Houston, We Have a Problem...

No offense, but I think you are making a major mistake in condsidering this if she has already said she would like you to stay you stay.

I would only be ok with my dh doing this if he planned something for just us after he got home AND he helped me plan the rest of the day so I didn't have time to wallow in my sadness, IYKWIM.

I would let my husband go....but he better make the rest of my week FABULOUS.
:)
L.

House rule: Special days for a specific person belong to that person, within reason.

I would advocate establishing one single rule for everyone - so there is no mistaking the philosophy of your family or the flexibility with which families operate in reality.

Applying our rule to your situation - the result is staying home. B/c) Mom's day belongs to her; her mom passing is recent; and she asked.

Mitigating factors might include: G'ma visits are rare, we've stayed home the last X Mother's Day. THEN, a reasonable person might say, "why yes, go ahead and feel the wind in your hair and kiss your mom for me".

But ultimately it comes to another rule in our home - "No always wins". No matter the subject, if one of us refuses to go along with whatever idea....'no always wins'.

***Private for J.'s wife - If you let him go, I would imagine you might negotiate quite a nice Mother's Day for the rest of the day. And he really seems to earnestly want to go - and spending time with his parents ain't a bad example to be showing your kids. :) But it's ultimately your call. And I'm sorry about your mom, I can't even imagine.

Hi J., I have not read your prior responses and am just getting caught up from Friday (Im not on here at all over the weekends). Anyway, I see this differently probably. Since I'm in my second marriage and we have a blended family, we have to share our kids on all the holidays. So we have gotten used to celebrating on the weekends we have the kids, not necessarily on the exact day of the holiday. So I would say, go on the trip, celebrate MD on a different day. You don't get to see your family often, this trip can't be rescheduled and I think its important that you don't miss it either. Just because you can't be with your wife on MD, doesn't mean it can't be celebrated at all. And of course, you can make it even more special for her to make up for it....let me help you...J-E-W-L-E-R-Y (and some chocolate!) Good luck and have fun!!!

I say go.

This is my thinking - It is Mothers Day and your wife is not your mother. I say let your kids spend the day with her and you spend the weekend with your mother.

Have fun!

I think your wife is being a wee bit selfish. I'm very sorry for the loss of her mom. Having lost my own mom and grandmothers I know how hard it can be, BUT how many more Mother's Days are YOU going to have with YOUR mom? No one knows. It would be so cool for you to get to do this without any guilt attached. I think if your wife insists that you stay and you do stay or if she reluctantly says to go and you do go, she's going to regret it one day. As nice as Mother's Day is it can be celebrated any time. Try celebrating with your wife the weekend before AND/or the weekend after if that will make her feel better. Best wishes to you both.

Your wife said she would like you to stay home. End of story as far as I see it. I lost my mom almost 3 years ago also, and yes it is still a daily struggle that only becomes magnified on Mother's Day itself. Your own Mom will be having fun on her trip and honestly probably wouldn't miss you that much if you weren't there, but you would be missed greatly by your wife if you went. There will be other times to enjoy your hobby, but it sounds like it would mean a great deal to your wife to be with her on what is undoubtedly a very bittersweet day. You sound like such a nice guy, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck!

If you were my husband I would let you go.
Honestly, Mother's Day is so silly to me. I don't understand why so many women make such a big deal out of it (and then get upset because they are almost always disappointed!) Other than the adorable cards and gifts my kids made in school when they were younger I couldn't care less.
However, if your wife DOES care, then just celebrate it on a different day! It's the thought, not the date on the calendar that matters.
I hope you get to go :)

I am definitely in the camp of its "Mother's day", so if you have an opportunity to spend some time with your mom, you should, especially give the fact that you don't see her often. If your kids are old enough, have them make mom breakfast in bed and then go for a family dinner after you arrive home.

I think you should go. It sounds as though you and your wife have a wonderful and supportive relationship. This doesn't sound like it's an opportunity that comes along frequently, and it's a good chance for you to have a very special Mother's Day with *your* Mom that she will always remember.

The importance of Mother's Day for me has always been to be with my kids. I don't care what we do, where we go, what we eat etc... I just want to have a good day with them. Depending on what your wife likes and what is important to her, I would make sure that when you get home on Saturday afternoon, you make her feel special. If getting break to get a pedicure pampers her, then take the kids and send her for a pedicure... if she needs a nap, take the kids out so she can have some time to herself... if she loves to go out to dinner at a particular place then go out... you get the idea. Since she's said that she wants you and the kids to be with her find a way to make that time special.

You might also think about doing something that connects her to her own mother. I haven't lost my Mother, so I can't think of what that might be, and I can't imagine the difficulty that a day like Mother's Day can cause for someone who has.

For me the bottom line is... you're doing something that you love and that fills you up. Make sure that she feels that too. And for the record... I think the thought you're putting into this and the consideration for your wife's feelings says a whole lot about the kind of husband you are, and the kind of relationship that you and your wife have.

Good luck~

First my hubby rides and I do not so I understand that part of it.

How late would you be returning on Mother’s Day? Would you still be able to make it special for your wife? If my hubby asked to do something similar with his mother (yes she sometimes rides also) I would be OK with it. I encourage him to spend time with her especially since he lost his father a few years back.

I figure that Mother's Day is to be spent with your mother or they would call it Wife's Day. So if you do go on this trip make sure your kids do things that are very special for their mom. My husband also claims that he should be treated special on Mother’s Day because without him I would not be a mother in the first place (I do not recommend that you use this logic, it may cause you to get a kick in the butt).

Is there a way that your wife and her kids could stay overnight in a nice hotel that is on your route home? You could meet up with your wife and kids and spend the whole day with them and have a mini vacation as well! If you have a trailer for your bike, your wife could bring it to the hotel and you could all ride home together, if not, you could ride home seperately, no big deal. Not sure if this is ideal or not, just spouting possibilities!

So sorry for your wife's loss. I hope she has a joy filled Mother's Day!

I have full confidence that the two of you will work this out so that everyone has a good time. :)

*Oops, just saw your ETA 2. In the other posters defense, I would like to point out that the Father's Day analogy isn't the same as this situation. Fathers Day is for fathers, if they want to fish or golf, no biggie. The only way it would compare is if a wife wanted to spend Father's Day away from hubby or planned a weekend spa trip with family and friends.

can you all go on the trip? she could be the chase vehicle.

I would say go but ..... Make reservations for a nice dinner out on Mother's Day. Arrange for a babysitter, bring home flowers, all before you leave. If Mother's Day is as busy in TX as it is here, the 2nd busiest day of the year to go out for breakfast, you may need to make reservations this week.

I don't know how close the cemetary is but you could stop and place flowers for her Mom on the way to the restuarant.

I would say do this as a surprise but she's reading the responses.

Wife vs. Motorcycle trip

Wife wins.

I would allow my husband to go if I were in your wifes shoes. You must get back by the agreed time though!!!!! Let her choose what she wants to do, whether she gets to leave for the rest of the afternoon when you get back then it's family time starting in early evening.

BTW: My husband used to race bikes in Daytona. He just bought a Ducati, so I understand the love of the *hobby*.

I don't have a mom either :(

LET US KNOW THE OUTCOME

Since I'm coming in to the game really late, I didn't read any responses.

I can't say I wouldn't be disappointed if my husband chose something else over Mother's Day with me and our children. But at the same time, Mother's Day is about the kids more than me and him, in my view. But if I want to do nothing that day, that's what I want to do.

Also, I prefer to have Mother's Day and Father's Day every day of the year - not set aside for one special day to honor someone.

With all of that being said, if she asked you to not go, then don't go. If she has said she's okay with it, then have fun!

I'd be okay with my hubby coming home in the afternoon, in time to do a nice dinner.

This year we are heading to the beach for a week, starting on Mother's Day. My husband won't be able to join until the second part of the week, so I will spend Mother's Day, most likely, on the road with my babies :).

If your wife is supportive, I would say go. Honestly, I really don't like Mother's Day. One day to celebrate mom. Really? One day she gets to put up her feet and relax or get taken out or get flowers. I prefer to be recognized throughout the year. It is the same for Valentine's and Sweetest Day, etc. If you can both agree, setup another day to totally go all out. Hey, if you think about it, restaurants won't be crowded.

Is there any way you can work the trip to be back Saturday evening?

If not, I think you need to be there with your wife to celebrate her for Mother's Day. Perhaps plan a visit to your parents the weekend before or after Mother's day to spend time with your mom and celebrate her.

I would "let" my husband go. Although, I'm not a HUGE fan of these certain "hallmark" holidays celebrated on certain days. I wouldn't be offended if we celebrated Mother's Day on the following weekend or whatever. Sounds like a good opportunity to spend some time with your mom (and dad). Just come home with a gift and then do whatever your wife wants for the rest of day or the next weekend. Don't come home too tired, you'll still be expected to do the dishes :)

Mothers Day is a day for kids to make their moms feel special. Anniversaries are for husbands and wives. Dad should be with his mom. Mom should be with the kids.
Perhaps you could plan to do something as a family when you get home.

ETA: Having dealt with the heartache of losing her mother, I think your wife should understand how important it is for you to spend time with your mom.

I explained to my son before he married that after he gets married his wife is him primary family, and he needs to do whatever is right for her, first and foremost.

Your wife is your priority now and always. Do what is right for her.

People don't like motorcycles? I thought that was outdated.

ANYWAY, good for you, you're right, happy wife = happy life ;)

If you could see your mom sometime on this trip and do Mothers Day with her early, I think that would be really nice, as long as you can be back by Sunday to spoil your wife rotten :)

This way, everybody wins, your wife, mom, sister, AND you.

Don't let your wife read this part, but maybe get the kids in on a surprise that you can plan out BEFORE you return Sunday, this way you're not making a mad scramble the second you get back to do something nice for her ;)

It's not like you do this every year on mothers day, or your anniversary, or your wife's birthday. I don't see why you couldn't make this work to benefit everyone! It's all about compromise!! And it will not only be nice to spoil your wife, but to be there, it's tough for her without her mom!

To me...this is a 'no brainer' - GO!

It's Mother's Day and the trip is with YOUR mother! Mother's Day comes every year, this trip won't. You will still see your wife on Mother's Day.

**I am happily married, 18+ years w/ 2 kids. And yes, I would tell my husband to go and enjoy himself!

I only asked my husband to do something for me if it conflicted with other plans if it was important to me.

If she's asking you to be there when she wakes, so the whole day is special, then yes... the whole day will be a wash. Even if all you do is "nothing" the entire time you'd be gone... you'd be doing "nothing" together.

I know families are different, so here's another piece. In my family, the mother with young children gets priority on Mother's day. The mother of grown children can go to bed when she likes, get up when she likes, has survived toddler and teen years, and has already had 20 mother's days or more under her belt. The clumsy gifts, burned breakfasts, a chance to sleep in, getting bounced on.... all hold precious memories. In my family THOSE are the memories to create. The ones to hold onto when the children are grown and gone.

In my husband's family... it's the elder generation. New moms (and here's my rabid bias), can suck it. The mother of your children? Well, they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your own mom... so ditch her and attend to me. It's MY turn... because when I was an exhausted new mom, I had to schlep the kids out to grammas, or take care of them all on my own while my husband doted on his mom... and it was an exhausting miserable day, and now it's MY turn.

No one is happy on Mother's Day in my husband's family.

There aren't happy memories stored up in years of mother's days with a loving husband and goofy kids. Yes, one day a year, your grown kids do something special for you... at the expense of their own families.

I AM NOT SAYING your mom has this kind of attitude. Nor, am I saying that all families who ditch the mom of actual children for the mom of grown children have horrible mother's days until their children grow up.

Just a warning. Because I KNOW you don't want your wife to be miserable or disappointed on mother's day.

Since she's asked you to stay... I would take that as the first Mother's Day Gift you can give her... being there with her. Not after you get home, but in the way she's asking.

Sorta like asking for a 1600 and getting a Vespa. Yep... they're both cycles... but one doesn't make up for the other.

since its not a total loss and you would be able to spend the afternoon/evening with your wife on mothers day i would say go. Its not like you are just going with some buddys you are going to be with your parents. So go spend time with your parents and your mother on mothers day weekend. Good luck.

My husband works crazy hours and on pretty much every single holiday...so we celebrate when we can. Not necessarily on the specified day. We just do it when we can.

I would go on your trip ~ it's not like you are spending the day hanging out with the boys or anything, it's a special trip. Talk to your wife and pick a different day and designate that as her Mother's Day then spoil her rotten :)

I would say go, and plan something lovely for when you arrive home on Sunday. Your wife sounds like a very reasonable person and she'll understand that this trip is important to you and that the timing isn't great - but that you're not deliberately trying to be away from her on Mothers Day. Besides, Mothers Day is just a made up holiday. You probably treat your wife awesome all year round... so why does one particular day hold so much emotional significance?

You have listed so many reasons to stay with your wife on Mother's Day and let's face it, she needs you. Mother's Day is once a year while a road trip with your parents can be rescheduled (maybe not this particular one but another can be planned in its place.) Regarding ETA2: this would only make sense if it was your wife wanting to go away on Mother's Day, not you. Father's Day is my husband's day to treat himself in the way he would like, golf, whatever, while your wife is choosing you and the kids. And as far as the trip being planned months in advance, it wasn't planned very well. : p
Yes, that is me sticking out my tongue in support of your wife. ; )

I think the phrase "My wife wants me to stay..." should tell you all you need to know.

Also, though it's been three years since she lost her mom, I think there are good years and bad years. Maybe she just needs you to be with her this year.

Maybe it's possible to go for the Friday/Saturday and then drive home Saturday afternoon? Or maybe once you decide to stay she will give you her honest blessing to go if you do tell her you will stay, and then you can plan something fun together in the evening. Either way, I would never bail on my husband on Father's Day, even to spend time with my own dad--unless my dad had a severe illness.

Wow, J....tough question! (I didn't read through other responses, so sorry if I say something you have already heard, but you asked! :) That being said, it sounds as if you and your wife have an open and happy relationship. And if that is truly the case, and if you really are going to be home early in the day on Mother's Day...I think you should go. Your mom lives too far away to see on a regular basis and it is Mother's day, meaning your wife gets celebrated, but so does your mom!

BUT, you have to make sure you are still home early enough to have a nice meal and spend quality time w/ your wife.

If it were me, I would let my husband go. Yes, I would want him there w/ me all day and might be a lil sad to not have him there ALL day, but he deserves to do things that make him happy, too...and IMO, I should be celebrated and appreciated every day! As should my husband for being an awesome father, provider and husband!

Let us know what you decide!

I'd say you get to go, but you gotta do the following:

1. Talk it over with her first. Make sure she can really live with it.
2. Call the florist two weeks prior, and get a dozen roses delivered to the door the morning of Mother's Day.
3. Include a note with said roses to the effect of, "Happy Mother's Day. Please take a moment to put on a dress tonight, because I am taking you out for a Night on the Town."
4. And do that. Nice restaurant. Bottle of champagne. Or take her out to hear her favorite kind of music and make her feel 21 again -- whatever would be really special for her.
5. The day before you leave, the day after you get back (Monday), you're doing the dishes, you're taking out the trash. She's getting a pedicure. I mean it.

In other words, it's not whether you go, it's what you do to make it up to her, b/c you WILL owe her, guy.

;),

mira

I have only read a few answers so I may be repeating someone else, but my theory is that it is "Mothers day" so you should celebrate your mom. I always encourage my hubby to make his mom feel special on mothers day, since we have so many other days to celebrate each other and I get him everyday. So,I would say go but maybe before you do set up a suprise for your wife to let het know you were thinking about her and do something really great when you get back.

I could ramble on and on but....

Bottom line, you need to stay!

Not looking at other responses here...and of course I'm late in getting you an answer...

I have to say go! Here's why...it's Mom's Day and your mom is going. What a great way to spend some time with your mom. Yes...your wife is important too...I completely understand her wanting you there for the whole day. I would want my hubs there too. But I also know that he gets no quality time with his mom. (she's six hrs from us)...I would be hurt but know that it's the right thing to do.

ETA: Ask your wife if she what would she give to spend one more day with her mom? I think you have the chance she's should "let" you go.

Stay with your wife. In my book, there isn't even a question. See if your parents can reschedule, and if not, make plans to go visit them in the coming weeks.

oooh J.!!

This is tough. I am fortunate enough NOT to have lost my mom. We did, however, lose my MIL, on Mother's Day 2006 and we were in Mexico on vacation. Bob had forgot to send her flowers before we left. So he has regret over that.

As to your situation...I would go with my mom. I am sure I am in the minority here but it's been three years. I get that THAT loss is NEVER easy to endure. I thank God I've not had to endure it YET. I know that day will come - like in 20 years!! (that's MY will!!). You will still get Mother's day with your beautiful wife. maybe NOT all day - but really - it's been said on here NUMEROUS times - you can celebrate it ANY day...just like birthday's, Christmas, etc. you do NOT have to do it on "THAT" day....

Christina - I'm truly sorry for the loss of your mother. I hope that you have MANY happy memories to sustain you!!

Your wife should take a chill pill and let you go. She can make you PAY by requesting some outrageous (within rage) gift. I would stay home with my kids and take them on a backyard Mothers Day picnic. When you return, I would ask for a special Sunday dinner and the next Saturday free while you stay home with the kids. Her mom is deceased (so is mine) and it is not year one, so she should be fine. Your mom is still alive--you are her son. You are not your wife's child. Hence MOTHERS DAY.

I think you know the answer. Your wife has spoken. She wants you to stay.

Mother's Day comes once a year. The roads are open the other 364 days.

Your wife already struggles with the loss of her mom.
Using the arguement about Father's Day, well that's your day and you go do what you want. What you are doing is leaving her on Mother's Day so she can't do what she wants, whether you get home by 4 or not. She wants you to stay with her. She wants quality time.
Your priority is her.

If she likes your time and for you to be near her, then the worst thing you can do on Mother's Day is leave her.
If she likes gifts then she will probably be OK if you get her a trinket from the journey, no matter what it is.
If she likes your physical affection then giving her a lot of it before the ride and when you just get home, she should be OK.
If she likes you to tell her how wonderful she is then tell her how much you appreciate her blessing the trip.
It shounds like she is a spend time with me person. So the best "gift" to her is to stay home.

What is mom? If mom is a gift person, then get mom a little something for the trip, or try to see her before hand to give her a hug, or send her a card with lovely words about how you love her as a mom and hope she understands that right now you need to spend time with "Mary".

We are doing study at church about the Love Languages and it has just blown my mind. Everything he says is spot on.

Mother's Day starts in the morning not mid to late afternoon. You will be tired from the trip and really doesn't sound like a very special Mother's Day to me. Your wife deserves this special day and if you could be home late Saturday night, fine if not, you need to say "thanks mom and dad but that's not going to work". Have you asked them if they could change the weekend?

You stay. Mother's Day weekend? You missing even part of Mother's Day EVEN IF she gives you her blessing is a huge mistake. Your wife should be the paramount mother in your life, and above this trip. The day may not be "a total loss" to your wife but it shouldn't be a partial loss either.

Wife versus Mother = WIFE every time on Mother's Day. No brainer, dude. And on Father's Day I don't have a double standard even though I don't get the same consideration. I won't get into the details, but this is a bone of contention for me.

I think since she has specified that she wants you (needs you) to be home, you should try to be home. Losing your mom, being a mom, Mother's Day....could be a tough trifecta.

Would she feel better to spend the morning with some of her family (sisters, aunts, etc.) and then see you in the evening when you return? I think if her heart really just needs you there, you should shift your trip a day to be there for her. Some of the best moments in our relationship were when DH decided to come home a day early to surprise me. When we got married, I expected him back the day before the wedding. He showed up on my doorstep a day before that. It showed me how important I was. You also mention "combined family" in your profile so what kids will be home and will she be missing any of hers? That, IMO, would be a factor, too.

The flip side is we have a regular campout that often either starts or ends on Father's Day (the schedulers are NOT parents....). We usually make sure that DH sees the kids on Father's Day, either coming or going, or we do something the day before. (The older kids traditionally went to their Mom's for the summer before that trip.) Since the original plan won't have you there before mid-day on Mother's Day, you can't do it that way. BUT DH is not bothered by shifting it. Your wife seems to be.

I just had another thought. Are you guaranteed to be home timely on Mother's Day? Or will she be left waiting (what if you get a flat, or there's traffic?) for an undetermined timeframe?

How about if your wonderful wife is packed and ready with the darling kids, and she goes on the trip in the family car and can stop and shop and sight see, and meet up with you and the family in any spot you all decide along the way? (Like the official "chase" car)She can have fun with you, but you wont miss the ride, or your M. and sister. Come Sunday you have both your M. and your wife to treat special with a brunch, or flowers or whatever.
Im trying to plan a cruise to Alaska with my sister. I want my husband to come along but he gets extremely sea sick and refuses to step one foot on a ship. So I want him to drive the road and meet us at every port we dock at. Hes not so thrilled with this plan yet. Maybe some sweet talking will change your wifes mind...hi wife!! (o:

Since Mother's day is supposed to "her" day, its a conundrum, since there are 2 "Hers" - your wife and your mother.

I guess I would ask--who is going to be more understanding with a "no"? Your mom or your wife? Who is going to be more hurt/disappointed?

Also, you say that your wife struggles daily with the loss of her own mom---will Mother's Day be extra hard for her? If yes, that would make me lean toward saying you should stay home and schedule a motorcycle trip for some other weekend with your parents. If no, then I say to make the weekend after Mother's day be the celebration of/for your wife, with something nice planned instead.

Not that you need another answer :)) but I say you should go. Like you said, you'd be home on Sunday anyways, its Mother's Day ALL day. Do something really special when you get home. Or go all out and celebrate Mother's day with your wife earlier.....if it were me I'd tell my husband to go.

Well, I think I would really talk to her and plan to do something great as soon as you get home for Mother's Day! It will be a special time with your parents -and honestly (I know many have different feelings about this) -she's your wife NOT your mother, so while your mother is still around, it would be nice to do something cool with her.

My husband was gone last year on Mother's Day. It was a horrible day -but not because he was gone. I also lost my mother a little over 2 years ago, and it is STILL hard. That day is hard. However, we had the unique opportunity for one of us to go to Jazz Fest in New Orleans the first weekend with a friend and the other to go the next weekend with a friend (that was Mother's Day). I wanted to go and I didn't want to deny him the opportunity as well. I just see no problem with it, especially since you'll be home on Mother's Day and you all can go out and do something fun together (or she can go to a spa and you can watch the kids).

I don't think your kids are toddlers or babies so it wouldn't just add insult to injury to not be home on Mother's Day and leave her to a day of crying and diapers and being woken up at dawn. So I say just celebrate a week early! And you'll be home late that day so she will get one and a half days. I fortunately don't know how she feels about it given her mother has passed as mine hasn't but it has been 3 years and other than that, so long as I got "treated" in the way I wanted, I wouldn't care which exact day it was when this is a trip that involves other people so you can't reschedule. I would just want what my idea of Mother's Day is at some point vs totally blown off or even cut in half bc you'll be gone. Have you tried offering to do whatever she wants the week before? I have to say it would strike me as pretty selfish if she's so focused on a certain date and you're more than willing to make it up to her another time. We're not little kids... And as some posters likely said, some husbands don't do a thing for their wives on Mother's Day as their wives aren't their Mothers. And it is kind of ironic that she's kind of begrudging you being with your own Mother.

If your wife said, 'I would like for you to stay home on Mother's Day. This day is important to me.' I think I would stay.

If she said, 'I would like for you to stay, but if you want to go that's alright with me.' Then I would go.

In the first scenario, she is asking you to do something for her. If my husband were to ask this of me, and considering the circumstances, I would stay home. If you can do that and not feel resentful of the situation, stay home because she has asked that of you.

In the second scenario, she is giving you her preference, but the decision is ultimately up to you. If she isn't going to feel resentful that you went, then you should go.

If both of you would feel resentful then I would say split it. You spend time with your parents, then come back in the afternoon and spend the rest of the day with her and the children, or do something the day before...come to some sort of agreement you both can live with happily.

I say stay with your wife. Make arrangements to spend time with your mom another time. It is hard enough to deal with the loss of your mother but to not have the one you love with you helping you through it is even harder. My hubby makes me just feel good and I'm certain you do the same for your wife. I say don't go. Lavish her with love, attention and affection.

This will be my first mother's day without my mom and I'm struggling with it already as I prepare for it. I really miss my mom. She was the funniest person I know and some of the laughter is gone from my life. I have had to get artificial laughter through comedy films but that is not the same as mom being funny mommy.

Stay with you wife.

I look at Mother's day as everyday, I understand thats its a slated date for everyone to celebrate their Mothers, Why not do a really nice weekend for your wife the weekend before AND after mothers day? and go on the trip. Have your wife and kids do something special just for them while you are gone, like a mini vaca for them. Do you have any fun waterparks/hotels that your fam can go to and have fun, or a trip to the zoo. Its quality time with the kids and it maybe a nice memory for her, too.

Is this the most answered question ever? But since your wife is going to read, I have to weigh in that I think she's pretty off base. This is Mother's Day and she's not your mom, this trip is with your mother, and if you're really nice and appreciative all year vs this is the one day of the year that she can count on you being nice to her, she really should be flexible enough to just celebrate another day. People may be right that if she doesn't want you to go, you shoudl stay home to honor her desires. But I think she's kinda wrong for even putting you in that position... It's not her birthday, your kids aren't babies, it's not your wedding anniversary, it's not Christmas etc. Even if it was some of those days except for Christmas, big deal. Move the celebration to another day. I've certainly celebrated my bday on other days. Maybe I'm not taking into account the loss of her mother as much as I should but 3 years is fairly long now. And like people have said, what if your mother passes soon??? Your mother is still alive so a trip like this should take precedent.

Oh, tough call. I do "get" the motorcycle thing. My husband, his dad and brother all ride and they have had some special and rare trips in the past. My FIL doesn't ride anymore, so those days are over.

I would say that because you are coming back in the afternoon, your wife should approve of you going on the trip - I know that she already said that she would prefer that you be home, but if she's willing to read the responses, them maybe this will help her to genuinely give the trip your blessing. You can have a really nice family dinner with your wife later in the day, and Mother's day comes every year. However, I would imagine that there will come a day when your parents are no longer able to ride - my FIL is a very fit and young guy for his late 60's but just doesn't feel like he has the confidence to ride anymore, so riding days can end sooner than you think. Because the chance to spend this time with your parents doing your shared hobby doesn't come around all the time, if I were your wife, I would want you to go and make some more great memories with your parents because you never know when your last road trip with them will be - hopefully there will be many more opportunities in future years, but I know that my husband would love to go on a trip with his dad again and it's just not happening.

So that's my two cents...if she can see it from that perspective and really give her blessing, then go. If she still would prefer that you stay home, then stay.

How about this. The trip can't be changed, I understand that, but when you celebrate mothers day with your wife can be.

Though I may be a little irritated that my husband is bailing (yes it is bailing, at least that is how I would see it) on Mothers day, I would be much more inclined to be forgiving if my husband planned something extra special the weekend BEFORE Mothers day.

Then when husband gets home, if he had, say flowers and instantly took the kids so I could go take a long and silent bath, and possibly ordered a pizza (I wouldnt expect cooking, you will be tired too) or something so I wouldn't have to cook. Well, all would be forgiven. :)

Honestly, I would understand that my husband wanted to do this. I really would. Sometimes timing just sucks, and it's not really anyone's fault. But, I would still probably be a little annoyed, more at the situation than anything. Just being as honest as possible.

My hubby, son, BIL, nephew, and FIL all wanted to go ATV/camping on my SIL's first Mother's Day. They too were supposed to be home by noon on Sunday. We were to all meet at FIL's house for steaks around 3pm.
So SIL and I sent them on their way.
On Sunday, we get a call at 11a that they were just packing up, they'd be home by 1:30p. Really? You're JUST packing up? Well, they wanted to get one more ride in.
At 12:30p we get a call that they've finished packing up but BIL injured his back during pack up, they were stopping by the local ER for medicine. They'd be home as soon as possible.

SIL was NOT happy! At 7p, I get a call that they were 30m away. They would cook me a steak in the dark if need be. I said forget it just pick up subs on the way home. They did, and we finally had Mother's Day dinner with 3 clean ladies and 3 muddy guys (BIL was dropped off) at 8:30p.

With that said. If you were my hubby, I would tell you to go since you would be seeing your Mom. If it was an all guys trip, I would ask you to stay home.
If you do go, I would prearrange some special surprises from your kid(s) to your wife in your absence.

And yes, the go on the ATV/camping trip on Father's Day also, and are planning one for this year also. (Even tho the daughter's don't attend the trip, which is kind of hurtful to them.)

J.,
i can't answer this for you but i can give you an example of what happened with my husband. while we were going through in vitro (still getting the shots etc), my husband was presented with an opportunity to go on a motorcycle ride down in florida. he asked me to go. of course the answer was no. we had already started our in vitro and i wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize that, plus i am not a bike chick, and will never be one. ok then he said should he go and i said sure.
it wasn't on a special day or anything like that, so he went. he was supposed to be gone two whole days and one night. that night i went to bed and locked my bedroom door (i'm afraid of boogie man), and when i woke up in the morning i found him sleeping on the couch. i was surprised because he wasn't supposed to be back that night. he said that he drove down to florida, started hanging out and had a bad feeling that he was doing something wrong leaving me behind, or not staying with me. since he couldn't relax and enjoy he decided to ride back which he did. truth be told, when he asked me if he should go, i did wonder what was he thinking but never verbalized my feelings. he is a grown man and he should know what the right thing to do is.
back to your situation, i am assuming your mom and pops are retired, and while i understand many inlaws just love their daughters in law (insert a bit of sarcasm here), i am wondering why did they choose mother's day weekend for that trip, and not any other weekend?
you are a grown man, and your wife, if she is classy :) won't object to your going away. i say, stay put. this is her weekend, and while it may not be important for many women, it should be important enough for you to spend it with her and tell your mama to pick another weekend.

If I were your wife, your going on the trip wouldn't bother me.
We could celebrate Mother's Day the weekend before or after.
We move holidays when necessary.
We're visiting my Mom on Easter this year without my husband.
We visit about once every 2 years.
We'll celebrate Easter with him the weekend after when we'll be home.
It's good to be flexible about these things.

You go on Mother's Day weekend and give your wife some alone time the next weekend. Win-win.

Gotta throw my .02 in on this O..
Leaving you wife, who has a tough time with MD for a motorcycle trip that she won't/can't participate in......nope.
Plan a visit with your mom and stay home with your wife for Mother's Day.
(My husband rides as well, and I doubt he'd dream of leaving on a holiday like that.)

Oh--comparing it to you going riding ON Father's Day--apples to oranges. This is HER day and she's not going fishing.

Wow, you have gotten a lot of responses! I haven't read any of them.

It is my opinion that if your wife wants you to stay home, you should stay home. You said she is supportive of your hobby. You said she isn't demanding. And yet, she asks this of you. There will be other trips, I am sure. This isn't the last trip you get to go on before you die. Right? Well, as far as you know. ;)

Having said that, and because you said your wife will be reading these responses, I want to add something. I think your wife should bless you in going. It is hard when we get wrapped up in stupid artificial dates on a calendar and make them holy days. Mother's day is an invention. It isn't a "real" holiday. It's just another day, really. You can celebrate "Mother's Day" any day of the year. My husband celebrates it daily with me. Well, nearly. He appreciates me, loves me, and I know it. J., spoil your wife. Plan on having flowers delivered to her (or whatever makes her tick) while you are gone. Celebrate the weekend before (or after, if it fits your schedule better). Make sure she understands that you cherish her and appreciate what she does for your family.

Reverend Ruby nailed it for me. :)

Plan in advance a super evening for her, and do flowers for her mom as well.
And, you might also plan something on the sly (not sure how on the sly it will be if she is reading these responses) WITH her kiddos that THEY will do with/for her on Mother's Day morning. (or have prepared in advance to present to her at that time).
And by all means, stop somewhere on your trip and call her, and call her to wish her Happy MD before you start out that morning.

She sounds like a lovely woman and I know that as long as you both are trying to keep each other happy, no matter what you decide to do, you will both end up ok with the decision. Often, it isn't about the decision itself, but actually giving consideration to the other's feelings in advance. :)

I think you should stay with her. She doesn't have her mom with her and on mothers day it's going to be very hard for her.

You can't really say anything about going fishing or golfing on fathers day because that is what YOU would want to do, most likely NOT her. Fathers day is YOUR day. Mothers day is HER day, so she gets to decide what to do for her day. If you wanted to go fishing or golfing on fathers day, then go for it, but mothers day is for her to decide

If this was my husband, I would support the trip and request a nice mother's day dinner the night he returned. I would do something really fun with my kids during the day. My husband travels all the time and has missed most mothers days and most of my birthdays so I would regard having him take me out to dinner on mothers day as REALLY awesome and rare and special. I also have LOVED all my mothers days with just the kids.

BUT. If I wanted him home, and if I wanted him to choose me over his own mom and ride, then I guess that's what I would want, and I'd be happy if he picked my wish. I'm just not that way on mothers day though. To me, it's for me and the kids. And for my husband, I would suggest to be with his MOM on Mother's day if possible.

What if it rains all weekend?

:(

I think you should go and see *your* mom and enjoy your already planned motorcycle trip (but then I don't make a big deal out of mother's day; I would rather be revered for the mother goddess that I am every day *wink wink*). How old are your wife's children? Are they old enough to do something for *their* mother? Can you arrange a spa day or a picnic or what have you for your wife to enjoy with her children? Can you take her out to dinner after you return?

I personally feel that once the children are old enough then they need to be the ones who 'honor' mom, not the husband (I mean he should say thanks for providing these wonderful children and being a great mom but if he is going to be doing the gifts, gushing forth with love and admiration thing I think he should do that with his own mother).

Now, having said all of this...if you think she is going to hold a grudge or mope around for an extended length of time over this then it will probably save your sanity if you just stay home.

You and your wife sound like my husband and I . I would never be mad at my husband for visiting his mom but I would secretly want him to stay with me and be beaming on the inside if he chose me.

Unless your mom is sick or needs you I'd vote to stay with your wife she lost her mon and might need you more than she lets on during this holiday, you will reap the rewards.

And maybe I'm alone in this but mothers day is very important for me, I'm most proud of this, no anniversaries, or birthdays can compare.I very much want recognition from my husband this day.

Mother's day is about your wife (but you knew that, didn't you). On Mother's day, you should go with her wishes (as in I'm pretty sure she'd want to spend the day with you and your kids). On Father's day, feel free to go fishing or do whatever as long as you spend some time with your children because they'll want to honor you in some way.

Do not go on this trip even if your wife tells you it's OK. Repeat - do not go on this trip. Tell your wife you'd rather stay home with her and make her day special. Say this with a smile on your face and mean it. There, I've done my good deed for the day.

Mother's day is your wife's day. She is looking forward to sleeping in, having breakfast made when she wakes up, etc. So if she wants you to stay, then you should stay. Trust me, us women get a little upset when we aren't remembered on this day.

The year I was pregnant with my son, everyone in my family EXCEPT my fiance (My son's father) got me a card for mother's day. I was a bit upset but shrugged it off because not everyone thinks to get mother's day cards for moms who are still pregnant. Then last year, when our son was 6-7 months old... Nothing. Nothing from my fiance and nothing from our son. I didn't expect a big gift, but a card would have been nice. When he showed up to the celebration with nothing... Well, let's just say that my family will never let him live it down. Lol. His reasoning was that I'm not his mom and mother's day is about appreciating your mothers. When I asked why Oliver didn't buy me a card he looked at me like I was crazy and reminded me that our son was a baby and couldn't buy cards. My mom took him aside and had a little talk with him after that. Lol. My point is both times it hurt. Not because I didn't get a gift, but because he didn't even think about me.

Make your wife happy and don't go.

Its Mothers Day You go on the trip and spend some time with your Mother.. That why its called Mothers Day.. Your Wife will be with her children their Mother on Mothers Day...You will be with your wife on Mothers Day also when you get back.. You said you dont see your Mother that often as she lives 5hrs away, well thats even more reason to go. If you didnt go and heaven forbid something happened to your Mother you would be kicking yourself for not spending some time with her when you had the chance.. I feel for your wife as I too have lost my Mum/ best friend.. The loss of your wifes Mother 3yrs ago should not stop you spending time with your Mother on Mothers Day while you have a chance to and while she is still here to spend time with.. Go and make memories of time spent with your Mother on Mothers Day :-)

Is there a compromise to be had? Can you go on the trip, but cut it a few hours short? Make the ride back early enough to take her to Mothers Day Brunch? Bring her back something from the trip.

Your wife IS your priority, but she has to understand that you DO have a mother, even though she lost hers. I'm deeply sorry for her loss, but I think BECAUSE of her loss, she should encourage you to see your mother whenever possible. I know I would.

Would she be willing to move Mother's day to the weekend before or after... this could be a win win for everyone just make sure the weekend she picks you do something EXTRA EXTRA special (yes two EXTRA's need to be in there)

Doesnt seem like you need any more "2 cents" cause you got plenty here.....but you know....everyones got and opinion. I think what talktotrees said...makes sense. Only if there is something special planned for your wife when you return home. That way you can still see ur own mom for mothers day too! But Im not gonna lie....if it were my husband....I would be a little bummed...only because I have to remind him of mothers day to begin with so it would just be the icing on the cake that he wasnt even gonna be home...but the two of you seem to have a very democratic non dysfunctional relationship! Good for you!

For me... if your wife is up for it, go on the trip.

My feelings every year is go spend it with your mom... its her day! She wont be here forever and I have years ( hopefully) to spend it with my kids. Its every mothers out there day! My husband turns it down every year and wants to spend it with me, while I appreciate it... its also sad to me that he wouldn't want to spend the time with her, even if it is 2 1/2 hrs away.

I spend time during the day with my mom.. I break it up so I get to spend time with her and we place flowers on my grandma's head stone... I have mornings and evening with my kids. The afternoon is spent with my mom. I even have my 2 boys buy/ make something for thier step mom and have them give it to her. They spend a couple hours with her while Im spending it with my mom.

If your wife is supportive of you going.. enjoy your time with your mom! she knows how special those moments are with your mom, enjoy it while you can.

In my opinion:

Wife Vs. Mom on Mother's day = Mom wins!

If I were you I would go with your Mom/Dad on the trip but then compensate your wife with an extra special (preferably beforehand) weekend that is all about her! That way she gets a bonus celebration...b/c you will be back mid afternoon on Mother's Day, right?

Since you do note that your wife is cool with bike things, but has asked that you stay home this time, I think you should. Once she knows you've chosen to spend Mother's Day with her she will probably say "I love you, go on that trip with your parents, and I'll see you for dinner with bells on."

Stay. I'd be really irked if I had to start off my Mother's Day being woken up by our daughter at the crack of dawn and then having to deal with getting the kids ready in the morning. NOT a special day to me, no matter when my husband got home later in the day.

Hmmm well I guess it would depend on the age of the kids. Are they old enough to get up and make their own breakfast and play/read/watch tv and not burn down/flood/or destroy the house while mom sleeps in?

If they are I would say have an early breakfast with your mom (or a REALLY late dinner on saturday night) and head home to be there by early afternoon if possible. Then take your wife (with or without kids, whichever is her preference) to a really nice dinner.

If they are still small and need some serious supervision when they get up ... then come home saturday evening. Still get to spend time with mom for the weekend AND be home for your wife on mothers day. (This is actually the option I would probably go with anyway ... if it were me).

And LOVE motorcycles ... they are totally awesome :)

I would have no problem with you going. You should go and you should also plan a nice mother's day celebration for your wife when you get home that afternoon.

That's the one thing I hate about days like Mother's Day, Father's Day and Valentines Day. It makes us feel guilty if we're not doing something ON that day. I think you should go on the ride. You get to spend it with your Mom and still be home in time to spend the day with your wife. I think it sounds like a doable plan to me. Since she lost her Mom, and I can't imagine that kind of pain, then I would think she'd understand your desire to spend as many Mother's Days with your Mom while you still have her. I do think Mothers and Fathers need to be honored but who says it has to be on THAT one day only? Good luck on your choice and what a neat post.

If I could spend one more weekend with my mom who passed eight years ago...I would go and leave my spouse on just about any holiday I could think of...

This is a tough one...I have learned that calendar holidays are just days...the holiday can be celebrated on other days of the year...

I would ask her if you could plan an extra special day, her "super mother's day" extravaganza...or even better a whole Mother's Day Weekend the following weekend...so she gets two days instead of just one.

I personally would let you go...but I would expect an extra special day/days in return. Then it would be a win-win.

Honestly, and I may be in the minority, but I say go. It sounds like you have a very healthy relationship with your wife, and I can totally respect where she would want you to stay. However, if your parents lived in the same town, and you could plan trips like this any weekend of the month, that would be one story, but since your parents live so far away, that's another. Usually, Mother's Day is just another day for my family. The only dfference is that I get a card. Of course, hubby does a good job respecting and appreicating me every other day of the year, so it's not a big deal for me. I would continue to discuss this with your wife, and make a final decision together. Do your parents even realize it's Mother's Day? Maybe the trip could be moved to another weekend? Not sure if that's a possibility, but it may be an option to explore.

Mother's Day is a non-event at my house, but if it's important to your wife, I would say to stay. Actually, I would say, see if you can move the trip up a day, or cut it a bit short so you're home by Saturday evening so you can still spend time with your mom AND your wife! :)

I have to address this first...what does ETA mean? Cause where I come from it means Estimated Time of Arrival. And I'm CERTAIN it doesn't mean that in this case.

I digress. I get that you want to see your mom. And it IS Mother's day after all, but does it HAVE to be THAT weekend? I mean, Mother's day is my time to relax and take it easy and with you being gone how is that day celebrated with her taking care of the kids and you out riding? Even if you're home "late afternoon" that day is gone.

I vote stay home. Go the week prior or the week after to see your mom and ride.

I think you're hearts in the right place. For the record.

Sending good thoughts your way.

HMM a difficult decision for sure.But my husband and I have had this issue in the past, but instead of motorcycles, it was rugby - lol. I am of the mind that mother's day is about being a mom and spending time with them. If my husband is around, great. If not, great. I still get to celebrate with my kiddos. The time my hubby wasn't around, I planned a day of fun for me and my boys - zoo, park, eating out, they gave me gifts and tons and tons of hugs.
When hubby did get home, he cooked out, cleaned up and it was great.
If no animosity and the kids are old enought to tell mom they love her and since you will be back in time to celebrate - then the trip should (and would) be not issue in our house.
Heck, if the sleeping in and pampering is something mom looks forward to, pay it forward and do all that celebrating the weekend before or after:)
Good luck.

I think you should go. I understand that it will be a hard day for your wife, but the kids are there for her. I would MAKE SURE that the kids go all out so your wife doesn't really "miss you" in the morning and PLEASE try to be home as early as possible. Oh yeah, and you better have something really great planned for after you get home!

Have a nice ride and enjoy your mom on Mother's Day!

Funny. I LOVE that your wife approved the question and it's wording. :)

I'm sorry for your wife's loss. She's blessed to have a husband that cares about how she feels so much. I would suggest looking on the community events stuff in your area to see if there's anything cool going on the weekend before OR after this trip and celebrating Mother's day with your wife that way. If nothing special is happening in your community, MAKE it special somehow by doing something that would rock her world. If you're not going on motorcycle trips often, then this is special for you AND special for your mom and dad. That shouldn't be downplayed. I think that what Mother's Day is, is a day that is set aside to say "Thank you, I see you, I appreciate you, life would be nothing without you". That's important for moms to know and hear! HOWEVER that doesn't mean the day "must" be on one specific Sunday of the year. I think it does make a difference that you aren't bailing on her 3 days before Mother's Day with this idea, but it's 2 months away so you have time to do it up right. Even maybe more than normal since you'll be gone part of it. I do agree that while you should take part in the Mother's Day thing because she gave you YOUR kids, you shouldn't neglect your own mother. I don't want to imagine losing my boys just because they got married, lol, even though I won't be psycho mom and expect him to cling to my apron strings when he's grown and has his own family. You should see your mom sometimes and let her know she's still special.
I propose that you have a special mother's day celebration the weekend before "the calendar day" (unless you just have something awesome coming up that she would agree would be worth postponing her day). I don't know what y'all are into, but I would think you could cook her dinner or take her out to eat, give her a card (Lord knows the cards will be out that whole month), let the children give her a gift and you give her flowers or whatever it is that y'all do.
The weather is gorgeous here at that time of year, so I would like to sleep in while Jeremy takes the kids out for breakfast (the 2 year old doesn't understand the concept of talking quietly), when I get up I see the cards and a little gift they leave on the bar (I'll wait to open when they get home, but it's good to know I got something). I go get a massage or pedicure, then we all go to the park by the beach to play a little ball and have a picnic. After the picnic, go splash around in some waves. Watch the kids play. Let me reflect on the fact that my husband loves me and my kids are awesome, and I love being a mom. Get some "quality time" with husband while the kids nap. Have some great seafood or steak for dinner.
The only thing that could make a simple day like that better would be if my mom came to join in. But I wouldn't mind that being done the week before! It can be any day, in my opinion, as long as it gets done. If it does deviate from the plan (especially AFTER the normal date) it should probably be mentioned ahead of time, lol. We do these things all the time for children's birthdays. How many times do kids have their birthday during the week, and you might acknowledge it on their "real" day, but the party is on the weekend the before or after, right? Because people work and go to school. Same kind of idea. For my husband's 50th a few years ago, I surprised him with a surprise party 6 months early (he has a 12/22 birthday and hates winter; we had a 6/22 luau, bbq, and swimming party for him. The calendar doesn't control your whole life, in my opinion. Or at least it shouldn't.
All that said, I would suggest doing something fun for her Mother's Day the weekend before, AND leaving a sweet note in a card with a gift certificate to the spa for a massage that she can have while you're on your trip home. That way she still got something "on" her day. And/or go get some dinner out that evening when you've come home. Does that sound like I'm telling you that you should pander? Um, probably. But I hold the same standard to myself on Father's Days!

The alternative to this suggestion? I LOVE K's Mom's suggestion that they go along in the car.

Just my opinion here. But I would totally be PO'ed if bf left me on mothers day. But on the other hand you are going to see your mom which I would be ok with. I would ask that you make it home somewhat early so we could have a nice day with the kids. Just my opinion. And who is to say you cant come home a little early?

Haven't read other posts but I understand both sides

Is your wife going to resent you for going? I always encourage my hubby to do things on his special day - so is it less about you being away and more about her being stuck at home without anyone to take the little angels?

I personally think Mother's Day is incredibly over-rated and you should go and either give your wife a weekend away prior/post the trip.

Have your fun then give her a chance for her own fun. That is real win/win

I guess it all depends on YOUR wife's relationship with "Mothers' Day". Personally, I think it's just another day for Hallmark and FTD florists to make money, much like Valentine's Day and Father's Day. As you can tell, I couldn't care less about Mothers' Day - I *know* how special I am EVERYDAY. I'd tell my husband to go have fun and spend the weekend with his parents.

To your wife, however, Mothers' Day seems like a special day. Add to that the fact that it reminds her of losing her own mother - it takes on even more meaning. I hate to tell you this, but the chivalrous thing to do here is to NOT go. I know your wife wouldn't hold it against you if you did, which makes her all the more special. Don't go. And don't hold it against her that you missed out on this trip. Be her rock and stay home. And plan something extra special for the whole family.

So I am not ready the 70+ responses you've received so, if this is a repeat (I'm sure it is), then I am sorry.

I would say do the best of both worlds...This is Mother's Day, you should be able to spend it with your mom as well. Just reading other posts along with this one, you are both VERY strong and love one another very deeply. You both take one anothers feelings into concideration so, that is what needs to happen in this case.

Have a wonderful evening planned out for your wife and children to honor her as well.

Give her a day to enjoy the things she is interested in if you want to do more. I am not sure of her hobbies or interests so no suggestions.

Good luck and I hope there is room for compromise.
Take care.

Well, if it were ME, I'd say go. Just be prepared to celebrate Mother's Day the next weekend. We can be pretty loose with the calendar in this house. And many holidays aren't that big a deal in this house. But your wife has already told you how she feels. It sounds as if there are extenuating circumstances. So if celebrating the holiday on an alternate weekend isn't an option, then you'll have to pass up the trip and be there for your wife.

You say you will be returning on Mother's Day. Can you cut your trip short by enough time to make it home on Mother's Day morning? You would probably be quite tired, but you could do it all :)

Be safe.

Is there a way you could leave early and return early in the morning Sunday, or in the evening Saturday. Could you try and do both? I'm not sure how motorcycle trips work, and I don't know all the logistics of that. Just thought I'd suggest!

Can your wife find an activity for her and the kids to do without you during the morning/early afternoon? (Locally we have the Walk for the Cure that morning and I know several communities have various charity things planned.) Or something they could do to honor her mom's memory?

If it were my husband, I wouldn't have an issue and if he were going to see his mom, it really wouldn't bother me. And as long as he were going to spend the rest of the day with me and the kids once he got home, I think I'd be OK with him going.

Also, you sound like a thoughtful, industrious guy. Couldn't you come up with some thoughtful, sweet gestures/small gifts for her to find while you are away to assure her you are thinking of her, etc?

I think your wife sounds pretty awesome too. Make sure you spoil her!

My husband and I share the same day . It always lands on his birthday or on the same weekend. I have not read the posts and hope you post a what happen next to hear your decision. But I would be OK if my hubby had to do what he had to do for his birthday and dis mother's day. We have been married for 15 years and staying does not show he loves me less. I would be OK to spend the one time with my kids and one on one. I would enjoy a great meal with him upon his return.

I haven't read any of the answers, so I hope I don't repeat anything.

I know the trip can't be moved, but do you think you can leave earlier on Sunday (like early in the AM) so you're home earlier (say around 9am)? That way, you can have your trip, spend time with your mother on Mother's Day weekend, and still get home in enough time to spoil your wife and show her how much you appreciate her being the mother of your children.

If that's not possible, then I'm in the camp of "Then you don't go."

*hugs*

I'm soooo late to this.

The actual holiday is pretty blown up and I'm under the impression that this is not the only day you or the kids love your wife. I'm also pretty sure that your wife would give her right arm to spend the day with her mom. Go and spend the day with your parents and celebrate early!

Would it be possible to have Mother's Day the week prior or even the week after? Then you could do something really special with her and the kids and still do your bike trip?

Best wishes!

Little late here too but if there was a way that you could just go for the day on Saturday and be home all day with your wife on Sunday or come home really early on Sunday, that's what I would suggest. I'm sure that's been suggested all ready. Sorry if I'm repeating. But coming from someone who lost her mom going on 4 years now, I understand her pain. I wouldn't want my husband away either but I would want him to spend part of the time with his mom too. Time is precious and no one is promised tomorrow. See if there's a way you can split the time up evenly as much as possible.