I Feel like I'm Losing My Mind - Need Some Encouragement or Ideas!!!

Ummmm....why do you think my house is clean and my laundry is done?

Is this a trick question? ; )

I don't even work full time, and can't seem to keep my house clean and the laundry done. Right now, there are nine - count them! nine! - piles of laundry sorted, waiting to go in the wash tomorrow. The dishes haven't been done, and they will sit in the sink until morning. Although the kids pick up their belongings every morning as part of their chores, right now there are books and games and paper and crayons on 75% of the family room floor!

So....... cut yourself some slack. Ask yourself these questions:
Are the kids healthy?
Are the kids happy?
Is everyone getting all they need to eat?
Are they having fun and making memories?

If yes, you need to relax about the house. Because you've got the most important bases covered.

As for your daughter, I'll bet she remembers this birthday with your undivided attention long after she forgets about all the parties she's had. I don't know how old she is, but I know my daughter would be WAY impressed if a parent took a day off work just for HER!

Blessings to you, and tell your little girl Happy Birthday from the lady in Akron!!

I am a
Single working mom 8-5, freelancing in the evenings, son at band practice 2 nights a week, football games start tomorrow night and continue weekly for months, competitions start in October. Errands, shopping, pets, haircuts, dentist and ortho appointments to cram in between.

My house is a wreck.

But, there is decent meal cooked almost every night, clean laundry with fresh towels in the dryer, church on Sundays a new bible study group to attend, family an hour away to visit on Saturdays, my sister 5 states away to talk to on the phone almost daily, friends to catch up with and support, and fun time with my son, all giving us a very full active life.

I decided years ago that having a fun, loving home was more important than the dust bunnies happily living under my sofa.

There will be time to clean later.

Love your life,
Play with your kids
The dust bunnies will wait.

God Bless

One of my favorite poems (handed down for generations, although it's *misappropriated* to the mom who submitted it to a 'favorite poems about motherhood' section in a woman's magazine online) will follow.

I'm ADHD... So I not only have to occasionally beat the mess back with a stick... but I also have a few tricks I have to live by (which keeps me *mostly* organized *most* of the time:

1) Everything needs a home

1.5) Everyone need their own laundry hamper. Clothes belong in one of 3 places. On your body, in the hamper, or put away. There aren't any black socks? Well, hon, toss your socks in while I'm bathing the kids. Because if they aren't in your drawer, or on your feet, that's where they belong. SOME PEOPLE need 2 or 3 hampers. Sports clothes. Other Clothes. Socks. Whites. Drycleaning. Whatever it is that CAN'T just be upended over the machine. ((I'm personally completely averse to 'separating'. I separated clothes to teach my son colors, and that was it. The only separating we do is by person, socks (whites in our case), sheets (which come straight of the bed and go in the machine), and towels (don't get me started on my towel rant).

2) That home needs to make sense (doesn't do any good for laundry to belong in the _____ if it never GETS to the _____)
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3) It's impossible to keep a messy house clean (aka it's REALLY easy to keep a clean house clean, but if I don't get spotless to begin with, it will never get there).

This one is all starred, because it's so basic, most people forget it. How long has it been since every single room of your house was spotless? Actually spotless? Show worthy. Nothing on counters, floors, tabletops. EVERYTHING where it belongs, and everything clean. If you can get your house like that (and for me, doing so is a week long project I do twice a year unless I have a maid, and then it just STAYS spotless, because I don't ever get behind), most people can KEEP their house spotless for several weeks to several months with VERY LITTLE WORK. But if you're just straightening up. Or cleaning one area. My god. The daily drudgery!!! If I start off with a clean cavass... my house (gasp!) stays clean with about 20 minutes of work a day tops IF I'm living in it. If I'm working, that cuts down to 5-10. It's loading the dishwasher, tossing in a load of laundry, and dusting. That's it. 5-10 minutes. Or 20 if I'm SAHM'ing it. BUT... when my house is messy, do you know how long I spend cleaning? HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS. That's the beating back the mess with a stick part.

How do I get behind? I don't have a maid. There's no one to take over if I'm sick or kiddo's sick. There's no one to do the deep cleaning while I catch up from playdates and "YES YOU WILL WEAR CLOTHES TO CLASS" mornings, and cooking mishaps that seem to dirty every dish in the house. When I'm remodeling, the dailies get missed -Sorry, just spent 6 hours on my hands and knees staining the deck, or rototilling, or knocking out drywall. And now I'm going to go wash dishes? No. No I am not. Because my brain will fall out of my ear and hop wetly out the door while I sit in a corner drooling (we don't like it when that happens). When my son wants to snuggle, or go to the river, or catch a movie with me; I find those things to be more important. My priorities (imho) are in the right place. But it means I get behind. And slowly, the getting behind adds up. THEN I'm faced with things known as "The Laundry Situation" or "DogCon 5" or "What the heck happened in here?"

A single room clean is the MOST FRUSTRATING THING ON THE PLANET!!! Because when you move on to the next room, people naturally migrate to the peaceful, good smelling, oasis of cleanliness. And by their presence, mess the durn thing up. PEOPLE!!! I just cleaned in here!!! Don't make me beat you back with my stick!

So don't go balls to walls on a single room. Go balls to walls on the whole durn house. With everyone big enough not to be stepped on helping (get a sitter for the wee ones. Trust me. I'd rather have a sitter for a toddler on a deep clean than for sex. Wait. Since tomorrow I only have to spend 10 minutes cleaning, I might actually have ENERGY for sex. Gasp. Maybe 2 nights of sitters is worth it.

-OR-

Hire a maid. Either drop a couple hundred for a wall to wall cleaning, or budget out a weekly or biweekly C.O.D. gift from god.

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okay... I've gone on. I would have said more, but I'm sure you get the drift. Here's that poem about priorities, though: (btw, certain phrases and lines have been added or removed over the decades. This is a more modern version than the one my grandmother used to sing)

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
and out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
but I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

The best way to keep your house clean is to clean it and then keep up with it. For instance, if you throw a shirt on the ground one day and don't pick it up, and then do the same the next day, then the next day and so on and so forth, you'll eventually have a messy house and you'll be spending so much time picking it up as opposed to cleaning it up. If you see something laying around and not in it's place, pick it up and then bring it to where it belongs.

I have recently set out two baskets for my kids. When I see a toy or something that belongs to them, throughout the day, I'll throw it in their basket. At the end of the day, it is then THEIR job to take their baskets and put away their belongings.

As for laundry, set aside one day (maybe a weekend day) and do the laundry until it's all the way finished. Don't wash a load, but not put it away. I ABSOLUTELY HATE doing laundry, but, I hate even more shirts that are wrinkled b/c they've been sitting in the dryer for days or a husband that gets grumpy b/c there are not clean socks put away in his drawer. So once you start it, DO NOT STOP until it is completely finished.

Maybe you save time with dinner by having crockpot meals. Throw some ingredients in the crockpot in the morning, cook it on low, and by dinnertime you have a meal ready to go.

1. Get a Roomba
2. Try to budget for a cleaner - even once a fortnight
3. Dispense with any ironing
4. Do once-a-month cooking
5. Simplify and declutter your house
6. Hang clothes to dry on coat hangers
7. Do online grocery shopping (while you're at work)

Good luck

I'm going to be honest, a spotless house is very low on my list of things to get done. I know that's not popular & maybe not even normal, but that's just me. Our house isn't dirty, but it's always in some state of messiness (unless my mother is coming to visit, lol). My husband & I both work full-time & both kids (aged 10 & 12) are in 1 extra activity per year plus an instrument.

The kids are in charge of picking up their own stuff as well as sweeping the hardwood floors, washing the dishes/empyting/reloading the dishwasher & cat box. My husband & I share the laundry & we usually throw a load in every 2 or 3 days so it doesn't get totally overwhelming. To me, having a perfect house isn't important, but having a family who likes each other, is happy, healthy & fulfilled is so that's how we prioritize! ;)

Hate to tell you this, but my kids are only 4 and 2, not in school and not in sports- I am a stay a home mom, and still cannot get it all done either! I find that getting up a few hours before the kids do -usually around 5-5:30am really does help me a lot. I have time to clean, do laundry ect. . and have time to myself before the day starts. It truly makes a difference in my day to have some time get everything together. On the days I don't get up early I am usually much moodier and much for stressed. I know this isn't very comforting to add to your already hectic schedules, but maybe give it a try. I think everyone needs some "me" time- get it when you can!

Here's an idea... What about going and getting a stack of 5 dollar bills and hiding them around the house. Make it so that the kids would actually enjoy cleaning because they will find the bills in place they can ONLY find if they are cleaning. Be creative and don't tell them exactly when or where they would find them.

I wish this place allowed pictures. I'd love to take a picture of my husbands apartment upstairs. I never want to go up there because of how bad it is. I honestly think it would make most peoples jaws hit the floor to see it. I wish I had an answer. I'm such a neat freak. But if I am going to go back to school I'm going to have to learn to let things go just a little.

A messy home is the sign of a good mom!!!

Well, I dont. I work full time and I try to only keep the bathrooms, living room and kitchen clean and of course stinkin laundry. I take a week off work in the winter cause I have to use all my days up or I lose them. I pick one major project and go with it. I have cleaning weekend every other weekend which is thorough cleaning on the bathrooms, living room and kitchen. It takes a good 6 hours to get it all done.
I say forget your MIL and have fun with the kids. People aren't there to visit your house, they are there to visit you.

When I had a family of four and a full-time job I found some quick daily tasks to put in place so I didn't feel like I left a filthy house behind every morning when I went to work. Mainly, I ran the dishwasher every night and emptied it every morning, wiped down the kitchen counters, and the bathroom counter (used Clorox wipes) each morning. These simple things helped me feel a bit better. Laundry I did all day Saturday. I didn't even try to do laundry during the week, just made sure we all owned enough pairs of socks and undies to last a week.

I read the book "Sink Reflections" and got some ideas there. I didn't ever get her whole system in place, but it helped me keep up. I highly recommend the book, I didn't find her website to be helpful.

AND, I hired a cleaning person to come in every other week to keep my sanity. Coming home occasionally to clean floors and clean bathrooms was worth the cost.

We didn't have a birthday party for our daughter until she was turning 4. Kids retain no lasting memories until they are between 3 1/2 - 4 1/2. Parties for little ones are for the parents. We brought cupcakes and balloons in to daycare when we picked her up a little earlier than usual. She loved it!

"A clean house is a sign of a wasted life" ~ Unknown

Enjoy your kids and your life!!

My house is a DISASTER! I'm a single mom working full time and I also have a foster child, so cleaning is the last thing on my list. However -- when I start feeling overwhelmed and need a little guidance, I use the FlyLady website ideas. When you have a free moment, check it out... it's flylady.net. One of the greatest things I did was to sign up for their House Fairy program for my daughter (who is 4). Now she will clean her room on her own free will, "just in case the House Fairy comes". Hang in there!!

check out www.flylady.com
it is a wonderful site
talks about taking baby steps in 15 minutes intervals to not get overwhelmed
recently talked about the laundy piling up etc
very encouraging website
been there
done that
doing better now
good luck

Hire a maid. I swear it was the best thing I did for my family. I still have piles of laundry to do -- but not having to vacuum, mop, scrub the bathrooms, kitchen sink, load/unload the dishwasher (at least on those days) -- makes the money spent a non-issue. One of my favorite sayings is that a housekeeper is cheaper than marriage counseling. :)

Good luck.

Can you surprise your daughter with balloons or a family birthday party? Maybe not the big hooplah you'd hoped for, but she'll love you all the same!!

The one thing that kept us doing our chores when I was growing up... if we didn't keep our chores done throughout the week, we weren't allowed to do ANYTHING fun on the weekend except catching up the chores we didn't do, plus a couple extras.

Of course, my dad usually adjusted our chores to our schedules... Ex.. before I got a job outside the house, I was responsible for vacuuming, sweeping, and dusting. Dishes were rotated daily. (in addition to keeping my room clean and doing my own laundry.) After I got my job, I just had to vacuum and keep my own stuff taken care of.