How to Tough

wait a minute! Let me get this straight:

you don't like how the "lazy one"/man is a slacker. So you are judging his performance. You are also judging your supervisor's ability to perform her own job, because she doesn't ride him as you think he should be.

you snapped at him. Your supervisor was about to get onto you...which is part of her job - in addition to being responsible for lazy man. You turned on her & mouthed off. Is this correct? Because that's how I'm reading it.

Kudos to you for apologizing, but quite often....apologies are meaningless. In this case, the supervisor is emotionally stressed over her personal life & you knew it. We all make mistakes, but yours came at the worst time possible. You hit her when she was down.....& the last thing she probably wanted to do was be at work, knowing that her mom was on life support during the holiday season. My heart goes out to her.

You acknowledge that you are a bossy person, & you want to be a stronger one, too. The only way this can happen is to tone-down that bossy side! You cannot "rule the world" & expect others to see your self-proclaimed heart of gold. It's not going to happen.

I truly believe the only way you can salvage your working relationships.... is for you to keep a low profile, know & believe that you can move on past your errors, & stop judging others' performances. I also think it's time for you to get out & socialize....make friends.....& then you won't be so focused on judging your co-workers.

I know I sound cold-hearted, but each of my points are in response to your post. I am trying very hard to not jump to conclusions....& I hope you accept my words with a smile. & again, kudos for apologizing. In time, your supervisor's heartache will ease.....& she'll accept you again. This is not a case of you learning to be tougher, it's a case of learning not to judge others! Peace to you....:)

It sounds like you majorly overstepped your bounds by snapping at this employee and your Supervisor....and you obviously realize that you overstepped here. NO ONE likes to pick up the slack from a lazy employee, but you made the situation much worse. Your supervisor is obviously going through a horrible time in her life and you created another situation that she HAD to address. When I am that stressed, I sometimes feel that if I have to deal with one more problem, I just might explode. So something that might not seem like such a big deal to you creates an inordinate amount of stress for her.

You apologized...nothing much you can do except to give her the space from you that she obviously needs. As for the lazy employee, you just give him enough rope to hang himself....he will eventually.

I suggest that your supervisor/friend's reaction has more to do with her own situation than it does with your blow up. I'd stop thinking about it or trying to fix it. Give it some time and see what happens over the next few weeks.

If you keep trying t apologize or keep asking what is wrong, etc. you come across as needy and she needs strong people around her now. She's dealing with too much needy, already. Give yourself pep talks. Remind yourself that this will pass on it's own. And continue to be supportive of your friend.

Let go of the need to make the other employee responsible. You cannot change anyone but yourself. So, focus on finding ways to ignore her. Yes, it's irritating to have to pick up the slack. Perhaps it would help if you'd think of it as just part of the job, no big deal. When you feel irritated give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself you are a good person to manage this. Give yourself pats on the back. Ignore the other person.

Hmmmmm....so she is your supervisor and didn't like it when you told her what you thought she should be doing (watching the male employee)? You need to respect the fact that she is "over" you--friend or not.

Apologize. Give her some space. Respect her position as your supervisor. Not much more you can do than that.

I would say that the person who is slacking off is getting away with it because you are doing their job for them....stop that! The only thing you are doing is making them look good to everyone else.

As for the friend, just be polite and act normal, do not apologize anymore or bother her outside of work. She has enough on her plate and needs her family time. When work starts back up pretend things are normal, if anyone asks how things are between the two of you just say things are fine. That way it will stop any gossip. If you act normal and just do your job then others will loose interest in the drama.

Good luck! I know how hard it can be when there is stress at work.

I agree with Marda. I think that it would help if you leave the lady alone until she is ready to be a friend again. It might take a long time. She has to work right now, but she doesn't have to like it. She evidently can't deal with the lazy man right now either. But instead of you trying to handle him, do your job instead and let him do a bad job on his own. I don't know what would happen if you didn't take up the slack from him being lazy, since I don't know what your job is. But obviously it doesn't work to fight with this man, so don't get yourself in trouble by trying to do it.

Maybe you won't end up getting to be friends again with this woman, but try not to expect anything. Do be nice to her and understanding. Losing a mom is terrible for most people. And when her mother dies, she will go through a hard time. Send her flowers and a sympathy card, and listen when she talks about her feelings, if she talks about them.

Good luck,
Dawn

You have recieved good feedback here so far. I am glad you apologized. We are all human and make mistakes. In this assistance I would make sure that you are performing at work to the best of your ability and keep doing what you are doing. While we know there are slackers at work we are certainly not in a position to change that. A supervisor believe it or not knows more than we do. If the opportunity presents itself you can apologize again but I woould let it go.

Keep the low profile...do you work and have a servant's heart toward the other employees and go above and beyond to help them out. So your actions can be seen as genunine. I am sorry this happened and while the super may have personal problems when you enter the work place at some point she will have to leave it behind. It is unprofessional too.

Best wishes for both of you for a better 2012

You take this as a learning experience. Unfortunately, at work, you cannot be "bossy" to your superior, right or wrong. I suggest you apologize for snapping at her and let her deal with the lazy one her way.

If your supervisor at work tells you something, you HAVE to listen.

You are a hard worker, so that is a good thing about you. But all of us have a duty to improve throughout this life, and I suggest that your first improvement should be to control your mouth a little.

okay. here's my take.

1. stop doing the lazy guy's job. period. by doing this you are allowing him to skate. let him get in trouble. stop doing his job for him.

2. your boss - you apologized. now, step back and wait until she's ready to be friends again.

3. it's hard to have a supervisor as a personal friend. When I supervised people - I was friendly with them at work but did NOT get involved personally - that way I avoided the problems of "I thought you were my friend" when I had to discipline them or let someone go.

4. as to her mom being on life support? Tell her you are here for her and leave it at that. DO NOT push yourself on her anymore. She needs time to heal and get her thoughts together.

You acknowledge you are on the bossy side. Take a moment when you want to speak up next time and THINK before you speak. I don't know what you do for a living - so I don't know if the slacker could be doing something that is life or death threatening. While I get expecting people to do their jobs - you are NOT the supervisor, so when you see someone slacking - DO NOT pick up their scraps, let them get caught - as hard as it will be for you to NOT do it - you CANNOT.

I would try to find a group of people who have similar interests or hobbies - a Bible Study group or some hobby you have or a sport - you will have an outlet for your feelings and be around people who have similar interests as you.

GOOD LUCK!!

Cheryl O say it best and I agree 100%, you have to give it time and I would also send her some flowers for her mother. What she is going through right now is alot and I am sure what you did is just 10% of her heartache. I have been where she is and losing a parent is a very tough road.

Give it a rest and let it blow over. I personally don't think you did anything wrong by sticking up for yourself and have nothing to apologize for.