I Need Help - Houston,TX

Mothers are sometimes a difficult subject. You love them and you do not want to hurt them but at the same time you want to have limits and boundaries.

If it is possible I would suggest to have a conversation with her that ends the hard feelings, maybe she feels that you have not been considerate enough with her specially given that you were living at her place.

Being considerate, never hurt (at least not intentionaly) and treating someone as you would like to be treated is always a good idea.

Give it a thought, if you have someone, anyone, living at your place and they move out when their place is ready without telling you, how would you feel? As I see it, is not a matter of being your mother is a mater of basic consideration.

She does not like your boyfriend. That is fine, have a conversation with her ackwoledging that, but ask her to make and effort and give him a chance but overall to respect you and your decision. In a loving way make her understand that you are grateful for her concern but you would like her to help you maintain the decision to stay with the person you love and more because he is the father of your baby.

As a mother you can understand the neverending love that a mother feels for their kids and that no matter what age you are, you will always be her little girl. It will be impossible for her not to worry about you and what you do.

You are old enough to make your decisions and behave as you please and you do not have to ask for permission or tell her every move but you do owe her love, care and consideration and sometimes letting her know what you are going to do just will not hurt you.

I understand that you are now in your own place, the relationship could be a lot easier because you do not have the everyday contact. Now you can take control of yourself and allow the space to be caring and attentive to her, without feeling that is an obligation.

Particularly in the case of not letting her know when you were leaving, I do feel that she has a reason to be upset, I know I would, and not for controling, but if I offer my house to someone the minimum I expect is to receive some consideration and that person let me know and say THANK YOU when they are ready to move.

Have you asked your mother why she does not like your boyfriend?

I hope you resolve your situation with your mother in the best way possible. And I hope that your life is full of love.

I had a very similar problem with my mother, and unfortunatly it continues to day. I finally saught Christan Councling and read a book called the MOM Factor and Boundries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The mom factor taught me what kind of mother i had and by knowing the kind it really help me understand the realtionship and her more. Though she was in the wrong I can see why she would do the things she did. By reading the Boundies book I learned how to postivatly put boundies with my mother. Most of them i did with out her even knowing it, though at times she did resist. she needs to understand that you are full grown mother with children of your own and she needs to realize that her role as mother now needs to be secondary to her role as Grandmother. I went though a lot of the same thing when i met my husand and moved in with him. I will keep you in my prayers.

Not to sound too "mean" or anything, but what???? If you want to be treated like an adult, you should take a look at how you're acting and see if you're ACTING like an adult. Why do I say this? Adults who are staying temporarily with their parents, I am guessing to get your feet on the ground, would say "my new place will be ready on this date" or "my plan is to move when I get a place". Children stay at home, mooch off their parents, possibly have the grandma watch the children for free, and then suddenly cut and run when something better comes along. Adults will say "I know you're not feeling my boyfriend right now, but this is why I like him....." and "I know you're probably concerned about your grandchildren and their security/safety, but I believe that we can make it work because.....and I'm planning on moving in with him". Children think that they still need to sneak around to be with a boyfriend. If you want to be an adult, part of that is empathy: understand what she's concerned about (not "she's trying to stop me from seeing my boyfriend" but you didn't TELL her you were leaving her house and taking your kids and moving out to be with some guy???) and show her why she shouldn't be so concerned. Your job situation (and my guess as to why you're looking for cash) isn't the most adult-like thing either. I'm not trying to be ugly or get on your butt too much, but since you asked, YES I have experienced some of what you're describing. And I was acting like an idiot. When you start getting stuff straight, communicating, empathizing with the very people that you are expecting to be there to help you and your children if things don't work out, and proving yourself, I promise you'll be treated like an adult.

Hello R.,

I believe you should take a different approach than the one you are taking. You need to think about the reasons for her behavior. First, of all you live in her house with no job and are looking for income in cash, which in itself is deceiving and determental behavior, nonetheless, she is probably worried about the children being properly provided for. Second, think of any reasons as to why she dislikes your boyfriend and do some deep evaulation. Her reasons maybe justified. As your mom and your children's grandmother, she is probably looking out for the your best interest. Think about it and be considerate of her feelings as well. Good luck!!