i have a good friend whom I have known since college. We were roomates in college and have been close since. We are now both in our late 30's and both have two children. Her oldest is six months younger than my son who is turning three in December. Here is my delima. She isn't just a little different in her parenting sytle she is totally different. She just doesn't seem to think about the best intrests of her children or the other children they come in contact with. I don't see her that often due to she lives in another state. She is in town this weekend and I had invited her family over tomorrow. However I just found out from her mother that both her kids have are sick and have diarhea. My friend has not yet mentioned to me that she will not be coming over due to this. Last time we were supposed to get together she had mentioned on the phone earlier in the day that she was up all night with both kids who were vomiting. She then said both seemed to still not be feeling well, then went on to try to arrange a time for our kids to get together later that day. I couldn't beleive that she would want to bring her kids over and risk getting my children sick (by the way my youngest son was only 3 months old!). I made an excuse and we didn't get together with them. How do I tackfully tell her that she shouldn't bring her sick children around other children? This isn't just a cold.
"I was just calling to say how BUMMED I am that we can't get together since the kids are sick."
If she goes on to protest (the whole "why not"), that's when you do the more detailed explanation of what "contagious" means.
I wouldn't want kids with diarrhea around my baby. I would just say that you know the kids have the runs and it is best if you meet without them. Unless the problem is gone by then. But I know that many schools and the health department suggest that active diarrhea is a reason to stay home.
If she is your friend then she should understand. Just be honest with her and tell her, "I heard from your mom that your kids are sick, so I thought it would be best to reschedule and give your kids time to rest up and get better. Wouldnt want to make them feel worse by having them over and I wouldnt want my kids to get sick too and have to reschedule way later either. So hope everyone feels better soon etc"
Honesty is always the best thing.
I wouldn't mention it to her. Its your decision whether you get together or not, but I would maybe reconsider and weigh the pros/cons. How often does she come to town? Most cases of diarhea don't last too long-- and you can pick up ANY virus or sickness from any contact surface, people you come in contact with, money, doornobs etc. Is it worth canceling to not take the risk of it? If it were me, I would value the friendship and see her anyways-- just insist on frequent handwashing, make sure they don't share cups etc. Just my 2cents.
M
"Your mom told me the kids have a case of the runs. Honestly I don't have time for that right now so close to Thanksgiving. I want to see you before ou go so why don't you and I meet up at Starbucks some time before you leave and have some coffee and just leave our kiddos at home this time."
I would not give the mother advice about keeping her sick kids away from all kids. I would limit your displeasure to your situation. I think she would be very offended if you were to offer universal advice. And this if just my opinion, so please just take it with a grain of salt. But if I had one of my best friends in town that I rarely see, I would overlook a little diarhea if that's all it is. Now if it is diarhea, fever, (flu-like symptoms) I might pass it up. That is just me though, I am pretty laid back when it comes to germs and getting sick.
"Oh, I am so bummed we WON'T be getting together this time around. Would have loved to see you. Hope your little ones get better soon.'
and if she plays dumb, just say, 'heard from your mom, they're sick. I hope you understand I can't expose my kids too (YOU CRAZY WOMAN)'
:)
yes, there are a lot of parents who think, well if they don't get exposed to my kids, they will at the grocery store. thanks, but i'll worry about the grocery store, you keep your sick ones away from mine.
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Some people are just oblivious. Tell her you hope you can get together when everyone is feeling better, but you don't want to risk getting your kids sick. See if she willing to meet up without the kids. We have a friend who brought their son to a holiday party when it was obvious he was not feeling well. The kid ended up throwing up all over the living room and then she said now that he got it out he was feeling better and wanted to stay. We all just looked at each other in horror. I ended being the one who said they had to leave to try to prevent the rest of us from getting sick.
I think you are going to have to be pretty upfront.
Excuses will not work in the long run and will not teach her what your standards are.
Like what Riley said: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear your children are sick. When they are well again, we will have to reschedule."
I would just say that you're sorry to hear that her kids are sick and you hope you can get together soon when they feel better.
I know people who are really well meaning but don't put their kids first or the idea that other people will be exposed to their sick kids. She may really want to see you since you can't see each other often, and feel like her kid's illness is not that big of a deal. And it doesn't sound like she's had the kids in any situation which has told her the sickness "rules." Children should stay home for 24 hours form the last incidence of vomiting, diarrhea or fever over 100 degrees.
Good luck. I wouldn't want my kid's exposed to sick kids either... especially knowingly. Friends or not, my kids and their health come first.
She might just really want to see you and *just not get it*. Do what you need to do and let her know that if ALL the kids are well, you'd love to get together, and check in the day before, in the evening. Kids don't usually miraculously get well overnight if they're truly sick, so that will give you more information to work with in making a decision. Then you can just tell her gently that you've thought about it and really would love to see her, but you really need your kids to be healthy too. There's a lot of junk going around right now. Keep it light, if you want to see her on these terms of kids playing together, just tolerate her parenting for those very short, infrequent times you are together.
"I don't feel comfortable with you bringing your kids over when they are sick. " If she presses then add in other excuses such as you or your husband can't afford to miss work right now, etc., etc., etc... Keep repeating.
Hi, S.
Sickness is not only transmitted by kids but adults also. Please dont feel bad asking your friend to reschedule your plans to see each other.
In the past, I've had to miss MY SISTER's Bday party b/c I had my son (2yo) was sick at home and I didnt want to get her 5month old baby sick!!!! Why would anyone even think that's ok to visit someone with little ones when sick? Good luck, keep looking out for your kids! God Bless!
Wow - I'm shocked at all the responses saying to value the friendship and not worry about the sick kids .... what?!?! Your job is to protect your kids - especially your 3 month old. Who by the way does not have the ability to fight germs and sickness at 3 months.
Call your friend and tell her that you just talked to her mom and that your sorry to hear that the kids are sick and you'll have to cancel. If she says no it's fine - tell her the peditrician told you to try and keep the baby away from germs until he's a little older and can fight it. If she's really a friend she will understand.
Since it is the holiday season, say I would love to see you as long as
everyone is healthy.
