I Think My Husband Needs Anger Management

My husband is a wonderful person and loving father. He truly is my best friend. But lately he has been very angry. When we talk about it, he says that he is stressed about making enough money. He is self employed and trying to start up his own business, which is stressful in and of itself. About three months ago, I stepped down to a lower paying position at work to remove stress in my life and give me more time at home with my family. After my health insurance and deductions from my paycheck, my income covers the cost of daycare, leaving my hubby with the responsibility to cover our living expenses. I have been the main “breadwinner” for the last four years, so this is a new demand for him and I think it is causing him a lot of stress. In addition to operating his own business, he also has a part-time job delivering pizzas when business is slow. In the past, I have offered to get a part-time job myself, but he has always told me not to because he wanted to have the freedom to pursue business leads while I stayed home with the kids. Now he is saying that he would support me to get an extra job. But for me, the issue is not the money. We can work on that. What bothers me is the anger he displays, whether it’s a result of stress or financial problems or whatever. I am aware of a lot of issues he had in his past, and anger is the way his body shows most emotions. My hubby will admit that he is an angry person that doesn’t display his anger appropriately. He doesn’t get violent, but he does not set a good example for our girls and I worry that he might do something stupid somewhere along the line. A couple of months ago I talked with his best friend and asked for him to take by hubby for a guy’s night out. I said that I didn’t want him sitting in a garage drinking beer or just sitting in a bar, for fear that all of his pent up anger would come out in the form of a bar room brawl (it has been a problem in his younger days…but my hubby has also said that its boring to spend time with his friends because all they do is sit around a garage and drink beer). I suggested things like, splat ball, basketball, hunting, fishing, boating, camping, shooting range, road trip, Pro-Kart racing, and car shows, etc. At the time his friend said, “Don’t worry…I’ll take care of it” and still there has been nothing. For awhile, a lot of our arguments were blamed on my pregnancy hormones. I also started taking anti-anxiety medications and as I mentioned, stepped down from a very high demanding job. We’ve talked recently and I said, “I have made sacrifices and changes in my life and things have gotten better, but I do think that now it is your turn to try to make some changes so we can make things even better for everyone,” and he agreed. I suggested anger management or counseling or finding a steady job altogether to remove the stress of owning his own business. But my dear, dear hubby is not the go getter type and hasn’t taken action to make any changes. What do I do? Do I find an anger management group or counselor and have him schedule an appointment? Do I do an “intervention” and enlist the help of his parents or my parents, all of whom we are very close with and respect their guidance in our marriage and in our lives? I really don’t want to continue the way things are, but I understand that I cannot expect him to change and I can’t make him do anything or give him any ultimatums. The bottom line is that I love him very, very much and want to make things better for him. I don’t want to start a fight or cause problems or anything. I want us to be the best people we can be for each other and for our girls. That is what motivates me the most. My husband will do and say things in his anger that are mean and disrespectful, and I don’t want our girls to think that behavior is appropriate for them or for the partners they will someday choose for themselves. Thank you for taking the time to read my story…I guess I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but I’ve had a couple of months to build up my frustration and no one to talk to.