I CAN'T Get My 3 YR Old Consistently on the Pot!

Hi S.!

Having boys, I can tell you that they did the same things before they "Mastered" the potty. The best thing I did was to stop being "frustrated" so they could see me. I think my frustrations delayed their success. I was consistent, and had a reward system, but even with all that, it took a few months to be "Mastered".

Don't give up.....it will be over soon :o)

Hi S.,
My son was even worse at three, and he had been in preschool already for a year (he went to a preschool that started kids at two and did not expect kids to be potty trained)! None of the boys in his class were potty trained after the first year and almost all of the girls were. He actually told me that toilets were for grown-ups and girls! I had him potty trained before he started the next year of school, but he had an accident the first day back (with all the play and excitement, he just forgot to go -- did need the eggtimer at that point). The teacher (whom I should have never listened to) suggested we send him in pull-ups for a little bit until he got the hang of it. Disaster. As far as he was concerned, he was back in diapers and, clearly, his early successes (he was really proud of himself) didn't matter any more. It still makes me cringe thinking about this almost two years later. I was so bummed that he was going backwards, and I let it show. Huuuuuuge mistake! He realized he had control over something that really mattered to me, and he did not want to let go of that control. We had to back off for about three months and didn't even discuss potty training. We stopped reading Once upon a Potty (which had worked brilliantly as getting him on the potty in the first place) and just ignored the whole thing. He didn't care about cool undies. He didn't care that he and his best friends were the only two kids still in diapers. He didn't even care (at least not enough to change his habits) when a classmate told him that only babies wear diapers. At this point his diapers were always dry in the morning. He was more than capable. After 3-4 months of not talking about the potty, we let him know that, as of the coming weekend (my husband and I both work), there would no longer be daytime diapers in our house (he didn't really know that he was dry at night, and we didn't want to pile on too much at once) because we no longer had anyone in our house who was young enough to need diapers. We had him run around w/out pants on, which he hated but accepted after we tried it his way and he peed in his pants (he said he would go without pants if his way didn't work). We did the sticker chart and had different stickers for pee vs. poo and an extra one for if he asked to use the potty (as opposed to our asking him) and actually went. We got a really cute timer and made sure he sat on the potty for three minutes (suggested in a potty training book 'cause some kids will sit down, not go w/in 10 seconds, and decide they don't need to). We also got small knick-knack type rewards for various points along the way. We started this on a Friday morning, and he always goes to the bagel store w/ his dad on Saturday mornings. We let him know that the bagel store has a rule that people who pee on the floor are not allowed at the bagel store (strangely, Sunday's music class had the same rule! Keep in mind that he had already been potty trained once and was definitely capable). If he could use the potty all Friday afternoon without an accident, we would know that he was ready to go to the bagel store. We followed him everywhere w/ a potty, but he had an accident pretty early on. We did not get upset with him. We told him how sorry we were that he would not be able to go to the bagel store and gave him a big hug and let him know that we loved him. He had some successes and another accident on Friday. Then Sat morning his dad went to bagels w/out him. We told him how sorry we were about the bagel store's rule but that we had no control over it. We told him that if he made it throug Saturday without an accident that he would be able to go to music class (which had that same darn rule). We had him sit on the potty every 45 minutes, and sure enough, he didn't have any accidents and was able to go to music class. Having real world consequences that mattered to him and over which his parents appeared to have no control coupled with rewards for success seemed to do the trick. After that day a year and a half ago, my son had only two accidents. The whole process was a nightmare and stressed me out to no end. However, we made it, and he has also been out of diapers at night for a year. You will make it, too -- I promise! And please, please do not blame yourself for this because you have had your son at home. My son was at preschool, and his best friend (also at preschool) took even longer!
K.

I think taking him every 2 hours is good. Just make sure every time he empty's his bladder completely! Usually they go a little and say they're done...tell him to keep going theres a little more hiding in there! Make it the most wonderful thing you've ever heard and get so excited to hear his pee that you want to hear more! Tell him it's music to your ears! And maybe dance while he pee's...more music maestro!
This takes maybe 3-5 minutes so put the baby nearby with some toys and have fun dancing!

Hi S., I don't know what your rewards are but I used m&m's for a treat after potty and it worked . And she's not addicted to them now . She dosn't even ask it just kinda faded away. We make going to the potty a fun time by singing the potty song and clapping as we dance our way there and I treat her like it's the most amazing thing that she did it. I agree with Nicole to not let them see you be frustrated with it. Once it becomes a power issue they have the upper hand. My daughter had a set back at one point and I know she was testing me to see what would happen and I tried to play it down and encourage her to be sucessful next time. I told a friend about using the m&m's for her son and it worked for them too. Best of luck to you. R.. Oh the potty song we do is just chanting potty, potty, potty with rythum over and over. kinda like the cha, cha, cha.

My son was a little younger, but was completely ready and doing the same thing. For him, he was just lazy. It was too much work to stop playing and go and use the potty. We had to find out what would really motivate him since stickers, toys, and even candy weren't enough. For him, he wanted to go to school like his friends, so we had a mason jar that we filled with pebbles, and then another one that he decorated. Each time he went on the potty we moved three stones to the school jar, for each accident, we removed one stone. He had to fill the school jar before he could go to school. Like you said, peer pressure works great too. If you have a couple of friends with kids that are already potty trained, if they don't mind, let your son watch them go. I have two friends with kids that learned quickly after watching other kids do it. I guess it is different than watching your parents. If you think it is just a power struggle at this point, you can try to just back off completely for a few weeks. We had only gotten about a quarter of the way through the school jar when he said he wanted to wear his underwear (which I had taken away since he was having so many accidents and I was done cleaning them up). I told him if he wanted it, he needed to make it to the potty on time and he said he would. He started wearing his underwear that day, and has been potty trained since. It just had to be his idea. (By the way, he was even night potty trained at this time, he did it all at once.) Good luck, and may you have lots and lots of patience. We are about to do this with my daughter soon, and I am not looking forward to it.

Hi S., A few months ago I wrote in with the same advice request. I got a lot of different ideas and blended them together! My son will be four in July so I was equally frusterated and he had NO interest in the potty-so you're half way there. I went out and bought lots of plain underwear. (some of the soft padded kind too) My mother-in-law came up one weekend and we put him in the underwear and just let him pee & poop on himself so he could feel what is was like to be wet & dirty. I made him take of his wet underwear and shorts and put them in the washer and then we'd start all over. After 2-3 days of this he FINALLY said "I have to go!" and ran to the potty! The first two days were exhausting and then it just got easier. I used pull ups at night for about four weeks (but he always woke up dry) and at the end of our month long sticker chart we went to the store and purchased "fun underwear". I downloaded sticker potty charts from freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com and used mini m&m's which we kept in a clear plastic container in the bathroom. Once the m&m's were gone we had a family cupcake party celebrating his success and then he knew the rewards were over! He now poops and pees on the potty all of the time. He has had a few accidents but what's funny is they have only happend at home! We have told him that the potty fairy will come and take his potty on his birthday and leave him a present so that he can use the big toilet-I'm guessing I'll get one of those cool seat inserts for the big toilet and a new step stool! Make it fun and get everyone involved. My husband loved being a part of the training and they still hang out in the bathroom reading and playing "I Spy" when it's time for #2! One more thing-I stay home too and my son has only been to the daycare at the gym so it can be done without the "competition" of other kids!
L. M

Hi S.,

I have a 4 year old who just turn 4 in january.. and also ove the few months just fully potty trained. It was hard getting him to go pee in the potty. He was still wear pull ups ( which to them feel like diapers). I been trying to potty train him since he was like 2 years old. Finally it worked. What i decided to do was completely take him off of pull ups, put some underwear on him during the day time. when and if he had accidents it would directly wet his pants, he then didn't like the feeling of being wet. I also would ask him every 30 minutes if he needed to use the bath room. I also would make him sit on the potty for like 30 minutes and i would sit in there with him.. until he went. Eventually they get tired of being wet all the time and will start using the potty like the big boy and girls that they are.

Hope I was some help to you.

Hi S.. My son, same boat-almost exactly. My son is 3 1/2, 55 lbs. Just recently I yet again got turned down for preschool because he is not potty trained. This time I was fed up. My mom (old-school) said sink or swim--so I put him in underwear and give him sweetened treats for pee & little cheap toys for poop. Also I took him to the preschool I want him to go to and he saw all the kids having fun and stuff but he couldn't join in which bothered him. So now every time he says he can't go on the toilet I remind him that if he wants to go to school he has to go on the toilet. So far it's been about 3 weeks and he has had a few accidents #2 but only one #1. I am lucky though so far he holds it thru the night! Good luck, hope this helps a little, I feel ya!!

Hi S.!
We are living paralell lives...I just FINALLY potty trained my almost three year old. She had been peeing on her "potty" for over a year and been in pull-ups for over six months. All her friends are already trained and we too have a preshool deadline - we have already paid the pricey non-refundable deposit!

I had just "had it" and put her in her panties and let her go outside to play. She had two accidents - I figured she needed to feel the result of NOT going on the potty. I really hyped up her picking out her own panties (Dora of course) and she got her own potty "wipes". I told her that she can only wear her pull-ups at night - that was just the rules...and she said OK...we have been pull-up free for almost two weeks and she has been doing great - I can't believe we are finally there because it took sooo long. At first I was reminding her every half hour to go...now she goes by herself.....I am amazed. It will happen for your little guy...just challenge him..I am amazed at how they just pull it together!!

Good luck to you!!
Blessings,
M.

I had a similar problem with my daughter (who is now 7). It seems we tried everything. She was just being what I can only call lazy. I had several parents suggest "The Bear in the Big Blue House" video, about listening to your body. I recognize that you're saying he alrady knows the sensation, but so did my daughter. The video worked for us, and minumum 5 other parents I know with the same issue. I plan to use it when I start training my 14mo. old. Worth a try maybe? Rent it and see what happens....

Hi S.,
We were in the same boat for preschool which started this month. While it might seem that all of the other children are fully potty trained, that's probably not completely accurate. Preschool teachers all over are sensitive to helping three year olds adapt to using the potty at school with reminders.

I tried the timer thing with my older child with no success. Asking my children if they need to go also didn't help. Instead we go potty before we do things. "Everyone go potty before we go outside." "Everyone go potty before we have a snack... leave the house... go to school." This really worked for my son. In preschool they tend to do give the same kind of reminders. Go before snack, go before going outside, etc.

I would say to your son, "Starting tomorrow, you're wearing underwear and going potty on the toilet just like daddy does." Then stick with it. No pull-ups (or any other training diapers) during the day. You mentioned him using daddy's toilet. Perhaps every time daddy goes potty, son should too. Have son "show off" his success during the day when daddy gets home. Here's the part I had the hardest time with: make a big deal out of the successes and ignore the accidents.

Rewards: My son got one m-and-m every time he peed in the toilet, two if he pooped. For my daughter, she liked getting a rubber stamp on her hand.

Good luck.

Don't be so hard on yourslef or him! It is so true boys are slower (I have a girl and a boy). Does he want to go to preschool? Have you told him only big boys who use the potty get to go to school? have you tried letting him aim for cherios in the toliet, you know how kids like games! You can always try making him stay in the wet diapers/underwear for a while and reitterating to him if he used the toliet like a big boy he would he wouldn't be weraing wet pants and feeling uncomfortable. (Is he in pull-ups or underweat, if he isn't using underwear yet you can try taking him to pick some out with his favorite character and telling him something like "Now we need to use the toliet, Diego won't like it if you get peepee on him".) Good luck and remember every child is different and all do things when they are ready!

I feel for you!
It took my daughter until she was almost four. (But don't tell her that, because she is 14 and she will be pissed I'm telling you!)
I have no miracle cure. I pretty much waited for the signs, asked if she had to go, or said, "Let's go try," when I was pretty sure she wasn't telling me (The Pee Wiggle!) and then sat in the bathroom with her. We talked about things unrelated to the potty, we sang, we imagined...whatever could occupy her mind until it "just happened." It didn't seem to take long once I distracted her from thinking about it.
Once I even said (after what seemed like an age!), "Honey if you arent going to go right now, I need to!" She got up, she let me go, and when I was done she went back, and finished.
Eventually she got bored of sitting on the toilet so much, and she would relax and just go, and then go about her business.
I think, in retrospect, it was three things: 1) she felt pressured to be a big girl (not from me, but in general), 2)I think she was just nervous about wiping her butt...I know how that sounds, but that is what it seemed to be! and 3) once she got out into "the world" she didn't want anyone to know she had to go...she has always been very private about it with everyone but me.
So, no magic cure, but I can happily tell you that once she got it, she GOT it. No fallbacks, few accidents. (And, no, I didn't have to sit in the bathroom with her after she got it! LOL)

I know you've had so many responses already so may not even get this one. After 7 months of this he really should be trained already. Could be that you started him too young before he was emotionally & cognitivley ready. I'm gonna be blunt here....he knows he's under a lot of pressure to be potty trained & is reacting to it as well as feeding off of it. One of the few things little kids have control over besides food is peeing & pooping & it sounds to me like this has turned into a battle of wills so he's trying to be the one on control. I strongly suggest you NOT take him to the potty every 1/2 to 'try.' Not only will it create the need for him to further exhibit his control over peeing & pooping but he'll also end up being trained to go every 1/2 hour, not when he feels the need. I did this w/our first son in the beginning of potty training & had to start over again. Just had to accept the pee everywhere! Thankfully, we had crappy carpenting so it wasn't too much of a worry. I just got this book on line called 3 Day Potty Training. It has a web site under the same name. One of the things it says is to NOT have them try every 1/2 hour or ask them if they have to but instead, just tell them,'let mommy know when you need to pee.' It also says to absolutely not punish them for any accidents. Which I agree w/as well. It will only make him embarressed & ashamed. Instead, just calmly clean it up & go about your business. But the key to this method is to have the time to devote 3 solid days to this training. Meaning, at home w/no trips outa the house except around the yard. I bought this book & will start the method w/our younger son who was 3 yesterday. Have to wait til his big bropther is occupied full days at camp in order to have the time for it. He already pees in the potty quite a bit & asks to use it about 2 times a day so hopefully, it will be a quick 3 days of training. Hope this helps & good luck!

Hi Sara, I had been having the same problems with my 4 1/2 year old daughter until probably two weeks ago. Although I don't have a solid answer for you I can tell you that eventually it will all happen the way you want it to. My daughter, I think, became lazy. If she wore a pull-up it was just easier for her to go in her pull-up. I hid all of her pull ups and she resorted to trying to place her doll diapers on herself. She actually could change her own pull-up. I actually sat in the bathroom with her a total of 7 hours over the course of two days, finally she was so constipated I gave her a laxative. She still waited two days. She said she was afraid of the toilet. Finally, I held her so she wouldn't be scared on the toilet and she did the job. It has now been two weeks and no accidents. She even refuses assistance with wiping. My six year old boy still screams from the bathroom to be wiped. I think your idea about making him sit every 1/2 hour regardless of whether he has to or not is a great idea.