Our son is 5, autistic and sensory seeking. He is tall for his age and looks about 7. We live in a mobile home park where he is quite safe. The neighbors are aware that he is autistic. My husband, his dad, thinks that he is too old and big to be outside with only a pull up on or a t-shirt and pull up. He would really prefer to be outside completely naked like at Grandma's house in the country, but I realize we need to cover up the bits in town. Hubby thinks that people will judge us and call CPS if we let him outside without pants or shorts on. I think he is over thinking this, and that CPS has better things to do than worry about a kid outside playing in the yard without shorts on when he is covered up.
So the question: Is it ok for our 5 year old to be outside in a pullup or pull up and shirt?
I told him I would defer to your opinions about it. I know that I am a lot more lax than Dad is about this kind of stuff.....Thanks so much for your help in this. I/WE appreciate it.
ETA: I'm sorry I didn't clarify, he has no problems with clothes. I guess that is where I see him as a normal little boy. My nephews wore clothes when they had to, but would prefer to run around naked or in unders. We just treat his pullups as unders like a normal little boy. I just saw him as a normal little boy like them who didn't get bashful and shy about being mostly naked until 8 or 9.
Thanks everyone. I guess I forgot to mention that if we send him outside we always put shorts on. But,sometimes the door is open and he heads out on his own. He doesn't feel the need for any clothes, so I figure a pull up and t shirt is fine for a bit. Like I don't have to stop what I am doing and go make sure his is wearing shorts. 5-10 minutes seems like it should be ok once in a while. I will try to catch him before he head outside. He often doesn't wear shorts over his pull up in the house because hubby is stay at home dad and doesn't put them back on him since he poops all day.
Yes a five year old needs pants on in public. I doubt anyone would call CPS but seriously who let's a school age child run around half naked like a baby outside? How sad that would be for him. He's already going to struggle socially why in the world would you make it even harder for HIM?
No. I don't think it's appropriate to have a school age child outside in a pull up. Why would you want neighbors to see he isn't potty trained? This only allows/points out to others to see he's not like other kids his age or his size.
I would be teaching kiddo that he must wear clothes. He could have on some soft shorts made with knit or mesh fabric.
He is too big to run around naked anywhere...that's not normal. He shouldn't be allowed to do it at Grandma's house either. Throw a pair of shorts or a bathing suit on him and call it good.
No, sorry, these kids have enough trouble understanding social norms without mom trying to act like social norms are wrong and should be ignored. Really he shouldn't be running around naked at grandma's house because that is confusing to him.
My 17 year old is autistic and everything has always been, as much as possible, everything has the same outcome. Autistic kids are rule driven because they can understand rules even when they don't understand why it is a rule.
Don't confuse your son trying to make this acceptable.
I find it interesting that your experience tells you that it's normal for boys to run around, outside, naked or in their underwear. That has never been my experience. I'm not judging, just making an observation. My experience has always been that clothing is mandatory when going outside.
My husband grew up in the country, where it's common place for guys to take a few steps away from the crowd to a tree and pee. That's not something I ever saw growing up. He told me I was being naive. But I wasn't. That's something that would have been considered uncivilized (disgusting, even) and very much unaccepted.
I suspect your husband is embarrassed and thinks his son should wear clothes because kids his age should wear clothes in public. I dn't think your son's size or diagnosis has anything to do with it.
Please respect your son's future enough to dress him appropriately. As he gets older, he may have desires to socialize to a degree that is comfortable to him - don't make him a target. Additionally, even "in the country", he needs to learn appropriate dress. And before you question if I have any experience, I am the mother of an autistic child, and it has been my mission to get him as highly functioning as possible and able to make as much connection with his peer group as possible.
No.
This would be fine for a 2 or 3 yr old who is potty training but for a 5 yr old? No.
(That goes for your nephews too. Running around like that 'naked or in unders' is not what we've seen pass as normal where we've lived.)
He needs to wear clothes - pants (or shorts) and a shirt.
As a "normal little girl" who grew up in trailer parks herself I can tell you I would have been MORTIFIED at anyone outside of my immediate family seeing me running around in my underwear let alone a diaper at that age.
Show your child some respect and dress him appropriately before sending him outside to play.
Would you have wanted to be seen outside by friends and neighbors at 5/7 yrs old in a pull up or naked? I wouldn't have. Your child deserves the same respect, autistic or not.
If it was a one-off of seeing a child like this, I probably wouldn't blink. That said, as a standard practice, teach your son that they are called 'under'wear for a reason. This age is about teaching societal norms and typically about assimilation. Which he may not see the reason for, however, he doesn't have to understand it to comply.
If I saw that regularly, I might wonder why the parent was letting him go out without being fully dressed, you know, because we as a society *expect* that children be dressed in public places. I have a fenced-in backyard, more or less private, and still expected my son to be dressed before going outside. Were I in an apartment complex, the shared space outside my own apartment would be the 'common' areas, and then you treat that as such by being clothed. The same goes for trailer park or other communities-- the common areas, there's a certain amount of propriety expected which is why it works. I mean, an adult sitting around with no pants would be cause for concern.
You might also consider that seeing a big kid in pull-ups opens him up to some teasing and for people to make unkind conclusions. Part of parenting is guiding our children through/around missteps which might impact the impression others have of them. I didn't let my son wear his favorite skull/Rancid tee shirt to school ( a friend gave it to him because they knew he loved skulls)--- we told him that it was a great sleeping/at home shirt. I knew that a first grader who showed up with that tee on would raise eyebrows. "If I didn't know this kid, what would I think?" is a good question to ask yourself going forward.
I agree with your husband. :)
I agree with your husband.
I read back a few posts, and realized you were thinking of leaving your husband last time you posted. You were concerned about your family's safety I think.
I think you need to decide as a couple here how you will handle it. And just go with it. If dad is upset he's not wearing shorts, and he'll need to wear shorts at school - maybe it's better for everyone, to just put shorts on outside. I'm thinking of the stress levels within your house. You sound like you as adults are dealing with quite a lot on your own - if shorts will just make everything easier, I'd go for it.
My own personal thought? I love seeing kids run free - we have a private back yard and I'd let them run through the sprinkler buck naked. Shrieks of laughter. More toddler age I suppose here when I think back. This sounds more like a sensory thing - so to me, it would be more beneficial perhaps to talk to someone experienced in austism/clothing solutions - and find a solution that worked for both you as parents, and for your son.
I have a "neurotypical" five year old boy who is a big fan of being naked. We have a back yard that is block-walled in, and we let him run around back there in underwear or naked, usually swimming naked and getting in/out of the pool. We don't let him go naked or in underwear in the front yard or around the neighborhood. But if we are somewhere out in the woods or something, I will let him be one with nature for sure :).
If you can teach him that there are places we can be naked and places that we can't, then you go from there to define those places. If you need to have more definitive guidelines- we always must be fully dressed out side the house, except in the bathroom or bedroom, whatever those boundaries may be- then stick with that. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong about a five year old not being fully clothed in their own yard.
I'm with your husband on this one.
He is getting to the age that he needs to put some pants or shorts on.
He's 5. It's time to be dressed outside even at Grandma's.
I agree with your husband.
I understand what you are feeling. IF your husband feels the way you do, BUT is worried about having CPS called on you two, then I understand his feeling. IF your husband is just going by him LOOKING 7 even though he's 5, then to me, that's a problem. If he judges his son by looks instead of by his real age, you two are going to have continuing problems.
I read something here a while back that a mom said that resonated with me. She has an autistic child. She said that she had to ask herself what was the AGE that her child was at (development) and what was the autism. That is something that you and your husband need to really talk about and explore together. Learning about neuro-typical development versus neuro-atypical autism is important for so many reasons, but in the case of your question above, to make sure that your husband isn't expecting more out of your son than he could ever possibly deliver. Just because he is tall doesn't mean that he can be expected to act like an older child - add the autism and it's especially important not to have unreasonable expectations.
As an answer to the issue of wearing a pull-up / pull-up and shirt outside, I wouldn't do it. There are people who will call CPS over stuff like that. Plus, it could make people thing that you don't concern yourself with your child, and you don't want to give anyone that impression.
Let him wear a shirt and pull-up in the house. For outside, add shorts. If you find that he doesn't want to go outside because of the shorts, THEN you know that he should ALWAYS be wearing shorts.
If you don't have an autism professional to advise you as to how to manage the autistic component of development for your son, you need to find someone. You will find that you can keep a lot of problems from starting with the right kind of advice from a professional.
Well, obviously I don't know what is typical in your area (I'm in the southeast), but I never allowed my son outside with just a pull up on, or for that matter, a pull up and T-shirt only. Not even when he was 3.
If your son doesn't have any sensory reasons that make wearing clothing problematic for him, then why WOULDN'T you want him wearing clothes? I don't get it. City or country makes no difference to me. We were raised on 3 acres of land in the rural part of the county when I was growing up, and I'm quite sure my older brothers weren't outside without clothes on. Ever. (Well, maybe getting mud sprayed off of them right outside the back door before coming inside the house so they didn't get it all over the floors on the way to the bath tub, after playing in the mud.)
Of course he should wear pants. Or shorts. Or *something* other than just a pull-up and T-shirt.
My nephew has Down's Syndrome, and is autistic, and he NEVER is out in public with just a pull-up on. And never has been. And always has had a shirt on, too. He's 9 now (though he is the size of a 5 year old), but there has never been a reason to not expect him to wear appropriate clothing.
My son (who is 18 now) never even ran around the house (except right after baths) without a shirt on. Inside the house.
So, yes. He needs pants on. I'd expect him to have pants on inside, too, not just outside. Is he potty training? So what. My toddler daughter and son both wore clothing over their pull ups when they were potty training. And inside the house. And they potty trained at age 2.
We don't live in a third world country. He should wear pants.
Is your yard securely gated and/or fenced? If so, then I say ok to pullups and a shirt.
However, if random people could drive by, and view your son, then I think safety has to be an issue. I would worry less about neighbors who know you calling CPS than a stranger driving by who could be a less-than-desirable person who might be enticed by seeing what appears to be a grade school child in a vulnerable position, or who might be the type to call CPS and report something exaggerated.
Will your son accept clothing that is made for sensory-sensitive children? I know that there are companies that make clothing without seams, and other articles of clothing for sensitive kids. Even just a pair of shorts would be helpful.
Your son can wear elastic waist gym shorts and still feel comfortable. It isn't as if wearing shorts makes him less "free". What is does though is give him consistency: when you're outside you wear pants...not you don't wear pants at mom and dad's but you do have to wear pants when you go to Target. Down the road when he goes to school and has recess, he'll know you wear pants...not you wear pants to school, but take them off when you go outside to play. I just think it will save you a lot of trouble down the road if you start with consistently wearing pants now.
i think it's sad that most people think that a 5 year old can't or shouldn't be outside in the equivalent of underwear and a t-shirt.
i'm glad he gets to run around in the altogether when he's at grandma's house.
i wish we wouldn't impose body taboos and shame on little guys.
no clue how the autism plays into it. but i'm with you.
khairete
S.
Definitely needs to have pants on. My answer would be different if he was a toddler (3 or under). Since he doesn't have an issue with clothing, I think the fact that he is autistic is just a side note in this case.
While I certainly would not call CPS on you, I also wouldn't allow the child to be outside in a pull up, for the reasons the others have already mentioned. You need to protect his dignity.
i dress my kids to go outside. its whats normal around here. occasionally one of mine will run outside in unders only but i remind them to put cloths on to go outside. we are fair skinned and any skin that the sun sees the sun burns. we are health conscience about skin cancer prevention too. so dress your little one no matter what age.
If he doesn't have sensory issues, then shorts over.
Throw a lose pair of shorts over the pull up...the inexpensive ones with elastic waist.
If he looks seven it would be keeping more with his perceived age.
Around my parts the only unclothed kids outside are the ones un-cared for and a bit trashy. Judgmental, yes...but the norm here is dress the child to go outside even as a toddler.
I weight in on the side of "yes" to wearing shorts over the pullup. Shirt optional on hot days.
If he has no issues with clothes then you need to keep some shorts on him. 5 year-olds should have clothing on. I don't think that CPS is an issue but I think how other adults and children see him can be an issue. Parents are mean, kids are mean. They might start to tease him.
I agree with your husband that he needs to wear more than a pullup and a shirt. People will judge and sometimes even more harshly than you can imagine. I don't think CPS will care but that is really not the point. No child his age should not be fully dressed when outside of the house. He is 5 and that is well beyond when a child should be wearing bottoms. My son was 2 and hit his head and needed stitches at the hospital. My husband threw a fit that he only had on a shirt, diaper, and socks and shoes when he met us there. I also had a baby I was breastfeeding at the time so things were incredibly hectic.
