You can check out their website at www.stollerstrides.net to find a contact in your city.

Hi L.,

Have you tried taking a class like Stroller Strides? They are a stroller fitness program that allows you to get a fun workout with other moms, and still be with your little guy. It sounds like that would be a great solution for you. I know that they have locations all over the East Valley, and you should be able to find one close to you at www.strollerstrides.com. Good luck!

L., I totally understand your situation, because then my five year old was little I had the same problem. Usually you don't have to pay money for daycare services at the gym, so I noticed that people that work there don't really pay attention to your kid and every time he cried they would just call me to come pick him up instead of trying to distract him or pay attention to him. If that's the case, I would suggest establishing relationship with a person that watches your kid. Tell your situation and how much you love working out and maybe she will show you compasion and will put more effort in you kid. Another option would be if you could run to the gym while he is still at his regular daycare? Good luck with everything, I hope you can keep working out.

L.,
I had this problem with my granddaughter at a daycare where I knew the people. My niece worked there and still she did not want to stay there and would actually hang on my leg crying. She too was scared of the older kids. What really helped me was another little girl age 5. She asked me why mine was crying and I told her she was scared. She started talking to her and the next thing I knew my little one was sitting at a table coloring with her. Maybe you could introduce him to one of the older ones, the staff should be able to help you pick out one that will treat him like a younger brother, this should help him feel more secure to have a friend that is older.
C.

I actually don't have any advice for you (I wish I did), but I am having the same problem with a younger child and was just wondering when yours started this. I have a 7-month old and have the same problem as you. He does fine at daycare and the church nursery, but I get called out every time I try to take him to the gym. I even switched gyms thinking maybe there was something he didn't like about the other gym. I actually took him to the new gym for the first time yesterday and still had to cut my workout short :-( I was hoping this was just a phase he was going through, but you message doesn't give me much hope. So has your son always done this or was he good at the gym when he was a baby? Hopefully someone will offer some good advice as I don't want to give up working out, that is my one break in the day that helps me be a better mommy :-)

Try going to Baby Boot Camp! You can bring your son with you and get a great workout from a personal trainer! That would solve both of your problems. Check out www.babybootcamp.com. It is great!

Arrange for him to go to his favorite babysitter each day for that hour that is yours. He doesn't even have to know you are going to the gym. Make it "all about him".

When the gym nursery people gave up & called you back, he was successful in his attempt and it was worth a try the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. times. He "trained" everyone to respond to his demands. And now he needs to be diverted to a more pleasant caregiver where he is "all that"!

If that is the only place he "freaks out" then I would assume that there is someone or something there that is causing him to get so upset. At 2 1/2 it's tough to express what/who the problem is, but if he's getting that upset I'm surprised that you keep subjecting him to it if he's okay everywhere else. I'd look into that further.

Why does he freak only at the gym? Does the gym scare him? Is there another child in the nursery that is picking on him or bullying him? Is it one of the workers in the nursery the scares him? You will find that gyms do not always do background checks on the nursery workers. They do not always hire people that are good with kids. There might be a person in the nursery that you son is reacting to. Do you have any other friends with children? If so, do the children know each other real well? Try going to the gym with the friend and her child so you son has someone he knows to play with. That way he won't feel so alone.

I agree with Leslie G., What's going on in the gym daycare? Have you tried staying with him through the daycare experience? I know that beats the idea of going to the gym to work out, but maybe you'll see who he shys away from and maybe get to the bottom of the anxiety.

Have you ever just gone there just to stay with him at the gym daycare to see what happens there?...I trust kids first when they aren't happy about something...maybe he isn't getting good care there!

Hi L.,
Sorry to hear that your son doesn't like to play at the gym, even though you do. I don't really have a solution, but I was thinking that since he doesn't have a problem other places, maybe he doesn't like the gym because he had a bad experience there. Try going when there is a different shift, or different people in the day care. I hope this helps. Good luck at doing what you love.
K.

I have raised 8 children and I have 28 grandchildren. No one has all the answers and I sometimes think I have more questions than answers. But I have wonderful children and grandchildren so I must have done something right and I have learned a lot from all the mistakes I have made. So, this is one suggestion: Try staying with your child in the gym and observing for a few days. Don't play with him or he will get used to that and not want to give it up. Simply be there so that he feels secure. After he begins to feel more comfortable, tell him you are going to get a drink of water and you will be back and then do that a few times,staying away a little longer each time. It may take a week, even two, but it is worth the time if it works. The screaming fits can get to be a learned reaction if it goes on too long and he will see that it works to keep you close by his side. A few tears during this period of time are okay. It is long term you are working towards.

Maybe there is someone that is less than nice to him at the gym. Ask him why he doesn't want to go - when you are in a calm comfortable setting. You may be surprised at what you hear.

If it is a mean caregiver - - you may need to complain to get them out of there - or find another babysitting solution.

My inital thought is, whats happening at the gym thats making him this way?? It seems odd to me that hes not having the sepearation anxiety anywhere else but here, which makes me a little worried about this... I would start by checking into the people that work there to see if something happened with him that you don't know about.. hopefully not. Maybe you can try visiting another gym on a guest pass, and see what happens with him there???
I hope you get this figured out!

Sounds like your babysitter is a good option. At his age, our son was very scared of older kids or loud places. As he has gotten older, he's learned a little better how to stand up for himself, and once he has adjusted, he'll go just about anywhere we send him. I would think it would be better starting in about 6 months if your son is like ours.

Have you considered he is not having a good experience in the daycare at the gym? Maybe they ignore him, other kids aren't nice, there isn't enough fun stuff to do for him?
Maybe one day stay there and play with him, get him excited about it and even send something like his one favorite toy to take with him. I would say it is safe to say that if this is the only place he is acting like this it is a reflection of the daycare and how your mood is dropping him off. Have you tried even showing him on the clock in the daycare when you will be back? I would really ask the staff what they do, do they just let the kids run around or do they try and engage them in anything? If this is the case, I say it is time to get a sitter for your workout sessions as obviously there is a problem and he cannot tell you what it is. I watch kids as a job and worked in a daycare for a fitness center three years ago. I would say the kids that cried were always like that in every situation without their moms, it was my job to get them to coloring, doing a puzzle, game or whatever to try and make that time away from their moms or dads fun! Good luck

My thought would be, is it usually the same person watching him or do they do something he doesn't do else where? Maybe someone is bothering him in some way, the daycare provider or even another child. If you have a friend with a membership elsewhere, you could maybe try his/her gym & see if you get the same results. Based on his comfort level other places, it seems like an environmental issue. Just a thought...:)

I also have a 2 1/2 year old that has refused to go to the daycare at the gym. He goes to other places by himself as well but the gym has never worked. I have heard this from a few other people as well. I assume that there is something that is uncomfortable about that place for them. Now my husband and i just take turns to get to the gym and it is well worth it.

dd

Hi there. I have worked in childcare for 16 yrs now. If your son only freaks out when he goes to the gym daycare, you may want to take a closer look at that daycare. If it was regular seperation anxiety he would do it whenever you left him. He may not like or trust one of the caregivers at the facility or may have had a bad experience there. You might try to look into drop-in care somewhere else like his regular daycare. Kids definately have ways of telling us when they are uncomfortable. Good luck.

Have you tried spending time with him in the daycare at the gym? Go in there with him for 15 minutes and play with him and let him play with the other kids there. Then both of you leave. Do that for a couple of days then get him settled and leave for 10 minutes and come back and leave. It is a hard place for kids to get adjusted to. Many different moms and workers there. I have worked in the daycare and had a child that hated it when I left her there. With persistance and patience we made it thru it, now she loves going there. It may not be the right time for him either. You may want to wait a couple of weeks and give him a break from it (I had to give my daughter a 3 month break before trying again. I know it is hard to do for your own sanity, but give it time. He will come around

My first question is whether your son had problems at the gym daycare from the very first time you left him, or after the first time? It's possible that the general atmosphere (i.e. noise, banging of weights, etc.) is scary for him. You might try sitting in the daycare with him for a period of time, then leaving with him, then leaving him for a few minutes, then 5 minutes, then 10. You get the idea! I know that will take up some of the time you have that is in such short supply, but may be worth it in the long run. If that fails, find a friend to watch him, because you absolutely cannot stop working out! You deserve that time for yourself!! Good luck!

L.,

If it were me, I'd find another gym. Maybe there is something going on at that daycare that has scared the hell out of him.

T.

Sounds like you've come to a good solution for both of you.

It sounds like he may have had a bad experience at that day care. Maybe there is a worker who yelled at him, or something along those lines. If he goes to all of the others, I would listen to him and not make him go. Try doing some fitness things outside where he can play at the park, or something like that. Or try hiring a babysitter for a few times a week where you can go to the gym and not have to torture him...

Good luck!

first off MAKE SURE no one is bullying him, or that it's not a matter of not feeling safe. it's weird that he will only cry at the gym...there could be something that he can't express, so perhaps watch him from afar one day to see why it is so distressing.