Husband Angry over Sex of New Baby

Wow- I really feel for you...and I hope you'll post some updates soon. Maybe you should try calling Dr. Phil!??!

It sounds like there are issues much deeper than the sex of this child. As much as I would like to agree with the many other comments of smacking him upside the head, I also know that 1. it won't help and 2. it doesn't change anything. Without knowing all the details of your family life it makes it hard to give advice, because it sounds from the outside that this is a much bigger issue than you have led on. Was he excited about this pregnancy in the beginning? What are the sexes of your other children? Why does he feel he needs a girl so badly? It just seems that there is more anger about this than should be. I could understand dissapointment, but anger just seems out of place in this situation.

Sitting down with him and asking him why he is feeling this way sounds like it is the only option.(Try not to accuse, that just puts people on the defense) Having a "date night" maybe away from the home in a public place, tends to keep emotions at bay, and hopefully you can work this out. Besides, then maybe he won't walk away from the questions you are asking. Pregnancy is such an emotionally and physically stressful time as it is without having this be a problem. If you can't deal with this alone, maybe seeking counseling for the both of you could help. Good luck, and best wishes for your new little one.

Your Husband sounds like a real jerk, really. You can't reason with hiim, but you need to protect this innocent child when he gets here. You absolutely can not allow him to mistreat your son. I swear to you, leaving him sounds like a good option, he's got serious issues.

He IS a serious threat! Please seek counseling. If you do this for your self, you will save your sons life. Being refused by ones own father will have lasting emotional effects on your son, as well as on you for letting this go on. I know you say you will leave him, but it is hard. I believe some one would work with you for counseling, low cost, no cost, I bet the state has help. My prayers are with you.

Your husband sounds VERY immature and self centered. He should have know that there is no guarantee on the sex of the baby, and any child is a blessing!! I would leave NOW for your own mental stability, the health of the unborn baby and for the emotional stability of the children you already have. Don't get me wrong every child deserves to have a father in their lives but not to the demise of their wellbeing.

You mentioned the way he treats the 6 year old boy that his mother fostered but how does he treat YOUR adopted little boy and HIS own daughter? I still think you should get out before further damage is done!!

Be strong in whatever decision you make, remember the children come first!!!

P.S. This would be a good topic for the Dr. Phil show!!! If he can't help noone can!!!

I hope you got through to your husband. From the sounds of it he needs some counseling. There are some underlying problems there. As for there being medical proof of autism you won't find any. It's something that is diagnosed by observation of the child's interactions with others and communication with others. There is no test for it like there is for something like sickle cell anemia. NIMH has some great information on autism. But I would not wait till after the baby gets there. Next time that little boy goes over to visit ask your husband to leave. If your husband throws a fit about it then that is a sign that he does not respect you and probably never will. Leave before his self-hatred is turned on your son.

I read some of the responses you've gotten and my advice is to look at the way he was raised. Did he have a positive male influence in his life if not how did his mother raise him. Some times people are willing to change, and if after the baby is born he still can't warm up to the idea of a little boy then perhaps it is time to leave. Some people won't change, and it isn't fair to the kids to have to deal with that.
I hope you have friends and family near by to support you through your pregnancy. Good luck and congrats on the baby boy.

I agree with some of the other mom's that this is very serious. Please seek counseling. Invite him to go, but if he doesn't, don't pressure, just go yourself. It sounds like he has some major issues that he's never confronted or even knows he has. It doesn't sound like there is any reasoning with him. Counseling and prayer will get you through this. You love him. But even so, seperation seems like it might be necessary. Have a plan ready. Know where the shelters are. Save up some cash. Try your local churches and pastors. There is hope. He seems very insecure. Try to show as much respect as possible, for that is how men interpret love. But not without disrespecting yourself. I'll be praying for you.

What in the world? It sounds to me like there are some hidden issues here with your husband. I would seriously think about counseling. He is afraid of something, and an autistic child just doesn't sound right. Does he know that children of both sexes can suffer disabilities? If he won't go to counseling than you should to help deal with the situation and maybe the counseler can offer other solutions. Why do our men need to make our lives even more stressful? Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

Dear K.,

You need some advice from professional people. This is a very serious problem, and you shouldn't have to deal with it all by yourself. You have to save your unborn child from a life of great difficulty. This is not of your making and you can't solve it alone. All the talking and discussing in the world will not solve it. Sorry about being so negative, but truth is better than not facing reality. Save your baby, he deserves a loving family. Good Luck, C. N.

Forget about your husband...I have a little boy and I couldn't be happier...maybe he is just responding to all of the outside stress...once you hold that little guy in your arms and he's happy and healthy you'll forget all about these things...why would he be ANGRY about a boy anyway?

Did you ask him how he can like himself? After all, he isn't like the child he fears that your son will be. I don't mean to suggest things, but I have always had to wonder why a man would rather have a girl than a boy... it's not natural for a man not to want his name sake, the one to carry on the business, the one to take fishing, hunting, etc.

Who every told you that has major issues. After having kids you go through stuff and he should be the one to understand and stand by your side with what ever you got through. I am happy things are going better.

Hello, I just read what you had posted and it really reminded me of what my sister is going through with her soon to be ex-husband, her children, and those other people called in-laws.
Well my sister and her husband have been together for 17 years and my sister has an 18 year old daughter from another relationship and together a 17 and 13 yr old daughters and one sone that was born with down-syndrome 2ys old. Well this story will take forever so I'm going to cut it short. When my nephew was concieved they had been separated for about 1 year and BOOM! She got pregnant on a what was supposed to be a discuss visitation for the children. Well they reconcilled and started to work things out, they even moved out of the apartment and bought a house, new Cadillac Escalade, you name it they bought it! Well He is a owner of a plumming business in West Los Angeles, so he has to be at work alot. Anyway, he calls me a night before a docotrs visit and asked if I can go with my sister to have an amnio done and to find out the sex of the baby. Well My sister was nervouse about the risks of the amnio and refused to have it done. We did however find out that she was blessed with a son after all them crazy girls. Well all was well and the baby was born. A few days after the baby was born my sister was feeding him and he was not responding and he became yellow in color, so they got the nurse and the doctors checked him for everything possible and they could find nothing, anyway she was released and they kept the baby. They soon found that he was born with down-syndrome and the doctors were amazed because he had no sign and did not have any features of a child with down-syndrome. So anyway the both sides of the family were really upset about it but we all tried to comfort them to show them that no matter what he will still be loved. There are two rotten apples in the bunch (his mom & brother) They never liked my sister and treat her girls bad, at Christmas time they buy them clothes that are either too small or too big, oh and they don't claim the baby boy because he is down-syndrome. His mom tells everyone that that little boy is retarded and ih not her grandson, and my brother in-law still can't accept the fact that his son has down-syndrome. He had been drinking one night and he argued with my sister and told her that he don't want that retarded baby that will never have children and will be stupid all his life. So, this still continues to happen and they are now seperated again and he refuses to pay any bills and his mom put all of his money in her account and he took the business out of his name and put it in his brothers name. The list of disaster goes on. Anyways, she has a private attorney and he was served yesterday on Valentines Day with divorce papers and child support paper court dates.

If you fear your husband, you need to look seriously at the state of your relationship and whether or not you should be with this man.

Look to your community for resources. No man should make you feel unsafe, or fear for the safety of your children. It is never acceptable. If that's the case, honey, get some help. If not for your sake, your children's.

Wow. I don't think that I've ever heard of anything like this. His issues seem to be much deeper than you know. I don't really know what advice to give, I just had to comment. Hate is a very strong word, and I can't imagine anyone hating a child, or the sex of a child, I think that your best bet is to never have that little boy around him. He might change his mind once he sees him, my gosh it's his son! I think that it'll be dangerous to have him around. Because it seems to me that he'll always favor your daughter, and that's a terrible thing. I hope you find a resolution, good luck and congrats on having a boy! My son will be 1 on Sunday, and he's the light of our lives!....K.

Hi K.;

I think that you husband is being a jerk. Besides that little tidbit, I think that I would try sitting him down and talking this out. Try to find out why he is so angry about the sec of the baby. I think that no matter what the sex of any child, GOD has given us the blessing of giving us a little human to mold.

If that does not work than try talking to a friend or church counsler. I hope that this helps.

Hi K.,

You're story made me sad and angry all at the same time!! Everyone is this world has a right to like or dislike anything. The problem is how we handle things that don't go our way. Your husband is making absolutely no sense!! He doesn't want a boy. Ok, what does he want you to do.....raise your son as a girl? You both need counseling. You need it to get the strength to leave this man and he needs it to find out what the heck is wrong with him!! This child was not asked to be brought into this world and you sound like a fabulous and loving mom who cannot raise these children with a man who will not like his own child. :~(

Hang in there and good luck,

S.

Sounds like he's being really ridiculous. I agree with the other comment - forget about him for now, he'll come around at some point. Perhaps not pressuring him at all about it will help. Does your husband realize that it is the man who determines the sex of the baby?

You say you have other children, are they boy's as well? If so, maybe he was just despirately hoping for a girl this time. When I was pregnant with our third child, my husband was not happy either. Not about the sex of the child, just that I was pregnant at all. At the time our other two were 9 and 11. He thought we were done, and so did I. But, once our son arrived, my husbands attitude changed. He and our youngest are closer than I could hope for. He realized times he had missed with the older 2 and is trying to not do that this time.
Hopefully your husband will come around. I hope that the inlaw issue and whatever else is causing problems will resolve them selves.

K. I am sorry about the issues you are having. I am a mother of 3. 2 boys and 1 girl. Boys are awesome!!! It is not fair he is making you feel this way. You have to do what is best for you and your children. If that means leaving maybe tha is the best thing. He may realize what a jerk he has been. This should be a happy time for you guys. You don't need stress....

Good for you for telling these people off! I love this message board, but sometimes people go too far with their "advice." It is so easy to cast stones.......
I am very glad that he came around. When I read this initiatlly, I figured he would. I am currently pregnant, and I wanted a girl SO bad. I got her, thank goodness, but I was terrified of how I would feel if it would have been another boy. I felt like I would be devestated. So I could kind of relate, to him, in a way.
Good luck to you!
J.

Karen-
Sometimes we tend to over react to situations and in retrospect realize the same. However, in your description of how your husband deals with your mother-in-law's adopted son, as well as his reaction to the sex of your unborn baby, I must admit that your environment is incredibly toxic and can honestly say that your concerns for the future welfare of your child(ren) is well justified!

Your concerns cannot go to the waste side and certainly be addressed ASAP. You have been given an incredible gift that not everyone is able to experience. Whatever the sex, this child's birth and life should be celebrated. I am truly sorry that anyone would actually feel this way toward their own child and also that you and your children would experience this kind of family life.

When ever I hear about some one complaining because they don't like the gender of their child I am outraged. People should just be grateful to be able to have a child, and should feel especially blessed if their child is healthy. There are so many couples out there who desperately want to conceive a child and can't. And there are many parents who have to go through the heart ache of having a sick baby and/or child. I don't know that I have any good advice for you, except maybe to remind your husband that he is acting like a big selfish baby and he should be grateful instead acting so self centered.

Hi Karen,

I know you already posted an update but just wanted to say..Ignore the ignorance and negative responces..How dare anyone suggest abortion to you. Just like u said.. u asked for ADVICE ONLY :) I am really happy to hear that things are better for you and your family..I knew things would turn around.. the advice I would have gave would just have been give your husband some time..and just pray on it.. Any real man would fall in love with there child no matter what the sex is when the baby comes..

But thanks for the update..

and God Bless you and your family..and Congrats on the new baby :)

Best
C. Z

i'll pray for you and you family. hope that things work out with a positive outcome.