Husband's Bad Gift Giving

Hi there -

The only way he will ever know is by you telling him. You can do it it a way he will understand. It would be like you buying him something you know he wouldn't really like.....ALL the time.

Open up the communication and he may even be glad you did.

Good luck

R.

A number of my friends and clients help their gift giving impaired husbands by giving their "wish lists" to a variety of direct market consultants like Jafra, Silpada, Cookie Lee, Southern Living, etc. depending on what they want for each special occasion. As a Jafra consultant, I contact Mr. Husband directly (at wife's request) and let him know what's on his wife's list and what the prices are. Mr. Husband tells me what appeals to his budget; I gift wrap everything and deliver to him. I know other consultants in a variety of other companies who do the same for their clients. Takes the stress off hubby and you get what you want. Fortunately for me, my husband has gotten pretty good at the gift giving thing...but then he's had 30 years as of this weekend to get it right (most of the time).

Unfortunatly some husbands just don't get it. I used to get upset at some of things he would give me, and think don't you even know me at all? But I know in his heart he meant well.

After 17 years of marraige, I've learned to adapt. Since my birthday is in Feb., we combine with Valentine's day and go away for a weekend. For Mother's day, I request services. For Christmas, I suggest a family gift or give lots of hints throughout the year.

You can try, something like, "I found this great xxxx, on Amazon, why don't you come take a look and let me know what you think" or "I have a few things that I'd like to order from Amazon, maybe next week if we have a little extra money, I'll place the order".

Good luck.

My husband gave great gifts when we were dating...then I married him. His gifts got lazy and he complained that he "just didn't know what to get me" (I, like you, had given him plenty of ideas).

Did your husband EVER give good gifts?? My DH responds poorly to ANYTHING that could be perceived as criticism. So what I finally did was talk about how GREAT this or that or the other gift was (that he had given me in the past). He's getting better...

If your hsuband has always been a poor gift giver, you probably need to talk to him directly about it. There may be no way to be gracious and still communicate this directly. I mean, I was gracious when my MIL gave me hangers for Christmas, but I probably would have had a quiet talk with hubby if he had done the same!

Some folks may see it as a petty, but gifts send a message (see hangers, above:). I believe that learning how to give good gifts is a skill we should instill in our children. It's a way of saying "I am paying attention" and "I appreciate unique things about you." It can be a pretty powerful thing.

no, it's not petty. i grew up watching my mom get the worst gifts ever from her husband (my step dad) and i hated it because i could see it made ehr feel unimportant and undervalued. my husband buys pretty good gifts, and really hits the mark a lot of the time. he has a good mom, and i really have to hand it to her, i think she helps him pick out stuff. she and i have a great relationship too, so i am able to tell her what i like and she passes it along. since this works for me, i wonder if there is someone in your life that can work as a go between. his sister, your sister, a friend that you both talk too...

i remember one year when i was 10, i BEGGED my step dad NOT to buy mom a vacuum for christmas. he did it. she hated it. so, don't use the kids, but if there is a friend, family, or in-law that you both talk with regularly, give them the hints. Otherwise, ask for the receipt when he gives you the gift, graciously explain that you are tired of orange, and you'd like to go shop for yourself! that should get the message across. oh, and for his birthday, consider buying him soap as well...maybe some old spice... turn about's fair play and all that..

Maybe you could ask him to have lunch, then take you shopping for your birthday. That way you could spend time together and then you could pick out what you want and let him proudly pay for it. My hubby is also hopeless at gift giving, (really? a car charger for my phone? for my birthday? was it on sale at RadioShack or something?), so he and I both know that if I really want something specific, either I email him the link for that item with "I WANT THIS ONE" in the subject line, or we physically go shopping together. Giving him a list doesn't work either because he'd still have to make a choice. It has to be "one" item I really want. And practically shove it in his face. There's just no other way. But I do love having lunch and shopping with him...it's fun and we both get what we want (me, my gift, and him, the love and appreciation I show him with my joy). And yes, I, too, have scented bath gifts cluttering up my bathroom, only mine are vanilla scented.

I know how you feel my husband got me the same type of thing for christmas and mentioned getting the same time when our anniversary came around. I tell him all the time things that I like or would like to have but I don't think it really sticks with him so when the time comes to buy gifts he's lost all over again. Maybe You should sit him down and both of you make a Wish list of your own with the things you would like to have and the approximate price of each item. That way it's something that benefits you both and won't hurt his feelings. Put them some where where you both know where they are and add to them often and then when the time comes around you/he can look at the list and choose what seems appropriate for each occasion on the list and get it. I haven't tried this because I just thought of it but I think I'm going to now heheh

Ooh man, be careful how you receive this gift. I once got flowers from my husband that I didn't accept very graciously, in part because I wasn't particularly a flower person back then and partly because I wasn't taught how to accept gifts graciously. I was nice about the flowers, I just didn't act very enthusiastic about them.

Well, suffice it to say I've just about never received flowers since, and my husband stopped wanting to give me gifts much at all.

So, on that note, ESPECIALLY since your husband is excited to give you this gift, and he even TOLD you he did a good job on your gift -- you need to act REALLY excited about the gift or you're going to hurt his feelings.

Then, when the time for your NEXT gift is nearing, tell your husband really sweetly that you LOVED the bath scents, but you would really LOVE something else this time, just to experience something different. Remember, he's excited to give you this gift. Don't crush that.

And remember, it's truly the thought that counts. You can buy yourself something you really like any time you want.

Nothing wrong w/ steering him in the right direction. When my husband and I were first going out one of the first gifts he suggested buying for me (and at least he checked first!!) was a universal remote...I looked at him like he had two heads. Slowly over the years he's gotten better at gift giving, with some gentle nudging in the right direction. Now, w/ no prompting at all he invariably will pick something I really like. It may take a while but just be thankful your husband isn't giving you a bowling ball or a rifle (my step m-i-l got that one year from my f-i-l who collects them)...that there is what my husband and I call a 'Homer' (after the Simpson's episode where Homer gives Marge a bowling ball w/ his name etched on it).
As long as he's not giving you 'Homers' (gifts more appropriate for himself than you), be grateful...he's at least getting you something in the girly vein...though like I said, nothing wrong w/ steering him in the right direction. Also nothing wrong w/ (gently) telling him that you currently have enough bath products.

Ha! It could be worse, I got a set of steak knives from my now ex-husband for Christmas one year. Steak knives are a consolation prize when you are on a game show and miss out on the washer/dryer set! I was sooooo mad! We had the talk when we were married about 50 times regarding gifts - some of the talks even led to tears on my part (some of the gifts were not only bad, they were hurtful - unintentionally, of course). Honestly, I just got to the point to where I would either pick something else myself and have him pay for it or go shopping with me.

One thing that did help a bit was I would have my mom call him about a week before the event and ask what he was getting me. Sometimes she could "steer him" in the right direction or at least stop him from getting me something really thoughtless. She did this in a very nice way and never made him feel bad about it at all.

Good luck!

that's my husband too.
i got pots and pans for christmas.
a box of chocolates for my b-day. a day 'off' for mothers day (but i still got to do laundry, cook, take care of kids yay).
so this is what i did for our anniversary. woke up, wished hubby happy anniversary. waited for about 10 min. nothing came my way, got online, and ordered a purse and sandals for myself. then got up and said happy anniversary to myself.
this is what i will do from now on.
give myself a gift.
i can't wait for mother's day. i will get creative and make myself happy
my husband is a darling.
he just sucks at gift giving.
so if there are a few things you really want, put them on shopping carts, wait for the day to roll around, then click ORDER.

I would learn to like orange! At least he's not buying you a blender or something. Think of it this way...he is buying something that is for your use only, not anyone else, and it is something for you to relax and pamper yourself. To me it shows he is thinking of you and how to make you feel special. Ok, so he's not picking up on the clues, but his head and heart are in the right place. Be thankful you have a loving husband and relax and enjoy the smell of oranges. Think of the thought behind the gift, not the gift itself. And don't crush his spirit. Keep dropping hints, I think that's OK. But remember it's his choice on what to buy...not yours.

You actually get gifts??

I know I know...you don't want another bath set. I have realized you can't use hints...they do NOT catch hints...even if they are not subtle.

You have to TELL them what you want...in my case I have to go buy it wrap it and then open it on the special occasion because he will not get me a card much less a gift.

I thought for Mother' s Day and our Anniversary I had it all wrapped up. I told him I wanted a silver heart bracelet (circled in the catalog and laid on his nightstand) for Mother's Day and an ipod for our anniversary. I got a box of donuts and he made me coffee for Mother's Day and I got a hose bib for our anniversary (yes, we needed one for the washing machine, but that is NOT an anniversary present).

I can't wait to read some of the responses, cause my hubby can use some help too. BIG TIME!!

develop a "sensitivity" to it.

Actually I don't think it's petty, but in general and as a matter of financial smarts, my husband and I don't get each other gifts unless there is something that we would get anyways. Like for example, for his birthday one year I got him Adobe Photoshop, but he was going to get it for himself anyways if I didn't. This year for my birthday in August he's getting me an Amazon Kindle because I'm a total bookworm and I really want one and would probably get it for myself eventually anyways. We always discuss these things with each other and know months in advance what's going down for birthdays and anniversary. This year for our anniversary we got away for the weekend to Virginia Beach without the kids and saw a show that we'd had tickets to for almost a year. No gifts, just spending time together. When we do give gifts we always discuss it first and set a price limit and like I said, most often we already have something picked out.

Anyways, my point is, maybe you two could agree to do the same thing but you're going to have to talk to him about it. I advise you to approach it from a financial standpoint with hard evidence to back you up. Men respond better to that than to an emotional appeal.

Maybe I am not a very nice wife!! My husband has got me things in the past that I just hate. A couple of years ago he got me a yellow gold ring with a red ruby. He loved it! I hated it. I don't wear yellow gold (never have in the 10 years he has known me) and I don't like red stones (he has never seen me wear one!). I took it back.
He knows when he gets me a gift to keep the receipt so that I have the option of taking anything he gets me back. I also keep his receipts, but he has never had to take anything back that I get him! Maybe it's because I actually pay attention when he says he really likes something.
It may hurt his feelings in the beginning. It's like I tried to explain to my husband a thousand times....the gift is for ME...something I will like...not something YOU like for ME!
L.
(just thought I would add...we are not well to do at all. So if my husband is going to spend money on something that I do NOT like, it is wasted money, and we can't afford to do that!)

Hi M.,
I don't think you are being petty. I think gifts should be hearfelt and special. They don't have to be expensive, but something from the heart.
I am blessed to have a husband who listens to me (most of the time, he-he) and gives gifts that I like and/or heard me mention.
I think you should just tell your husband what you want and go from there.
Maybe he's clueless on gift giving and needs some guidance.

I think you just have to tell him. After 16 years of marriage I often buy myself my own gifts, wrap them up and say thank you dear! It seems totally unromantic, but when married to an engineer who often forgets his own name, this works for us. (and I always get something I will like). : ) I don't think you are being petty, it is nice to be remembered, and also nice to have someone pick out a gift that has thought behind it - especially when it comes to your husband who is supposed to know you the best. But not all people are creative gift givers - and sometimes (like my husband for example) do not get the hinting thing at all! You may have to print out a list, hand it too him and say here's somethings I would just love for my birthday/ our anniversary! : ) Good luck and happy anniversary too!

Ah.... Husbands.
They just are not wired that way....
But your Husband is so 'proud' of his gift! I know its irritating.... but gee, at least he went and actually bought something.

My Husband is like that too. Or he'll ask my daughter what Mommy would like.... since she knows better than him and has better ideas.
My Husband, tends to like to by undies from Victoria's Secret... .that's fine. But I know it is more a gift for 'him' and what he wants... than me. I have too much underwear as it is. But in his mind, its for 'me.' But then I have to wear it... even if its not my 'style'... and show him and then wink/wink. Uh.
I told him I rather even have a gift card from Long's, than MORE underwear. But that I know he enjoys it.

Maybe just give your Husband an actual "list" of things you want. A 'gift idea list'.... for throughout the year, and he can choose from that.
Some men, work/think better if SEEING a list... because they don't actually 'listen' very well nor even remember what we say. LOL
My Husband actually told me once.... that after a few minutes, he 'forgets' what I said.

anyway, I am sure many women have that 'problem.' LOL

all the best, I would make him a 'list.' On a piece of paper. I don't think a guy will actually go online to look at a list. It has to be IN their hands, a paper list.... and then tape it up on the wall.

good luck,
Susan

I agree with you...this is a petty problem. Maybe there is someone you could donate the bath products to when you get them. There are lots of women's shelters that accept donations. That way you could look forward to bringing joy to someone else instead of feeling upset at your husband. Or you could also tell him that instead of receiving a gift, you would like him to make a donation to a women's shelter in your name. Then use your own money to get something you really want.

He's your husband. Be honest with him. If his feelings get hurt you can just have makeup sex and he'll forget all about the hurt and be more amiable to your needs. Lol! One year after my husband and I first got married I was feeling a little low and he was about to go out and pick up a game he pre-ordered from a shop in the mall. I called out to him to bring me back a surprise and got all worked up and excited in anticipation of what he'd bring home for me.

Guess what I got. A page of Simpsons refrigerator magnates. And here I'd been dreaming of chocolate covered strawberries or a new book. Tell him that you appreciate his effort but you'd be happier if you knew you were going to get a gift from your amazon wish list. You will still have the anticipatory excitement because you won't know WHAT you're getting, but you also know you won't be disappointed. Tell him that.

Save yourself from getting surprise refrigerator magnates sometime down the line. D= Honesty is always the best policy or you'll be forever dissatisfied.

You should tell him in normal conversation that the bath stuff you have been using irritates your skin...lol.

Maybe he'll get the hint and get you something else.

My husband and I have a strict NO-gift policy. We feel that when there is a need for something, we just go out and buy it, so why should we go spend extra money on stuff we really don't need.

He will simply get a card or something for the house, (coasters, picture frame, etc) knowing that these are the things I want in the house.
He also knows I am very picky about bath stuff and or perfume...and allows me to pick my own stuff out, which actually excites me even more, because I know if I see something out somewhere, I can just use it as my "gift item".

Good luck

I'm in the same boat as your husband - I'm just not a good gift giver. I have no idea what to do for my husband for Father's Day even though he's doing a lot for me for my birthday this weekend.

So, we've simply come to the conclusion that he has to provide me a list of "suggestions" as a basis so I know what kinds of things interest him. I've simply goofed too many times in the past and gotten gifts that weren't preferred. He usually e-mails it to me so I can reference back and not have any issues with paying attention, forgetting, etc.

Unfortunately, my husband likes $$$$ items, and he's just going to have to deal with keeping those in his fantasies for now, but even ideas of books he'd like to read, games he'd like to play, cool gadgets, etc really help me stay on a good track.

This year, he got me a hair dryer (professional grade) because it's what I asked for. I'm sure there will be other small gifts. I'm practical. 4 years ago, I got our first child's birth the day before mine, so I don't know how he'll top it. Two years ago today, I got a cancer diagnosis just in time for my birthday, and it really changed my opinion on the day and what it meant, so for me, the simple fact of being able to see another birthday is gift alone.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be crushed if he didn't do anything, but it's just through a different set of eyes now.

Happy Birthday! I hope he surprises you and blows you away with his choices.

I totally get what you are saying - i am often frustrated at my husband's choice of gifts for me ... a can opener? really? but what i do see from my husband and it seems like yours too - is their excitement to give a gift that they actually think you will like. It is sweet, it is cute. He sees you using that orange stuff - thinks "hey, she really likes it! I better get her more before it runs out!". And that is the male version of being thoughtful.
I did have a gentle, delicate talk with my husband about the gifts, and I encourage you to do the same , but my point is , try to not take it personally, he probably thinks he is got this gift thing covered :)

ps. I started the conversation with "do you like when I buy off your list or when i come up with my own ideas that i think you like?" and that eventually led to how I was feeling... best of luck!

Hi M. - happy birthday next week! :) I agree with just doing away with exchanging gifts. Exchange cards (it's true, this can turn into a really fun & funny exchange!) Do a date night (or day) out together -- even if it's not on the actual day. If it's your day, you pick the outing/restaurant/movie and he picks on his days. For Christmas you could both decide together. It could even be a "free" type thing like a hike, walk on the beach etc. You'll get time together and money spent on something you enjoy! My husband and I don't exchange anniversary gifts but made a promise to travel for our anniversary instead... even if it's just one night someplace a couple hours drive away. It's way more fun than gifts!

I also like the idea of donating the gift as a way of giving him the hint that you don't want it.

Awe I know how you feel, my husband doesn't do very well with gift giving either. I didn't get anything for my birthday he just took me out to eat and that was it. We do that all the time anyway. But on my birthday I was 5 1/2 months pregnant with our son, so I was moody. Our anniversary was in Feb and I didn't get anything, Mother's day all I got was a happy mother's day on Facebook. He promises me things like getting a professional massage or a gift but never backs it up. I was going to get him an Xbox 360 for father's day but not anymore. It seems to me he always has money to buy himself things but not me. Get this when I was pregnant I wasn't allowed to buy any thing. I got one set of maternity clothes because he said I was gonna be home anyway wearing PJ's and his clothes. I was so mad and I still am. My son is 2 months.
But tell you husband thank you buy that you don't want those kinds of things that you want him to take your advice since you know what you want. To me those gift sets are a way to say, "I bought you something now shut up and go away, or hey I think you smell so here is some scented soaps and bath beeds." that's just me though. Don't beat around the bush just come out with it but be nice. I told my husband I hated the chain that went to my necklace he bought me before going to Afghanistan. Good luck and I hope you anniversary is better.

M., since you already know how childish and petty this is I won't go there. But you should be grateful that he is still here to give you a gift. When my husband died after many years of marriage and5 children-- everyone knew he loved to bring me flowers from Costco, pink roses or have them sent to me by La' Melody Florist. When he died La'Melody had roses deliverd in his name with a card saying he was busy but was thinking of me. I still have the bows and dried flowers.
I just want you to understand that guys don't all think the same way we do and if you want something special then go get it yourself and tell him what he did for you instead of creating a world of havoc for your family. And kiss him profussly saying Thanks Sweetheart I know you'd have done it had you had the time to. Just an added thought-- my husband was Air Force during Viet Nam, once when he was going to be deployed for a year he suddenly left the house all emotional- so ?i figured it was getting to him to be seperated from his wife and children-once again for a year-- what doe he come home with a box all wrapped up I opened it expecting something tender and it was -------- AN IRON!! I screamed! he said he wanted to be part of what I was doing when I was ironing things. So maybe your husband wants to wash your back??

Since you've explained that you have clearly set before him exactly what you would like, perhaps he just doesn't get what gift giving is all about. It appears to me that your feelings are hurt because he does not seem to grok how to acknowledge you with a gift.

I suggest that you sit down with him and (while not criticizing any particular gift) explain to your hubby that (a) we give gifts to acknowledge or commemorate occasions or people; (b) the closer the giver is to the receiver, the more personally appropriate the gift should be; and (c) figuring out what is personally appropriate is detective work. Challenge him to develop his inner Sherlock Holmes. Explain that the payoff for his devoting time and energy sleuthing your preferences is in a deepened closeness between you, and far less stress for him in the long run.

My husband is the engineer type (as am I), so I explained this all to him and threw down the gauntlet, challenging him to do better (he had given me lingerie two sizes too small for a figure I don't have in a color I can't wear). He rose to the challenge (most men love a challenge if you present it as such) and has steadily improved ever since then. Perhaps this will help you avoid orange overload!

Tell him outright.Be very kind.Show him at lest four or five things you really want & ask him to pick three out of these things.I believe he will be relieved at having to please you on his on.I've been married fifty one years & it works for me everytime!

I don't think it's petty. I know how you feel. I got a trash can for Christmas one year because I complained about our old one! What I would do is next time he mentions how excited he is about he got you I would say something to the effect of "I can't wait to see what item off my wish list you bought me!". If he doesn't catch the hint and go get you something else, then I would just be honest with him. Tell him that you appreciate that he got you a gift, but that you would appreciate it more if he actually got you something you wanted and asked for. If your not in to being blunt, then you could try giving him a taste of his own medicine...buy him a shaving gift basket for father's day! Maybe he'll get the hint then.

At the next opportunity when it comes up, you might say, "Well, darlin' I hope you didn't get me another orange bath gift set. I haven't used up the last one. Guess it's not really my thing. I was hoping you'd been listening to my little hints or seen my Amazon wish list for ideas that would have a big meaning to me. Please baby, know that the thoughtfulness in your gifts to me does mean quite a lot to me.

LOL Dear Lord men never get it don't they? Do you think maybe he is trying to pull a joke and has the real gift hidden somewhere else?
If he really did buy you the same present again, just tell him you would really like to get "x" as a present this year or you would really l;ike to get something from your list this year. Maybe this gives him the hint to return the bath gift set and buy you something else.

Also my hubby likes to go gift shopping with me (only for my birthday he hates the mall otherwise), can you guys do that and use it as a date too? maybe go to the mall choose something you really like and have fun together. Of course this kinda ruins the surprise but you get what you like; we did this last year and it worked out great.

my husband once gave me in line skates (I'm terrified of skating) but he got ones for himself at the sports store and thought I'd love a pair too...men can be so silly but I still love him lots!
Good luck!

What do you get him? Well if it always the same thing , maybe he trying to say something. Did you go all out for excitement with the Christmas gift? Maybe, he wanted to repeat that experience. Not know him or you, I can only give you this advice: be graceful. If this is an all the holiday experience you might have to resign yourself to your gift and go out and get yourself something nice to compensate. If this just started happening, stop it in its tracks. Good Luck!

Your birthday is next week? He still has time to take the bath set back and exchange it for something you really want -- or at least something different. The minute he gets home from work tonight, make a comment to him about how you are looking forward to taking a bath tonight and how luck you are that you have enough of the orange scented bath product to last you for another year, " . . . and, you know Honey, I was at Macy's the other day and I saw this [fill in the blank] that I really, really wanted to buy but I decided to hold off on it for just a little while longer because I know my birthday is just around the corner." Make sure you have your husband's complete attention when you say this to him and, if he doesn't get what you are try to tell him this time, then you are going to have to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about only buying presents off of your Amazon wish list from now on.

Hope this works. Have a wonderful birthday.

I once left out, circled with an arrow, a picture of the locket that I wanted. It did take the surprise out of the gift, but it helped.

Otherwise, I got nothin.' And I hope that people don't pick on you for posting this; I think it's a reasonable thing to seek advice about.

Oh! Some of these answers had my laughing hysterically (sex toys in your Christmas stocking??? LOL!) I do agree, you should address the issue with him. May just say "I was thinking I'd like something DIFFERENT for my birthday this year". Then tell him what you want...don't even have to address the orange bath set! : )
Some of our good friends don't exchange gifts for birthdays (although....I admit...that would be a little sad to me!) but their gift is that they each can buy themselves one "frivolous" gift a year for themselves instead....whatever they want! Last year the wife bought some outrageous shoes for her "birthday present" during the summer, and her birthday is in December. She proudly tells people they were her birthday present from her husband! I believe her husband bought some golf clubs (go figure! Lol!).

Gift giving stresses my husband out to no end. A good portion of wonderful men just aren't good gift givers. Is he thoughtful in other ways? If so, and if he's good to you, I would just let it go. If you get another orange bath set, I would say a nice thank you, give a quick hug and kiss, and that's it. You shouldn't be overly gushing about something you aren't thrilled about. Overdo your thanking, and you may be getting orange bath sets for the next 10 years because while your taking care of his feelings, he really believes you love that orange bath set. I'd put it in the closet, and then go buy yourself what you really wanted. Look forward to a nice evening out with him or whatever it is you enjoy doing together instead of fixating on his "gift"

maybe you could tell him that they give you the "womanly infections" that so many women really do get from those products and that as much as you like them, you really can't use them very often because of that and that because of that you would like him to get you something else? I don't know - I hate to lie, but if you are trying to spare his feelings then maybe that is the best way to handle it. I would just give him an actual list of the things that I want next time instead of just telling him. Write it down, and write down where he could find it. Is it possible that he bought both bath sets at the same time and just saved one for your birthday? I dont' know - just seems kind of strange to me that he would get you that. I could understand why you feel that way. That is kind of a gift that you get for someone that you dont' know very well, or as a shower present for the games or something. It is kind of generic in my opinion. Not trying to fan the flames, but I can totally understand where you are coming from there. Good luck ~

Honestly, I would just give up on gift exchanging. It sounds like it's just upsetting to you and possibly upsetting to your husband. My husband and I don't exchange gifts anymore. We buy what we want for "gift giving" occasions and oh my goodness, does it take the pressure off. We're both totally happy and I do not need to get a surprise gift to know my husband loves me. I know that's not the perfect solution for other people because a lot of people put a lot of emphasis on gift giving, but we couldn't be happier.

return the soap stuff - get what you want and then show your hubby what you exchanged his gift for.
Maybe he likes the way you smell with the orange stuff...
If his feelings are hurt expalin to him that it hurts your feelings that he is so lazy about shopping for you.
My hubby does something similar - he buys me ugly jewelry that is the price he wants to spend so that I have to exchange it myself. He spends maybe 2 minutes in a cheezy mall jeweler shopping for me and then heads off to Starbucks.
Men are clueless, seriously.

I completely understand. Don't worry about this being petty because you don't really want him to be spending money on things you won't use. That's a waste of money. And I am currently on the quest to de-clutter my home. Okay if he hasn't taken to your not so subtle gift suggestions and/or Amazon wish list (I was going to suggest both of these) then I am thinking you might just have to nicely tell him that you are all stocked up on the orange scented lotion. However, I would do this after your upcoming birthday. Be sure that's what he is getting you. Also, don't say it right after he gives it to you. And here's the rub: I wouldn't say much at all. I wouldn't crush or hurt his feelings. He thinks he is doing something good. And, unfortunately, his doing this is better than nothing at all. Meaning it's better not to hurt his feelings immensely and put it down as taking one for the team or putting your marriage first. I know it sucks but if he won't take to a nice conversation about it POST birthday then I would let it go. And I would buy yourself something you really want. Some people just aren't good gift givers and men are usually the culprits. At least, he's trying. ;)

Guys can be so dense sometimes! My husband, who is normally the most thoughtful person, once gave me a bread making machine for my birthday. He knows I don't like to cook and we have a very small kitchen with not much counter space. I looked at it and said, "You got me a KITCHEN APPLIANCE for my birthday?" He looked at me all sad, and then I started to laugh. We laughed our heads off and now every year before my birthday I tell him a few things I want and tell him it is insurance that I won't get any more kitchen appliances. We have laughed about this for over 10 years now. You might try humor. And since you know what he is planning, you can start your joking around now. I don't know...if you still end up with the orange-scented bath set you could re-gift it to somebody else and go buy yourself something you like better. Or, just set up an orange-scented shrine in your bathroom by piling the new stuff on top of the old stuff so he sees how silly it is to give you what you already have! I know you love your husband, but tease him about it. He deserves that!

I totally understand. One year, my husband printed out coupons for things he would do, like "watch the kids for an afternoon" and "make dinner." Uh, hello, how about just doing those things, since I do them all the time anyway? That's not a gift, it's just doing what you're supposed to do. The worst part was that he printed these coupons out the night before, so I know it was last-minute.

Things have improved since then. What really helped was emailing him my birthday list. Also, talk about what you want A LOT. Like, "Wow, I really would like a new necklace to go with that new blue shirt. Maybe I'll just go buy it ... no, it's on my list, so I'll wait and see if anyone gets it for me." or "I don't know if you've chosen something from my birthday list yet, but that shirt I want is on sale at Macy's right now ... Hint, hint (with a big smile on your face)."

Good luck! Know you're not alone. My MIL gets Vitabath from my FIL every year because one year she said she liked it. Now, she gets a massive container of it for her birthday.

Hi M.-
It's really not as petty as it sounds and I will tell you why. Languages of love. If you read the book, the 5 love languages, you would most definately fall into the gifts category. My husband is a gifts as well. He gives the way he wants to receive. He over does it and kills my specific, OCD regimented budget. But he does it with so much love and joy that not accepting it would crush him and tell him I don't love him. Now for me, I am an acts of service person. This means that my trash is taken out, the kitty litter box is scooped daily, the clothes are picked up from the floor, the laundry is helped with, etc. These things speak Love to me. My husband is NOT an acts of service person and I am not a gifts person...so let's just say that my gifts sucked for a while there.
The key is learning the other persons language. You may be in this on your own for a while, but the other person will come along eventually. You and your husband should read this book together. It's very short. I repeat VERY SHORT. But action packed. Then, accept his gift to you with grace and tell him you love him. Maybe slip in the comment that you will be bath fizzing and bubbling for years to come after Christmas and birthday. AFTER your birthday, (has his come yet?) ask him to draw up a list of things he would like to have- tools for around the house, a gift certificate to golf, movies, eat out/date night, clothes/shopping spree (limit the price tag to $100 or so), etc. If there is something that he has been jonesing for, then get him cash towards it with a small gift attached. Why? Because you give the way you want to receive. Then, make, print, and magnet to the fridge the items that are on your wish list for 2010-2011. If it changes, print a new one and add to it. If something goes by the wayside, cross it off the list. When your birthday comes up next year, or for Christmas this year, tell him that you would really like something off of that list.
Okay, so after all my rambling the point is this- he may think you are telling him he does not know how to shop when the reality of the matter is that he is just not a good gift giver because it is not his language. Don't get me wrong, all people love presents, but not all people see them with the same importance. Get the book. Read the book together, religious or not, and realize that these languages are the heart of your relationship. If you moved to France and did not speak French, how hard would life be? You love the beauty of the country, the food, the people- but you can't communicate with them successfully, so you keep handing them bath bubbly gift sets- they think you are an idiot, but you think you are doing something nice and trying to bridge the gap......think about it.
It's not petty- it's miscommunication. And if the two of you, even as second languages, can learn to speak to one another in each other's language, imagine the possibilities.
Hope this helps
-E. M
P.S. The book...buy it for yourself as an early birthday present. You won't regret it.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/books/

You have to tell him, but tell him gently. If not, you will receive an Orange Scented bath gift set forever!!LOL!! My guy would buy these hideous costume jewelry earrings and I would tell him they were lovely, (but they weren't ) and he would ask me why I didn't wear them and I would say, "waiting for that special occassion" but he never caught on and finally I had to tell him, for fear of having an "ugly, hideous" collection soon! He was a littl hurt but it really helped him to try to get to know me better.

LOL> I dont know sorry, I think that is great that you have a wish list as I do too, but my husband sticks to it thankfully. you are not alone though really, and it is not petty we all want to be given nice things...thoughtful things. I hate that I have to tell him what to get me, I wish he could just figure it out on his own, I mean he knows me he should be more thoughtful.
dont feel too bad though I have a mom's group online and someone posted something similar to this and one mom said that for christmas, after she had just given birth about one mth. ago mind you, all she got was a stocking full of sex toys!! yeah you read that right LOL. what was he thinking?

did he get a deal on the orange scented gift and bought a dozen? or Does he work for the company that manufactures it? Just kidding...Plainly, tell him to go next time to your wish list on Amazon to make you happier with the next present. Another options is to have a gift receipt in case you want to exchange the present for a different scent, color, design and so forth. You know, we, women are such "undecided" little beings!

Wow, sweetie, some men are just AWFUL at buying gifts for women they love! I know this because I spent years as a child and as an adult going Christmas or birthday shopping for my mom with my dad and saying doubtfully " Um, I don't know dad. I don't really think mom needs/wants a new oven mitt, a budgie bird, a pair of pink feathered bedroom slippers, etc; LOL, Dad's heart was in the right place- but his skill at gift giving, not so much.

So my first advice- do you have a child old enough to recruit? If so, prime the child with what you REALLY want and instruct them to tell Dad privately.I know that sounds underhanded, but it really worked out well in our household! I felt important, mom got what she wanted, and dad was secretly relieved that he had gotten 'the right' thing! Even now as an adult, I still call my dad up with hints for gifts for mom!

If that isn't an option, hints won't work. Sorry, but just bite the bullet and say 'Honey, I love that bubble bath you got me for Christmas, but I still have some. I honestly just want something different for my birthday."

For some reason, it seems to me that a lot of men feel like if they find one successful gift, it means the process is done! Bubble bath is the gift forever! Lol, or a new bathrobe, etc. Your hubby means well, but he's in a rut. It *is* petty, but these little things are what can start big pointless arguments, so you are not wrong for admitting how you feel and trying to head off bad feelings before they happen!
Good luck- just keep being direct.

Do you have a male friend with whom your husband relates well and that you could get to casually bring up the subject? Perhaps the friend could 'innocently' ask "what are you giving M. for her birthday?" When your husband answers, he might say "I thought that was what you gave her for Christmas?" And then let it lead into a discussion sort of like this... " I find that women like a bit of variety. My wife gives me suggestions and has a wish list on ( maybe mention another company that does wish lists so it doesn't come off as a 'set up' by using Amazon) and I check that for ideas". Of course this friend has to be someone you can trust to do this sort of thing without him being too judgemental of your hubby, and that he will keep the confidence with you and not let on that he is doing this at your request.
I am a bit curious as to why you said the bath gift set seemed more like something you'd expect from a sister, or other relative. It seemed an appropriate enough gift from a husband to me, as long as it was something you liked. I think you had set your expectation on something else and that's what had you disappointed. I've found over the years that when I don't dwell on any particular gift or gifts that I'd like to have, whatever my hubby gives me becomes a nice surprise. If there's something I really, really am wanting, I may secretly hope for it, or I may give him huge hints... or out and out tell him that's what I'd like (though for me that makes the excitement of actually getting it as a gift a bit less). If I don't get it for whatever occasion, I simply figure out a way to go and buy it for myself later.
One more thing... spend more time getting excited over finding the exactly perfect gifts for your hubby on his special occasions that you do on thinking about what he is getting for you. Even train yourself to expect nothing at all from him. Then whatever he gives you will be a good surprise whether it is your most desired gift or not.

My realization that my husband was a terrible gift giver coincided with his losing his job while I was still in school full-time fifteen years ago. So, I took care of both problems by telling him that we didn't need to give gifts to each other any more. The last thing we needed was for him to spend money we didn't have on a gift I didn't want. I suggested a very sweet card instead, and even though we are comfortable now, we still give cards to each other every gift-giving occasion. We try to outdo each other with funny or romantic cards. Sometimes we even go to the store together and make a big production of making sure the other person doesn't see what we're picking out, and we end up laughing and having a great time. Silly, but great. If there is something I really want or need now, I simply buy it for myself, and then thank him profusely for it! He thinks it's funny, and in the end is just happy that I am happy with my "gift." Making him go out and buy something you told him to buy is just going to make your husband resentful and take the fun out of the occasion for him.

When you open it, say wow thanks. I like this but still have plenty from before and this stuff actually goes off if not used within X amt. of time or this is nice but for summer I really like a different scent, etc.

Then I would say something along the lines of - thank you for being so thoughtful. How would you feel if I returned it for something else? Then whatever you return it for tell him how much you love it.

I hear ya. My hubby is a bad gift giver too. For our anniversary I got a solitary carnation! Christmas last year, I got a pair of boy shorts and a cami from Victoria's Secret. So...obviously he is not spending a lot of time deciding what to get me. This annoys me of course. I do put thought into his gifts and spend quite a bit more money on them. Your husband is obviously the same type of gift giver as my husband. I think some men just lack that ability. Sure I could tell him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I try to lead by example by giving him thoughful gifts, but that hasn't worked yet. So...I have just decided to accept it. It's who he is. He was a bad gift giver before we even got married. So I figure I accepted the ring (which he did do REALLY well with!!) and chose to marry him. It's who he is. If I want something bad enough--I will just go buy it for myself! Good luck with YOUR hubby!! I say go into your birthday expecting a really horrible gift (as usual) and then if he DID do really well, then that will just make it all the more of a pleasant surprise. ;)

Are you sure he's not pulling one over on you?! Maybe the bath set is a decoy and he's got a really good gift hiding somewhere!

Okay, we can dream. I totally understand where you are coming from. It may be time to switch from "what I want" to "DO NOT GET ME ..."

If it is bath products again, thank him, return them and get yourself something that you want. Happy Birthday!