How to Get Out of the House and Not Lose Mind Doing So?

OK, this is going to sound harsh, but I mean this kindly: what kind of housework is that important that you're up doing it until 1 AM?!?! Seriously, even if my mother-in-law was coming for the weekend, there is no way in h**l that I'm not planning on being asleep by 10 at the latest. That way when my #2 joyously awakes the household at 5 AM, I can at least act alive (after several cups of coffee).

Now, I have to offer my admiration that you're at the gym. You've got me beat hands down there.

Seriously, though, you can't be a good mommy and take care of the baby until you take care of you (and that means sleep)! Pick your priorities; for me it was (1) baby or sleep depending on my recent sleep (remember baby can nurse while you sleep), (2) sleep or baby, (3) coffee, (4) work/pumping, (5) husband (as a big boy, he was a little bit farther down the list than my little boys), . . . (20) housework.

Also, do you have a baby carrier that you wear? Personally, I counted that as gym time and it allowed me to do the laundry, vacuum, have a life and talk on the phone, pick up #1's bountiful toys, cook, etc.

One last thing (that I'm sure you don't want to hear): remember that sleep deprivation worsens depression. Going to the gym to lessen depression is great, but don't let that be at the expense of some shut eye.

You will get through this.

I would recommend having two diaper bags. One for the gym, one for everyday. In the gym one you can keep prepackaged snacks and anything else you need. Keep it in the car and you will always have it ready. Since you don't use it as much, it won't have a change to get as "gucky" as your other one. While my kids were still wearing diapers I used to buy an extra pack to keep in the car. Just in the trunk. I doesn't hurt to have extra.
You don't say how old your other child (children?) are, but my kids are served dry cereal in a bag when I'm in a hurry. They haven't starved yet. I also fill sippy's the night before so they can be grabbed easily.
Keep your mommy time! You need it.

Dad needs to step in. Mom's job is 24hrs a day, Dad's job ends when he leaves. Find a way to go when he gets home from work, or before he goes to work. Babyhood is truly the SHORTEST period of your life, do what you need to do to ENJOY it!

Very simply, stop doing housework until 1am !!! Your home does not have to be perfect, not even close. Countertops and tables do NOT have to be completely free of crumbs, carpets do NOT have to be vaccuumed daily, toilets do NOT have to be spotless, and unless someone in your family has allergies, dust won't hurt anyone. Make sure the dishes are done and anything dangerous is out of reach of the children, and make sure they have clean clothes. Everything else is just extra. And pack formula for the gym instead of pumping. One bottle for formula is not going to adversely affect your baby, especially at 6 months. All in all, just give yourself a break. Your whole family will benefit from a calmer, more rested you. And try to find a closer gym!

okay - just read your "so what happened". Try yoga to calm your mind and center yourselves, and allow yourselves to let the house go a bit. Do this for 45 minutes instead of housework, and see what happens. Should help you get better quality sleep too!

Why cant you go at night alone after hubby comes home.

I just read your "so what happened" but not the original advice responses.
Have you ever considered a couple things. First, How much does dad help out? My husband and I have two kids under three and we both work full time.
To handle the housework which can be overwhelming after a 10 hour day in the office, I get the kids (well the toddler now, soon the baby will pitch in) to clean up all their toys after dinner before we get into the bathtub. That way they get picked up adn the kids learn that I am not their maid. Dad and I take turns with the childcare in the evening. I always cook because I get home earlier than he does, but if he does the bath, I'll clean the kitchen and put the toddler to bed. and the next night vice versa. So usually by 9 pm the kitchen is cleaned, toys mostly put away and neither one of us has to stay up until midnight.
As far as the laundry, I try to get the kids involved. I take the toddler to our laundry room and have him push all the buttons, etc. And we try to do the laundry earliy enough that Dad can help fold. Eventually the kids will be folding their own laundry. I will see to it. There is nothing more pathetic than a 25 year old who doesn't know how to use a washer and dryer, but the sad thing is I have known plenty of people who fall into that category.
Then maybe you can organize the work so that you clean the living room every other day so at least a few days a week you can get to bed early.
I have also battled with depression, so I understand the need to keep order in the house. That will help you stay on top of feeling depressed, as will your time at the gym. But it also might help you to enlist everyone in the house in the act of cleaning the house. Just because your husband gets paid for his work outside the home does not mean that he is resolved of his fair share of the house responsibilities.
I also really recommend Valerian Root. It is a nautral sleep aid that I love that leaves you with non of the fogginess of the medical sleep aids. It is also erfectly safe for use while breastfeeding.
Good Luck to you!

You are so not alone. I have 2 year old twins and a 3 month old and its tough to get out of the house. In fact I just 2 minutes ago got finished telling my friend that after today's struggle to get to church and back, I wished I could have a stiff drink. You need to make getting more sleep your first priority. You need to say that you can only clean (and make time to relax) until 10 or 11 and keep to it. If you throw the laundry in the drawer unfolded for a month or two until your little one is bigger no one will be the wiser. Do some of your chores half as often or turn something over to be your husbands responsibility and then just let go - if he doesn't do it right he doesn't do it right. Really other than the kitchen counters, the dishes, and the table you eat on what NEEDs to be cleaned every day? If your daughter is over the age of 18 months start teaching her to clean up her own toys.

I too fall asleep with BFing so I set an alarm just in case. Take the last half hour every night to pack the diaper bag, put it by the door, and to get out clothes for each of you - it takes half the time when you don't do it in a hurry. You can even cut holes in an old bra and pump hands free while you eat your breakfast or do some chore that doesn't require you to move far. Get a timer and set it for yourself and for your older child. Give yourself lots of pats on the back when you do get out of the hours. Since the gym is so far I would probably alternate Gym days and walking outside with the kids now that the weather is warm. You can bring a snack for the older one and find a nice place to bf in the middle of your walk so that you don't have to worry about pumping.

CHECK OUT FLYLADY. www.flylady.net she helps you build routines that make your life easier and her motto is progress not perfection.

It seems you're up before 6ish anyway, why dont you go then after you breast feed. Your husband is home he can be daddy while your at the gym. Just make sure you're home before he needs to leave for work. then you have the rest of your day to be a less stressed mommy. Maybe even squeeze in a nap.
good luck

I wouldn't stay up doing the housework. Let it go. Leave babies home with daddy after work and hit the gym then. Take off as soon as everyone is up and dressed in the morning - the more time in the house, the more you'll be distracted with so even if it means leaving the house and eating breakfast out (grab bagels at dunkin donuts) and putting the girls in the daycare and THEN pumping in the locker room. If you can, hire some help. Even if you can't afford a cleaning woman or cleaning service, see if you can get a neighborhood teen for an hour after school to run the vacuum, change the sheets, run some laundry, clean the counters, or whatever else is taking so much of your time.

You could look at your morning routine and do the things the night before you can to make it easier such as packing the snacks and diaper bags the night before as well as laying out clothes for both you and the girls. That way in the morning, all you have to do is feed the girls, pump, get all of you dressed and go. :)

(My mornings tend to be rushed too and this is something I know would make my life easier yet for some reason I haven't grasped it yet myself. LOL)

Wow! OMG! This sounds just like me just a few years ago. I can totally and identically relate to you and your situation and dilemma! I am a stay at home mom of 3 teenegers now, but when they were small/young I was in the same boat, of trying desperately to get some time away for just me and exercise to help with my depression. I know it is hard and stressful just to get there but do it as often as you can because it does help and has helped me. The only other thing I can suggest is to go at night if you ever can. Can you go when your husband is home with the kids in the evening ever? This was a tough time for me to go and may be for you too because of dinner and husband's inconsistent/undependable work hours. The only other thing I can suggest is either have more things ready and prepared the night before or see if you can get a friend or neihbor to watch them. If none of these ideas work well enough for you the last resort is to work out right at home if you can't get out of the house and to the gym, it is better than nothing! Where do you live and work out? I'm in Syracuse, NY (Upstate) and I teach group fitness classes part time at area clubs/gyms (subbing). I do both strength training and cardio but I have found the cardio to help the most with my depression. Any kind/form of cardio that you like to do is good.
Good luck with this frustrating, stressful, difficult time. It DOES get easier.....

I think the perfect answer for you is Stroller Strides. It's a whole-body fitness class that you do with your kids in the stroller. We entertain the kids during class by singing songs and the instructors always have little toys and props to help entertain them. I go to the White Plains location but there are others around. You can go to www.strollerstrides.com to find the location that is closest to you. They also have playgroups after class so your kids can play while you get to socialize with other mommies, which can also help you to feel better.

Recent studies are questioning insomnia as a symptom of depression and wondering if it might not be the root cause, so first things first, please put yourself to bed when the baby goes to bed at night, or within an hour. I have a newborn and a 24 month old and a late night for me is 9:15.

I also have a very strict schedule for us in terms of our activities and my housecleaning (dust on Wed, wash floors Thursday, etc). . I don't get a chance to exercise, save for when we go for walks, but we have activities 4 mornings a week, so we get the rush. I find having my bags packs and ready to go makes things much easier.

Sounds to me like you need some Fly Lady and organizational strategies.

I give you credit for trying!! I didn't get back to the gym until my little guy was almost one because of lack of sleep! Now I wake up by 7am and we head to the gym by 8am when the babysitting opens. Then when we get back, my little guy is ready for a nap. I usually feel good to go so thats when I take a shower and do what I need to get done. Thank goodness he's a good napper now!! You may want to try to get to the gym as early as you can and come home and take a nap with your girls. Or let your girls nap and then try to get your housework done so you can fall asleep early. It won't be easy. You may be tired first couple of days until you get on a different schedule. Good luck. Keep up the good work you are doing!!

I don't really understand what's taking you so long to get out of the house or why you have to do housework until 1:00 in the morning. Sorry, but I think I'm missing some details here. I also think a 2 hour workout is a bit much -- are you trying to do this daily??

In any case, do whatever you can to prepare the night before. Have the diaper bag packed, pack up snacks and lunch for you and your older daughter to eat in the car or at the gym. Put shoes by the door. Have clothes laid out.

okay mom- my suggestion- from a mother of three!
first off- you need to prioritize- and get your husband to help- he can pack lunches and a diaper bag can't he?
why do you need to be up so late? what is so important late at night that can't wait until the next day?

I suggest you find a gym closer to home- stuides have showen that the farther away the gym is- the less likely you are to get there.

Unfortunately- your gym schedule is at the mercy of the daycare schedule- you have no choice with that.

I will agree that exercise does help with depression- if only everyone was willing to give that kind of treatment a try- there would be less use of the drugs!!
anyway- look into finding a gym closer to home- a half hour is a bit far- there has to be one closer- try that first

Updated

well, since you asked-
I have a few suggestions-
the first thing- if possible- you should find a gym closer to home- the farther a gym is- the less likely you are to get there.
Second- prioritize- you need to start going to bed ealier- there is only so much you can do in a day- you are one person!!
I would consider getting the diaper bag and lunches packed the night before- but I question why your husband can't help out?
I do agree that getting to the gym will help your depression! I just wish more people saw that! Kudos to you for wanting to get to the gym!

Ok...So you now know this current Routine is not working...Time to come up with a New and Improved one. It seems that every 'chore' has to be done by a certain time...That could be the nature of why the time seems to be slipping away. We all need a schedule to follow, but we all need to make the time work for us, instead of Stressing us out. That said, Pack the Diaper Bag the Night before and keep it packed for a 'ready to go out the door'. Pack snacks for the next day the night before. Lay clothes out for the next day the night before. Set the cereal bowls out the night before in preparation for breakfast for the kids. Have that Breast pump cleaned and ready to go, or Pre-pump if yu can...Try to do as much as you can when you can before you need too...Make Sense? Also, One day a week Hire a Babysitter to sit in your home (hopefully you have a support system like that) with the kids and go to the Gym/Spa to do you. Any chance you can find a Gym closer to your Home? 30 minutes away is a vital 30 mins away. What are your weekends like when Hubby is home? and How much is he helping out? I'd love to hear from you and to follow up with you to see if I can share any other ideas with you! ____@____.com Our stories are somewhat alike... I wish you the best...

First I would like to say congrats on fighting your depression with something constructive. I really don't have ans that is any different from the one you have already said but maybe its in your work ethic...meaning when you clean up at night do you do a full cleaning I know no one likes a dirty house but kids don't help keep it clean either try to pick those battles I say clean the kitchen and pick up your living room but as for your kids room try not to stress if its already late. Another thing is its getting nice out a walk in the park is just as effective and there's no rushing its not closing till dark. I can just tell you that your doing a great job even if you don't see it yet you will one day.

with the weather getting nicer, maybe the gym isnt a manditory thing... no I'm not saying dont exercise, but get the girls out for a walk... that way you can get exercise, spend time with the girls and tire them out with the fresh air. There are plenty of things to do outside, that will allow you to exercise in a non traditional way but still work out at any time of the day. Here is a website that gives great ideas for outdoor exercise programs, and ways to work out in the parkl. It may give you some ideas of ways to workout with out having to make the gym, which may help with the precious limited hours of the day.

As a single mom that works night shift, I have even less time to spend time running to the gym and definitely no "me" time, so when I found this site very helpful with getting exercise I was very excited that it was less stressfull to try to fit in exercising. I hope it helps you too.

www.fitmomfitness.com

I'd work on one thing at a time. If you have to get up at 5am to feed the baby, go to bed in time to get a full night sleep before then (say 9/10pm). Then your day will not be so fretful. Instead of using the breast pump, just nurse the baby before you work out. She'll last for your work out. (I got mine on a schedule of feeding every 4 hours). When you get home, have the kids in their rooms/crib for 2 hour nap/quiet time. Do you house work then. What you don't get done, won't get done. But sleep is the highest priority, then exercize. Housework seems to take as long as you have. We had a limited income and still had a cleaner come 1 every two weeks. This kept me from feeling like I was always needing to clean something.

I do the same thing you do with staying up WAY too late. I can't help it. But I can tell out of your schedule that is going to be the best thing to fix. Seriously, like everyone said, let the housework slide a little. If you can afford it (I wish I could) have a once a week maid come during your gym time. I don't think skipping the gym is helpful- good for you for going! But alternating with a walk/job outside when its nice is a good idea too. Being outside is good for your soul. Your hubby sounds understanding and no one is going to care if your don't have a perfect house. I only have one kid, and my house is currently a wreck. I hate it but it is better for my sanity to not stress over it. Getting sleep is far more important for your mental wellbeing and your weight loss than anything else. If you are sleep deprived you will never feel better. I like the flylady idea. Check out that website. And getting everything ready the night before will help too. I always replenish my diaper bag as soon as I get home. I have a snack bag/meal out bag that I can slip in my purse or diaper bag with all the supplies we might need to eat out and I keep that full so that I am never trying to fill it before I leave the house. I am one of those people who chronically runs late. So this helps me a lot. All you will have to add to the bag will be milk if everything else is ready to go. But sleep is the very best thing for you and that is the thing you need to change the most. Good luck!

Two hours at the gym is a long time but are you counting the TOTAL time to get there, get settled, work out and everything? I have been struggling with workout time for 3 years now since my son has been born and honestly, I have just read and have been told by my friends who are very into health and exercise that even just a half hour of cardio a day - 45 minutes the most is all we need unless we are training for a high endurance event...in addition weight training is important, which usually only takes about a half hour too. I would lessen my gym time but just go more often and then if you want more exercise for your mind, then do it with the girls and make it fun or do it at home whenever you can (easier said than done I know) but it sounds to me like you are doing to much gym time. However, regardless of gym time suggestions are: get a babysitter instead of bringing the girls. Have a gym bag packed at all times so whenever you are ready so are the clothes! Pack convenience snacks and have them on hand so you can just grab and go if you do need to take the girls. Can you go to the gym in the evening after your husband gets home? Sounds like you are up late anyway...this way you don't have to have the girls come with you and maybe you can get everything else done during the day so when he comes home you can go (or just go after the girls go to sleep if they go to bed early). You DO need to try and let some of the housework go or have someone help you with it. I know though, I am up late doing "odds and ends" as my husband likes to say, but seriously, thers ALWAYS something to be done.

The bottom line is you have to be flexible and ready to go when it works and you have to know the gym schedule will change, so you need to just change with it. In addition to the gym, fit in exercise/activity throughout the day too. Its very difficult and there are going to be days/weeks when its just not working, but you have to take it one day at a time and one step at a time and not beat yourself up if you get off track.

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT to be physically and mentally fit and just because you have children now doesn't mean you shouldn't be. Some people just don't get it! Don't give up! (you are not a nut!!!)

For the no sleeping...mabye try drinking some herbal tea at night and incorporate yoga into your exercise routine. You need to quiet your mind and your body and it will help with any depression too!

Dear Carmi, sounds like you have your hands full and I am sorry you are depressed. Have you spoken to your Doctor about this? I do think you are trying to do too much. Staying up 'till 1 and getting up so early...this is also not good for baby. If you are worn out and stressed the baby feels it. Is it possible to go every other day or not try to do 2 hours of exercise? I don't know if this helps but my advice is slow down...life is too short! My best, Grandma Mary (mom of 5)

I didn't read all of the responses you got, but boy do I feel for you, and no, you are not a nut! Just a mom who is trying her best to take care of herself, her family and her home. First, things will get easier, just keep telling yourself that. Mine are now 3 and 10 months, and it is easier--I still have the occasional hard day here and there, and those last 5-10 minutes getting out are tough, but it's easier than it was.

Next, I know a few people suggested going to the gym at night. I just can't face the gym at night, but that's just me. You mentioned that it takes 1/2 an hour to get to the gym. I used to go to a gym that took 1/2 an hour to get to, and I found that, for me, it just wasn't worth it. So here's what I do...I hired a high school sitter down the street to come 2x a week for 2 hours (4-6). That's when I go to the gym. I joined a gym that's a little closer, and is way cheaper (Planet Fitness is 10 bucks a month). On days that she doesn't come here or can't make it, I do an instant workout on Netflix, or I do a workout DVD, or I go for a walk with the kids, or I try to just jump rope for 10 minutes and then do some weights (10 pound weights). Good or bad, on days that I don't want to go to the gym, or if I have lots of errands to run, I just take a few hours off while my sitter's here, and maybe go get coffee for myself!

That said, in terms of actually getting you out of the house, can you maybe leave a stash of diapers and wipes in your car, and maybe even a few portable snacks, so that you don't have to do so much bag packing in the morning? Or can your husband pack your diaper bag for you before he leaves in the morning (if you leave a list)?

Hang in there. It will definitely get easier, especially as the baby starts to nurse less, and is able to self-feed with the less messy foods--then you can feed on the go. I know they say not to do that, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! Good luck.

How about having your gym bag packed and in the car the night before. Have a seperate diaper bag in the car as well. If the snacks do not have to be refrigerated have them in the car, if not have them packed and ready to go in the refrigerator. I have 8 yr old twins, so I was in your spot before.

What about not pressuring yourself to get to the gym because the time constraints seem a bit much right now. How about just putting the girls in a double stroller & going for a walk or run instead? The weather is nice & the fresh air will do wonders for your depression too. Trust me, I know ... I've been there myself!

If that's not an option, is there a mom you know who would be willing to watch the girls for a few hours in the afternoon?

Or, is there a gym that is closer to your house? Or one that has more flexible daycare hours?

Good luck with everything!

My suggestions will be simple.
1. Buy formula. Keep breastfeeding, but switch to formula when you are away. Or pump at night, so the morning is free and only add formula as needed.

2. Change your workout so you don't need 2 hours in the gym. I find that a good workout is a good workout, regardless of how much time I spent doing it.

As this person says, you can train hard or train long. Train hard and then relax a little or have a nap for the rest of the time. Check this link out, it helped me a lot. He has great tips and motivations. http://www.noexcusesworkouts.com/