I Don't like My 1St Graders Friends

Although your post sounds like you may be judging the family for being disadvantaged, I don't think you are. It sounds more like you are trying not to say too much, like there is more to the story. That being said, there are so many years when we don't have much say in who influences our children. Now you do have a say, so if you don't want this child around your child, put a stop to it, but be nice. You can easily filter phone calls, you have decided she is too young to be on the phone so much, etc. You can also be too busy to arrange playdates for them. When you run into the mom places, just say you're sorry the girls haven't been able to get together, but summertime is a busy family time for you. You should never feel obligated to spend time or have your children spend time with others you don't approve of, but you should be careful not to hurt feelings and be sure not to let your daughter come away feeling judgmental of the underpriveleged. If the behaviors of the other child are an issue, you could discuss that with your daughter. She could learn from it. I hope this helps.

I don't have personal experience with this, so you can tell me to go jump off a cliff, but from your question, it doesn't sound like she's a bad girl, just disadvantaged, and cutting off their friendship for that reason is a HORRIBLE lesson for your daughter.

You mention that you run into the mom all over town, but have you two ever had coffee together or anything and gotten to know each other? She may be a very nice lady in very bad circumstances, and you could come away from this with a friend for your daughter and yourself! Who knows!

This is only the beginning for you..

First of all, I don't understand why coming from a disadvantaged home would make a difference, However, the different methods of parenting and values taught can make a difference.

My 14 yr old has gone through several friendships that we were not crazy about. Most of the time we keep our mouth shut and lets things work out for themselves. It is like 2 rough stones....they rub together long enough, things smooth out.

I have said no to some get togethers, especially around age 10 and up. We had 1 girl (middle school) that would have lived here if we let her. In the beginning, I treated her a couple of times to the club, movies or something like that. THEN, I started noticing a pattern for requests to do things like shopping, movies, Starbucks, etc that she wanted me to fund. I have NO problem doing that if someone is genuine and appreciative. We did sort of take this girl in because she was and is in an unhappy home and if she had 2 nights a week at our house that was peaceful and fun, then maybe she was more relaxed and unstressed when she did get back to her house. In the end, I did feel like I was taken advantage of but I would do this again for the right reasons.

Now my daughter has never given me a problem when I said no to someone comong over, even elementary school. The reason is because even in elementary school things started missing from her room. We've ended up at other girls homes, speaking with mom (not a fun thing to do) to retrieve my daughters nice clothing, dresses, Ipod and Camera. Who knows what we are still missing and not noticed. It is sad when you figure out who is doing these things.

If your gut tells you to not let your daughter go play...then follow your gut. You know what is best. Is there an option for the little girl to be at your home or is there that much dislike for her?

That said....I've had girls calling to come here, etc. for the wrong reasons and have simply said "we have other plans". Continue to have "other plans" or something going on. DON'T feel obligated to include others into your plan. My daughter is old enough now to weed most of the bad apples out and she does a good job. However it was a learning experience for both of us.

I know we are not finished on this road of friendships but it is much better and her friends now are good friends. It is hard being a good mom and not being judgemental sometimes. My advice is keep all lines of communication open with your daughter. Don't talk badly of others because it will come back at you. Do talk about behaviors and what is acceptable.

Good luck to you.

I don't think this has one thing to do with the girl coming from a "disadvantaged" home, whatever that means. Your words were, "she says words that I do not like." Well, I would be concerned as a mother, too. The saying, "birds of a feather, flock together" is so true, so if you want your daughter to be friends with people who watch what they say and whose background you are more fond of, I say go for it.

K.,
This is just my opinion, I think you have a great opportunity to help make a difference in this little girls life. Since she's from a "rough" background", you can show her by your examples what "LOVE" is. This little girl obviously has had a hard up bringing, maybe she really admires the love she sees from your daughter. They were both in kindergarten last year, so even if her family is a bad influence, you can help mold her. She's just a little girl herself. Maybe also teach her some good hygiene, washing hair, take pride in her appearance. I think it's incredible how mature your daughter is to not judge someone on their appearance but on their character. Just from your writing I can't see where a little 6 or 7 year old girl can be that bad of a person, I see where you've wrote she's dirty, disadvantage, and from a rough background; now she says some words your don't approve of. Then when she's around you, you can tell her those words aren't appropriated. All I see is how you can show God's love to this little girl and make a world of difference.