How to Handle Being Excluded

Ask them if you can join! Maybe they think you don't like sports or that you don't do a lot of socializing since you were always at work before.

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If you really want to be included, don't hint. Ask!

People are creatures of habit. I would guess they didn't ask a while back because your schedule didn't allow it. They just got used to it and probably just didn't think to invite you now that you can go.

Just ask and don't hint.

Hope you have a nice time. Good luck to you and yours.

There could be a number of reasons this is happening. One is that they're being clique-ish. You know that can happen! Another is that you were out of the loop for activities when they first started having fun together and they're sort of forgotten that you don't have to be out of the loop now. That happens, too, especially to quieter people.

If you'd like to be included in their other activities, why not say so and see what happens? Next time you go to the book club and they talk about their fantasy football parties, ask questions. Show that you're curious and interested. Then talk to the woman you feel closest to, and don't get all high-school-ish about it; just say, "I wish I could do those things with you all because you're so much fun to be with." Then see how she responds. Wait a little (a week or two), and see if you're invited.

If you are, then you can do these things and see if you like them as much as you think you will.

If you're not invited, must you drop them entirely as friends? Can they be your Book Club Friends? What other interests do you have besides books? Be adventurous. Get involved in one of those - by yourself - and see what happens. Friends find one another through shared activities and interests. I imagine you have some friends out there you don't know about yet.

Well, do you want to be a part of the Fantasy Football group? Why not just tell them so? Sometimes people just forget. I know you are thinking in your head that all 20 couples were personally invited to join the group, but that's most likely not the case. Speak up, and you may be surprised.

Hmmm, you should absolutely be included and invited to things if these women are your friends! When you were working, it sounds like you missed the bonding that took place in this group. If you're a patient and tolerant person, you could try harder to get in with them or have a get together at YOUR house. Provide some cheese/crackers, etc. and ask everyone to bring a bottle of wine and call it a wine tasting party. They have plastic wine glasses at party stores for cheap. If it's important to you, make an effort before you throw in the towel...I mean you have to see these hags on a regular basis. Might as well put in a "good foot" before you give them the boot! Don't take it personal, women can really suck that way...it's unfortunately how ALOT of SAHM are, not all of course :)

Sounds like a bunch of catty bitches who never got past middle school. So rude to talk of other activities that you are not part of in front of you. As much as it sucks I would move on. You don't need to feel crappy around your "friends".

One of my friends husbands took a new job a few years ago and the moved to Montana. She is a friendly sort who always has activities at her house and was always doing for others. She talked to me one time about her experiences during the women's monthly meeting at church.

She told me everyone was standing around visiting in small groups and she thought she would join in and start making new friends....was she wrong!

She said she would go up to a group and move in to where she was physically part of the group. She would listen to the conversation for a few minutes then if she had a comment she'd make a comment. They would look at her like she sprouted horns or something. They would quickly disband, go walk around the room for a few minutes and eventually end up with the same group but in a different part of the cultural hall. She would go to a different group and the same thing would happen. Over and over , month after month. She joined the choir, she taught primary, did everything she could to be accepted and become friends with her peers.

She finally decided she had had enough. She got a copy of the church membership roster and started calling the non active members in her area. They all said the same thing. They had been active in previous areas but once they moved to this large town in MT they could not make friends. She started having weekly groups in her home for scrapbooking, found out that everyone in that group liked to do stamping, she didn't know how so she started a group that did stamping, etc...she had people in her home nearly every day.

Finally they had enough families that had started attending church again that the church split and they now have 2 meetings on Sundays, one for the part of town she and her friends live in and the other meeting is for the other side of town. They didn't choose which meeting to go to, it was assigned by geographical areas.

I can assure you that each person who had not been friendly with her before was treated as a friend when the meetings split. They are all friends now and have wonderful close relationships.

So, my advice to you is to see what you want out of the relationships you have with this group of women. If you are going to make you own friends it can't possibly hurt for you to saying the next bookclub meeting that you'd like to know why you don't get invited to other activities. Their answers may surprise you. Or you might just call and ask a couple of them if you are a quieter person who doesn't like being the center of attention.

I was in a similar situation with some friends, so my advice is to ask one of the women you feel closest to. I am the kind of person who sometimes assumes the worst, and I have had situations where I felt like I was being left out, but once I asked my friends they explained to me things like, you're never available, or you told us you dont like to do stuff like that ect. And when I thought about it, I had! Maybe they think you are too busy or not interested in these things for one reason or another. So, ask, and if you sense they are being catty or weird after that, then move on, but you might be surprised that they want you there and didnt know you wanted to be part of these other groups.

Good luck!

I would try hinting that you would really like to spend some more time with them and tell them that you would love to try your hand at fantacy football and see if they invite you to something. I am also in a playgroup that we put together with mothers that met at Gymboree. We used to all get together all the time but since a couple of us stopped going to gymboree we don't get together as much and it seems like the moms that still go to Gymboree get together without inviting everyone else. I just kind of mention that I would love to see them and that my daughter wants to see her friends and they invite me. If they don't get the hint them I would not bother trying to get together with them. They might just think that you are busy with work and can't come or maybe they don't know how to get a hold of you or maybe they are what Melissa J said. I would feel them out before you write them off completely. It sounds like you would really like to be friends with them.

This is what happens as a result of online social networking sites. We get so used to constant validation with everything being "liked" and whatnot and being invited to groups and friendship circles that when in real life we're not invited to every single little thing we feel excluded and hurt.

This is a real phenomenon. I'm not making fun of you or anything, or being facetious.

If you want to be included then let them know. "Wow, that fantasy football sounds fun. I'd love to join if it's still open." "That ___ sounds really interesting and something I was trying to figure out how to join. I'd love to come with next time."

Sounds like the PTO here. It is so annoying. I would just move on. Find another group of friends. They aren't worth your tears. You sound like a wonderful person and you deserve better.

I'm sorry you feel this way.
I think you need to ask yourself if you really want to be friends with women like this anyway.
They sound like butt-heads. Sorry, JMO.
(NOT a big fan of exclusion, in general!)