Out the Mouth It Came....

You did nothing wrong...MIL needs to suck it up and leave it alone already! Don't let the guilt getcha!!! Good luck!

The best you can do is just as you did... just explain that you were tired and cranky and apologize. She is a grown up and needs to get over it! However, if something is really bothering you just have a talk about it. If you hold things in that will happen again. My MIL and I get along very well but there are things that get on my nerves and if I don't have a talk the same thing happens, I blow up. Sometimes even if we do talk about it she gets offended and mad, but she gets over it in a couple of days and we move on! I wish you luck.

I just want to remind all of you that one day you will be that MIL. Especially if you have sons it will not be easy. When a daughter marries you gain a daughter. When a Son married you lose a son. This is true I see it over and over again. The Grandchildren are always closer to the wife family.

One day I will be that MIL trying to see my Grandchilren...trying to be close to them. This is what I tell myself to cope with my in laws.

I will say all of this in hopes that maybe it will help you better understand your MIL. I am a mother of two grown children and grandmother of three. For reasons I won't go into here, we thought we were NEVER going to have grandchildren. I went through a long period of mourning because I LOVED being a mother and lived for the day I would have grandchildren. Because miracles do happen and prayers are answered, I now have 3!!! I can tell you that no one in this world loves these little miracles more than their parents and us - the grandparents. I can't even express how much they mean to me. I am consumed with love as I'm sure most grandparents are. I call all three of my them "my little man/girl" or "my baby" and never gave it a second thought because they are the children of my children. You writing this has me questioning whether it bothers my son, DIL or daughter. I will ask them. I've never seen any harm whatsoever in doing this and it never occurred to me that it might bother them. I can't imagine my children having an issue but my DIL is the question. Every family is different. I add that I don't give advice on how to raise them. I just love them. It sounds as though, as a new parent, you're a little insecure which is understandable. You might need to do some soul-searching on that. I was shocked that your MIL would even make the comment about "endangering" your son. That's a shocking question and I sincerely doubt she meant it to sound that way. I'll be the first to admit that my thoughts and my "tongue" don't always work well together at times. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother and she's a wonderful grandmother. It's hard to get along with anyone ALL the time. I hope you'll both be mature enough and gentle enough with each other to get past this because life is too short to let things fester. I also hope you learn to be comfortable enough with each other to COMMUNICATE. Thank you for giving me "food for thought". This is an opportunity for growth for you and her and a better relationship.

Hi, S.,
I disagree with the responses that you have received which say your MIL has the right to say, "My Baby", etc. Your baby is not her baby. She had her baby already and this is your turn and YOUR baby. I think you could let it sit for a few days. When you are both calm just tell her that you have been upset for a while about this. It's probably a good thing that you both are talking about it now. Sometimes in families there is a conflict or disagreement which gives us the opportunity to mend something. She is being too territorial and I would let her know.
Good Luck!
D.

You have so many responses and I have not been able to read them all. But I believe that all of us are capable of being a bit snappy when we are tired. Do not fault yourself for long; just know that you are human. Hopefully your MIL will understand this but be sure to apologize again. Do explain how the question made you feel without casting accusations in her direction. It can be something like, 'when I am tired, I feel like I am being accused of being a bad mom when I am asked if I am endangering our baby'.
You are so lucky to have a MIL who cares about your baby so much. Think about that in a positive way and maybe that will help you overcome being so possessive about your baby. For sure, the baby is yours, but your MIL is including the baby as hers, even though just grandbaby, because she loves him so much.
And remember, if your MIL cares so much abour her grandbaby, and you need extra rest, consider asking her to give you some time off and keep the baby for a while. I have a sister who gets to watch her grandbaby every Saturday which gives her son and DIL precious time together, time to run errands or time for themselves alone. And it has fostered a wonderful relationship between grandmom and grandbaby.

You sound like a wonderful daughter-in-law! (And I'm a mother-in-law)You are human and were just tired. Maybe you feel like you've been telling her but she never heard you. I seem to have that problem because I tend to not be direct when I say things that aren't comfortable for me to talk about. My best friend was able to help me see that. In any case, it's okay to have a voice, speak up and express your feelings. I would think you could say you were sorry about how it came out but you've honestly been feeling...I pray she can be understanding and your husband will be supportive. Good relationships make it through very difficult circumstances. Best relationships are ones where people are honest and forgiving. Don't let this have too much negative time in your head. I'm sure you are a beautiful person, a great mom and wonderful daughter-in-law. Cut yourself some slack and treat yourself well!

I would send flowers and a note apologizing and see what you can do to repair the relationship. I would also apologize in person after this has been done. I would explain that you are exausted. Maybe she would be willing to take him for an afternoon or even a night so that you could catch up on some sleep.
I wouldn't fret over the "my baby"/"my little boy" comments, she just wants everyone to know how much she cares for your son. If she starts calling him "my son", then maybe say something. Otherwise, these are generally accepted terms of endearment.
Don't let the little things get to you. They will drive you crazy. You will be happier for it.

All you can do is say you are so sorry that you hurt her feelings and that maybe next time when things stort to bother me I can say what it is that is bothering me and then we can talk though it and move on. Tell he you didn't mean to blow up at her and that her funny comments were hurtful. MIL are great but at times can be sticky...that just comes with having your own kids...the mother instict is so differnt with each person. My MIL and I had the same type of thing happen when our son was first born too. But now is is 5 and we are back to normal...at least she knows where I stand now. Good Luck!

Just ask her to forgive you for saying it the way you did. But, explain again how it bothers you. I have the same problem with mine. She would always talk about how she helps raise our children. I don't think so. But, also realize that it is simply a pride issue on your end as it is with me. Still let her know, but then, if and when it happens again - rebuke your pride and remind yourself that she is not the mom and truly doesn't mean it the way you are taking it. It's HARD! But, humble yourself.

there for a minute I thought you were talking about MY MIL!

It is hard but you know what you need to do. Talk to her, explain that you are not yourself because of a lack of sleep. That you realize you are a little possive but that you are very grateful that she loves your son so much. Please remember that no matter what, you are his mother, always will be and no words will ever change that. Please share him with as many people as you can, only good things will come back to you. Letting others love him doesn't take away his love for you but adds security and joy to his life.

S.,
i'm a grandma too and we do think of them as our lil guys or girls and yes her feelings are hurt .Why don't and your hubby plan a night out and ask her if she'd like to keep ya'lls little guy tell her you and her lil guy while you and hubby go out ,,when she arrives have her a nibe bauquet of flowers with a nice i'm sorry card .then all will probly be better
good luck L.

It sounds like you and your MIL normally have a great realationship. It also sounds like you were irritable probably because of theh lack of sleep. I'm sure if you, away from work, approached your MIL and apologized for snapping at her she'd understand. That would also be an ideal time for you to be very honest about how you feel when she refers to your son as "her little guy". I don't think she really meant to upset you. I'm sure your MIL just really feels like a big part of your family; which is great!

I'm sure things will work out fine.

I just wanted to reassure some of the MIL's/Grandma's that responded to this topic. Not all of us moms are bothered by you saying "my baby". It makes me proud when MIL refers to my kids as "hers". Makes me glad that she loves them as much as I do.

The question I have on my mind is, have you ever mentioned that this bothers you, before you told her out of anger or frustration? If you don't tell someone that something bothers you as soon as they do it, they will continue to do it because they don't know it bothers you. I make every effort not to do things to people that they don't like but we are all different so what would be okay for me may not be okay for them. My suggestion is to let her or anyone else know up front that you don't like something before it eats away at you and you wind up snapping at them. I will keep you in my prayers. This too shall pass! Hang in there!!

If you've told her before and it still happens and bothers you that much, I say don't apologize. You can only be pushed so far before you're expected to push back. Yes, apologize for maybe saying it so rudely, but don't apologize for saying it. It needs to get through one way or another if it's an issue for you. Sounds to me like maybe you and your son just need a little break from Grandma.

For starters be happy you have a mother-in-law that is parcial to your son. My mother-in-law can't get past this brick wall she has put up between her and I to be able to feel that my children are special to her. I guess I "took" her baby away from h, I don't know, but I would give anything to have a healthy relationship with my MIL. AS far as how you feel, those are your feelings and you have the right to feel the way you feel and express that, but have you thought hard about it? Thought about what the real harm is in it? She isn't getting him to call her mommy and it isn't an ex- girlfriend of your husbands saying this...I am a small town country girl where your friends and family refer to each other's children as "my baby or babies"..It is just words to show how special a child is to you. I'm sure she is not trying to take over or trying to take your place, it's just innocent words. To tell you the truth, I would give anything to hear those words come out of my MIL's mouth. That would show me that my children are special to her...I am just one person and these are just my thoughts. Best wishes to you.

Is it really just about the baby? Do you have any other insecurities with her that have been building? If not, then maybe it's just a first-time mother issue that's got you way sensitive here. As her grandson, he IS her baby and her little guy. It would be the same if she were an aunt or cousin or your best friend, if she feels close to him. Is she acting like she gave birth to him? Grandmothers, too, feel a deep connection to the children. This is her flesh and blood, too, child of her child. As long as she's not being meddlesome, I think that you should just appreciate her involvement.

You should certainly apologize to her and explain that you've become very sensitive to that for some reason. I don't mean to minimize your feelings, but take them out on her.

One of these days all of you first time moms will understand to just let grandmothers be! Grow a thick skin and learn to let things roll off your backs because other than you, they are the only ones who love your kids unconditionally. I don't like MIL's meddling in marriages and so forth, but if they are just over affectionate with the kids, or too helpful, that is not bad! My mom and dad live with us now due to some health issues and my mom has completely taken over all of the kitchen duties, feeding the family, grocery shopping etc, and I don't like what she does most of the time, but I know she does it to try to help me and because she is trying to take care of us. If I were you I'd apologize and let her know how tired you are and that she means the world to you and your family!

"My baby" is a common term of endearment. I think you should let that go. She isn't actually claiming that your son is hers. That would be ridiculous. I have friends that call my kids my baby. You should pick your battles. However, if you choose to make a mountain out of a molehill, then try talking to her calmly or have your husband talk to her calmly.

If she is insulting to you or your childraising, then talk to her calmly about that. (Again, it may be more effective to have your husband talk to her.) That would be a serious issue that could affect your relationship with your son as well as your son's relationship with his grandmother.

Time to suck up and be honest. I would apologize again and point out you were speaking out of extreme tiredness. I'm sure she's been there before. I'd also tell her you're grateful she thinks so much of your son and he will always know who his grandmother is and that she's a great grandmother (if she is). There's lots of children out there who aren't as fortunate.

I lashed out at my mom one time at wits end when my son was about the same age. I regretted it. I apologized and I made it a point to try to not converse with her when I'm that tired. Instead, I try to get her to watch "her" baby and take me a nap.

Your road with your in-laws is a long one. It will be worth the sucking up for a smoother road in the future.

You've already apologized. Let it breathe. You're a new mother...she's been there and you DID express how tired you are. She'll be more careful of her remarks futuristically. She's excited and you're post-partum. Time will heal.

I too am a grandmother who uses the "my" when I refer to my grands. If you have a basically good relationship anyway, she will probably think about it for awhile and maybe even taper off a bit, but don't bet on it. We love our grandchildren (you'll be there one day and then you will understand) and we also feel that they are part ours. Unless she tries to tell you how to raise/discipline/correct this child, all she is doing is loving it. She has no say in the "big stuff", and as long as she stays in her position of grandmother, my advice to you is:
Get a grip...realize that YOU are the mother and always will be the mother. Let your child and the grandmother have a loving and special relationship...it will pay dividends later in life, but to argue/have words over something this silly and STUPID is something you could regret later, as you obviously already do. My grand-daughter just had a baby and all my friends reactions were the same, "Oh, you got your new baby". So, you see, your mother-in-law is not the only one who refers to her grandchild as "her child". She knows the difference. Read the papers, look around you and be glad you have a MIL who cares and whom you get along with.

Now YOU have to get over it. You said what you said, and now it is over...just drop it and don't mention it again. Maybe she will be cool for a while, holding the grudge, but let her. Eventually she will get over it, in the meantime, you have gotten your point across so don't retract it or she will start doing it again.

Now for the sleep issues. If you are having insomnia, like I am prone to, try Tylenol PM. It is a gentle sleep aid and not a sleeping pill per se. I never wake up groggy and can wake up normally if my kids do need me in the night. You have got to get yourself taken care of and sleeplessness can really do a number on you. Good luck.

I understand what you are going thow. My ex and I have a little girl. His mother from the time she found out that I was going to have her, she started to call her " HER BABY" and still dose to this day. MIL got my little one to call her "MOM" and I'm B. when she is around. We got in to many, many fights. I keep telling my ex about how this made me feel, and he told me not to wory about it. She never stoped and maybe never will. I try not to say any thing till my daughter calls me by my name. Then I tell my daughter its MOMMMY. I'm sorry to hear this but I wish you the best. Let your MIL calm down, and try to talk to her in a calm voice. Best of Luck.

I suggest you write her a letter. Ask HER for help in understanding how you feel. Just like you wrote to us: you love her, think highly of her (??) and that you don't understand your own feelings as to why it bothers you when she says "my baby." Sincerely apologize, ask her to forgive you and let her know how important it is to you that she be in your son's life and that you do appreciate her loving him like she does. Believe me sister, you wouldn't want to be in my shoes when I went through my in-law issues! Too many tears for their LACK of love and involvement.

Another suggestion, how about using the baby's name instead of "my baby, my son"? Oh and in my opinion and the most important one, pray for guidance and for your MIL to be understanding. Give her time to get past the hurt but do sincerely apologize. How about sending the letter with something she realy likes (chocolate, flowers???)

Good luck! And by the way, my in-law issues are now resolved but what I wouldn't have given to have an MIL who adores my beautifl little girls. Count your blessings!!

I think that it would be a good idea, for you to be very calm and explain to her that it does bother you, but you are very sorry to have said that to her in the way that you did. That you were over tired and irritable, and it just came out all wrong and you are sorry that it did. tell her that her friendship means a lot to you and you don't want your comment to come between you two. Let her know that you love that she loves your son! and the relationship that you all have together as one big happy family. tell her that something changed in you when your son was born (it happens to all moms) that made you possesive and that your nurturing instincts are making you want to prove to the world that you are a good mom, so you feel threatened when she calls him "her baby" and that you know that it is silly. but your hormones have not completely gone back to normal yet. Being that she is a mom herself, she should understand this, and even sympathize with you, would be my bet! best of luck! don't forget to add a joke about some "foot in mouth disease" that you are suffering from right now! that should soften her up!

To be honest, I think you were taking it to literally. Would anyone really believe that you son is her baby. Grandparents tend to do that and just refer to new baby's as theirs, meaning it is the newest baby in the family-not that the baby is personally theirs. It's no different that saying this is "my little angel". I think you over-reacted and you need to keep apologizing

There are grandparents out there that don't want to be bothered with grandchildren. My dear you did't have a problem. He is her boy. I doubt she ever thought she had more right to him than you, but he is hers to love and care for. I have three greatgrandsons in Florida and when I talk to my granddaughter in-law I will say "give my boys a hug for me." I certainly know they are not mine to discipline or make decisions about(although I am asked for advice),but they are mine to love. Rethink why it bothered you so. We all use that "MY" word. MY friend, MY child, MY grandchild, etc. It is not always all inclusive. You need to talk to your MIL before it becomes a bigger problem. God bless

Just a word of advise on all the comments saying that is her baby, or your making something out of nothing: IGNORE THOSE COMMENTS.

You are entitled to your feelings, and if that's how you feel, that's acceptable. Don't say your sorry for your feelings. You can appologize for your tone, but not your feelings. She was there once, and she should remember the way she felt to be in your shoes. There are other ways of showing a grandchild affection, besides labeling them "your baby". My niece had a title with every family member. For example, she was Nanny's ladybug, Momma's baby, Daddy's girl, Pawpaw's sunshine, and so on. There are other terms to replace the possesive title she has chosen. At 2 years old, my niece knew these titles by heart. Suggest something like this, so minimize the confusion for your child, the frustration for you, and the tension you two are having. Good luck, and remember, be strong.

how does your hubby feel about this?? have you discussed this with him? i am just wondering if he is supporting you. Your MIL needs to back off. thats probably the only way you would have gotten it through to her. I feel that mommies are alot like mother dogs. So possessive and protective of their young. it happens to all mommies. i went through it with my MIL, but the only way to make it somehow stop was to put some distance there. Now the way life is for us today, all that has been undone..Going through a divorce and fighting for custody of my little girl. His mother has her during his time, because he is on supervised visits with her. so, needless to say she is tryign to raise her anyway. so much for that huh??
Anyway, good luck. Your MIL will get over it, i promise. IF she doesn't thats too bad. Its your baby. She raised hers.

My MIL is the same way! I love her dearly and we have a great relationship but I noticed that all her grandchildren call her "mom" so I knew that was an issue I was going to address with her once my husband and I had our baby girl. I first talked it over with my husband to ensure he and I were aligned. I am thankful that I have the kind of relationship that I can talk to my MIL when something is bothering me. I figure if I let her know what upsets me, I honestly think she won't do certain things and it goes both ways. So I told her in the upmost respectful way...that my daughter will not call her mom like the other kids do. I'm her mother and she can pick grandma, abuelita, maw maw, whatever she wants but not "mama"! She understood how I felt and accepted that feedback. I think it's a culture thing with my in laws though but I'm just not okay with that. You owe it to her to tell her how you feel...she won't know until you say something, then if it continues she is wrong. I don't think she does it on purpose...but there has to be that line of respect even if she may not agree....you're the mom! Good luck. It'll work out. She is a mom too and hopefully she will understand where you are coming from.

I do think MIL's definitely cross the line, they usually think their way is best and they are going to watch how you raise that kid like a hawk regardless if they speak their opinion or not. A good indication is to look at how she was when she was dealing with your wedding to her son. I wold not be happy with that kind of comment b/c even though it was in a somewhat joking manner (which is what I do even though I am serious sometimes), she meant it. Definitely talk to her, she was a new mother too and I bet she had issues with her MIL even though you may not wanna compare the two :)

Regarding hormones, boy, I look back and realize how little things would just set me off. Seriously, I remember crying b/c my in laws wanted to take my 6 year old (the oldest) to Disney World after I gave birth to my second child. What a WONDERFUL thing for them to do so that my older child could get some extra attention but all I could think of is "There they go, taking another first-time-special experience away from me before I am able to take her to Disney". I look back and think of how selfish that was of me. They did take her, all is fine.

Bottom line, what she said would have ticked me off and just give yourself some slack b/c just b/c that baby is out of you doesn't mean your body and hormones are back to normal. Especially with a first baby, she is going to be overzealous. Talk to her, hopefully she'll be more sensitive of her comments.

What's good is that you got it out...what's bad is that it was hurtful. My mom does similar things and that bugs me. Wait for a quiet moment and make the effort to talk to her and help her understand where you are coming from. If she won't listen well, try a card. You have someones undivided attention when writing a letter and you can edit as you go. Good luck!

Stand your ground!!! It is your child - you are the parent. I am going through the same thing with my mother (I have 3 children). She seems to believe that she is the "better parent" and has tried to undermine my authority and position. She and I have had several talks about this - the process is slow however, she is finally getting the message.

The only patch that I see is perhaps your delivery of the problem. We are guilty of keeping things inside because we do not want to hurt someone else's feelings. The unfortunate thing is that we also "snap," whichwas what happened. Invite your MIL to meet your at neutral place (starbucks perhaps) and talk this out. Do not take your son - this is adult time. Explain your position simply and directly - apologize for being abrupt and explain the reason for it. At this point you have mended the fence on your side - it is up to her to mend it on hers. You cannot control if she will hold a grudge so don't worry about it. Good luck!!

I COMPLETELY know how you feel. My MIL does the same thing to me. I would go to her and tell her again how sorry you are for hurting her feeling. Let her know how much you appreciate all she does for you and your baby, but it by calling him "my baby" it makes you feel like you aren't taking care of him as a mother should. Maybe tell her that it makes you feel like she thinks she is doing a better job then you are and it hurts your feelings. Sometimes, our MIL's mean the best and have the best of intentions, and no matter how many times we tell them, they don't realize that somethings really bothers us until this happens. I'll say a prayer for you that your conversation goes well.

blame it on the hormones!! Thats what I would do!!! We have all been there and done exactly what you have done either with our mother or his. You guys will be fine. Just give her time to get over it, apologize and blame the hormones girl!! LOL!!

Pray--pray--pray--seeking resolve.

Then sit down and share from your heart how you feel. Ask her to try and understand from your perscective--never attack her always make it about you--then leave it alone. She is a woman and she will know when you feel uneasy with the things she says. When she gets under your skin -- smile and move one--she is you MIL and is going nowhere and it is better to let is go--than to make an issue. Been there-done that--

Blessings--K.

Just be truthful with her(in a kind way). Tell her you're sorry you snapped, and apologize about hurting her feelings. Explain to her that it bothers you, and just leave it at that. If she holds a grudge then you can't do anything about that. You can at least have a clear conscience about the way you dealt with it! Good luck, and God Bless!!!!

Just tell her the truth. "I apologize for snapping at you. I have no idea what came over me. I am just so exhausted and I know its no excuse to treat you that way. Yes, it does bother me when you call him your baby, but I dont know what came over me"

I'm sure she doesnt really notice that it bothered you and she is just speaking from love and concern. dont worry, i have my MIL issues too...ha...and when we step back we realize that the bigger issues are worth fighting over, not our pet peeves that really arent harming our children in any way.

All you can do is tell her how you feel, that it means so much that she loves your son the way she does and then just blame it on being tired and grouchy.

I see the annoyance factor in her calling him that, but does it really hurt anything? Be happy that your son has a grandmother that loves him and dotes on him. Not all kids get to know that particular love.

S.-- I had to laugh when I read your post, because that's a pet peeve of mine with my mother-in-law, too. It gets under my skin when she comes over and says to one of my sons, "How's my boy?" or "How's my baby?" It just irks me because I had to wait so long to be a mom, and now that I finally have my own babies, I can't help but feel a little possessive of them. It also drove me a little batty when I was newly pregnant with my oldest son, and she said to me one day, "I have the perfect name for your baby!" In my head I was thinking, "I can't even name my own baby??" The best way I've found to deal with it is to try to remember that she's just calling my boys her babies because she loves them so much. And I also try to imagine what it will be like when my boys have their own babies, and I try to think about how much I'll love those babies, and I might accidentally step on my daughters-in-law's toes out of love. But it does make me feel better to sneak in plenty of references to "my babies" or "my boys" while my mother-in-law is over-- in retaliation. (Hee hee.) But I really can understand how you snapped-- I almost did on a few different occasions. Whenever she would say, "How's Grandma's boy?" I really had to bite my tongue, because I wanted to say, "He's NOT your boy, he's my boy! I'm pretty sure it was me who carried him in my body and had to get him out of there, too." But I really can't pat myself on the back, because I DID lose it and snap at her when my husband and I were still engaged. She kept referring to our "Catholic wedding" and pointing out how many bridesmaids I was having. Finally one day I snapped and said, "I know how many bridesmaids I'm having-- I can count." I actually said that, out loud, to her face! Afterward I wanted to die--it was one of those moments when you wish the floor would open up and swallow you. But she very graciously laughed it off, thank goodness!! And I think your mother-in-law will totally forgive you, too, because you've apologized and told her you were tired. But I think it would be a great idea to take her to lunch and just tell her that you're really glad that she loves your son so much that she refers to him as "her baby", but that you just sometimes feel that "mom possessiveness" when she says it. ALL moms feel it-- I'm sure she'll understand. And I would just remind her that you totally trust her with your son, but because you work full time, you really cherish your time with your son on the weekends. My sister had to have that talk with her mother-in-law (she also works full time and my mother-in-law wanted to spend almost every weekend with them). It hurt her feelings at first, but in the long run, I think it was really worth it, because now her mother-in-law is way more respectful of their "family time" and they have a better relationship because of it. Sorry this is so long!! Good luck!

~B.

My mom is like that too- she tells my girls "go give Daddy a hug" and she means my DAD! She's say "come to mama" and she means herself! She really does consider my children to be hers and she openly says so. She says they are hers by default. That's why she was so angry when I got pregnant with #4- she said that wasn't fair to do to her and puts too much on her shoulders! She didn't even babysit for my anniversary, what does she mean it's too much for her?!

My MIL is the opposite- she didn't even give my girls a Christmas gift or call them for their birthdays! I'd like a happy medium from both women.

As for your situation, sometimes you just have to say it. Give her a little time (not too long, maybe a few days) and then bring it up again and tell her that you are sorry you were so abrupt and you appreciate that she loves your son so much. Don't grind in the issue again, with a "But it really bothers me" she already got that part.

Boundaries are SOOO important and you have set yours- DON'T CALL HIM YOURS! I see many people criticized you for letting it bother you but that is a boundary you feel is important and therefore she should also. My husband was FURIOUS that I called him a jerk right after we got married. That was his boundary and although he WAS being a jerk because I loved him I chose not to use the word again.

S., mom to four girls, hoping for four boys!

All loving, growing relationships need a good shakeup occassionally. It's how we continue to love and grow. She'll come around, just be open and honest with her and hopefully things won't build up so much. Let her hear that you love her relationship with your son and family, but you got jealous because he is your whole world right now and you want to hold onto this special time between mother and baby. Good luck!

I think that of course you should apologize for the way you said it, but I do not think you need to apologize for what you said!

If it bothers you, then you have every right to ask her not to call him "her baby". and no matter what anyone else would feel, or think if it bothers you then you havw a right to ask her to stop.

Personally that would tick me off too. Term of endearment or not, I would ask her to find another way to refer to him.

I would approach it calmly and explain that you are sorry you blew up, BUT that it really bothers you when she uses the term "my baby" and you would appreciate if she could find antoher term of endearment or knickname in the future.

We all have our breaking point and you hit yours. Don't beat yourself up about it, if she had taken previous hints that it bothered you then it wouldn't have happened.

Hang in there, things will get better!!

R. :o)

Dear S.--I have been guilty of calling my grandbabies "my babies", too. (In fact, I did it this afternoon when I was talking to my daughter on the phone!) I don't mean that they're actually MY babies--just that I love them and am very close to them.

I'm sure your mother-in-law feels the same way, and I can understand her hurt feelings. That said, I can also understand your sensitivity--I felt that, too, when I was a new mother. (And if she's perfectly honest, she'll admit that she did, too!)

Anyway, my advice to you is to have your talk with her and apologize for "going off the deep end" with her. You had already told her you were really tired, and that could be a contributing factor (besides the fact that her use of "my baby" drives you nuts!) Ask her what you can do to make it up to her. Tell her how much you value your relationship with her and that you really regret lashing out at her. If she chooses not to forgive you, it will be her loss. It will mean that she won't probably have as much time with her grandbaby as she would like. Given time, I think she'll come around--at least I hope so for all your sakes.

God bless you all.

I would have been more upsent about the insinuation that I was a careless mother who would "endanger" her little baby! That to me was the insult! I am a grandmother to 6 and always call them "mine". I always thought it was a way to show how much I love those little kids (as if they were MY own..everyone knows there is nothing like a mothers love for her "OWN" children). Maybe I should be more careful, but not one of my kids have said a thing-or my daughter-in-law either.
I see it this way: Life is too short. We all have TWO choices with EVERYTHING that comes our way-- take it the POSITIVE way or take it the NEGATIVE way. We can never go wrong always taking things the positive way. Today you let things out because you were tired. Dont dwell on things, forgive quickly, dont take everything so SERIOUS! Make and take time to love and laugh with everyone.
I would die with a problem with one of my children or inlaws. I try extra hard to avoid conflict. Again, life is too short.
I hope you can solve this. It breaks my heart when families have conflicts that are unnecessary. Afterall, enough conflict enters our lives on it's own.

Wow, well I highly doubt that she will hold it against you for too long being that her affection for her grandson runs deep. She'll most likely give you a hard time or perhaps have a heart to heart with you also being that your previous relationship was near and dear. It sounds like you are on the right track with wanting to apologize and talk with her. Just explain to her the same thing you explained to all of us strangers. Given your background relationship and related ties you should be able to open up to her in a deeper way than with us, right??
Best wishes.

You have received a lot of topics, probably because most new mother's have felt the same way. I think it is important to set up clear boundaries with everyone, whether you are close or not. I do not feel you should apologize for how you feel. Feelings are just that, feelings and my pastor once told my husband and I, you can't judge feelings. If you feel it necessary to apologize for the way you delivered your feelings, well that different.

Hang in there and remember, learning to be a mom is hard and learning to be a grandma is probably just a difficult. There is always a learning curve when it comes to new roles. That is just the way it is, however if you don't set up some boundaries, then you are not giving yourself a fair chance at having a good relationship with your MIL.

Honestly, I think that I would have more of a problem w/ her implying I was "endangering" my son, even though she meant it as a joke, than I would the "my baby" part. It was like she didn't trust you to take care of your own child, no matter how jokingly she meant it, I would have a problem with. I think I would apologize and then just let time deal with it. I might even eventually try to make a joke out of it, such as refer to him as her baby sometimes to show you don't hold a grudge, and hopefully she won't do the same.

I am not a grandmother yet, but I don't think I would ever try to take that mother's role away, and if I did I would understand if the mom did not appreciate it, instead of acting all upset about it. I think she was just as much in the wrong as you, personally.

Take it from me, there may always be that little rough spot in your relationship, but it will go on, regardless.

Take care.

If you can, wait a day or 2 so things can settle down with both of you. You 2 will both have had some time to think about it also. Then try to talk to her and apologize. With sincerity hopefully her family will not hold a grudge. I also have sleepless nights. Explain to her how that may have effected your mood also. You made your point so now maybe she has time to think about her part in this. Good luck. I believe that you can never have too many people to love your child(ren).