I'm Fine, Hubby Needs More

Some people may hate me for my answer but "just do it".

I have realized that there are just sometimes when a husband needs more sex and sometimes when you can let it ride out to once a week.

It seems that he needs more right now...the weird thing is when I am open to it more then he seems to "need" it less and vice versa...

If he needs it and wants it why not at least try for a while...

I know I am tired at the end of the day and could go way way longer than my hubby, but when we are done we both laugh and say, "Why don't we do that more often?" Then say we will but we are tired and fall back into habits.

If that is his love language, physical touch and intimacy, fill up his love tank a bit...it can only make a good/great marriage you are describing even better.

Good luck!!

Find a babysitter. It's pretty easy. You guys need grown up time. Send the kids to grandma's or auntie's house on the weekends. Take a long bubble bath then stay naked all weekend.

I was in the opposite situation - my drive was WAY higher than his. And he had health issues that made it sometimes impossible for us to have sex.
It wasn't a deal-breaker.
If he was in the mood and I wasn't, he had two hands with opposable thumbs.
If I was in the mood and he wasn't, I had a vibrator and a bottle of Astroglide.
Neither of us expected the other to perform if s/he just wasn't feeling the hornies.

In your post, the sentence "life got in the way" appears twice.
I think you need to really, really think about the fact that your husband is unhappy with the frequency of sex in your marriage.
Your marriage is a BIG part of your "life"!
He's expressing this clearly and frequently.
He's helping you around the house, he's working too.
What else, short if wave a magic mood wand, can he do.
I propose you walk the walk for a couple of months.
Shoot for every 5 days.
We ALL get busy and exhausted with life.
If sex, when you do have it, is enjoyable and satisfying, try really stepping it up. Keep track. Allow it to happen more.
IMO, sex is O. of those things that the more you have, the more you'll have!
Good luck!

You want to know how to resolve your differences in the bedroom? GIVE HIM MORE SEX!! He has been asking for 9 years................

This issue is not just about sex, it is about intimacy. He is telling you very loudly and clearly that he misses time with you and you are either not telling him or he is not hearing that you think all he wants is sex. So stop arguing about sex and start talking about intimacy. Discuss with him the fact that kissing and affection will come his way more often if it does not always have to lead to sex. Then be really open. If you genuinely trust each other, are there other ways that you can meet his sexual needs versus his intimacy needs? Then, yes, maybe you do need to put him on the calendar. Yes, it is sweet he is afraid he'll lose you, but it is not cute for either of you if something you are doing is keeping him feeling insecure. Loving him is helping him feel secure. (remember that some one else may offer HIM that too.) Maybe he is being unreasonable. It does not matter. He is clearly stating his emotional needs and you are dismissing them. The kids and the house are not more important than the relationship. Time for an open trusting loving discussion. (Seek professional help if you need guidance to do this.) Good luck!

You should suck it up and do it.
Seriously, it's maybe 15 minutes out of your evening to make him happy.

I have the reverse problem. I want it more, and hubby doesn't need it as much.
And quite honestly, I have started looking elsewhere for attention.
To me, hearing it is not enough. I need it to feel desired and valued. I need to feel like he WANTS me. That is important to me.
So when I initiate and am turned away, it makes me feel unattractive and undesired.

I would urge you not to ignore this.
He is telling you what he needs, and you're basically telling him that what he feels isn't important to you. That the fact that "you're tired" is more important.
There is a happier medium than what you have, and quite honesty, what you're doing now is selfish on your part.

Sorry, but this strikes a chord with me, as is a real source of pain in my relationship.

There's a difference between "wants" and "needs." Sex is important, and easily jumps from a simple want to a grinding need. In my marriage, I've always been the one who needs more.

I would never leave my life partner because he's not as available as I need, but there have been long stretches – years – when my needs simply fell off the map. He was raised in a sexually-suppressed home, and figured it shouldn't be necessary. I suffered intensely, and that was not optimal for our relationship. My beloved could not relate to my need, and as long as he kept up his end of our mutual responsibilities, he figured I should be fine. I struggled for years to "let it be fine," but my stress kept bubbling up through other small cracks. (Added: And yes, self help has always been available to me, but didn't begin to address the missing intimacy.)

Fortunately, they were small cracks, and our mostly-wonderful marriage of 32 years has survived. And somehow, some way, this adorable man found his way to a new physicality that has pumped some real juice into our lives. He's amazed to find that it's been good for me, for us, and for him!

Because your husband keeps expressing this need, tells you what it would mean to him, AND pitches in to help relieve your household stresses, I'm finding it hard to understand your "I'm fine, so why isn't he?" position. It's just so extremely one-sided. Yes, you're over-extended and tired, and yet you have also reported that he's put out a great deal of effort since last summer to make more intimacy possible. He's possibly over-extended and tired, too, and yet he's needing more physical connection with you.

I've got to wonder whether you're genuinely enjoying the sex you do have. If not, putting it on the calendar isn't going to make your half of it any better. What would you need to help you get more joy from the experience? A break in daily routine? A glass of wine? A relaxing back or foot rub? More or different foreplay? If you're simply not feeling sexy, can you give him suggestions about how to help you get there?

By laughing his expressed needs off as "wanting" what he can't have, you are dismissing something that might be a source of genuine suffering for your partner, who has pledged to have sex only with you.

This is unromantic, but you have to schedule it in. Sorry, but it becomes the sad fact. My husband wants it at least once a week - I could go less. So I make sure I invite him upstairs once a week, which is what he needs. I don't usually make him ask, and he knows it's coming, and feels loved being asked instead of having to ask. If he wants it more, he asks for it. I'm not always in the mood and he often gets more enjoyment out of it than I do, which is fine with me, but the connection is there.

Maybe for your husband, it's twice a week. Mid week (Wed) and the weekend.

I give hubbie what he needs and my rule is I get back massages that don't lead to sex :)

My husband works a lot of hours. We have sex every couple of weeks and it kills me.
I get that he is tired, that he just wants to go to sleep, that he just wants to relax....I DO! But at the same time I miss the intimacy. He is the only man I love and I only "get" to have sex with him! I start to feel unattractive, unloved, and unwanted every couple of weeks.
I know he is tired and I respect all of his hard work. I try to see things from his side. BUT, I miss my husband. Every time after we have sex we both say, "why don't we do THIS more often?!" lol
Just giving you the other side of the story.
]L. (married 11 years, 3 kids)

I prefer daytime or morning nookie. At night I pretty much shut down and it's REALLY difficult to "preheat the oven." So consider that you might just need to look for other good times.

Instead of trying at night and going to sleep 30 minutes or an hour later, go to sleep when you get in bed and then set your alarm clock to 30 minutes earlier. Morning nookie starts the day off great, fulfills his needs and yours, you aren't tired and can enjoy it, and then enjoy your coffee.

The solution here is very easy, do it more. Not in a "because I have to, giant eye roll, sighing way" but in a manner which demonstrates you love him and care for him. Truthfully how long are we talking? Less than half an hour as a guess. Are you really so busy and so tired you can't manage thirty minutes every couple of nights? If so, you need to rethink your schedule and/or consult a doctor about any medical reasons for tiredness.

What matters to my husband must matter to me. As a person my husband matters to me and thus, he needs are mine. I strive to determine how to meet his needs. If for no reason other than it makes him happy and I expect him to meet my needs with equal care and concern.

Frankly I would say if your husband is not fine on this issue, then you shouldn't be fine either. You should be bothered his needs are being unmet and he's talking to you about that and wanting to fix it. Wouldn't you expect the same if you were in his position on this topic or any other? At the end of each day you should ask yourself what do you do to make your husband happy. Seems like at least a couple of nights a week, you will have any easy answer.

Are you really too tired all the time, or is that just an excuse?

I'm not being snarky, I'm serious. If you are too tired, then you should 1) talk to your doctor about being so tired all the time 2) ask for your husband to take more responsibility at home and with the kids and 3) make sure you are getting enough sleep at night so that you are not so tired.

If it is an excuse, then stop using it. No two people have the same sex drive. And sometimes in marriage you have to find a middle ground. What frequency will make him content but won't overwhelm you? You obviously haven't found it yet. And if it helps to put it on the calendar so he has something to look forward to, why not?

How would you feel if your husband was the one always brushing off your wants and needs?

Part of a loving, caring relationship is intimacy. My husband (age 36) and I (age 40) both work 50+ hours, have two kids (4 and 6), and a million things to get in the way of us time together, but I do actually put it on the calendar. We have been together for 15 years and neither of us want to lose that spark. Sometimes it is a date night with a babysitter, other times it is a Saturday morning where we give the kids their ipads for an hour and shut ourselves away in our rooms, other times it is a "leave the mess in the kitchen and retreat to the bedroom" right after bedtime kind of thing. We need the time just the two if us, neither of us is ready or willing to give up that intimacy. It doesn't always lead to sex, but it does often enough for both of us, usually 2-3 times a week. You say that your life is great and you heave no complaints, but it is also his marriage too. Talking about it and scheduling it in so to speak may keep it from becoming a bigger issue than it already is.

There are so many fine answers to your question, I am totally surprised and delighted.

The man's and woman's desire for sex is vastly different. I cannot tell you what makes a woman feel loved and cherished. I can tell you that a man feels loved, cherished, valuable, worthwhile and important to his wife, and that's when his wife makes the first move to make love to him.

Generally speaking men are more physically interested in sex than his wife is. And a man would much rather make love to his wife than to just have sex with his wife. Approximately 90% of men want sex more than their wives. (Masters and Johnson interviewed men and women between the ages of 16 and 80 to come up with those numbers.) The average frequency for people 16 to 80 is 5 times every two weeks. (2.4 times per week for one set of researchers and 2.8 times per week for a different set of researchers.)

My wife and I argued about "how often" for the first 30 years of our marriage. She was a once per month person and I was a once per day person. Then she gave me a gift certificate to a book store for Christmas. I went in and was on my way out and happened on a display of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I was in a hurry and thought it was a cook book and since I like to cook, I used my gift certificate to buy it. I was blown away. This book is about 75% for women and 25% for men. It tells women what moves and motivates a man in the bedroom.

I was amazed at how accurate the information was. I was so impressed that I bought a copy for all my married children. I also discovered that women either love or hate the book. I you can get past the title, you will learn a lot about your husband and men in general.

I would recommend you get the book, "101 nights of Great Sex". Then give it to him for his birthday or anniversary, or Father's day, whichever comes first. I would suggest you try one per week. (There are 50 items for men and 50 for women.)

Just a suggestion, 31 years ago, I took my wife on a cruise for our 10th anniversary. It was a surprise for my wife. Her mom came out to watch the kids and we flew off to the Caribbean for a week on a sailing ship. The ship had a capacity of 120 passengers and we were in the owner's cabin/suite. She didn't know we were going until a week before we were to leave. She was so surprised. When we got on board she said she would "do it" with me as often as I wanted over the next week and "Happy Anniversary".

Cruises are so inexpensive now you can buy one for less than I paid for mine 31 years ago. If you and he brown bag a lunch for the next year and put your lunch money in a "Cruise" jar, you will have enough money to pay for two 7-day cruises to the Caribbean or Alaska.

I hope you have a wonderful time taking a vacation for just the two of you. Good luck to you and yours.

Sometimes you just got to bite the bullet. You two were a couple before you had kids. You need to find that again. Put the kids second for a bit until you get this resolved. If you two are not bonding it won't matter what is what when they do leave the nest.

There is a spot in your life that you have to fix and sometimes it means giving up extra kids activities or your/his activities to be a man and woman. He is asking you for you. You are dissing him. A man will go so long and the he will wonder. You say you have so much with this guy but you don't if you don't turn loose the cookie. After 11 years you should know each other very well not as strangers.

Hope you figure it all out soon rather than later and by yourself. Life is too short to be taken for granted.

the other S.

I read your question yesterday and have been thinking about it ever since. I really don't want to come across mean, and I hope I don't.

Your husband has been telling you every few months for 9 years that he needs more! Sweety, wake up now and listen! I can only tell you about my experience. My husband and I have been together 6 years and it hasn't slowed down yet. Mostly because I know just how important it is to him and it's just as important to me. Think about it, you married him and you are the only person that can fulfill this need. It's special. And there is a special connection you feel when you do make love. We have a very good relationship, we appreciate each other so much, and this just cements it. This is both our 2nd marriages, we learned what didn't work and what we need. We both work, and we have 6 kids (his, mine & ours) that live with us all, majority or half the time. Our life is crazy every single day and revolves around the kids. But when 8:30 - 9 pm rolls around and the kids go to bed, it is OUR time. And most nights are spent together and ending making love. Heck, some weekend days I've called him into our room after a fresh shower mid afternoon, lock the door so the kids don't come in, and initiate. He LOVES it! He often says he is 60% chic, 40% male because he needs affection from me. Sounds like yours does too. He is such a good dad and husband, he helps around the house, he has a crazy demanding job, and he spends time with the kids. He deserves to feel my affection. And the sad thing is, we know several couples that are on the verge of extinction (with kids), because the husband doesn't get the affection from the wife that he craves/needs. They are good moms, good housewives, good partners, but they lack giving affection. I don't ever see our sex life slowing down, it's just too important in a marriage. It's a bond, connection, etc. that you only share together. So many wives put the kids first, the housework, the job, and then have nothing left for their husbands. It's just NOT good. Please listen to your husband. He sounds like a good man. He works hard, he helps around the house, he engages with the kids, he deserves to have his needs met. Try shooting for just 2 nights a week, or have a quicky in the morning before you both get up, lock the door on the weekend for an afternoon quicky, if that's too much, give him a quick hand job in the morning. That's not too much to ask, is it? I wish you luck.

Your hubby is starved for sex. You're lucky that he gives you love and attention, and doesn't expect sex no matter how he treats you.

DO put it on the calendar. Yes, you're busy with kids that sex brought to you. I promise you that he didn't want the fruits of sex to keep him from having more sex. He just wanted kids. With kids, it's hard and you're tired. Scheduling sex like you schedule t-ball is the new "norm". Embrace it.

He wants you to think about sex so that you'll be able to enjoy it as much as he does. While he's washing the dishes, go upstairs and get a nice relaxing bath, and sit down in your nightie with a sexy book to read. That will put you in the mindset, and when he comes to bed, you're ready. Shoot for twice a week. You will make him oh so happy to be trying to give him more sex. It will make him feel so much better about himself and your marriage.

Having said this, I absolutely disagree with the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Some of the stuff Laura Schlessinger says is revolting in terms of women being subject to their husbands. BIG BLECH!

What I'm talking about is NOT about owing your husband or being subject to him. It's about offering him the love that he is offering you in the way that he understands.

The Five Love Languages might explain some of the differences you feel.
He might be feeling unloved because you don't "speak his language" when it comes to showing love.
Physical touch (which doesn't always mean sex)
Words of affirmation
Acts of service
Gifts
Quality Time

Just a thought, but I also think you might need to consider why your sex drive is low. I have issues with this as well. Every 7-10 days sounds great to me also but is not enough for him We are working through it.

If not enough sex is your biggest problem, you guys are doing great!!! I totally get what you're saying about being busy and tired--we have three boys (8, 6, and 3).

But, I think it would be good for you guys to find more time together. Here are some things we've done/do to carve out more 'us' time:
1. Back up the kids' bedtime...they go to bed at 7:30 instead of 8.
2. Have pizza night 1x a week...no cooking/no clean up= more time!
3. Make a better effort with foreplay (candles, music, back rub, etc)

We average 2-3x/week. Hubby would like more, of course, but we're doing the best we can.

Good luck!!

I think you already have a lot of great responses, but thought I'd add a few suggestions. You know when your child asks you to play basketball or Uno or help you cook dinner and you really don't want to, but then you do and it's actually fun and your kid's eyes light up and all is right with the world? Well, the same thing will happen with your husband. :)

As much as my drive is less than my hubby's I have made a conscious effort to say yes when he asks. It doesn't have to be long and drawn out, and sometimes I have to say, "honey, it's just about you tonight." But he's happy, then I'm happy, and all is good.

Also, the more often you have sex, the more often you want it and the better it becomes. Kind of like exercise. I will also suggest a book called "Daily Sex." While you could do it daily, I personally don't think that's necessary. But the book gives some fun positions and ideas that maybe you haven't thought of. It brings some new ideas to the bedroom and is a fun way to get things going.

Plus, I agree with the other posters that you'll probably sleep better afterwards too! Finally, I am also much more interested in the afternoons or late mornings and my husband is sooo happy if I suggest it, instead of him.

I think you can change your mindset and WANT to make this something great and thoughtful you do for him. Don't look at it as a chore, but something you can give him, yourself and your relationship! Try to put a positive spin on it, give him some more sex and see how things get even better because you're not having the same argument every other month.

As a woman with a healthy sexual appetite who has suffered through several relationships with duds who are content with very little sex (SUCH AN AWFUL DYNAMIC-FEELING UNWANTED IS HELL) the solution is loud and clear: You need to stop being happy the way things are for yourself with no concern for him.

You list all these amazing traits your husband has, so you're aware of them, yet you also take them all for granted, because he stays with you even though you don't make sex a priority. You're basically saying, "Yeah, this is what he really really wants, but I just don't care. I'm content my own way."

I don't think I've EVER said no to sex. As a female, I don't have to be all that energized to comply. Heck, I had one boyfriend who would seduce me when I was fast asleep! I'm never too tired to respond to a seduction. Literally. Never. Unless the guy isn't doing anything, then I may take a rain check if I'm tired. But when guys got lazy and I had to do the work all the time? I'd stop trying. And the relationship would soon fizzle, because men should sort of take the lead imo....I may not be the "norm", I know some women really are too tired a lot. But I don't get it. At ANY RATE:

If you continue to sit in your glass castle of adoration where no matter how little you respect his sexual wants and needs he still adores you, maybe he'll never cheat. Maybe you can keep being content with having things your way and just let him feel like he's losing out on tons of sex over the years. You could maybe get away with it.

But is that very nice of you?

Get your tired butt into the shower for five minutes, throw on a cute nightie and cute panties and cuddle up to him as you're falling asleep. At least a couple more times per week than you do. It's the least you can suffer for all the nice things he does.

yes.
put it on the calendar.
circle it in throbbing purple, with hearts and smiley faces.
send him naughty text messages throughout the day.
and this will give you time to be mentally prepped and ready to enjoy it.
almost all of us have a loss of libido during the hectic child-raising years, but our husbands and our marriages (especially good ones like yours) deserve the attention. the poor fellow has been feeling unloved and unattractive for 9 years- what a trooper! and what does he get back? his woman, the love of his life, his peerless rose laughs at him and jokes that he can't have what he so desperately needs- closeness and touching and affection and romance.
for heaven's sake, find your fantasy and make love to the poor man!
khairete
S.

even though your opinion is that everything is great, it's not. That's a real problem. He is telling you what he needs and you are not giving him what he needs. Since he is telling you things are not going well for him and he needs you, you need to try and do it more often. Maybe read the book "his needs, her needs". Sex is a need for guys.

This sounds a lot like what happens to many women. After Marriage, after the kids are born, most of us lose our interest in the " Roll in the hay" so to speak. Your tired, the kids and everyday life can stress you out, perhaps not comfortable in being intimate because of physically how you feel about yourself. This happens to sooooo many women. Most of whom lose that thrill of the dating scene, or after kids. I talked to many men who tell me stories about their past lives with Wives, and they are all so similar. Sadly men see sex as a type of affection like we do with cuddling and kissing. Women can usually be satisfied with these simple things where as man finds it as if you don't have sex with them, something is wrong. Its the way man was made, and it is rarely they ever lose this interest or obsessive desire. What bothers me is that a lot will actually go looking for other means if they can't get what they want at home. After a while they feel like the woman no longer loves them enough to give them he pleasure they deserve. Mind you not all of them but I been through this very same situation quite recently, so I kind of got my own bias. I would suggest reading His needs, Her needs. by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Maybe shed a little light on a mans brain. lol. I wish I knew how to help besides giving into more sex. Perhaps try something different to get you in the mood. Read a book, watch a romantic movie, think more positively as hard as I know that can be sometimes when your not really feeling it. Hope all works out for you. This situation is never fun and can be quite stressful for the both of you.

Sounds like you have a great relationship 99% of the time. He wants more....I'd say that is pretty important in a relationship (at least to me). Instead of once every 7-10 days, aim to double it for now. Then in a few months, see how he feels. If he still feels like he wants more, add in another day. There are creative ways to get it done fast, do stuff without actual sex that may please him, etc. I aim for every 2 days because I know it makes hubby happy and I sleep better, too! Am I always in the mood? NO, but I know I will get there! And to me being tired isn't a good enough excuse. Honey, we're all tired. Suck it up (not literally. LOL)....it sounds like he's telling you he wants more...give him more! Also, send him sexy texts and leave notes for him more often. Maybe talking about it will get you more in the mood and will let him know you are thinking about that kind of stuff instead of just scheduling it like a job. Men want it to be spontaneous and want it to be like you couldn't get through the day without thinking about doing that...that is a turn on. Not so much if it's "Okay it's time to have sex...do what you please and leave me alone." LOL Kidding, but serious....men want to think you think about it as often as they do. I do not think that is the case with most women and men, but if he knows you are thinking about it when you are at work, he's at work, etc it will be more of a turn on. Also, not sure of the age of your kids, but embrace the quickie if you can sneak away for five minutes!

Yes, put it on the calendar or whatever you need to do. It doesn't have to be every day, but aim for twice as much as now. He will be thrilled and you will reap the benefits. They say, the more sex you have, the more sex you have. How would you feel if you wanted it say twice a month and he only did once a month. Or once every two months? Would you start to wonder if he was losing his attraction for you? Getting bored maybe? Many people find a lot of emotional closeness in that physical closeness and by poo poo-ing his wish/need for more, you may make him feel his needs are unimportant, which could also add to feelings of hurt or insecurity.

Now, I could be reading into things, but I've been in your husbands shoes, twice. I wanted sex more than they did, say twice a week.

One partner worked with me, had sex more even when he wasn't as in the mood. He showed me that it mattered to him, and eventually, we just started having a more sex naturally. We had gotten out of the habit more than anything. He and I are still together and very happy. A good, healthy sex life makes me happier and our relationship better overall.

The other man acted as those his urge for less sex was more important than my urge for more, we fought, he didn't try more, no matter what I did or didn't do. I felt less and less attractive and more self conscious. He just withdrew more, we had less sex and eventually split because he thought of me "like a sister".

I'm not saying you would do the same, but a healthy sex life is part of a healthy relationship. Even if you don't start have sex daily, which you shouldn't unless you wanted to, make an effort will show your husband that if it's important to him, it's important to you. And don't do it like a chore. Think about what things attract you to your husband. Decide in your mind in advance and think about how fun it will be, in order to jazz yourself up more and Be in the right frame of mind.

It may seem like a minor thing to you, but is probably a lot more major to him, no matter how great the rest of your relationship is. You would him to put the same care and effort into something that meant a lot to you.

I think you would be interested more if he was less interested. Sex is a need and should be enjoyed more, I feel its similar to the need to eat and sleep. Why not have sex daily or every other day, you feel more connected and in tuned to your partner. If the kids are not sleeping in the same bed as you and your hubby, sex should happen every other night. (At least 2xs a week unless either one of you are sick or sore lol)
Maybe there's a deeper reason why you don't want to have sex more.

Hi B..
Kudos for reaching out for input. That speaks volumes.
Yes you do need to put it on the calendar or you'll end up like roommates.
My spouse wouldn't and I finally gave up after many years.
Please listen to this series when you have time.
It's not preachy.
http://eaglebrookchurch.com/media-resources/weekend-messa...

Hang in there- watch it together.
The whole series is something I wish I had seen with my ex-spouse. Despite hearing it all in years of counseling- it is presented in a receptive way.

About me: 53 yo parent of fraternal twins, in a better relationship, perfusionist and wellness coach

B. J

I think putting it on the calendar is a good start, but I would also think about what would make you more interested in it. I am tired by the end of the day too and really prefer having sex in the morning or afternoon. This can be hard with kids, but if you make it a priority to have some time during the day to yourselves every weekend, maybe you would have more energy and enjoy it more.
I don't know what your financial situation is, but what about hiring some to clean the house occasionally to take some work off of you so that you aren't so tired or have a family tv or movie night once a week with an easy dinner so that you aren't tired after the kids go to bed.
Either way, it is important to try to accomodate his needs especially because he is being very reasonable about them. If you really aren't feeling any attraction or arousal, I would talk to your Dr. and see if there are some hormonal issues going on.

I feel the same way as you. There have been many times in our marriage when we have argued about sex.

Right now, I'm off the hook so to speak because we're having birth control drama. He put off getting the snip when we were on an HMO, and now we're on a PPO and can't afford to pay for it out of pocket. I can't take the pill because I have high blood pressure. He hates condoms....I can tolerate condoms and have told him so, but it seems he'd rather not do it than do it with a condom. So we're only doing it a few times a month. Yay me!

My hubs and I have the same issue, and I think this is very common and "normal" for couples with young kids in this stage of our lives. I do TRY to "put it on the calendar" so to speak, otherwise it doesn't happen. I don't feel like we are missing anything but he does, when it does happen, it is great, but I don't feel I need "more" but he definitely does. He hasn't ever mentioned the worried that there might be someone else, (as if) or me not being attracted to him, but he complains a lot about me not initiating. Like you said, I am TIRED, I am constantly :giving: to the kids and him in numerous ways, and it is jus tone more thing on my list I have to do FOR SOMEONE ELSE, because I am not interested for myself at this point.

So yes, I have to make a conscious effort to inititate a few times, and to at least be receptive to him - I try to make it work out to once a week. But often we are interrupted by the kids, and that is a deterrent for me.

And as much as we want them to deal with it, wait till the kids are bigger, etc. we also need to remember love is an action verb, and our husbands are definitely the kinds who feel love and want to show love through physical touch - where we ourselves may prefer acts of service or words of affirmation, we have to try to speak to them in the love language they hear best which is physical touch.

Keep working on it, and keep having the conversation - maybe you two could read the 5 love languages book together and maybe then he will get it that sex is not your first love language....and meet you halfway.

I'd love to know the answer, because I'm in the same boat! Wish I could help. Sorry....