I Am "Temping" as a Stay-at-home-mom

I have been a SAHM for nearly 20 years. In fact, I'm likely the ONLY divorced SAHM with teenagers in the WEstern Hemisphere. I have to say, over the years, the percentage of women I've met who don't work at all is VERY small. So I don't know WHERE this woman is from, but I wouldn't let it bother me much! Shake it off, takes all kinds, you know?

:)

You will find there are people on both sides of the issue that just cannot fathom the other. Sad but true.

The problem with that particular mind set is most cannot give a child all their needs without working two jobs. So then the question become which is the greater need.

It also ignores the fact that different kids have different needs. I just had a pink streak go through my dining room saying something on the lines of canIridemybikebebackwhenthelightsgoon. Does this sound like a child who needs her mom 24/7?

The stay at home mom/working mom debate will never go away. Why we can't just be supportive of each other, as women & mothers, is beyond me. I don't judge anyone for their choices as long as they are doing their best for their family.

She was rude/insensitive. Whether a mom is a stay at home mom, or a work out of the house mom, is such a hot button topic, and also such a personal decision. People need to respect that others make decisions based on what they feel is best for their family situation.

When I was pregnant with my second child, the sonogram tech said something like, "Well, now that you have TWO, are you going to stay at home?" I mildly replied that I intended to continue working, and she said, "Well, it definitely is nice to have money to buy all of those nice things.." and I snapped back. "Like health insurance?!"

People really need to mind their own business in these situations. Some moms (like me!) desperately want to be stay at home moms, but really cant. If I quit, we would lose our small house and be on welfare. We already cut corners everywhere as it is.

Some women work out of the home because that is what makes them a better mother. They dont NEED the money so much as they need the stimulation. Not everyone can sit around making home made play dough, cleaning up messes, and doing finger plays all day and still be the kind of person they want to be.

On the flip side, some people look at stay at home moms as unmotivated or lacking a desire to achieve. Also wrong.

So yes - I have experienced this bias, and think that people need to stop trying to superimpose what is best for their lives on those of other people.

Some moms criticize moms who have different life styles from their own. I believe it comes from insecurity. In order to feel better about their choices they must prove your choices are wrong. Women who feel they are good moms don't need to prove that others aren't as good.

Moms get it from both sides, it is sad really that we can't just be more supportive of each other rather than comparing and criticizing. Just be confident in your family choices and try to avoid "getting into it" with moms like that. Just give a simple flat answer like "That is what works best for our family" and quickly move on to another conversation.

S.H. -- If someone ever said something like that to me I would have had to reply "Well, we feel *I* am what is best for my kids right now, not some paid for class or material item." The nerve of some people.

Eh, I have been a single parent, by choice, for my son's entire life (15 years so far). So I have heard it all from people lauding my ability to balance it all to people shaming me for having others raise him.

He was in daycare or after school care, has attended Saturday work events, and a few seminars, with me over the years. He has been exposed to more adults and situations than most of his peers, been interviewed by the paper and on radio based on his involvement, through me, in volunteer projects. He has a strong core group of friends and can talk to people of all ages and backgrounds in any setting. Gosh, I don't know why I had a kid when I had to work also. ROFLMAO

I just ignore it all- well maybe not the compliments ;) and go on my merry way of parenting well and reveling in the knowledge that I have a polite, compassionate, fairly well adjusted teenager.

Go with the "she lives in a bubble" theory. It is really easier than acknowledging that some people are just bone heads and don't know when to keep quiet.

:)

Have fun during your temp time !!!!!

I've found the only people who make those types of comments are those who are uneasy about their own situations. After all, happy people don't feel much need to criticize others.

All moms have a tough job and I wish the mommy wars would just end. I work from home part-time and then I'm a SAHM the rest of the day, so I'm in between. I've been zinged by both sides who don't realize I also fall into the other category. It's silly.

kinda rude! but who knows, maybe it's a culture thing. i can see where you'd get offended.

"why have a kid if you have to work" is one of those comments that makes a lot of our's blood boil :) i would probably have shot daggers at her and got up and left.

but many wonderful mothers are "forced" to work...and are no less wonderful mothers for it. including myself. and quite honestly, i love my job. i also love being a mother. and neither my job nor my son suffers because of the other. rest easy. there are ALL kinds of great mothers.

A happy mother is a happy child. Many mothers have to work and our system has made this happen. Don't get me wrong, if a mother is better because she works, fine. I just know a lot of mothers wouldn't if they didn't have to. I understand what the woman is saying but it's not that cut and dry. Don't let her get you down. I've experienced this and more so the other way around. So I've seen it from both sides. Whatever way you choose, (and many times there is no choice if you want to eat and live in a house) there are going to be sacrifices and something has to give. Finding balance is never easy. This was a hurtful thing for her to say and obviously she hasn't seen it from a broader perspective. She probably is in a bubble. Bless her and let her be on her way.
~~ Just some thoughts and Sending the Best to you

I'm a working mom and I love being both. I think by having to work, I value my time with my children a lot more than if I was home all day with them. I can only comment on how I feel. I also had my two older children in my early 20's (21 and 23), then I had my last at (32). The years go by fast and by having my younger one in my 30's, I do enjoy the moment longer. I know it won't last forever. I have two boys, who have always adored me very much. My oldest teases my younger one about one day not living with me and have another women in his life that he will kiss. He's only five and I'm the only woman for him right now. I told my older son, that wasn't nice, because he loved me just as much as his little brother does now.
Now my oldest is a girl and I don't ever want her to think she's can't do something because she's a woman, women have came a long way. One of my sisters homeschools her kids, she's a stay at home mom, and when my niece was about 7 or 8, I was talking on the phone to her and told her she should be a anchor woman giving the news. (she loves to talk) She said she was going to be a mom and wife. I told her she could do both, and she said no, women aren't to work. Obviously we are a little different, but I think we both love are children dearly. I think my children will grow up and thank me for being the right mom for them.

Oh heavens, it's not just because she is from another country. On a thread from the weekend, a mom on here said the same kind of thing.

Talk about being closed-minded and rude.

You aren't overreacting, but nothing you say will make any difference. Ignore her from now on. She is not a nice woman to have slammed you in the face with this.

Hey Theresa - there are two of us! (Except for the divorced part!) Bahaha!
Dawn

Everyone is different, just ignore her.
Everyone, has a different belief.
So what.

Now, I am a SAHM. And a woman (who is very successful and works and has kids)... told me once "I work very hard and make good money... so that I can provide my kids with the best. Of anything/education/classes that they need..... and they don't have to grow up skimping on things..."
Ahem.
So she was implying, that I, a poor ol' SAHM... did 'not' provide my kids, with the 'best' of things/education/classes or their every need.

Whatever.
She is a snob, anyway and not my cup of tea.
She is not a friend. Just a woman I am acquainted with.

Unfortunately, the judmentalness goes both ways.
Whenever someone asks you a question that makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to answer them. Dear Abby always advised to come back with: "Why do you ask?" Then they can either explain themselves or back off.

Eh, it goes both ways...I'm a stay at home mom and have gotten asked "Why are you wasting your education making mac and cheese all day?" Best to let it slide and disregard her comments. You're doing what's best for your family, I'm doing what's best for mine. It is what it is - don't get caught up in the argument because nobody wins this one.

I've always been a SAHM since having kids (well, I've begun occasionally working), but yep, I've heard it. I've also gotten snide remarks from working moms and, over the summer, a dad. It's unfortunate that we don't always respect other people's life situations. I'm sorry that happened. I'd steer clear from her. Enjoy your time home!

Oh.....Lord.....here we go.
You're gonna get a lot of responses on this, but the bottom line is that only you and your husband know your specific financial situation. You also have to know what works best for you and what you want.
I would tell any dual income family WANTING a SAHM that it can be done, with frugality, downsizing and cutting pout frills. Not all want that anyway.
Best to start right now NOT comparing yourself, your kid(s), your husband, your life, your house or your ANYTHING to anyone elses "anything"!
Make your plan, your goal and work to it--whatever it might look like.

I'm sorry she was like this to you. Please ignore her. She thinks she is better than working moms. But she isn't.

Wow. That's kind of harsh! I haven't come across that personally, but it doesn't surprise me. I know we need two incomes to survive! You do what you gotta do!

I did that several times! I would work and stay home. The longest I stayed home was 3 years. This was when my oldest started HS. I was so glad I was home for that period of time! I understand little ones but let me tell you, if I had to pick a time to be a SAHM it would be teenage years! Hands down!!!

You can survive on one income but you must be committed to that lifestyle. We didn't have cable, cell phones or eat out. I clipped coupons and shopped very carefully. I worked a mothers day out program so my son could go for free. You do what you have to do to survive and provide for your family. Do not let anyone make you feel less than that!

my sister-in-law acts as if any women who works is a horrible mother who does not love her children. I have been both. I went back to work after my oldest was born. I never imagined staying at home. Doesn't mean I dont love my son! My MIL watched him so I felt better about it, not having to worry about him and knowing he was with family. I got pregnant with the twins within a few weeks of my oldest's first birthday. I had to quit working and stay at home after they were born due to medical issues. It is very hard on us. we barely scrape by some months. Now the twins are coming up on their 1st birthday and their next major surgery is less than a month away. I desperately want to get something part time, we seriously need the money and i'm going a little bonkers being in this house 24/7. But we only have 1 car, and with all the doctors appts etc it would be so hard to get a job. hard to go in to an interview knowing the answer to the question "are you flexible with your schedule" is no and as a matter of fact here are the only days/times I can work and I may need to leave suddenly at the drop of a hat. Once the boys are in school i'll get something part time and hopefully move back into full time.

I think there is definetly some bias on both sides, but I think that some make a bad name for everyone. I know not all SAHM's think working moms are terrible and not all working moms think SAHM's are bad. just sucks that we have to fight over this stuff. not everything works for everyone.

I personally enjoy being home with my children. I know people who have kids and tried to stay at home with them and don't want to. I know people who work and would love to not work and be home with their kids.

I understand what she is saying and everyone has an opinion. You just have to remember that. If i knew i had to put my newborn into someone elses hands and i'd miss out on all the cutsie stuff, i personally wouldnt have a child. Thats my baby not someone elses and i want to be the one to hold him, change poopy diapers, play with him ect all day.

I know people have to work to bring home the bacon and sometimes if you want kids thats just the way life is.

So i say if you want another child and know where your baby is going to be and you are okay with it then don't let anyone elses opinion bother you.

I am a working mom and I've felt it. And as many SAHMs stated, they have felt the reverse. I don't think it's mean spirited... it's just that it's hard to see the other perspective if you've never been there. Try not to let it get to you. We each make the best choices for our family and for ourselves. They are all different. We all love our kids and want the best for them... we should focus on that : )

If you follow my name to my recent answers, you'll see a huge # of responses to a SAHM asking why mothers work... It's titled something like "What I want to know." So yes, some women do look down on working mothers.

Yeah, let it go. It was rude, but people are! She probably didn't even realize it. I'm exactly in your boat - recently laid off and staying home with my son for an undetermined, but temporary amount of time. We also wanted to try for #2 but hubby said the same exact thing. We went for it anyway (after some discussion) because we learned we can't plan certain things and don't have any idea when my job will be available again. Good luck to you and enjoy your time!

There are many, many women out there who seem to have their opinion in the stay at home mom vs. working mom issue. Really, though, all that matters is your doing what you need to do or what you think your family needs.

I'm a SAHM and have been for almost 6 years. I have seriously loved every minute of it. I used to be a special ed teacher for kids with emotional/behavior issues so I tend to have a ton of patience for any kind of behavior, typical or not. It takes a lot for my kids to drive me crazy, where as another mom might blow up about a 2 year old getting into the flour in the cupboard or the typical temper tantrums. I get tons of judgement from others because I am a SAHM......especially my family. Either way, if you work or if you stay at home, you will find people that will find something wrong with either one of them.

I was told once that it was unimagineable that I put my 3 yo in a daycare so I could have two hours twice a week to maybe go to the grocery store.
What she said was, "What do you mean he is in daycare? Aren't
you a Stay At Home Mom?"
And she was born and raised in good ol' Virginia.