How to Tell the Grandparents About a New Grandchild

I like Kristina M.'s answer. Have the kids do something cute like make a sign that says something about how thrilled they are to have #7 on the way!

My MIL is like that. She drives me crazy if I'm not careful. I email her now to announce our babies. Her responses in the past have lost her the privilege of a phone call:-) Of course, I don't tell her that.

I just do it more of a "I thought I'd email instead of call because I know this might be shocking to some, and I thought it'd be better to send it as an email so you can scream or pass out without worry of offending me...". I make it sound like a joke but real at the same time.

I don't know if it offends her or not. I don't really care either. And, I don't mean that heartlessly. I"m just done letting it be my problem. If she wants to have issues when we have more kids that's her choice, and I now leave it to be her problem:-) There's lots of history with her (she's extremely narcissistic), so I have learned to keep myself and my family safe from her manipulations when possible.

Hope that helps some! I wouldn't go into a ton of detail, just announce it, make it exciting, share it was an "oops" if you want, and leave it at that:-)

Btw, my first had open heart surgery (and some other issues). I hope your baby is doing well!

Hugs...

Tell her as if you're telling her the first time you're pregnant. With happiness and joy. And when she complains and criticizes you, smile sweetly and say, "Why thank you for the congratulations Mom! It means so much to us! Your support is our rock!"

If she continues her rude and negative approach, tell her simply that it's not up for discussion any longer. Whenever she brings it up or says something you find inappropriate or offensive, tell her, "Sorry Mom, but we're not talking about it. So how's your gardening lately? I noticed the tomatoes are looking a little droopy."

Be consistent. Don't engage. Don't argue. What is there to argue about? It's not as if you can send any of the kids "back." And if you could which ones would you choose to send anyway? Seriously, what does she expect? My MIL did this to my eldest SIL and she did it with me. She made my SIL cry with #3, but I used this approach on her with my #3 and it pretty much cut her off at the knees.

Send them a card with the picture of the ultrasound in it.That may be easier than telling them in person. It really is up to you and your husband how many children you have. Your parents should be more supportive of you. Children are a blessing

Dawn B. gave good advice.

Next: growing up I knew a family who had 12 kids! 6 boys and 6 girls. They were a really nice family, and they had great kids who turned out very impressively.

Telling your Mom: you can't avoid it. She is who she is. She reacts the way she does. So, don't bank on her reacting any differently. She won't.
So have no 'expectations' of her, per her reaction. Just don't expect anything. It will not be a Hallmark card event.

Her getting older: yes, at some point you AND your Brother has to figre out how to handle this AND her care. Don't do it at the last minute. Things like this take planning.
I would, plainly tell your Brother, that you cannot do care-giving 100% nor have her in your home, because you have a BIG family and it is not doable. SO.. the alternative is: she go to an assisted-living facility.
Because, he does not seem to want to help, in care-giving for your Mom. He is expecting you... to carry the load.
So, stand up for yourself, NOW... and start putting that idea in his head. That HE... has to help too... and you expect him to... and that is all there is to it. That you CANNOT, nor your Husband, do that. Your Brother cannot just turn a blind eye to it. He is RESPONSIBLE to his Mother, too. In care-giving and finding and making a PLAN, for her. AND your Dad.
You, have a full -plate and a big family and a newborn on the way. TELL your Brother, (is he single?), that you cannot possibly, do this, solely.
You have to STAND UP to him.

Just show her your belly when it's time! Or you can have the kids tell her, there is no way she can be upset towards the kids.

I didn't read any of the other responses yet, but you could tell your mother the same thing I told mine - "If you have only negative things to say, I don't want to talk to you any more. I don't need the added stress, and frankly, I'm happy that I have more than (#) child(ren). You may not have done things this way, and that is fine. I don't have to do things just like you did in order to be happy." My mother still said negative things after I told her that, and if we were on the phone, I simply told her that I didn't want to hear it, nor did I want to argue about it, and hung up. If I was at her house, I left. If she was at mine, I asked her to leave. After a couple of times, she stopped. We have a much easier relationship now that I don't have to hear her tell me how wrong I was to have more than one child. I feel incredibly blessed that I have my children at all, since I was told that my husband and I couldn't have children, and I won't let anybody try to bring me down because I have them.
Good luck to you! I am praying for much health and happiness for you and your family!

7 is a lucky number. Tell your mom you are "charmed" :)

I think your response to your mom should be that it doesn't directly affect her in any way (unless she's financially supporting them, or spending a lot of her time helping you out with your kids), and that she just needs to support you. That's what parents are there for - support, not criticism. It sounds like your family has been through a lot with your last child's health issues, and I'm so sorry to hear that. Know that each baby is a blessing from God and they are all unique individuals. That's the joy of having lots is you get a different and unique package each time! Just think of the possibilities of how this next baby will look and act. It's so exciting! Congrats on baby #7 and best of luck with your mom. If her criticism gets so bad, just tell her that you won't spend time with her if she's not going to stop making the baby comments.

If you are supporting all of your children and not asking her constantly for help, then it really isn't her business. If you rely on her for babysitting all of the time, then she probably has a right to her opinion. You just come right out and say it matter of factly. What are you really going to do about it now?

wow kudos to you...2 was my limit...couldnt imagine that many kids-sorry to hear bout the heart trouble.next time go to planned parenthood..FREE or close to it.
as far as your mom-mine was the same way-i got to the point i carefully chose what an what not to tell her-this one is kind of hard-however you didnt say how often you see her-or if they live close by-i wouldnt tell her til after the baby was born-who needs the added stress right?-and if she does live close-still dont tell her...good luck with all those babies...:)

Sounds like she won't be happy about it. Nothing you can do except live your life. She has her opinion and has made it known. You can't control what other people think, you can only control your reaction. Just be excited expect her to react exactly how you think she will and move on. There's nothing she can do about. If she wants to be sour then let her.

Next time your mom brings up your "too big family" , first I would ask her what EXACTLY is her reasoning that you have too many. Is her life impacted by you family size, does she dislike all but her first grandchild, is she genuinely concerned that you can't afford this many kids, are the kids being neglected in some way in her eyes? Have a serious conversation about it if she will. If she won't, I would say sarcastically, "Well, what do you suggest I DO about these "too many kids" at this point? Mother, it is MY family, they are MY children, and if you don't like it, BUTT OUT."

As for telling her about the new pregnancy, I would just saysemi-sarcastically, "Mom, we are adding one more to the "herd". I know you dissapprove, but it is not your decision, so I hope you will love another grandchild, just as much as you loved the first one or two."

Good luck to you, I know it hurts to have your parent(s) question your life decisions and judgement.

You got some great advice already! Esp. with how to respond to your mother's likely negative reaction (or anyone's for that matter - people can be so critical of someone's personal decision on how many kids to have!). I would honestly either (excitedly) tell her straight out and have one of the responses below ready to go to deal with her response, OR just not say anything until it's obvious that you're expecting. Given her attitude, I wouldn't feel the need to inform her of the news. Congratulations on baby #7! Every baby is a blessing, every baby happens for a reason, and 7 is a lucky number ;-) Maybe it was unexpected but I'm sure your family will be overjoyed when he/she arrives!

My grandma had 13 kids, and when people would make remarks to her like that, she would ask them which one they thought she should not have had. She loved all of them, and married young, had them two years apart for the most part. And I agree that when the time comes, you should not be the one to be primary caretaker of your parents. Especially since they have that kind of attitude about your kids.

Just don't tell her and wait until you are showing? I am kidding! I would just explain it to her plain and simple, don't try to explain yourself. And my 1st, a 6 year old, was conceived from the failure of condoms!! NO birthcontrol is ever 100%. Good luck and congrats.

I feel your frustration and annoyance because my grandmother is the same way! I only have two but she constantly has been telling me the same thing since my first was born. We plan on having more and I dread telling her when the time comes. I'll probably use similar responses to yours but after a while I think I'll just say 'thank you' whenever she insults me. That will really throw her off and she won't know how to respond...maybe that will work for you too. Good luck and just be glad you have a supportive husband!

Send her some flowers and congratulate her on grandbaby #7?? LOL. Then if she complains about you not being up front and telling her, you can tell her that you figure that she would complain about having another baby to cherish, so you sent flowers instead. But i wouldn't ever ask what she did with the flowers, lol!

I dunno, sounds like you don't need the stress of mom's complaining, much less listen to it! **hugs**

best wishes on #6's recovery and happy babymooning for #7!

Be excited and tell her anyway that you would a friend or anyone else. It's your family and your choice on how many kids you have (as long as she isn't supporting them of course). And know that she is not going to change. My mom is going through this with my grandmother right now. She has bent over backwards spending hours getting my grandmothers affairs together because she went in a nursing home and my grandmother is thankless. Yet she worships the ground my uncle walks on and always makes excuses for him when he's not around. I know it's an AA saying but it can be applied to all of life..."God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

Get a cute Tshirt and paint #7 with an arrow pointing to your belly. Wear it to their house next time you go see them.