I Need Advice on Dealing with My 3Yr Olds Temper...

My three year old daughter was also going through that. It was especially embarrassing when she did this at the grocery store. What I have done now is time out with her nose on any available wall, irregardless of where we are. She stays with her nose on the wall until she can behave. I actually ask her if she is ready to behave and if she responds with no, her nose remains on the wall. So the length of time for time out is determined by her. It is embarrassing for her to have to do this in front of anyone and it is very effective when we are in public.

We went through the same thing about a month ago. We decided to put our son in school full time (from parttime and 2 days a week with me at work) in conjunction with time outs for him an d his toys. Additionaly we both work on settelling ourselves down with deep breaths and "taking breaks" to regain our composure.

He has done well and is doing better with more structure and trying to head off a tantrum by getting baths and bettime earlier (he quit napping too) Now we are working on consequenses and how his behavior makes people feel.

Its taken a while and can be super fustrating sometimes but the kidos do come around and we are all better for it so hang in there and good luck!

K.

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T., I don't have much experience, but I'll tell you what I've done. My son is 2 and we've recently started the power struggle. First I had to make sure everyone stopped "helping" me discipline me. Since I am a single mom, everyone thought they should interrupt my disciplining to say "now mind your mommy....", etc. That had to stop so he'd know that I was the one he had to listen to. Next, I stopped giving in to his requests. We now compromise. Like you, I can deal with the crying & some screaming even, but the banging on the door w/toys or sippy cups & then eventually throwing them HAD TO STOP. I just got my son into his own bed. I also just taught him to go to sleep without me in the room/bed with him. I used to stay w/him until he fell asleep & then I'd sneak out. I tried shutting the door. That led to him getting up & banging on the door & throwing things. I firmly explained to him that I'd leave the door open if he'd stay in bed & not get up or throw or hit. That compromise worked. Hope this helped. ~T.

What time does he get up in the morning? Maybe he needs an earlier bedtime. When my 4 year old lost his nap we went from an 830pm bedtime to a 7pm bedtime. If he is cranky anyway, just put him down earlier. It's great at my house! Both kids in bed at 7pm (4yr old boy, 12 month old girl), and I can have some peace and quiet before I go to bed! I can watch my old TV programs again too (since they aren't appropriate for little ears). Just an idea.

I have a 3 yr old as well. I also have power struggles with him as well. I find it easy to put him to bed when it seems he has options besides the one that it seems we are forcing them to do. If you were for instance to say, “ well you can go to bed after I read a book or you can go to bed without me reading a book.” You can also talk about the fun things can happen tomorrow only if they go to sleep. I find offering a massage with lotion after a bath or rubbing of the back with dim lights to relax my son and put him to sleep. Sometimes when my son doesn't go to sleep and is fighting his sleep I find spending a little time with him by laying next to him rubbing him or letting him feel you and you breathe is soothing enough to put him to sleep. But I know as mothers we usually do niot have time. However there is a old saying, “ When in a rush don’t rush.”But also letting the baby play around out at the playground for an hour also wears them out. HAHAHAHA.

S.

Dear T.,
I would also suggest an earlier bedtime. I know it might seem like 8pm is early enough, but kids that age usually need a lot more than they're getting. Check out this site: http://www.trustedhands.com/content/kidsleep.html. My friends make fun of us b/c we put our 5&7 yr olds to bed, sometimes starting at 6:30pm - usually by 7pm. (They're allowed to read before sleep.) It works for us, b/c I've been there in your situation. My son, especially, just needs a lot of sleep to be able to function, and be nice to the rest of us.

Another quick suggestion about discipline. My son is very willful, stubborn, and quick-tempered (like me), so we've had some conflicts in our time together. One book that has helped more than any other, was "The Five Love Languages". It's geared toward married couples, but it helped me figure out my son's love language - which was very different from mine. When I learned what he needed from me to feel secure, happy and loved, his anger all but disappeared.

Good luck and God bless!

M. B