I Need HELP!!! - Ottawa,IL

Time to take the markers away! We keep paint, markers and anything destructive up and out of reach and they can only use them while supervised. I would also make the child clean up the mess. It is normal to have you're children with opposite personalities and it is a challenge. The trick is to praise praise praise when they are behaving. Time outs also help.

gosh. i wouldn't even consider leaving markers in the room unsupervised in FEAR of what would happen. I would literally be a step ahead,... no breakable, no paint, no pens, crayons, markers, anything you cherish in reach.... and then focus on behavior. some may say otherwise but i just couldn't sleep! (and i hope they were washable?)

It's always when they're quiet that bad things happen! :) 3 is still little, he probably wanted to see what the marker looked like all over everything. Do not feel bad, he didn't do it just to make you crazy!! You are not a failure, you just have a normal, curious 3 year old that wants to "see what happens"!!
Try and get some time to yourself if possible, hire a sitter for a night (or day) and go get a pedicure or see a movie with hubby or by yourself. Or, if you don't want to spend too much, get the sitter and go to a park with a good book or magazine! Housework and cooking can wait. Good luck! :)

Dear G., beloved mother of 3 boys, I feel your pain! I have three boys who are now 18, 16, and 14. I remember when they were little like yours (only much closer together). My oldest was (and still is) the typical first born child. Compliant, pleaser, obedient. Aaahhhh! So easy (mostly). The second one was just like yours! Still is in some ways. My advice for you is to be very diligent on your discipline with him now. Even if it feels like it is accomplishing nothing, stick to it. Be right on him (in love and patiently), and don't let him get away with ANYTHING. Continually bring correction and keep him on the straight and narrow path. It will pay off hugely later. We weren't as diligetn with him because it was SO HARD and a constant battle. We paid for it later. We are doing much better now, but we could have saved a lot of heartache had we been more diligent. We also have a set of 3 girls. Our middle girl is exactly like the middle son. We are doing much better with her. :) Again, be patient, and remember it's not about you. In other words, he isn't trying to make your life miserable. He's just the way he is. Love him, keep him busy doing good things, and keep all pens/markers out of his reach. :) Yeah, I know about that, too. :)

It can be really helpful to understand all behaviors as a mean to get some legitimate need met. Kids are not necessarily good at choosing good behaviors, but their need is still real and will not go away if you punish a poor choice of behavior.

Middle children often feel "lost" in the crowd, and particularly with a young baby and a "model" big brother, your son is trying to meet his emotional needs in the only way he feels he has. So it's your job, Mom, to give him better options.

Please try the approach outlined in the wise book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. The authors have years of experience teaching parents how to help their children identify and communicate their feelings and needs, and participate in finding their own solutions.

The book is a pleasure to read, very easy to understand, and it coaches you along a little at a time. It's filled with cartoon examples of what not to say, and what works better. You can probably find it at the library, but you will want to invest in your own copy, so you can make notes and dog-ear pages.

But one of the most essential ideas it presents is that children have a right to their feelings. If you listen thoughtfully and let them simply know you hear and empathize, they can suddenly begin to find resolution, and ways to move forward emotionally. We use this approach when my 4.5yo grandson is has difficult days, and it is remarkable how eager he is to be happy and cooperative once he's been heard.

Better yet, he gets to help find his own solutions to many of his own problems. This will become more and more important as he matures.

Well I have three year old and a 6 month old so honey I feel you!!!!! I think the three year old is just being three and you are really tired with keeping up with the demands of a newborn and a strong willed child. Don't feel bad! I would just tell him that coloring is for paper or coloring books. Let him know this is unacceptable behavior. If he does it again, punish him in whatever means you prefer. He may be feeling a little jealous as he is not the baby anymore and just working through that or he may just be being a little impish and the household is so overdrawn it is hard to take. I have a very hard time distinguishing between the two!! I don't have three, but I know this age spread of having one young one and a baby is hard!! I used to have a clean house.....once upon a time, now it is like I am trying soooooo hard to just get a couple minutes to get to the kitchen. I usually clean up when they go to be at night unless I am just too tired to care! I am sure you are doing your best. I will say it gets better. I am just starting to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel....I can see it really far off....:) You aren't too far from being post delivery, give yourself a big ole break, give the kids some ice cream and just kick the mess aside as you do what needs to get done:) When you have a quiet moment, sleep!!!! Hugs:D

You are apparently a bit overwhelmed, but please try not to condemn your son for being a typical 3yr old just because he requires a little more work. He is just going thru his own development, he is by NO means being mean to you or your sheets and walls. Please be patient and don't compare him to the "perfect" son. He might need more attention from you and less reprimand. With a 4mo old on top of that, it can run you exhausted, but try to not let his active stage of development cause you to think he is being "bad". He needs your love just as much. This too will pass!

I am by no means an expert. I have only one 2 year old.

But perhaps your son is just craving your attention, negative or positive. Maybe the 4-mo-old baby's been getting too much of mommy's time and he wants it now! Do not give up. You are not a failure by any means. You will get thru this hump in your lives.

Try to give your kiddos equal time and perhaps see if you can give your middle one time with just you and him (maybe a run to the grocery store?) to make him feel special. Make sure dad gets one-on-one time with him too. I've heard a lot about 'middle child syndrome' where the middle kid just has more issues. He's not the first-born pride and joy and he's not the baby. You'll get thru this. Someone will post the right answer on here! Hang in there.

I just wanted to hand it to you girl, you are doing a lot! I remember when my son was 3 he did something similar. He decided to color himself all over his body with markers in his pre-school classroom. It took about 5 minutes for the teacher to turn around and he was off coloring himself. Later he told me that he wanted to show me what he had done and that he thought it was funny. After talking to him about it, I realized that he was just experimenting. We had a big talk where I explained what we "don't" do. He got it. Your son is a bit young still. He probably wasn't sleepy and decided to entertain himself.

omg please dont worry all children are different, they are just curious and get up to devilment the whole time! he's just being a kid! i remember my lil girl getting into my cabinet and getting my cleansers, toners etc and squirting them on the wall, i remember, her getting boot polish and putting it over the living room walls., getting the scissors and cutting her beautiful hair (she mastered pushing a chair over to the counter top climbing on it and getting the scissors out of the cupboard!) its a tiring one thing after another thing but all kids get up to mischeif. try not to be mad but just tell them kids are only kids once! it wont be long till they're grown up and moved out. My house is very minimilistic now as i;ve had to put away clutter or anything at all away cos they always found some way to get them! Don't be too hard on him .all kids are different and this behaviour is just mischievness! ur doin a great job

Oh my. This is typical 3, really. Unless you are leaving out quite a bit about your middle mans behavior. Children are all different. Some are easy, and some take more work. It is really not fair to yourself to judge how good a job you are doing based on a 3 year old (I mean, this is the hardest age as far as I am concerned.)

You already know that you do a wonderful job with dicipline, or your oldest would not be doing so well. Cut yourself some slack. Let the perfect house go and spend more time on this work in progress, he is just more to love. Having 2 kids is doable. Having 3 kids is not tripple the work, it is exponential. Lower your expectaions for the things that are not alive for a little while. Clean is not as important as strong, consistent dicipline for a high maintenence child. He will not be 3 forever.

M.

I have to say that my son is 3 and this sounds EXACTLY like something he would have done. He keeps me on my toes that is for sure. I still think that some 3's are less mature than others, 3 is still pretty little when you think about it...they are still figuring out what the consequences are. I agree with the earlier post that maybe he is looking for attention. My 3 also shares a room with his oldest sibling and the rule is that everything in the bedroom is 3 year old proof...no crayons, markers, pens, pencils...my walls bare witness to his being quiet! it is not anything to do with good mom, bad mom....its just different temperments...I would never say my 3 year old is "bad" he is just challenging!

That is the reason I stopped at one. Everyone tells me mine is an angel. So I figured I better stop before I have the "not quite an angel child". :-)
All children are different but it is not your fault at all. As my Nanny would always tell me, "it is just a phase that they go through, they have to experiment with things". And when your baby baby gets to be 3, that one will do some thing different that will blow your mind.
Good luck and keep your sanity. This too shall pass.

Hi G.!

Mommies, I'm convinced are superwomen!!! So, well done, first of all on doing the fantastic balancing act of running your home and caring for your little ones!

I realize that the saying, "It takes a whole village to raise a child" has some truth. The first thing that stands out to me is that your "middle" child is giving you some challenges. Is it possible that he feels that he isn't being given enough attention? He may need some one-on-one time with mommy and/ or daddy while the others stay with a sitter or grandparents, etc. I've heard that it is difficult for the middle child in many families. I don't have first hand experience with this, but can understand how this can be the case. Another question is, "Does your middle child contribute enough to the family"? What I mean is that children feel very valuable when they contribute - whether it's through chores, sharing ideas, etc. When they are by-passed, it hurts them. When they feel that they cannot contribute, they can sometimes feel useless and find creative ways to feel wanted.

Don't worry, it will get better. What he did is typical. When my youngest was about 4, he somehow got the kiddie scissors and went all around the house cutting things while I thought he was just playing. I had curtains with random cuts, and he also got pillows, sheets, towels, etc. Just a little slit in everything, but enough to notice. I laugh about it now (he's 15) and you probably will too about your little guy's "art project" one day. Truly, though, it goes with the territory and it does take some adjustment. In fact, I still have that same set of curtains on my bedroom windows and every now and then I see the cut he made and it makes me reminisce of when he was just a little guy!

Breath in breath out. if this is the worst that happens to you your doing good. Be glad it is not worse that he is writing on the walls with lol. When my oldest son was about 3 he climbed up on the dresser and pulled a plant down off of a shelf got the Vaseline which is what he had been climbing to reach. he got it open and proceeded to finger paint all over his walls , dressers, bed and self with Vaseline and dirt. the mess was unbelievable. My youngest son decided to make "rainbows" in his wallpaper by tearing out oval strips in the border. he said look I made a rainbow lol. so now do you say how creative? or do you give a crack on the behind? we compromised with a that does look like a rainbow but if you tear the wallpaper you get a time out lets make rainbows with the construction paper lol. another friend of mines son used to take his dirty diaper off and finger paint with that. gross gross gross. but boys do goofy things. your life is not a complete failure. you just maybe need to do a little bit of childproofing where he is sleeping. good luck.

During one of my exhausted adys of having a new baby and a almost 3 year old I dosed off on our bed to awaken not 15 minutes later find find my son had found a purple permanent marker...where to this day i have no clue...didn't even know we owned one.

He started on my bedspread, solid tan in color...drew everywhere squiggles, lines, x's and smiley faces from my bedspread, my floor to the hallway, down both sides of the hall, to the kitchen, and the front of every single one of my white cabinet doors.

It happens...especially when you have a high maintenance man...I do and I understand...it is not YOU...they just come wired that way...hang in there they get better with age.