Ok. Here it goes. My hubby and I have been married 8 years. We have 2 special needs children together. Jocelyn age 8 and Isiah age 5. I recentally got a good deal for a trip to Las Vegas through Costco.com and purchased the trip. WE never do anything for our selves. It all goes to our kids. It's a gift for our birthdays which are next month mine is the 8th of September and his is the 20th of September. Anytime we come into some money it all goes to our kids. We are leaving October 8-13. Rates are very low that week. Hotel is only $39.00. I got a package deal for $600.00. That includes air fare, hotel, transfers to and from airport and all of us are going.
My question is how to tell him without him getting to mad that I'm keeping a secret from him. He hated that as a child. He considers it to be a lie. I tried to do this 2 years ago but we ended up not going; our son almost died from respitory failure do to tonsils being infected. Let me know what you all think on how I should suprise and tell him.. Give me some unique ideas or fancy ideas. M. P
Ok. My husband was shocked that I pulled a fast one on him. He was excited. He got the itenerary in a present and cried when he opened it. We are excited to go. He wasn't mad which is a shocker because the last time I suprised him with something he got mad that I kept it from him. So off we go in 2 weeks and thank you for all of your advice. My kids were laughing as he had tears down his face. So it was a great suprise. M. P.
after the kids sleep) How about taking 2 decks of cards and whole bunch of gambling chips put on the floor leading to the bedroom. Have 4 pieces of paper that says in big letters (computer paper)
I am-- Taking---you---away--
lay them on the floor
by the time he gets to the bedroom maybe you have the tickets sitting by some lit candles and you are in bed. Keep it simple
Good Luck and have fun
Start by telling him that it is time both of you did something special for yourselves. Since your birthdays are coming up and you have not had a chance to do it before. Tell him you already have it all planned out and let him know your plan. Don't forget to start by telling him who's going to take care of your little ones first.
Or you could put the vacation package in a gift wrapped box as a present addressed to him. That way its not a secret but a gift and that will give him time to think about it on his own.
Hi M. P.
I feel for you, but I can totally understand your husband. I do not like surprises. I have put much thought into it and it come down to I have a control problem. Its not anyone else just me. I would sit down with your husband and see how he feels about a trip and what his concerns are about going. From there I work on those issues with him and then plan a trip. The trip doesn't have to be a surprise but what happens on the trip can be a big surprise.
I recently had sugery and it bothered me that I would be away for three days in the hospital. Well the day after surgery my daughter was hospitalized. I was released the following day and we were there for a week. I felt so guilty. How could I have left her. Look what happened. I was sure I was a bad parent. Her doctor looked me in my eyes and said "...this is not your fault under any circumstance and you should not feel guilty..." She is fine now and driving me crazy. My daughter is not a special needs child, but the worry is still there in my head and heart. I bet your husband needs to be there every moment because he needs control over life. If something happens while he is a way it was because he wasn't there and as parents we definitly are superheros right. Wrong!!! We are people and the best thing the two of you can do is take care of you. So do not surprise him if with the trip, but do go with him. He has you and that is the best surprise life could have given him, because there is no way he knew he was getting a wife that cares as much as you. Remember your and your children are lifes best surprise. K. P.
i can see not liking surprises but presents are different. they're supposed to be a surprise. I wouldn't think he'd be mad unless he had other plans.
The best gift you can give your children is a a happy marriage. Parents need to spend time together to have intimacy and fun together. That's why you had the kids in the first place. I think you should wrap up a gift box with a key and maybe a toy airplane,etc and let him open it. IF he has problems with it talk about the happy marriage, time for yourselves, etc. Do you have childcare covered in LV? The casinos usually offer some kind or have numbers for a service. I know it's hard to leave them but you have to spend some adult time while there. Good luck and Happy Birthday, early;)
M.!
You both NEED a vacation. Work up to it by reminding your hubby that you've read that being constant caregivers is not good for either of you, or your marriage. I would highly recommend you finding someone (relative, or you can pay a home care nurse. She could make several visits before you go to insure the kids feel comfortable. You guys need a real break. Not just moving your old routine to another city.
You'll come back refreshed and ready to take on your routine again. If he hates suprises how about leaving him little clues every day or maybe 2. Little hints so he doesn't consider it a secret...maybe mention in one of your clues that you're planning something special for b-days but it's not time for him to know all the details...make it a little rhyme.
Good luck to you and God bless for taking care of your kids like you do.
V.
Hi M.,
How sweet for you to surprise your husband with such a great gift. First of all, a birthday gift is a surprise, not a lie. That would be like telling your kids all of their holiday gifts because you didn't want to lie to them.
Assuming you have someone you trust to care for your children while you are away, you 2 deserve this vacation. I don't know the specifics of your special needs children but I am a teacher and have seen some of the struggles that parents go through with their special needs children. They work very hard and pour their heart and soul into their children just as I am sure you both do. Spending a few days away to re energize is a necessity for any parent, especially one in your situation. Also, it gives you 2 the opporuntity to reconnect as a couple and remember what made you fall in love in the first place. If you have been focusing on your children for years which it sounds like you have, it's time to focus on the 2 of you for a little while. Keeping your marriage strong and connected is one of the best things you can do for your children.
Although I don't have special needs children, I do have an 8 year old son with ADHD and also a 4 year old daughter. Several times, my husband and I have gone away for a few days and it makes a big difference in our energy and patience with our children when we return.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Dear M.,
I don't know a good way, maybe the other mommies will know what to do. You could write a beautiful letter to him about how much you admire him and love him. Give him true examples of what he has done that you admire and love. Tell him that when you were a little girl that you wanted to be married and have children and now God has given you a wonderful husband, tell him what it is that is wonderful. ....and how much you love staying home to take care of your children that you longed for when you were young - . Tell him how you want him to have real holiday for his whatever it is birthday, and that you a surprise for him, that will involve a good time for the whole family.
Tell him that you know how he does not like surprises, but that you love him so much that it is something that you have wanted to do for him for a long time.
Have dinner ready and candles on the table when he gets home the evening you give him the letter.
I don't really know if this will do the trick, but it is all that I can think of. Good Luck and Happy Birthdays. I know how hard it is to convince a husband to do something when it is not his own original idea - so there you are.
C. N.
Honesty is extremely important in a marriage. Especially since you know that this very thing is something so upsetting to him in the past that it prevented him from going and having a good time -and that it would be construed as lying, that it's a deep rooted problem from his childhood; I can't think of a single way you could tell him that would go over as a positive to him. It's possible that I'm wrong...but no matter what, if he got upset about things like this before, you run the risk that he will be upset about it again.
Return the trip and decide on a trip together. Six hundred dollars is a lot of money, and it's his money too. These are the kinds of decisions you should be making together. You two are a partnership, and in order for both members to be happy, things need to be decided on together.
If you feel that all your money, time, energy, ect goes to the children, or that he doesn't give you any attention, love, or whatnot, and that you need a vacation or some time together, that's something you need to discuss with him. If he refuses to listen, perhaps the problems go deeper than you think. Marriage counseling can work wonders, and it isn't just for people who are on the brink of divorce, sometimes it just makes a good marriage even better.
I would just put the tickets in his birthday card.... and say you guys deserve a little vacation.
It wouldn't be a surprise if you consulted him on it.
