I Am in a Rut.

Have you tried "date night" where just the two of you go like you did before you had kids? My best friend had a similar situation where she felt like her husband was her room mate rather than life mate. Now they go out (or sometimes stay in with the kids spending the night with Grandma) at least one night every other weekend. It's really helped them to reconnect and remember why they got married in the first place.

You need to regroup and start over Learn how to say no to all the extra things you are doing your main focus has to be your husband and your kids I know it is hard to stop watching everyones kids, no matter how much money it is if you go down to just yours you will feel better right away. I have been where you are and I would never go back. Make a game plan what do you honestly want to get rid of and what do you honestly want to keep and put your foot down and get rid of the things that are on that list. There are other babysitters and you can only do and control so much you may make some people unhappy for a little while but your sanity is worth it and your loved ones will understand. You need to start having date nights do whatever you can and make a date with your husband. and put these date nights on the calendar with a big star next to them and no matter what even if the kids have to go with once in awhile you don't skip date night. start a calendar and fill in only three days a week with something the other days stay blank. Every sunday go over the calendar with your husband and make sure everyone is on the same page and knows whats going on for the week. One more thing EVERY night at some point you and your husband connect and talk about the day even if it is only 15 minutes and you have to lock yourselves in the bathroom connect one on one. Make some changes this weekend and by Monday you will feel better. Just taking back over control of your live will give you energy to do the rest.

D.~

Is there anyway that you could think about working from home? Do all your "have to's" while working from home around your schedule! I show many moms how to do just that! www.2abetterlife.com is my website and I would love to share more details with you and help you out!

Hi D.,

Just wanted to say I sympathize. From my experience there really are times in life when a person has to do her job and she and the other adults in her life have to come last. Still, I was wondering whether you could in fact eliminate any of your responsibilities and replace them with sleep - or some other thing for yourself. And I was wondering whether you have talked this over with your husband, both to let him know how much he means to you and to problem-solve around this. Is he missing you? Does he see something that could be changed? Could he do more at home so you have more to give him? God bless you for being so loving and giving.

Welcome to the club! I've not met anyone in your (our) shoes that feels differently. The good news is that it will pass (from what I hear!). There is a fun book called "Girlfriend's Guide to Getting Your Groove Back". I'd recommend it for some fun reading. At least we can laugh about it. In the meantime, enjoy your kids! Try to make yourself sit down and relax at least an hour each night with hubby when you are both home. (Notice how you are the only one running around killing yourself at night? I'll bet that's the case!!) So, relax and remember, this will pass. Everything will be fine!!

Date your husband. I have noticed that a lot of couples seem to think that once they are married, their relationship will be automatic. You still have to work at a marriage. You have to make time to talk and enjoy time together. Find something that you can do together without the kids. Not just dinner and a movie either,even though this works too occationally, but something that you can have fun doing like you did before you got married. I know lots of people who make it a goal to go on a "date" every Friday night. For my husband and I, that isn't necessarily realistic, but I have noticed that even once a month makes a difference in our relationship. Also, have you thought about what you can cut out of your life? Just from what I see in you "A little about me" statement, you are doing way more then I think I could handle. Take some time for just you so that you can breathe occationally.

D.-
Hello :-) Apparently, it is a good thing I have a sister! She and her husband have regular date nights. They get someone (me, his mom or sister, my mom) to watch the babies and go to dinner or a movie or some such. Believe me, there have been times when I have to kick her out the door, but they always come back relaxed and in a great mood. At first, it was kind of like you described, though, "We HAVE to do this". Well, yes, you have to since I know you value the marriage and each other in general. So I'd put it down on your to do list and go. I hope that you can find someone willing to take the children for a few hours, or even an hour to go have coffee or something. I hope that this helps.

i feel exacty the same way. i have 4 boys, plus watch two. i am exhausted. he works 2 jobs, and there is absolutely nothing to talk about. he doesnt ask me how my day went, all he talks about is work, i do not know if its just me but i really dont want to alk about work. i am the first one up at 5 and the last to go to bed at about midnight sometimes later. i have so many kids running through my house i feel that there is no help, some days it just looks like a cyclone hit. so the suggestion that i have gotten from a friend is that at least once a month you need to have like a date night. i havent done it yet myself but i think it just might work. good luck hope this helps.

Mari-Lyn's advice is well-said and the only thing I can add is to see whether there are a few things that you normally do alone with the kids that he can do with you, and maybe a thing or two he normally does on his own that you can join in. In the pre-kid days I bet you went with him all sorts places (Home Depot, for example) that he now does alone, and vice versa (grocery store). I know it's way more efficient to split up the jobs, but sometimes efficiency isn't the best outcome. Believe me, what you are experiencing is very, very common and Mari-Lyn's advice to regroup is what we all have to do from time to time, to make sure we are taking loving care of our relationship. Good luck!

I can remember feeling that way about a year ago. I was very worried about our marriage. Here are some things that have helped us...

1. Find some time for YOU...a yoga class, a pedicure, whatever would give you even an hour to focus on absolutely nothing else.

2. Mandatory date night - have it scheduled as a must-do. Make it the same every month. Our's is every 3rd Saturday night. We have the babysitter all lined up. It's too easy for months to pass without it.

3. Consider going to a couple's weekend or a couple's counselor to help remind yourselves why you are together and that there still is love there. Just hearing it come out of our own mouths really helped us rebond. The scariest thought for me was life without him around and how that would change everything to a much worse situation.

4. Fake it until you make it. Plan a kiss at the door when you first see each other at night. Make dinner time a "how was your day" time for the family - no tv or anything else.

5. Plan a vacation! Big or small, kids or no kids - you will be glad you did. It has really helped us.

6. Consider saying "no" to anymore responsibilities or cutting out some of the ones you already have yourself wrapped up into. Super moms are only super if they can take care of themselves, too!

I hope this helps. These changes have really made a difference at our house. Good luck and God Bless.

A.

I'm so sorry life is tough right now. Marriage is work as we all know!! Remember to see the good things about your husband.. when he might help you load the dishwasher, fold laundry, rub your back, etc. Maybe one night a week or month, you could have a sitter come sit with the kids - you and your husband get out of the house and go to dinner, a game, the park, etc. to reconnect. maybe when the kids are asleep sit down and drink hot choclate together. Leave him little love notes on stick - its in his car as he leaves for work. I bet when you begin to make an effort he will see it and feel very loved and important..soon you will both begin to share more and become closer..The most important thing you can do to become closer is to read your bible together and pray together. Even if you don't know where to start, just pray help. The Lord wants to bless you and your marriage. I will be praying for you!

Everyone has given you some great advice. I definitely will use a few for myself.

Here's something I did that's helped a lot in my marriage.

Twice a month we meet for lunch. We go to a resturant and have lunch, talk, laugh, fuss. It works for us because he works nights and the kids are in school. We have a 10mth old and he brings him, most times he's asleep.

Its good you want to make time for you and him. I've been married for 11 years and its hard. My friend told me to just make the plans he'll come. He usually does :)

Good luck.

Goodness! First thing is take a 30 minutes for yourself each day...even if you have to get up early to do so. Thirty minutes is enough time to set the tone for your day, meditate, read, anything that will give you some peace of mind! Evidently, you are a patient and giving soul. So, give back to yourself first, then carve out a date night each week with your husband. Trade sitting w/ a friend if money is an issue. Trust me, your husband is tired too, and wishing to reconnect with you I'm sure. Life can be hectic, so take care of each other, so you can take care of all the others in your circle of life! Best wishes.