How to Help a Friend Through a Miscarriage

Treat it just like the loss of any other family member. You can send a card, provide a dinner, give a little plant she can plant "in memory of". My SIL sent me a special bracelet that I appreciated after my miscarriage. I would say in general advice and words are not what the friends wants to hear - just know that they have someone to talk to if she wants.

K.,
You're a great friend! Having been through 3 miscarriages, the advice you received from the first person that responded was right on (Eileen). The only thing I would add is not to give her advice, especially don't tell her that she can just try again. The baby she lost was special & can not be replaced. Just listen to her and offer to help with anything you can.
I named all my babies I lost & that helped the grieving process become more real.
Blessings,
S.

Every person handles misscarriage different. Just be there for her and listen when she wants to talk. I have had 4 miscarriages over the course of the years but I also have 2 kids. I preferred to be alone and shen I was ready to talk my friends were there. No pressure to talk until I was ready.

Firts I am sorry for your friend's loss Secondly what did her doctor said? The explanation satisfy her? 26 years ago, more or less, one of my closet friends had two miscarragies one after the other. She was going to try to get pregnant again for the 3rd time when I suggested that she should change doctros and she did. She a tumor that will not let carry full term. They operate her and then Ruth was born. How the first doctor miss the tumor I do not know. Sometimes a second opinion is recomended

I have been through the same thing twice and felt like people didn't understand my loss since it was so early in the pregnancy. Some people acted like I shouldn't be upset because it wasn't really a baby yet. I was told that it happened for a reason and there was probably something wrong with the baby. While that was probably true it was NOT helpful. I would recommend being a good listener and being sympathetic to your friend's loss. Maybe tell her about some of the experiences other people had on here; having babies after a miscarriage. (I had a healthy baby after 2)

K., you are a good friend to want to support her in this hard time. I can speak as a mom who has lost 3 babies through miscarriage and share with you what I would have loved to have heard from friends. It is so sad, depressing, and devastating to lose a baby. I went through a good month of mourning and was actually depressed. I would have loved for someone to bring us a meal. I didn't feel like getting out of bed but had 2 other little ones to care for. A meal would've been so welcome and helpful. I would've love friends to just say they didn't know what to say but they were sorry and sad for us and ask what they could do. I would have loved someone to offer to take my kids for a day (or a few hours) to give me a break, time to cry or process. Okay, hope that is helpful. Again, you are such a sweet friend to her to be asking this question.

Dearly,
G.

Let me give a bit of my history (briefly) before my advice. It took 3yrs and fertility treatment to have my 1st daughter, who is now 2.5 yrs. Then in May 08, at 9 weeks, I miscarried a pregnancy that took no outside assistance. Then, 3 months later, I was able to conceive again and have just delivered my 2nd daughter. I give you this information, to say I understand where your friend is coming from. When I miscarried, I knew it was God saying "you can do this on your own". People would say "well, now you know you can get pregnant". That was my outlook though - so to hear it was ok. But you have to gage your friends outlook and attitude. I would suggest just being there. Don't try to be the expert, just be her friend. She may actually appreciate doing something that is not baby focussed. Not to exclude your baby, but to not sit and dwell on her loss. Unless she asks you to sit and talk about it. Feel free to ask her what she needs - and let her know that whatever it is that you are there. Its obvious that you are a good friend because you are seeking advice! Good luck!

Hi K.,

The ladies here have given you some great advice. I miscarried twins 9 years ago and still tear up every once in a while. Each and every child is special. I know life begins at conception and this was the loss of two dear souls, two children, that I never got to know. I do believe God knows best but that doesn't mean that there is an absence of pain. Be there for your friend. Don't worry about knowing what to say. "I'm sorry," I'm here for you," and If you ever want to talk, I'll listen" is quite sufficient.

Regards,

M.

Hi K.,
I have been through the same lose as your friend only my pregancy was 24 weeks along and my baby girls heart stopped beating and never knew exactly why. Anyway, that was 10 years ago now. My advice is just being there for her and talking with her about her feelings if she wants to talk about it, and there may be times that she won't. I know for me it was very difficult being around a friend that just had a baby,or seeing other pregnant women and she may experience those feelings with you since you had a healthy, successful pregnancy. The one thing you can reassure her of is that she does have a child and she knows she can have a healthy baby, that her body IS capable of carrying a baby, so that's good. I had a 3 year old son when I lost my daughter and I was so thankful that I did have him. I hope your friend can get pregnant again, I hope she doesn't give up. I went on to have a healthy pregnancy again and had a daughter, she is now 8 years old. Just stay in touch with her and let her know you care!

Your friend is lucky to have someone thoughtful and considerate as you.
I recently lost my baby 1 month ago. I was a little over 6 weeks pregnant.
I'll tell you this, its one of the worst things that I've ever been through. It still hurts to this day, and while you may physically recover from it, emotionally, its something that you will carry with you for the rest of your life.
The only advice that I can think of, is just be there for her. Go over, offer to watch her child, do laundry, whatever, because you really dont feel like doing anything except to sit in a dark corner and cry.
This will also give her sometime to heal. Or, just hold her and let her cry it out. I found that one to be extremely helpful.
My mom told me this, that God took care of something that he knew that I wasn't going to be able to handle. That there was something wrong with the baby.
Her little angel got her wings early, and that he or she will be watching over her.
I am truly sorry for your friend's loss. It sucks.
God bless people like you in this world.

So thoughtful of you to ask the best way to help!

I have been on both sides of this, so I understand. First, don't pretend it didn't happen. Express sympathy and tell her you're there for her. Offer specifics (bringing over dinner, running an errand, e.g.) to help. Don't tell her she can have another, or it was meant to be, or God knows best. She knows that and someday those things will be easier to talk about, but right now she just wants her baby back.

You might suggest a miscarriage support site (through babycenter or parenting.com). I have met some dear ladies that way and even made a wonderful friend who named her rainbow baby (the baby after a miscarriage) after me!

She's lucky to have such a caring friend.