"Husband Feels Left Out"

M. she will out grow it. She is just a mama's girl. My oldest, who is 34 now, was the same way. Then I had my second and she was a daddy's girl. By the time they got older, you couldn't tell it.

He needs some alone time. Maybe take her to the store or to the park. Maybe keep her while you sneak out to go to the store. Since you are with her most of the time that is all she knows. Give him some space alone with her. Good luck! I was a SAHM when mine was little, also.

My DD was exactly like that. She was such a momma's girl. I too am a SAHM. I started going to the gym when she was 3 months...and would leave her with DH. Give them a little time together you know. But she still would cry for me for comfort and look for me too. I would occasionally run errands on my own, so they could have some quality time without mom as a distraction. For a long time! She did outgrow it...she still prefers mom. But now at 3 years she does enjoy daddy time before or after work. So she'll start going to him. For us, I think having moments when it was just them to bond helped. But I think it's expected when the one parent is the primary caregiver. I know DH also likes family snuggle time. We'll lay down or sit on the couch all together. Best wishes!

M.,
Believe it or not, this is not so uncommon. Have you ever heard of eighth month syndrome?
It is not really confined to the eighth month, but commonly occurs around that time. It has a lot to do with the baby suddenly realizing that they are dependant on you, (the primary caregiver), for everything. this usually acompanies the need to be right there with you every moment, and seperation anxiety issues. If this is new, you could try reassuring 'Dad' that it isn't really a rejection of him, but a perceived dependence on you. It will pass. Meantime, try having him be the one who does the things with/for the baby that she enjoys, the most. So she'll begin to see the 'good times and fun stuff', as things to associate with him. Doing these things together, at first, may make it a little easier. Good luck!

I agree with most of the previous posters. It is a phase, and she needs more Daddy time. It seems to be an easier transition if you are nowhere to be found and let them bond some. It won'd happen in a day, but the attraction will come! ;)

my daughter is 12 weeks now and she has been going through this. My husband had gotten to the point where he did not want to hold her either. I would give her to him and leave the room for a few minutes. it helps when he is not so anxious about holding her and speaks to her in a soft voice. sometimes she does great, other times not so great. I asked this same question a few weeks ago and everyone said they will grow out of it.

Hi. I had the same problem when my son was a baby. Sometimes you just have to entirely leave the house and let him take care of her. Even if she struggles, she will learn that if she wants to be caudled it will be by him if you are not there. If she sees you, the spell is broken. Then she will get used to him and go to either one. If you have been the main caregiver and "baby holder" since birth, it may take some time, but she'll have to cry some and get used to it. Give it a try, and tell your husband to be patient.

I think that most kids go through this. Encourage your husband to spend time with her and you either leave the house or leave the room. It may be frustrating at first for all three of you but if you are there to "rescue" her then she will continue to cry & hold out until you take her. Trust me...I'm going through the same thing right now with my 4 month old. I have to actually leave the room many times because I give in & think, "it'll be easier on everyone if I take her." Not true!! When we do this it is a big disservice to our children & our husbands. It's tough but you can do it!!

Both of my children have gone through similar stages. I think it is especially so because I am a SAHM. Just let your husband know and understand that this is just a stage. There will come a time when your little girl will only want her daddy. In the meantime, have your husband help withe the feeding. If you are nursing, pump and have him give her the bottle. Or have him help feed her with whatever solids she may be taking. This will at least help him feel like he is taking a more active stance and will allow them to bond.

My Daughter was also like that with my husband. Untill she was about 10 months old. She is now 2 1/2 and she's Daddy's buddy. she follows him around everywhere. Just remember to incourage her and remind your husband not to give up trying. My daughter and my husband have a very close bond now. Good luck

Tell dad to relax and enjoy the 'time off'. That lil' girl will be all over him in the near future. Being available, providing positive interactions, and the like will increase her desire to go to him. My girls did this and it is hard, but as soon as they were mobile, and daddy--the ultimate play machine showed up, there was no competition.

Its hard when all day we are the caregivers of our children and then dad comes home and wants to be there for the kiddos too...
Keep encouraging him to try and not give up. Bath time is a good time for dads.(if he feels comfortable with that)
Good luck

Hi M.,
I am in a similar situation, and these Moms are on the money. I have a now 10 month old that would not go to anyone but me until November. I got a surprise gift of Tx Motor Speedway NASCAR tickets for the weekend. I was gone to the races, but home at night (long after bedtime gone again before wake up) for three days. It was a much needed break from my clingy little one and it absolutely forced him to accept Daddy and Poppy, who tag teamed caring for the boys. He is now Poppy's little buddy and loves spending time with Daddy. Of course, when he's sick or has an "owwie" he still wants Mamma. His Grammy fianlly won him over by feeding him each night when she got home from work and letting him mooch anything he wanted when she's eating. Further proof in the old adage the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Have Dad try patience first. Then have him pick a time that she loves (a particular feeding time, bath time, story time) and leave it to just the two of them. Have the fortitude to make them forge out their own relationship and take a step back and do something for yourself. Much luck and hugs. S.

Does dad ever have the opportunity to be the sole caregiver for a set period of time? I mean, without mom around? If not, the first couple of times he does this could be filled with tears for your daughter (and frustrating for your husband) but might be necessary in the long run for her to build a better bond with dad. Just an idea...

Been there! We have two kids and our first one, a girl, took to my husband very quickly. He was the only one that could calm her down a lot of times. But our 2nd one who is a boy wouldn't have hardly anything to do with him for about a year. Even now (my son is 18months) he still prefers me but does play with my husband quite a bit. I think one of the issues you might be having is the nursing. I was only able to do it 4-5 months with my daughter and I did it for 8-9 months with my son. My son and I seem a lot more bonded through that. Also I worked part time when I had my daughter and now I have a job that I'm able to be with my kids most of the day. So with this I think my son is way more attached to me.

I might suggest that you pump some and let your husband feed her a little bit. And leave them alone some maybe to run errands or something. Just some time that maybe she can realize that your gone but that your husband is there to care for her. Maybe also let him have bathtime or something or bed time so they have something that they do only together...

Hope some of this helps

We have been through this with all of our kids. When the kids cry in the night, Daddy goes to get them and is the first one there to soothe them. Then he brings the kids to me after they are calm. Our son is 1 year old and we got a car seat for Dad's car so they could places together that are fun. My husband is a coach so he takes our son to the soccer field, to the field house, usually outside places. Since my son loves it outside, now he equates going with Dad to getting to go outside or somewhere fun. It could be that just helping with the everyday care of the baby may help that also. Feeding, changing, playing together, reading, singing, bathing, etc. It is hard as a new mom to let go and "let" Dad do those things sometimes without hovering, but she will learn to love it. Don't worry... the more Dad takes her the less effect it will have on her. If you are not around, she will stop crying. Best of luck to you and your husband.

Hi M....my daughter & son-in-law had that problem with their first little girl. They solved it by my daughter having a few hours out & leaving C. at home, once or twice a week, like the grocery store, salon, moms night out, etc. Then also my son-in-law would take her for outings to the park or store, just so they could have a little one on one time without her mother around. It didn't take long, as a matter of fact the older she got the more she became a daddy's girl!
D. P

It may seem cruel at first, but some friends of ours had this issue with their daughter and they basically started letting her cry longer...and mom not pick her up...especially if she can see you. After awhile, maybe dad can walk over and try to pick her up. After awhile she warmed up to dad (and no love lost for mommy either). But she is likely to outgrow this. I know for Dad though, that is really really tough. Try that and see if it helps.

Sometimes they go through a short stage of just wanting mommy with others, but does he work away from home a lot? If I were you I'd act like daddy was great, and snuggle to him and not to make her jealous type , just to show how great he was, and suggest that everytime he come home from work he greats her real cheerful, and plays a little, whether it is peek a boo or what ever, nd maybe she'll start warming up to him.

My suggestion is for him to have the bottle and for you to leave the room. Go take a long hot bath or something, or go for a walk if it's still daylight. She won't cry nearly as long, and your husband will get to form a relationship with his daughter.

S.

You have already been given some wonderful suggestions on how to handle this problem, so I don't have much to add. I just wanted to let your husband know that I understand his side as well. With our first daughter, my husband was working a job where he was gone a lot. I would have thought that she would have been closer to me as I was the primary care taker most of the time. That was not so. Any time that Daddy was home she wanted him. If I so much as picked her up to go change her diaper, she was upset. If he was not home, Mommy was fine, but as soon as she saw him that was all over. That has changed with time, but I can't say that it didn't hurt my feelings at times because I felt left out as well. Thankfully, our second daughter was not like that. She goes to us both equally, and my eldest does too now. Tell him not to give up. He needs to just keep showing her and telling her how much he loves her as often as possible, and she will come around. Letting him care for her on his own will be beneficial to both of them as well, as was previously suggested. Good luck to you all!

We have 3 girls and my last one still does that to my husband and she is 3 yrs old. I go out of the house a couple of times a month so I am not home while he has to put her to bed and they are the best of buds for that night. Believe me if I am home and I doing something and my husband wants to put her to bed she screams so bad. I usually don't interfer anymore because she needs to get use to daddy.
Maybe have your husband spend sometime with her while you go out and do something else.

I don't know who said it, but it's so true with kids...."Good or Bad - it's just a phase".

I have found that to be true time and time again. Most likely, this child will be daddy's little buddy in just a few short months. Tell daddy to be patient and keep being the bigger person. This behavior is very normal and natural, I believe.

Dads get their feelings hurt so easy. Amazing how she can already break his heart. I understand. I left my husband alone with our daughter for short errands. I know he could handle it but i didn't want to wear him out. Soon they had their own routine and special bond. Now she is 2 and a total daddies girl. She does all of these funny tricks and games with him and nobody else. They take their fingers ans hoot each other and fall down. Then the other one goes and kisses them back awake. Seh will only do this with her daddy. Just remind you husband that at 7 months it really is not personal she is just trying to get her groove. Good luck!

It sounds like she spends alot more alone time with you then dad. I think you should leave her with dad sometimes. Let her get accustomed to having to rely on dad for her wants and needs. It's like dropping your child off at daycare for the first week. The children are scared at first and yell and scream for you but, you just leave and let them learn that it's okay to trust someone you are comfortable leaving them with. She will eventually feel more comfortable around him and think he is as wonderful as you do. Dad should be careful not to force himself on her. But, just sit back and let her do her own thing while slowly enguaging with her in little fun playtimes. She'll love it and so will he. Before you know it, she will want daddy all the time.

My son is the same way. He was a huge mama's boy when he was younger, but it has improved somewhat now that he is a toddler. However, he told my husband just the other day that he would always love mama best. Made us both feel bad. The only thing I have found that helps is to split the duties as much as possible. One night, my husband will do bath and I'll do bed, then the next night we will switch. We always let him know up front that it is Dad's turn to do whatever, and it is pointless to argue. After the first few days he accepted this and is fine with Dad helping out, which makes everyone happier. I know your daughter may be a little young for this, but before too much longer she will start to understand. Unfortunately, the mama attachment for some kids is pretty strong and lasts for years, so the sooner she can get used to Dad helping out the better. Hope this helps.

My daughter is now 4 yrs old. We went through this stage, too. We got over it. When she would fall and hurt herself, she would come to me. I told her she would be fine, but if she wanted comfort to go to Daddy. She still prefers him when she gets hurt!! That's what started their bonding process. I would also leave her with him and take walks around the neighborhood.

You could try leaving the room right after you hand her off to Dad. Or leave the house altogether. My husband had the same problem. It may not be very fun for him the first few times, but that comes along with it. Eventually my daughter was fine staying with him and other relatives when she knew I wasn't around. It's only when I'm in the room and someone else is holding her that she wants to go to me. Every baby has their attachment phases.