Advice on "Challenging" 3 Year Old!

Personally, I think 18 mo. - about 3 1/2 are the roughest ages. I recommend the book or video "1-2-3 Magic". This method has worked pretty well for us. It's a good way to get the moment under control. However, my son was still tough to deal with at 3. He's now 4 and things have improved tremendously! He's grown out of the battling stage and he's so much fun to be around now. Hang in there, it will get better!

I know it is hard but, boys are just everything boys can be, I have a six year old and three years ago I didnt think I was going to make it. He is growing up some to be more independent but the boy in him is not going away, but some area have. sometimes you have to look at the personalities of the parents and see what you see from the two of you. If one of the parents on to the grandparents are hype then it is a change he has those genes.It is probably not the attention it is that he need to be held accountable for his actions, and if he is not being sent to his room or havent something taken away from him now the behavior is only going to progress.

Hope this helps

It was just you and him when he was little and he wants that back. I personally would personally let him throw his fit, however, I would make him do it in his room or at the very least in a seperate room form you and your other child. You need to tell him, while he is throwing his fit, that it is okay to be upset, but if he wants to throw a fit he must do it in another room away from everyone else. Also tell him as soon as he is done and ready to come back and play he is more then welcome. It is hard, this is what we had to do with one of our children. The fits slowly got smaller and less frequent. As soon as she was done crying or screaming she would come back and play.
Good Luck!
Jenn.......

I am not sure it has anything to do with having another child. It is attention.

My oldest son (my 2 are 7.5 years apart) when he was 2 and 3 would pitch the worse fit when the phone would ring. He never reacted like that acept when I was on the phone giving my full attention to whoever was on it. He would pull the cord and scream Mommy at his loudest.

Sorry to say I am old school and this was 30 years ago. Another time. I put the phone down and spacked his bottom very soundly. Never again did he do that. I also explained to him mommy was busy and would be with him later.

Hope you don't have to do that. You could get into trouble today.

i completely agree. 2s are great 3 sucks.. my child is four years old and he went through that for about 9 months and then one day up and quit i put him in time out in a car seat in the dining room facing the corner for 3 min. i was holding him in my lap and someone pointed out i was still giving him attention. this seemed to help he had to sit in there staring at the wall until he stopped cring and then 3 min. i could not believe that it actually worked. i tried everything. and since he was strapped in i was not talking to him so there was nnooo attention between us. so him being bad only got him time to him self

get the books by John Rosemond they will help you alot

I have 3 girls and i have noticed right before the 4th birthday they calm down he does not know how to express his feelings right now. My first child was a terror and my second child wow i was being called from daycare constantly now I have another who is 2 So I will be there again very soon lol. Hang in there is does get better!!!!

N.,

You are not alone! I do not know where people ever got the "Terrible Twos," because both of my little guys were great at 2. It is actually the "Trying Threes!" My 3 1/2 year old does what yours does -- he screams, throws things, behaves defiantly, hits his older brother, etc. Not all the time. Just quite willful. My 6 year old behaves well most of the time now, but he was a handful at three. So, yes, it definitely does get better. I wish I could tell you some magic I can do that causes the bad behavior to end, but alas, it is just not the case. Time, experience, growth, patience are the solution.

Best wishes,
K.

My little guy is also 3. As I look back, 2 was nothing compared to 3. I don't know who coined the phrase "terrible twos"? He was such a laid back toddler and sooo easy going. He is now talking back, hitting me, and saying "NO" is a reaccurance each day. I do have hope! My daughter is 5yrs old and also went through this stage. She is a very well adjusted, polite, and caring kid. I do, however, have a disipline system that he understands. He has time-outs for 3 minutes if he is sassy, hurts someone, or makes a poor choice. After 3 time-outs and his behavior has not improved, I take his "blankie" away for the rest of the day...he then has to work at earning it back with good behavior. Does your son have a favorite "cuddly" or toy to use as leverage? Also...don't give him the attention that he is seeking when he is screaming for you. You are only giving him the "OK" to act that way. I know it is hard!!!!

It will get better...hopfully sooner than later.
Remember, once they enter a "new stage" it takes some time to fine tune the behavior, and once everyone is adjusted they begin something new. Yikes!

This is a case of having his cake and not wanting to eat it too.

Lol. Ok, that sounds confusing- He's becoming more independent. But, he wants to be able to look around and see that you're still watching in case he fails.
When you aren't watching, he will try to test his limits any way possible- including going after some "negative" attention from you.

Just reassure him that you're watching, and if he starts acting out too badly- stop watching completely. Put him somewhere safe- such as his room, and let him act out on his own. Once he realizes he's not getting anywhere by poor behavior, he'll back down a little.

And it gets worse until they are about five. I've been going through this a year with my son. Ten minutes in his room and he's more than willing to cooperate to get some positive attention rather than act out and get the negative attention of getting sent back to bed.

Hope this helps.
M.

N.-it does get better :-) Or at least for me it did. My son definitely had the terrible 3's- age 2 was a breeze. It does sound like he needs attention and is probably jealous over his little brother. Try finding some activities that the 3 of you can do together and then things that maybe he can do with baby brother alone. When he throws the tantrums-don't let him get a rise out of you. This is a very challenging age. I used to have to put my son in time out quite a bit and just let him scream it out for a while. At times there is no reasoning, but then I would give him a hug and hold him and try and talk about the problem.
Good luck

If it is simply a matter of wanting attention when he's not the center of your universe, then I would be sure not to give him the attention until he's quiet and calm. Other wise you are re-enforcing the behavior by giving him the payoff he is after. And timeouts are probably your best bet. In our home we call them "Quick and Quiet", which just means if he goes quickly and quietly the timeout will start right away and more time won't be added. If he goes while throwing a huge fit, the time does not start until he is sitting quietly. If he tries to "escape" or interact with those not in "Quick and Quiet" then the timeout is started over and more time is added depending on the severity of the attempt. Escaping gets more time added and the timeout restarted. Talking gets the timeout restarted the first time and more time added and restarted if it continues. After following this religiously for about a few weeks, every time is usually "Quick and Quiet". Although we do still have our moments. :) Just be sure to stick with whichever method you choose, being consistant is key to any discipline method.

Good luck! :)

have you tried a good behavior chart? tell him that if he gets good behavior all week he gets to choose an activity alone with mom. When he is seeking attention, don't even acknowledge that he is there. Psychologists say that even giving them "bad attention" (punnishment) tells the child that they have gotten their way by drawing your attention away from whatever it is you doing. We ran into this same thing with our daughter, and while it does get worse at first and a couple of times i just shut myself into the bathroom, it is getting better. We also contacted our Ped. doctor because her actions of attention seeking were starting to show in play group and sunday school (before we tried ignoring her behaviors) and she started spitting, hitting, and being an outright bully. Later it turned into out right defiance where we would ask her to do something and she would just sit there and roll her eyes or just outright yell "no". He got her into a preschool program in Pickerington that is free where the teachers are working with her spicifically on her behavior. They send home reports and everything. This is not a "no child left behind" program. You are already paying for the program with your pickerington school tax dollars, so get him assessed and see if that might help too. A bus picks them up and drops them off, so there is really no hassle to you, and you get about 3 hours of free time to get work done so that you can devote more time to them later. Hope that helps you out.

aw hunny i wish i had advice for you however i think our children may be related!! :P 3 was horrible now my daughter is 4 and well most of the fits have stopped but she wines allllll the time and still will throw fits... i just want you to know you are not alone!

I have a son as well that is in the challenging 3. He was an angel when he was 2 years old. But as soon as he turned 3 oh my did he change from hugs and kiss to back talking, hitting, and acting out. I tried the time out (which worked with my daughter), and it work for a while but then he started acting out again. I found finding activities that he could do at his age level real worked for me.

I sat up activity stations in the livingroom (where we were most of the time). Like puzzles, building blocks, coloring books, and level 1 reading and picture books. I have him change station every 10-15 minutes while I am busy doing something or taking care of his 4 year old sister's preschool lessons. If I see that he is getting bored with something before that then I have him change to another activity. We also have quite time, where he has to lay down after lunch time for an 1/2 hour in a special spot in the livingroom. I tell him he doesn't have to sleep he just has to rest his body because its tired. After nap we start the activities again or go out side if its not to cold or nasty out and go for a short walk or something.

Every once in a while now he starts acting out and when he does I have him sit down in his special spot that he has quite time in for about 3 minutes or so and then he is fine again.

With my daughter she started at 16 months old and didn't stop acting out until now and she is now 4 1/2 years old. I was told that it starts getting better when they are between 4 1/2 -5 year old. And my daughter is now 4 1/2 so I guess it is true. Mine are 16mos apart, so I know what your going thru. Good Luck. :) There is a light at the end of the tunnel. :)

The cure for this is to send him to an "Isolated place,his room until he can come out and be "pleasant". Do it each and every time. He gets no "attention" when alone. If you plead,try to "solve" whatever the issue is,give him time-out where other people are,he is receiving "attention,be it negative". Many kids will "settle for negative attention because they are still "taking control over you and thus "winning". You must be the "Parent" and he the "child". No 3 yr. old should be in charge. It will take patience and several difficult days or a week. Do not buckle,control your voice and stay calm on the outside. Do not allow him to think he is upsetting you. He is just a bright child who knows how to "push your buttons",be smarter than that.

It gets better!!! My oldest son (now 15) was like that. He was a dreadful child, behavior wise, all the way around. By the time he was 4, he was starting pre-school, and we had the whole "You're a big boy now" talk. That's when I noticed a change in him. So hang in there... the Treacherous Three's are just another bump in the road, soon to be behind you.

If it's any consolation, there's an old wive's tale that says: "Those children who give us the most problems when they are young, will be the first one's by our side when they are older (and vice versa)".

Hang in there!