I Don't Know What Else to Do, Please HELP!!!!

My son is 2 and has been having monsterous fits since he was 18 months old. I find refuge in timeouts. What I do, is when hes throwing an unnecessary tantrum, I count to 5 very loud and slowly. If he doesnt calm down by fine (he usually does though), I tell him that he needs a time out, and I put him in his crib until he calms down.

The best thing to do when they throw a snot slingin fit is to just make sure they are in a safe place and let them go at it. Ignore them until they finish. Do not do anything to reward them when they finish except for letting them loose from whatever contained area you had to place them in. If you hug and love on them and get all sweet and offer them ice cream, they will continue that behavior. The have to realize that no one cares that they are acting like that. Best to leave the room until its finished. If you have a playpen or a nursery to put him in, thats the best thing to do. When he's finished just talk softly to him and tell him those fits are not going to get him anywhere and that he looks really cuckoo when he does it. Maybe video it and show it later and tell him its just kinda "silly and uncalled for" to do that stuff. At 19 mos he understands a lot of what you say so dont be afraid to give him a little lecture afterwards.

what i do with my daughter is this. when she acts up like that she would get put in her crib (when she had one) i would walk out and close the door. she could rant rave and scream all she wanted. then when she is calmer (not screaming and crying) i go back in and take her out. now that she is almost 4 she gets set on her bed and told that when she is clam ill come talk to her about why she is in there. she will take anywhere from 5 mins to an hour to calm down in her room. then i go in there and talk to her about why it wasnt ok acting the way she did. i then have her apologize to me or whomever she was being nasty to.

I only have a daughter and she is 4. 3 was a very rough year for us. I would put her in time outs, and some times it would work and some times it didn't. LUCKILY a friend of mine is a preschool teacher and she came and my daughter wouldn't stay in time out. My friend sat down - I left the room- and she just restrained her. She wasn't hurting her or being forceful, just held her their in her lap and talked to her quietly (my daughter screaming and fighting her the whole time) I have to say that it has probably been 6 months and I have only had to put my daughter in time out, maybe two times since then. She is ALWAYS complimented on her behavior and good manners when we are out in public, but I think it took a FIRM hand and one that was NOT momma's to get her to understand that that type of behavior will NOT be tolerated. I am a single mom, and since their is not a 'strict' daddy around, I have to be the strict one and the comforter. It makes it hard. I have had a lot of friends who will help 'discipline' my daughter when she steps out of line (which is infrequently) but she requires my attention 24/7 because she is used to having it 24/7, so when I am around adults sometimes she gets upset that she isn't the center of attention anymore. I am glad to have a tribe of friends to help me, it really does take a village.

Just wanted to mention that my daughter had food allergies that caused tantrums....not saying that's happening here, because kids that age throw fits, but you might just want to see if there's a common food before the problem starts. Good luck.

I agree with the putting him in a safe place and letting him tantrum it out. Another is time out... have you watched super nanny? I know that sounds really cliche but I ask because she has kids that constantly run away from time out and she just puts them back (one took an hour and a half before they'd sit there for 2 minutes) until they stay there so you could do it like that. Since he's 19 months old I'd invest in a separate high chair and strap him in for time out... that's what I do with my 2 year old and it's effective. Also remember to praise for good behavior :) Out in public, I'm not entirely sure. When my 2 year old acts up in public, I tell her do we need to sit a time out in the car until you calm down... she says no and calms down.

Your son is not "trying" to be naughty; he's trying to meet some need, and he has a very poor repertoire of strategies with which to try. Children truly don't want to cause problems or get in trouble if they have any other way at all to meet their own growing need for autonomy, independence, and control of their circumstances.

And as adults, Mommy and Daddy have had a lifetime of practice learning how to meet our own needs in more civilized ways. Your toddler doesn't know any of that yet, and he will probably have a couple more years in which he just won't see very much from your point of view. He can't help it. Dawdling, digging in heels, and even tantrums are often a natural outcome of being more scheduled, pressured or frustrated than the child is able to endure. And some children have a MUCH harder time of it than others.

Though your toddler won't ever behave like an adult, there are methods for eliminating much of the mutual frustration he will experience during the next couple of years. While some steps require a bit of advance planning or extra patience from you, overall, you'll spend LESS time and energy than you would if dealing with behavior that isn't evolving in a positive direction.

1. When he wants something, empathize, big time, and in the child's language. I love the advice of Dr. Harvey Karp on how to get on a tantruming toddler's wavelength in this and several related videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&feature=re... . Once your little guy realizes you do care about what he wants, he's more likely to be able to calm down and cooperate with what you need from him. And there are lots of positive ways to approach this, rather than just saying no. They hear NO! so often, and they can be so frustrated. So look for ways of finding a mutual "yes," and save "no" for those occasions when children are trying something dangerous.

2. Keep it playful, and keep it respectful. Children learn primarily through play and imitation. You may need help with this if your parents didn't model a lighthearted and kind approach when you were little. The book Playful Parenting is a great resource. Your son's sense of humor is developing, crude though it may be.

There will also be times when you must have cooperation, like diapering or trips to the store, so keep a special toy or distraction that he gets to play with only at those times.

3. Here's a big one: give advance notice when you'll want him to be doing anything differently, especially when he's grooving on some activity/play. Children absolutely hate unexpected transitions. With my grandson, we let him know at least a couple of times that a change is coming ("We're going to go to the store / have lunch / take a nap pretty soon." … and then a second alert a minute before making the change.)

4. Whatever the next activity is, make it sound as desirable as possible. Give some detail about the ride in the car, or a favorite food at lunch, or sweet snuggles before nap. Be positive and enthusiastic. And be calm. Desperation will show, and even though he's too young to deliberately engage in a planned power struggle, he will quite naturally sense any cracks in your resolve. And this is where future power struggles truly can begin.

5. Try to keep demands low when he's tired, over-managed, hungry, or sick. He won't have any emotional reserves left with which to cooperate.

6. Get to know his most likely trouble-spots, and plan ahead. For many kids, it's when they want some temptation they've seen. So keep those things out of sight when possible. Be prepared with a distraction – for example, another toy he likes when you have to take some fascinating object away, or a healthy treat when he wants a junky snack. Laughter, introducing a new game, a few twirls and bounces, hugs or tickles, a goofy song, can help break into his determination to get something he wants (that short attention span is both a curse and a blessing). And those interactions will give him some of the positive strokes he might be missing now that a new baby is distracting you more.

7. Avoid bribes, but let him work toward occasional rewards. Don't try to buy cooperation with "IF you'll do X, we'll let you have Y." Instead, phrase it as if he gets to assist in advancing something good for himself: "Hey, as soon as you help me get X done, then we get to do Y." It sounds like a small distinction, but it's important. It gives the child a chance to cooperate in what feels like choice, even when there's no "if" about it.

8. Encourage lots and lots of physical activity during the day. Time outdoors in nature is calming for most children. If he has pent-up energy, it will have to come out some way, and unless channeled in a positive direction, it will likely to add to both your stress and his. And limit TV time – the passive receptivity to all that fast editing seriously interferes with children's normal brainwave patterns, making focus and engagement in the "real" world more difficult.

9. Whatever you are trying to teach will need to be repeated hundreds of times over the next few years. That's completely normal. Attention spans and impulse control are extremely limited in toddlers.

Spanking and time-outs don't work for every kid, and will sometimes actually backfire over time. Children may be annoyed, scared, shocked, or shamed into compliance, but behaving for the sake of avoiding discomfort is NOT the same thing as developing an internalized sense of "good." Consistent, calm guidance and modeling what you DO want from him will work better in the long run than punishing for what you DON'T want him to do. See more on this by googling The Science of Parenting or Emotion Coaching.

I wish your family well. Pay attention to what you love and appreciate about your son, and make sure he knows. Treat him with calm and respectful authority. Children crave attention and approval, and if he knows you're noticing his good moments, he'll try to create more of them.

Yikes! I can totally relate. My 3 and a half year old son started his terrible twos six months early. His fits from 18 months to about 2 and a half were HORRIBLE!! When he was younger (18 months to 2), I just walked away and let him throw his fit. I would not respond to it at all. Once he saw he didn't have an audience he'd quit. Once he hit the 2 mark, I started time-outs. 2 minutes each time. I tried the couch, but he jumped right off of it. So we'd just sit him on his floor in his room, close the door and not come back for 2 minutes. Once the 2 minutes were up, we'd go in and get down to his level and ask him if he is finished throwing his fit and ready to come out and play/eat, etc. He usually shook his head yes and would behave after, sometimes it would start another fit and then it was time out all over again. Good luck! It does get better! My son did a complete 180 as soon as he turned 3. He still has his occasional fit but those are ALWAYS related to his being tired. When he was your little guy's age though--we have no clue why he threw his fits other than he was 2. LOL! ;)

I think you have gotten a lot of good responses. I would also recommend any books like Love and Logic that deal with Logical consequences. Also, if you can try to assess when it happens it might help you prevent them or figure out how to better deal with them. Are there certain trigger points? Is it a certain time of day? Is it a battle over control issues - restraining for car seats, clothes, etc.? Does he have trouble with transitions? Is it when you haven't paid as much attention to him either because of work, baby sister, outside activities, etc.? Everyone gets busy. Someone mentioned Dr. Karp's book. I also like his advice about "feeding the meter" for giving kids attention. You are right having a new sister exacerbates the issue. We had some major tantrums with my son so I feel for you. We would have major issues usually when I was preparing dinner. I dealt with these by involving him as much as possible in the process. There is a lot a 19 month old can do to help and get attention at the same time.

I would suggest reading Love and Logic Early Childhood. It really made a difference for our household!

I understand what you are going through. My son turned 3 yesterday so things have finally calmed down. When he turned about 18 months I think he hit the "terrible twos". I personally have found time outs a good way to discipline. Especially at your sons age, its just about giving him a safe place to regain focus and come back to reality without hurting himself or others. My son is similar to yours with his fits though. He is lovable as can be, caring, sweet, etc., and did not have tantrums all of the time, but when he did watch out. We did not have to deal with spitting, but he would say "I mad" and throw whatever was close to him out of anger. I started time outs I think sometime after he turned one. He would get a one minute time out, and went to 2 minutes after he turned 2. He was NEVER sent to his bedroom for it either. I personally felt this could confuse him and when its bedtime or naptime, he may feel he is being punished since when he was bad he was sent to his room. That is the last thing I want! I just would put him in his booster seat (fisher price one, straps onto my kitchen chairs, but used highchair sometimes as well), strap him in, make him face the cormer (so he could not see anyone or the tv or anything like that). When the minute is up. I would get down to his level to look him in the eye, I would explain in a very simple way (not too wordy and not with complex detail, you know, just age-appropriate) what he did wrong. Give a hug and a kiss, and that was it. I also never brought up the bad behavior after the time out was over or stayed mad at him for it. Eventually he learned to say he was sorry, so he would say sorry, hug, kiss, and then back to playing or whatever we were doing. I used the booster seat becaue when I would put him on the couch or our recliner, he would just stand up, laught, get out of time out, etc., then I would end up having to put him back there and I think he thought it was a game. Just make sure to use the straps or he can climb out possibly. I also did not speak to him during the time out or give any attention. Do not react to the crying, screams, or whatever. He will eventually calm down. I never did time outs in public, but did not have to really. If he was acting out that bad, we would just have to leave. If it was at the mall, foodstore, Target, wherever, I would just come back myself. I also tried to make sure I went out first thing after he was up in the mornig, or right after his nap so he was not tired or hungry. I also had a diaper bag that weighed a lot because I would bring little books, toys, and stuff to keep him distracted. If I forogt toys, I just gave him something from the store interesting and would put it back before we left. Definitely start a discipline system NOW that works for your family. They need to know who the boss is.

I do agree that he could be acting out because of the new baby. Its a huge change from what he has been used to. He has a new little person invading his space and spending time with his mommy. He will adjust soon enough. But I also feel that it mainly has to do with his age. It will get worse before its better but stay calm yourself, remind yourself its just a phase and it will pass.

Good luck, hope I could help.