So, my oldest daughter is starting kindergarten this fall. Her school is putting on a 'learning fair' in *addition* to the regular orientation this month. I've also got several appointments and have my dad (who's retired) lined up to watch my younger girls during the 3 hour orientation AND the girls who aren't going to the various appointments. Now, that learning fair is today in the school gym and I wasn't planning on going. My dad isn't available today and taking my 3 girls to a gym full of people DURING the baby's nap time is NOT my idea of a nice time. Plus, my oldest daughter is having a friend over for the entire afternoon and they all have swimming lessons today.
I told my husband that we're going to skip the learning fair (it is in NO way linked to kindergarten, just a meet and greet kinda thing) and he got all grumpy saying that the girls would have so much fun and couldn't I just put the baby in the stoller or carrier. I mean, I *could* go, but I just don't want to add another thing to my already hectic day and busy month! But he doesn't get it. My older two would be running around a full gym while my baby would be crying because she's tired. He never sees how these things impact ME, just that 'it would be fun for the girls'. Well, sure it would...so would a lot of things that I'm not going to do just because 'they're fun'.
So what do you think? Am I just being lazy and selfish? Should I suck it up and go.....or would you skip the learning fair too?
Thanks for all the support Mamas!! We did NOT go and a good thing too - the baby (5 months old) decided to have a bit of a screaming fit before her nap which would have happened *right* in the middle of the fair! Mother's intuition rules again :o)
I especially liked, and will be employing, the idea to keep my husband on a 'need to know' basis for events like this in the future. If we choose to go, we can be like 'hey, guess what we did today?', and if not, then there's no pressure to go. Thanks again!!
Too many activities/stimulation in one day=cranky children (and mom).
Clearly he doesn't realize all that you do (they rarely do).
OR you do it so WELL, so FLAWLESSLY you make it look easy!
So I guess, he could 'just put the baby in the stroller' and take them too, right? tehehe, I mean if it's THAT easy!
:)
Men. If it's so "simple" and "fun" then have him do it! Guaranteed he would change his tune if he did ;)
I'd skip it too... if it was only one older child and baby I may have gone, but not with THREE young children!!
Men never really get it or understand. Their priorities and mindsets are too different from women in general and usually completely opposite of a Mother's.
Don't sweat it - if he really wants the girls to go - tell him to take off work and take them himself!
If the learning fair means so much to your husband, why doesn't he go?
I'm with you. Sounds like you have a busy enough day already and taking a baby into a noisy environment during naptime is just a recipe for disaster for some kids. There will sure to be another learning fair next year and you can probably go to that one if you still want.
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Tell him to take the day off, and he can choose the event or the baby's nap. You'll do the one he doesn't want to do. If it's so damn simple, he can take the day off and go to the event with all 3 children too. Then one of you can chase/supervise the older 2, and the other can deal with the fussy baby.
He can't make you feel guilty without your permission. Do not give in to this. This is the first of many conflicts and choices that will face parents with 3 children. If he thinks it's critical, then he can participate.
Meantime, plan a weekend with your parents or some girlfriends, and leave him in charge of all 3 kids for 48 hours. Do not answer your cell phone and do not pre-cook meals. Go and have fun, and let him entertain 3 different kids of different ages, interests and schedules. That will put an end to his "it's so simple" philosophy.
If your husband thinks it's sooo important for the girls to go - he should take all of them himself...he can take the time off work and come get the girls and go!!! See how much fun it is!! He won't understand until he walks a mile in your shoes.
Now as to your feeling guilty - NO ONE can MAKE you feel anything - you are taking this guilt on all by yourself....yes, perception is reality - but the bottom line? YOU are in control of YOUR emotions....
I guess I am in the minority but I would do the learning fair for sure. That kind of thing IS fun for kids and I would also love for it to build up excitement for Kindergarten in my oldest. I guess I have always just been the type to sacrifice a bit of my own sanity if it means something beneficial of fun for my kids. I also would NOT have asked a friend over for my oldest on the day of her learning fair for Kindergarten. And I am assuming the swim lessons are one of many so I would have bagged on that too. Also-I have NEVER let my children's naps rule our family schedule. If they miss a nap they miss it. To me, new experiences are worth a loss of sleep. And if there is crankiness as a result so be it. But what I probably would have done was to try to get my child to nap DURING the fair as we walked around. If it was in fact nap time that should not be a problem.
I saw one response so far that I totally agree with but with a twist. You and the youngest stay home so she can get her nap. Tell your husband to come pick up the other two and HE takes them to the "learning fair." He is so keyed up about them going then by all means let him take them.
For me I would skip it since you already have a full day.
Hand him the baby and your car keys and tell him see you in an hour when you get back. The go do whatever you want to do and relax. If he thinks it's so important, then he can take the girls and the tired cranky baby.
I am a mom of 3 kids and I completely understand the struggle as well as sacrifices one has to make to either be able to go to certain things or not. I would not go. It makes for a terrible afternoon for you as well as your youngest. I agree, there are soooo many "fun" things we all could do but we can't do them ALL the time. :) Skipping this one isn't a huge deal and it sounds like your oldest is just fine w/ you not attending. Also, your husband clearly has no clue... you are completely right in this situation and your motherly intuition is in full swing. :) Let that baby sleep and you try to relax some as well during that time!!! :)
Has your husband every taken your kids out alone to a function? If not then let him! I think once he walks in your shoes then he'll understand how it really feels to do an outing like that that! Geez! Sometimes our Hubbies just don't understand! :)
If he thinks it would be fun, he can go and have great time with the girls.
Well I just toughed out a day like this and I bet you $1,000 my kids would have had more fun and been happpier if we'd just stayed home. Only reason I went is because I "made the mistake ;)" of telling our eldest in the morning we were going and childcare "bailed out" last minute. So will all three kids in tow I headed out. No fun! So don't go and know that you yourself know that it was the right choice and ignore your hubby. He just isn't as schooled in this :)
Nope I wouldn't go if it really was not part of my plan for the day. Baby needs a nap and it would probably be chaos. Your day is already full. I would most likely try to find some of the kindergarten moms to plan some summer days at the park so my child would have an opportunity to do a "meet and greet" Our district does 3 park days over the summer for kids to meet and play and meet all the kindergarten teachers.
Don't feel guilty over this. Save guilt for something you truly are in the wrong for. This just sounds like a scheduling confliction...you can't do everything. You could lovingly mention in situations like this that if he feels so strongly about it then he could take a couple hours off of work and take your daughter then out for a treat or lunch. A father daughter date. My hubby does this often(not so much during the work day but he does when I give him a heads up) but if you plan enough a head of time then he might be able to help in a pinch like this.
Good luck...please don't feel guilty over something like this...moms take on sooo much unjustified guilt. You can't do everything perfectly and make everyone happy. You have to choose what is best for your family and your sanity and then stick to your guns and feel strong about what you have chosen.
No your not lazy and selfish. It made me tired just reading about it. You already have stuff going on. Save your energy for the stuff thats really necessary.
Skip it..there is no such thing as being lazy with 3 little kids. If its such a big deal to him than he should go. Sure it would be fun, but a cranky baby who hasnt napped can and will make everyone miserable.
If hubby thinks it is "so fun" then perhaps he can babysit your kids while you take your child to the learning fair... :) (good luck with that one, btw :) )
You should only feel guilty about not taking them if your husband is willing to feel guilty that HE's not taking them. If he's okay with not going, then you should be okay with not going.
If you don't hound him about how he makes day-to-day choices at his job, he shouldn't hound you.
If he thinks that it's a great idea, then go for it... meaning tell him to take the afternoon off and pick the kids up and go.
Your little one isn't going to "meet and greet" anyone whom she will actually remember in September, so there's really no loss here. As Dawn mentioned, in the future share with your husband the school activities that are "must do" or "we can do", not the "we can't do" unless he wants to be the chaperone.
If he thinks it would be fun for the girls he can take them!
Stick to your guns, you are not being selfish.
My husband is NOTHING like this, he couldn't care less which I activities I choose to do or not do with the kids. That's MY job, I make my own schedule, just like he does at his job.
I have a friend whose husband sounds just like yours though. He never wants to say no to anything that might be "fun" for the kids, even if it's back to back birthday parties, sleepovers, whatever. And of course my friend has to deal with the inevitable crankiness and meltdowns that come out of too much fun and not enough downtime.
Feel free to show him my response :)
I would side with your husband on this one, but I wouldn't call you lazy or selfish either. I get both sides of this. I know how you feel having three children of my own, and how exhausting it can be when there are things you absolutely have to do without having a choice... and then to have something that is (supposedly) voluntary but is being treated as mandatory on top of it.
However, the event would be extremely beneficial for the family as a whole as well as the children. You would get to meet and know better other families in town and the kids would get a head start on friendships for the school year/summer. You just might meet another mom in the same position you're in and you click right away and discover that you can help each out.
Or you could send your husband with the older kids and you stay home with the baby. There's nothing saying that you have to go all together.
I would probably go. I think it's important for the kids to be a part of school activities, even if it's just a learning fair. But, I tend to do a lot of things because my kids will enjoy them, even if they're a giant pain in the butt for me. But, that's my choice.
If I had decided not to do something, for whatever reason, and my husband made me feel guilty...well, he'd be the one taking her to the Learning Fair! LOL!
Men don't realize how much work it is to take kids someplace alone. My husband has taken both my girls out by himself maybe once. He commented on how stressful it was. I was like "Yeah buddy, I do it ALL the time!" He still acts like it's no big deal for me to pop out to the store to pick up one measly little thing. He doesn't get why I ask him to stop on his way home from work to pick up the milk, or the eggs, or whatever else we might need.
My response would be "well take a vacation day and feel free to take her yourself", no you are not unreasonable, but you have done a wonderful job of showing your husband that you are supermom and he now believes that you have no limits. He is being unreasonable, but from your schedule it sounds like he thinks you can do everything, because you do juggle a lot. Sometimes the ones not juggling don't realize that one more thing simply cannot be added into the mix. Stay home and don't worry about it.
I'd skip it.
I remember breaking my back to get to a meet-and-greet even and I missed the teacher by 20 mins. Um.....could ya stay the entire hour or two? Sheesh. No biggie to miss it.
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Skip it. And don't feel guilty.
Swimming lessons and an all afternoon play date this afternoon? That is plenty for one day.
