Hunger Strike - Austin,TX

I have not read any of the other answers, but I had great luck with this.You have some really good ideas about not giving snack food in between. The only thing I would change because I know from being a mom to three and a teacher is you do not want to get in a power struggle with a child. You also do not want to make it unpleasant about food. It can cause eating issues later as in eating disorders.
I would put the food on the table and insist on pleasant meal times. My family always had a pleasant eating time together. Then if the child decides not to eat. Say "I am sorry (show real empathy not anger) you are not eating the good dinner". and take it away and throw it away. Either no snacks in between or fruit or raw vegies in between at regular snack times not right after they refused dinner. Then the next meal fix them a fresh plate of whatever we are having that meal. They will finally eat, but do not care if they do not eat everything or even try every thing on their plate. If you offer healthy food and make it pleasant and not a power struggle they will grow up eating a healthy range of foods. If they do not eat something, just matter of factly say "Oh I'm sorry you didn't try that it is yummy and eat some of it as you are throwing it away and say it's OK when you are big you will learn to love it". This piques their interest and makes them want to try it at some point. The main rule is to make meal times pleasant and not a struggle and to not offer sugary snacks in between where if they hold out on eating real food they get some bad substitute. You have good intuition about wanting them to eat healthy, but I would treak it to make it not a power struggle because in the end you will lose and they will grow up with resentment and an aversion to eating healthy which is the opposite of what you want.

My son (3 1/2) does the same thing. He wont eat his food. I know he would eat anything and all of it at his daycare. For awhile I just assumed that she cooked better than I (i am a terrible cook). Then I realized it was just a game of control. If we cheer him on saying "do it - do it - do it" like a frat boy would egg on his friend to chug a beer he will think its fun or a dare and will eat a few veggies. Sometimes that dose not work. I have also acted like I was running out of energy and would slump over begging him in a weak desperate playful voice to please....eat....a bite...so...i....can...be...stronger. This helps a ton. He will take a bite and I perk back up. But this takes a lot of energy out of me. Like now he ate his sandwich because he wanted another fruit strip. I told him to finish his other sandwich (cookie cut to a teady bear shape). He did so he could get what he wanted. Again he just asked if we could play rock paper scissors? I said as soon as he ate his veggie chips. which he is quickly doing. hope these tips help and if you find a better solutions please share !!!! :D * I should have said with his veggies or new veggies *

Sorry, but I never forced our daughter to try anything she did not want to try.. She now eats and tries everything.

It is a power struggle and you are the one that set this up.

I agree, make one meal and make sure there is something she does like and is familiar with. Also please keep in mind a child's senses are much more fine tuned than an adults. The odors are stronger, the taste is stronger.. so if it is slightly bitter to you or has a slight odor to you, to a child it can be over whelming..

It is like the smell of cooking tripe, cauliflower, cabbage.. Even to some adults that is too overwhelming. I would never force adults to taste these.

Then the cantaloupe, peas, some squashes can be too much for a child.. Also textures.. so why do we force children to taste foods that they are wary about?

What we used to do is ask our daughter to be a "brave taster.". When she is feeling brave to try something new. "Are you feeling like a Brave Taster tonight?" "I made a new recipe." And then we left it alone.. .

I placed a little portion of everything on her plate and if she ate it, I gave her a little more, no comments.

Also once dinner was finished, I would ask her "all done?" If she said yes, I would remind her, "remember no snacks till the next meal.". Or "no snacks or treats before bed."

If your daughter did not eat it the first time, why on earth do you think dragging out again another time makes it appealing?

Do NOT make food and meals your battle. Eating is a necessity. Make it a nice stress free time. She will eat what she wants and then she will slowly try new things on her own. if it offered over and over at different times. I also noticed since our child was in daycare , she tended to try a lot more things at school with all of the other children.. Lima beans, beets, cauliflower, that she did not try at home. They also did not force children to try things they did not want, just made sure the children know, you eat what is served or you do not eat.. Not a biog deal..

Why do you have to prove your rules by making a child go hungry?

Why don't you fix food you know she'll eat and then fix one new thing along with it? That way at least she'll be getting something in her stomach before the fighting starts.

I feel sorry for kids who will have stressful dinnertime's each day due to people battling over food. Dinnertime should be about coming together and enjoying each others company, filling the need for nutrition in a good way, and not about bullying and arguing.

She needs to eat and not be punished about food in any way whatsoever, at my house the only way they get in big trouble is if they throw food at each other and make a mess.

You are the adult here, which means you have to "cave". She is 4 years old. Keep this up and you will have an anorexic 14 year-old. I know, I was one. Guess what, children (mostly teenagers) do starve themselves to death. And it is all about control, and that's how they win. Let her win now, and end this battle. Please. Food is just food, please just feed your child.

You say it's about power, not food. You are right! You're in the midst of a power struggle and she's winning. I suggest you back off from all the rules. Make it simple. Give her the food and then don't say anything at all. If she eats it fine. If not fine. When it's snack time, give her a snack. Again don't say anything. If she eats it fine. If not fine. No lectures. No trying to get her to eat. It's all up to her.

Good to not give her something to eat later except for snack time which is a snack and not left overs. Do not make her eat the same thing at the next meal or for snack. Each meal is a start over. Would you be tempted to eat if all you got were left overs and those were foods you don't like, too? I think you're being entirely too tough on her.

Just from the tone of your post, I suggest that you are being too controlling. She increases her strike and you increase the rules. Try to relax and let whatever happens happen. Take on a "it's no big deal" attitude. No reminding her of the rules. This is dinner. Eat or not. Your decision. And you continue eating your dinner and ignore her. She will eat when she's hungry if there is food that she likes.

Do try to include at least one thing you know she likes. You might break this pattern by fixing her favorite foods a few times. You can say, I know you like this and I fixed it just for you. Make her feel special. She is special. You don't want your relationship to revolve around power.

AFter your so what happened. Why the focus on new food? Seems to me that you are sabotaging yourself and your goal of getting her to eat. I don't think I misunderstood your question. You want validation that you are right even tho it's not working. I feels so sorry for your daughter. And less so for you. You have a goal but aren't able to try new things to meet that goal. smile You are acting the same way that your daughter is. She won't eat new food. You won't try something different in the way of getting her to eat. How sad!

And I especially don't understand what is wrong with the goal of eating dinner. Isn't eating it the purpose of preparing it. She needs nutrition much more than she needs the ability to try new foods.

She's doing it because that is what you want her to do the most.
And she sees it gets you... upset.

Try having her help you, make the meals.

I have 2 kids.
One is a picky eater since he was on solids at 6 months old.
The other is an adventurous eater, since she was 6 months old.
One is a grazer. The other eats full on meals heartily.
We don't have food battles ever.
They eat. They eat per their biological cues.
They stop when full, per their biological cues.
They both... have naturally expanded their palates, in their own way.
I have my favorite foods and some I don't like.
They do too.
My Husband as well.
I cook all kinds of foods from all cultures.
They eat.
There is always something there that I know my whole family, will eat.
We don't punish or reward, for eating.
My kids are healthy. And grow astoundingly and are lean and solid and tall.
My picky eating son... who is now in Kindergarten, IS actually eating the cafeteria food at school! All without my lecturing him or hovering over him, about it. He on his own, is trying the food and eats... until full.
All on his own. Even if he is picky. He is trying it. And has found that he likes it.

My daughter tends to be Hypoglycemic/low blood sugar if she does not eat... so I do NOT, withhold eating from her.
We have healthy foods in the house anyway. Not junk, so whenever she is hungry or needs to eat, per her physiology, she eats. I let her.
If not, she gets headaches/fussy/irritable, major.
Eating sporadically and not regularly, in a person prone to low blood sugar, is not good. It makes their system, erratic. Not even keeled.
It 'sabotages'... them. Not good.
I never, punish my daughter, when she is "fussy" due to having an empty system & low blood-sugar. I feed her. That is what her body/physiology, needs.

My kids graze throughout the day.
They still eat their meals at mealtime, just fine.

I Ditto, Laurie A.

I have 4 kids that turned out to be healthy eaters, willing to try new foods.

I cooked what my hubby would like.. and expected the kids to eat the same things...... but I did make sure it wasn't something really bad.... I knew there would be other things they would eat. I usually fixed a casserole/meat, veggies, and frequently a salad.

If they didn't want to eat a particular item, they didn't have to... but they did not get any snacks/alternate meals until the next meal. If it was a new recipe, I gave them a small portion, and if they wanted more, that was great.

I didn't keep bringing out the food they already rejected. The next meal was a fresh start, a completely new meal.

I also didn't make them eat things like sauerkraut (which they all love), stewed tomatoes, (I did use tomatoes in chili, casseroles, soups, etc... just not stewed tomatoes by themselves), or other things kids frequently find objectionable. If they wanted to eat it, fine... if not, then that meal the rules didn't apply.

Again, all 4 of my kids (now grown) are very willing to try new foods. My youngest (now 19) wants to be a chef!

I would like to say that it's fairly typical for kids to go through phases of not eating. My kids were always excellent eaters and then suddenly, they just wouldn't be hungry for a few days. My daughter did it, my nephew did it, and when my son came along, I knew to watch for the signs. Their lack of hunger or interest in food preceded a growth spurt.
My son just turned 16 and he still does that. He's over 6 feet tall and weighs 200 pounds. His temporary bouts of not eating certainly haven't stunted his growth and he's a very adventurous eater. He'll eat things I can't even be around like snake and chicken hearts. He will literally try anything. So, when he's not hungry, he's simply not hungry.
I have said in prior responses that as a child, I happily went to bed with no dinner. I wasn't a stubborn child, but even if hell froze, my mom would not have been able to get me to eat scrambled eggs and oysters. It just wasn't going to happen.
If a kid doesn't want to eat something, they shouldn't have to. They can go to bed with no dinner. No snacks, etc.
Start over fresh the next day.
My daughter went through a phase of not eating brocolli because she saw a tiny little green worm on it once. It creeped her out. She got over it fairly quickly because I let her help me make sure everything was washed and checked really well. As an adult, I'd say she eats brocolli 3 times a week, easy. That's how much she loves it. I didn't fight with her over her temporary aversion.
Neither of my kids are picky eaters and I was a stickler for manners and at least tasting new things. If my kids said they weren't hungry, I took them at their word, but there were no snacks or anything else until breakfast the next morning. And no, I never made them eat their leftover dinner for breakfast. Or for lunch or dinner the next day.
As a child, I loved all vegetables and fruits. I could have happily lived on nothing else. However, I just couldn't do creamed corn. I loved corn and my mother thought I was being ridiculous. It was just corn with some cream in it, right? WRONG! She literally tried force feeding it to me which resulted in me gagging and getting sick on my plate which REALLY got me in trouble. Along with a mess to clean up.
After all that, my mom still kept trying to get me to eat creamed corn.
I'm 48 years old and to this day, I will not allow a can of creamed corn in my house. I can't even LOOK at a can of creamed corn without feeling sick to my stomach.
I don't believe in catering to kids when it comes to food, but I also know that it's possible for childhood meal battles to carry over into adult life.

If your daughter won't eat her dinner, she won't starve to death. Let her go to bed without anything to eat and start over fresh the next day.
Be aware there may be times she truly doesn't have an appetitie prior to a growth spurt. If she's anything like my kids, she will more than make up for it when her appetite comes back.

Best wishes.

.

You tried this approach, and it turns out she can outlast you.

I think you are correct, skipping dinner is enough of a consequence. The next meal should be what you would normally serve at the next meal.

It's not necessary to turn this into a huge power struggle. Just serve healthy food at each meal, and let her eat it, or not. The only mistake, in my opinion, is making special meals for kids. Kids should eat what the rest of the family is eating.

It's fine to try a strategy out and change it if it isn't working.

Sounds frustrating! I'll share what I do in case it's of any help to you:

Dinnertime - kids are given their food to eat. If the child refuses, we require at least 1-2 bites. If they don't like their food, they do not have to eat it. I do not believe that forcing them to eat the food will then make them learn to eat foods they don't like. I think it will make them hate the food even later on when they might have naturally learned a liking for it. (My sister is a great example of this! She has so many food issues...and she was regularly forced to eat food. She was the oldest, so she got it worst.)

If they don't eat their food, I do try to have a few side dishes they might want to eat. Something like veggies, salad, and/or rice, potatoes, etc. They can eat whatever they will eat.

If they eat nothing, they are dismissed from the table. They are NOT in trouble. But they also know there will be nothing else for them to eat until snack time before bed. I don't keep the food they refused for dinner. They didn't like it, they won't be forced to eat it. But it also means it won't be there if they become hungry 30 minutes later.

I always offer snack time before bed - whether they eat dinner or not. This is something I know they like...such as a pb&j sandwich or a banana. I offer limited things and let them choose.

So, for dinner, they are required to take 1-2 bites to at least taste it. If they don't like it, I have side dishes they might like. If they like none of it, they can be dismissed. Their food is not saved. It's tossed, and if they end up hungry, they get to wait until snack time. Food time is when food time is and if they aren't interested in eating then, then they can wait until the next food time.

I have no power struggles with my kids when it comes to foods. The 3-4 year olds regularly don't like foods, and I don't make it a big deal at all.

I really think it's important to not create power struggles with foods. They will grow up and learn that they will need to eat food that they don't like when they are at other people's houses, but as a young child (at an age where almost ALL children refuse foods), I don't make it a big deal. If it helps at all, I've also read this in a book from a psychologist who said to basically do it this way that I explained. She said not to keep the old food around, and don't give them a snack when they are hungry (unless it's normal snack time), and just offer them food again when it's food time.

Hope that helps! Food time sometimes gets frustrating if I've spent forever making something & it is refused, but it's never stressful like it is being for you - and it REALLY is okay to not force her. She will not be ruined because of it. My sister has been a great example to me of what can happen if parents are too controlling! She STILL has serious control issues with foods. I would back off and not let it be a control issue on your end.

I agree it's not about food it's a control issue, but you can't let a 4 year old g 24 hours without food. We also have a no dessert rule if you don't eat your supper, and I have a no thank you bite rule, which means you have to take 1 bite of the food you say you don't like but I also try to make foods that everyone likes and only maybe 1 new thing. Is she able to tell you what she does want? Can you get her to take a no thank you bite and let her have something she does want? I know Super Nanny has some good tips about getting children to eat, I just think you need to figure something out because 24 hours without eating is really not healthy.

Don'tcha hate it when rules that USED to work, no longer work?

I'd say; STICK with your rules until she's eating again. Then consider changing them. (aka; is this a battle that's worth fighting?) It may well be that this is a battle you are firm on; your child WILL eat what you made, period.

Know that with some kids this will be a lifelong battle, and you will be fighting it until they move out. (Which I can verify, since it was a battle my mum chose, and during the summer I'd go days without eating or be sneaking food. Longest ever was 9 days. I'm a super taster, I'm REALLY NOT going to eat anything I find disgusting for any reason UNLESS I'm starving. My mum never got that the reason the chicken was *great* one week, and not the other was a half teaspoon of oreganos worth of difference.). During the school year I'd just STUFF myself with food at school -even if it was just candy bars- so I wouldn't have to eat at home.) With other kids, it will be brief thing that lasts a few weeks or a few months.

The thing is; my mum is a great cook. I just would rather go hungry than to have eaten some of the stuff she made. But because she made it a battle she got her feelings hurt over, and over, and over again. It was no reflection on HER, or her cooking, nor my love for her (although my respect took a nosedive over the years on this issue, because she wasn't respecting me in return).

I'm the oldest. Her rules worked GREAT with my siblings until my youngest brother (youngest period) started getting older. I'd moved out by then (and was feeding myself, thank god). Well. She'd learned from me and was not about to repeat another 10 year battle. So if he didn't like what she cooked, HE could make himself something different. He had a lot of cereal and scrambled eggs. She wasn't going to cook it for him, or make it for him. My other sibs, it was a week or two of pushing boundaries. With me; it was 12 years (from 5-17, when I moved out). After 3 months of my baby brother pulling "A R.", she sat him down and they worked out a compromise.

I'm a pretty adventurous cook (note the supertaster). I have a household rule; If you don't like it; you can make yourself something else BUT YOU CANNOT be rude about it. You don't gag and make awful faces, you don't do overly dramatic sighs about "good" food over your Crispix or Sammie. Honestly, a few times a year we're ALL eating Sammies, and once, even our dog refused dinner (unheard of).

Food and dinnertime is FUN in my house. Which I'm choosing because, for me, it was miserable in my mum's. But I'm not cooking twice. Period. Neither was she. She just had 2 different ways she went about that (myself and my brother), I'm choosing to use the way she went with my brother.

I am NOT NOT NOT saying what you should do. It may well be this will be a battle that will last a few weeks, or one that you are willing to fight for 10-12 years. I'm just sharing what my mum did, and what I'm doing.

She can go take a nap when she's acting up or she can get the plate out of the fridge and eat it. She will not starve herself. So long as you aren't feeding her anchovies, liver, tofu, brussel sproats or things like that that are difficult for a child, then she can take it.

When you have a non eater it is awful, bc now that I have a big time eater I see what a difference life is without meal time battles!! My oldest son is four as well and one thing I did when mine was really bucking up about it was put some protein powder in his milk in the morning and I just told him it was time for his chocolate milkshake ;) He loved it and it helped keep the ol' blood sugar more stable, I just got the regular whey powder from Walmart and put a couple teaspoons in, until it tastes good. Also, my first is a major grazer, which so am I, and my first is a strong willed little man so control over food was a big issue. So one thing I do is at snack time sometimes I just put the snack on the table and let him come by and get some as he wants. It could be carrot sticks, or popcorn or whatever, but he can come as he likes and get the food as long as it is out. I let him get his own juice box, yogurt, cheese sticks etc out of the fridge on his own and I let him try to open it and I only intervene if he comes and asks. I let him put the popcorn in the microwave and turn it on, help with the mashed potatoes for dinner etc. It is hard bc I have a 19 month old as well but letting him get more involved has really helped him be much more excited about eating bc he does have more control, in some areas and it is fun to tell his dad he helped make something and then to eat what he helped make. I have rules really similar to you as far as the no eating no dessert or juice etc, the only thing I also do is I will tell him that if he eats X number of bites he can have dessert, fruit, yogurt, whatever. That gives him a clearly defined goal, which he can control and accomplish, and it will be like 5 bites or 7 bites or whatever. I also do help him out sometimes in the eating dept. I was reading that kids that have hyper active tendencies sometimes need a little more help with eating than kids that don't, I don't think my son is hyper but he is ACTIVE!! So sometimes while we are all eating and he is twirling his fork or whatever I just a pop a bite in his mouth and keep right on moving in the meal, I don't even call attention to it and that will get him back on track with eating many times. I really try to avoid all food battles and him having a baby brother who eats really well has helped. Also, I do let him graze some throughout the day but I do keep to a pretty stable schedule and we do eat actual meals at the table except on really rare occasions. I used to be much more flexible about it but I found that serving meals at a very regular time and all sitting down together, even during the day when dad is not here helped tremendously. His hunger has come more into line with meal times. I hope some of these suggestions have helped bc I really understand what a trial it can be to have a child that refuses to eat and then acts horrible due to blood sugar issues. Wish you the best PM if you have any questions, take care!

Stick with it. Mom! You are right, its not about food! Maybe you are feeding her dinner too late? I found my kids at that age had a window of time for cooperation. After that, they were too hungry or too tired (or both) and it was a big battle!

My 7yo still does this. Screams and hollers that he doesn't like dinner and that I never make anything he likes. My response is always "you are more than welcome to starve". He doesn't always eat after that though, and when he asks for something later, I point him to his plate (If his brothers haven't already cleaned it up).

Just stay calm and patient. She will eat when she is hungry and she is testing her boundaries. Don't let her win!

oooh my!! a very willful little one, eh?

If you start caving now - it will continue...

I'm VERY fortunate - my boys will try anything once - if they don't like it - fine - but like you - they have to try it. My husband was a tad worse and made them sit there until it was done or tried and after a heated argument in our room - he understood that keeping our kids there until they ate it all was wrong...

I do NOT make special meals - but I do make a menu for the week and there are days when it's the same thing - Monday is pasta night - i.e. mac & cheese or spaghetti; tuesday - taco (can be enchilada or burrito but you get my drift) and Wednesday night is family night - Pizza night. Thursday night is open. And Friday night I don't cook - they fend for themselves... Saturday and Sunday are open as well...any way - everyone in the family gets to contribute to the menu so everyone gets something they WANT one day a week....

She's 4 - have her start helping with menu suggestions.

When it comes to trying it - stand your ground mama!!! You cave now, you'll have it even worse later on!!! I know it's hard when their blood sugar drops (this is what causes the temper tantrums) and the melt downs happen - however, you an offer her the plate...

GOOD LUCK!!!