My friend "Sally" and I have known each other for about a year. We typically would meet up about once a week or more. She has a 3 year old and then she just had a baby a month ago. I know how crazy things are with a new baby and so I knew that she would rightfully be more busy and tired etc. So I haven't heard from her much and w/in the last 2 weeks I have been asking if she would like to get together or go for a run. (she is already back at running) and she is always busy, tired, etc. I totally understand that.
Facebook can be terrible, b/c she tells me she's too busy to run, play date, etc, but then I see on fb that she went for a run w/this friend and that friend and that person came over etc. I guess I feel a bit high school here, but I feel rejected. It's so hard for me to make friends and so I'm sad to see my friendship drifting. After asking and getting turned down I've decided to stop asking as I feel rejected. I don't know if she is truly busy or not interested in hanging out? I guess I'm just sad b/c I miss my friend. Should I just give up and wait for her to want to get a hold of me? :-(
Added: yes, I brought her flowers when she had her baby and I gave her a homemade quilt before he was born :-)
thanks for the kind words ladies. Maybe this is a chance for me to try to make some more friends! I sure hope I haven't come across as needy or anything to her! As I said, I have a hard time making friends, so I hope I can find some new ones! Thanks for all your kind words, you helped me feel better :-)
I'd ask. She may not realize that she is leaving you out. She may have made previous plans with these other people too. I would certainly want to know if I was not wanted and why.
As the old saying goes - Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option to them.
Take a good look at the people in your life. How do you feel when you surround yourself with people who put you first? How do you feel when you see on her FB that you aren't being included in her social life? Don't make an excuse like maybe she really is busy..... Don't accept less than what you are worth. There are plenty of people who bring out the best in you! Hang out with those people :)
It is easy to see why you think she is slighting you. I think most would but sometimes it is as simple as not taking no for an answer. Go over and help with the kids then suggest going for a walk with them or sitting and just enjoying visiting but be willing to help, as I am sure you are. Don't put all your time into this one friendship, it could be smothering for her. Instead have a few friends and if she is busy, you will have others to do things with. You may even find that you will enjoy runs or outings with others even more. Keep being a good friend and you will make friends easily.
I can relate. My best friend of 17 years recently had another baby. She had a 5 year old, an 18 month old and a newborn. Before the newborn came along we got together as much as we could (with work, kids, husbands and life in general) but we still made time for each other. After the baby was born I rarely heard from her. I know life got really hectec for her with 3 kids and all, but darn I miss her! We talk on the phone and facebook, but its just not the same. And I see on FB that she gets together with other friends (granted they live closer) but it stings a little. We are still good friends and we have the kind of friendship that stands the test of time, so I know that this is a downswing right now, and once the kids are older we will have an upswing again. I just hang in there and know that one day (when life is a little easier for her) we will be back to BFF's that are together all the time. Until then, we just have to hang in there and continue to support and love our good friend! Good luck.
I agree with H.B. to a point. You need to surround yourself with people that do for you as much as you do for them, however people have different needs at different times. Has she been there for you in the past? Maybe you should just be up front with her and tell her you feel left out and you feel like your friendship is dying. Maybe she doesn't realize you feel that way. Honesty is the best policy, but like many have said maybe your friendship has run it's course. Let me know how it goes (:
Its not high school she's your friend. Im sorry dear. Id just ask her to make sure all is ok then I would back off. Im not sure why she is avoiding you but I would ask her. I hope everything works out.
Move on,,,there are other people out there that will want to stay friends and do things with you.
Blessings.....
That sucks and if it all started right when she had the baby, it's odd. I have an idea - can you or have you offered to just take her 3 yr old at your house or to the park so she can "get a break"? Maybe actually getting together just for you to pick up her 3 year old would kind of get things going again or you can get a better read on her in person then. 1 month is really short for her to be doing all these things already so maybe she's really not doing so much. Also, have you brought the baby a gift? And I'm sorry but how does she have the time or desire to be posting on Facebook?...
Be honest with your friend and let her know that you really miss her and want to spend time with her. Her reaction will let you know if she is truly busy or not interested in hanging out. Don't text or email, call her so you can hear her voice reaction.
This may seem like an odd question but... are you compatible runners? I know that if I only had a brief time to exercise I would only want to run w/ someone as fast/faster than me. It may be something as simple as her just wanting to maximize her work out and you're not the person to do that with.
Also - you don't mention your children's age... are they the same age as her other children? Maybe she's getting together w/people who have children that can entertain her children better??
